Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Shoots and Scores

by Bathroom Readers' Institute

  LAST-MINUTE UPDATE

  In September 2005, Dan Blackburn retired from professional hockey. Sadly, for Dan and for hockey fans everywhere, his injuries would not allow him to compete at the NHL level. He’d been invited back to Rangers training camp on a tryout basis and arrived with his two blockers. But it was not going to work.

  Blackburn explained, “A glove was never an option because of my permanent disability. I’ve really had no significant improvement in my shoulder for two years and I tried everything in my power. I mean, I tried playing with two blockers [but] I couldn’t do it…That’s why I have to retire. I just can’t compete at a high enough level.”

  NHL players take out insurance policies on themselves in the event of a career-ending injury. Blackburn is entitled to a financial settlement but says, “It still doesn’t replace what I really wanted to do.”

  OWNERS OF THE GAME

  Uncle John tells the story of five businessmen who have played pivotal roles in the development of their respective teams.

  William Davidson: For an 80-year-old-plus man to be the first owner of two teams that won championships in their respective sports in the same season (the NBA’s Detroit Pistons and NHL’s Tampa Bay Lightning) is some feat—but Bill Davidson is one unique owner. He is quiet and respectful of his employees, willing to wait months or years for his teams to solidify into winners. A generous philanthropist, Davidson made his money with a company in the Detroit area that specializes in making automobile windshield glass and other flat glass products. As owner of the Pistons since 1974, he saw the team win consecutive championships in 1989 and 1990. He took over the Lightning in 1999 and oversaw the hiring of general manager Jay Feaster and head coach John Tortorella, an unheralded hockey duo if there ever was one. But Davidson’s confidence translated into a Stanley Cup in 2004, the same year his Pistons won him a third NBA title.

  Tom Hicks: This quiet but firm billionaire investment entrepreneur took control of what could have been a legal and economic nightmare—the selling of a hapless franchise that retreated from Minnesota under owner Norm Green—and managed to set a winning course. This was some accomplishment, considering Dallas had a brutal 26-42-14 record in 1995–96, Hicks’ first season as owner. Key additions of head coach Ken Hitchcock and proven leaders Guy Carbonneau, Joe Nieuwendyk, Mike Keane, and Brian Skrudland improved the team’s record over the next two seasons and eventually led to a tightly focused organization that won two Stanley Cups.

  Mike Ilitch: The owners of the Detroit Red Wings are very much a husband-and-wife team: Mike is owner and Marian is owner/secretary-treasurer/advisor. When Mike was 30, in 1959, Mike and Marian opened a pizza parlor in Garden City, Michigan, named “Little Caesar’s” based on Marian’s nickname for Mike. The pizza parlor gradually turned into a pizza chain, and eventually into one of North America’s foremost take-out enterprises. In 1968, the Ilitchs started the Little Caesar’s Minor Hockey program, the lifeblood of many youth hockey leagues throughout North America. The Ilitchs bought the Detroit Red Wings in 1982 for what now seems a bargain—$8 million U.S.—and the Detroit Tigers baseball team two years later. For the first few years the Wings were terrible, but patience paid off, particularly in the form of 1983 draft pick Steve Yzerman. The Detroit Red Wings have won three Stanley Cups and nine division championships in the Ilitch Era up to the 2004 lockout. In 2003, Mike was elected to the Hockey Hall of Fame in the Builders Category.

  E. Stanley Kronke: When the NHL cancelled the 2004–05 season, thousands of season ticket holders for various teams wondered what would become of their money. Colorado Avalanche owner Stanley Kronke moved quickly to comfort his team’s fans with a two-option plan that was widely regarded as fair. And refreshingly, he expressed genuine remorse for the owners’ role in the lockout of NHL hockey. This attitude seems to be consistent with his Kronke Group’s approach to real estate investment and development: Despite being one of North America’s leading developers in shopping centers and apartment buildings, it has aimed to build a reputation based on community improvements over environmental degradation. Kronke’s purchase of the Avalanche bolstered a dramatic and successful run to the Stanley Cup in 2001.

  Ed Snider: Like Mike Ilitch, Snider had a life-changing event happen to him around the age of 30. He sold his successful record company Edge Ltd. and then teamed up with two other investors to purchase the NFL’s Philadelphia Eagles. Snider got involved with hockey by accident. While attending a Boston Celtics game, he noticed a crowd of Bruins fans lining up to buy the remaining 1,000 tickets for a last-place team. Soon thereafter, he learned that the NHL was planning to expand, and successfully lobbied in 1966 for a new team in Philadelphia. Under Snider, the brash-and-bash Flyers became the most hated new team in the NHL. They also were the most successful, winning consecutive Stanley Cups in 1974 and 1975. The Broad Street Bully heyday is long past, but the Flyers have remained contenders and on a daily basis the strong-willed Snider continues to take on the responsibility for team success. In 1988, he was elected as a Builder to the Hockey Hall of Fame.

  * * * * *

  PLAYING THE PERCENTAGES

  “If everyone elevates their game by 2 percent with Mats gone, that equals 40 percent.”

  —Curtis Joseph, on how his Toronto Maple Leafs should respond to losing captain Mats Sundin to injury

  “I know that he often gives only 60 percent of his capacity, but it’s hard to punish him because at 60 percent he’s better than our other defencemen at 100 percent.”

  —Montreal Canadiens executive Réjean Houle,

  on defenceman Vladimir Malakhov

  “You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take.”

  —Wayne Gretzky

  “Our team can’t afford to have 5 percent of the guys not playing 100 percent. But when we’ve got 95 percent not giving 100 percent, we’re in real trouble.”

  —Bob Berry, head coach of the Los Angeles Kings, 1980

  THE FOUNDING FATHER OF MODERN-DAY GOALTENDING

  Vladislav Tretiak’s commitment to being a high-octane, world-class athlete left easygoing NHL models like Turk “the Fabulous Fatman” Broda in the annals of history.

  George Washington was the Founding Father (or one of the Founding Fathers) of America. Simon Bolivar of Venezuela had the great dream of someday linking North, Central and South Americas into one massive country with one government (which, by the way, he would rule). It didn’t happen, but at the very least he managed to garner the title of Founding Father in the southern continent. But who is the Founding Father of Modern-Day Goaltending, you ask? Well, Vladislav Tretiak, of course.

  BORN TO LEAD

  In retrospect, more than any other goaltender of his era Tretiak seemed to have all known aspects of the position figured out. Equipment; nutrition; physical fitness (including exercises to quicken his reflexes); positioning…Tretiak had thoroughly considered and studied all of these important aspects of netminding.

  Washington and Bolivar were born to lead; Tretiak was born to play goalie. Interestingly, as compared to most Russian hockey players—who learn to skate and play hockey by the ages of five or six—Tretiak came to the sport at the greybeard age of 11. But his natural talents were so immediately obvious that by the time he was 15 he was regularly practising with the Central Red Army Team based in Moscow.

  A BIRD CAGE WITH BUTTERFLY WINGS

  Equipment: Tretiak was the first goaltender of international importance to have success while wearing the so-called “bird cage” goalie helmet. He was well-known for taking meticulous care of his catching glove, blocker and his leg pads. Tretiak also popularized the plastic toe guard for goalie skates.

  Nutrition and Physical Fitness: The man ate and drank foods and liquids that were healthy for him; no excess pizza and beer for this Russian. Tretiak kept himself in prime physical condition all year long.

  Positioning: Primarily a reflex goalie, he was unique in that he could play both the butterfly and stand-up forms of netminding, or e
ven a combination of both (like Martin Brodeur of the New Jersey Devils would do later). Especially noteworthy for a man who was 6’ 2” inches tall and weighed 202 pounds, he would adopt any style of goaltending that the situation called for.

  Mental Outlook: Tretiak had considerable mental toughness and played at his best in important games. With a man like this holding up the back end, Tretiak’s teammates felt they could win any game. And they usually did.

  AN UNCLE JOHN LONG LIST OF ACCOMPLISHMENTS

  When he was 17, Tretiak became a member of the Central Red Army Team and one year later he was the team’s starting goaltender. This was about 1970. What he did in the sport for the next 14 years is almost beyond belief:

  • Three Olympic gold medals in 1972, 1976 and 1984. In 1980, he was awarded a silver medal when the Soviet Union lost to the U.S. squad in Lake Placid, New York.

  • Thirteen Soviet League Championships.

  • Ten World Championship titles.

  • Voted best goaltender in the World and European Championships in 1974, 1979, 1981 and 1983.

  • Winner of the Tournament Most Valuable Player Award in the 1981 Canada Cup Series, which the Soviet Union won.

  • In both Olympic Games and World Championship play, Tretiak’s goals-against average was under 2.00 (1.74, Olympics; 1.92, World Championships).

  Considering that he was playing against the best players in the world, these are incredible statistics.

  FOUNDING FATHER IN THE GREATEST GAME

  North American hockey fans first learned of Tretiak when he sparkled as the starting goaltender in the eight-game 1972 Summit Series between the Soviet Union and Team Canada. Canada won, but it was clear that Tretiak was perhaps the best player in the world. Three years later, on New Year’s Eve, 1975, he played probably the greatest game of his illustrious career. Playing the Montreal Canadiens, Tretiak held Les Habs in check for a 3–3 tie—despite the fact his Red Army team was outshot 38–13. This matchup between two great teams, and two great goalies in Tretiak and Ken Dryden, is called by some hockey historians “the greatest game ever played.”

  FOUNDING FATHER IN THE HALL OF FAME

  Tretiak—who never played an NHL game despite being drafted by the Canadiens—retired after the 1983–84 season, but wasn’t completely done with hockey. In the 1990–91 season, Tretiak became a goalie coach for the Chicago Blackhawks and tutored, among others, Dominik Hasek and Ed Belfour. Soon after, he returned to his homeland to become president of the Ice Hockey Federation of Russia. In 1989, he was the first European and Russian player to be elected to the Hockey Hall of Fame. And in a poll, Tretiak was voted the greatest Russian athlete of the 20th century.

  Washington and Bolivar have been remembered by historians long after their deaths. Likewise, Uncle John assures you that the legacy of Vladislav Tretiak will continue to be passed onto bathroom readers for decades and centuries to come.

  * * * * *

  THE RITUAL OF REDEMPTION

  “If I play badly I’ll pick a fight in the third, just to get into a fight. I’ll break a guy’s leg to win, I don’t care. Afterward I say, ‘Yeah all right I played badly, but I won the fight so who gives a damn.’”

  —Derek Sanderson, former Boston Bruins center

  SKIRTS AND SLAPSHOTS

  The development of women’s hockey was a slow, uphill battle—a parallel to progress of equality in many areas.

  The contrast in style in the photographs taken approximately a century apart is startling, much more than the pictures of two men’s sports teams over that much time…The Ottawa Canadian Banknote women’s hockey team of 1905 shows six ladies in long skirts, turtleneck sweaters and toques with tassels. One player stands out because, barely discernible in the ancient photo, she is wearing what appears to be hockey skates while the others are in vintage figure skates. No protective gear, even the primitive padding of the time, is worn by any of the women.

  Compare that to the team picture of the 2005 U.S. women’s team, the world champions. They’re wearing modern hockey gear made from space-age materials, their equipment identical to that worn by the 2004 Stanley Cup champion Tampa Bay Lightning—except that much of it is even custom-made for female players.

  WOMEN TO HOCKEY LIKE BLADES TO BOOTS

  For women, hockey has offered many more opportunities than other games. Soccer has been a game women have widely played in the postwar years, resulting in a competitive world championship and U.S. women’s college program. While softball was played by girls for years, few if any women played baseball. And of course the mention of ladies playing North American football was scorned—even though a few teams were formed in the mid-1990s. But from the time steel blades were attached to boots by clamps, females have participated in skating, and when males first used a stick to knock a ball around the ice, women tried the same thing. Almost as soon as men formed the early versions of hockey, women did, too.

  LORD STANLEY’S DAUGHTER

  Hockey’s most famous trophy, the Stanley Cup, was donated in 1893 by the Governor General of Canada, Lord Stanley of Preston. Four years earlier, Stanley and his family had arrived in Ottawa from England and enjoyed watching the game with sticks and a wooden puck played on the Rideau Canal, the longest skating rink in the world, during the Ottawa Winter Carnival. A few weeks later the GG’s daughter Isobel was playing for the Government House team against the Rideau Ladies Club. When Stanley’s term ended in 1894 and the family returned to England, Isobel said that what she missed most from her term in Canada was skating on the canal and “playing a game of hockey.”

  A LONG HISTORY, IN BRIEF

  Complete records of early women’s hockey are rare, but a few newspaper reports list early forays into the game. Annie McIntyre was among the fastest speed skaters in Saskatchewan in 1896 and was behind the organization of a women’s team. The paper in Medicine Hat, Alberta, had a report of an 1897 game between women’s teams. Teams popped up in various cities across the country and by 1900, three teams from Montreal and one from Trois-Rivières formed the Quebec Women’s League. In the era following World War I, women’s hockey in Canada grew in popularity with many cities and towns having clubs. While interest was not as widespread in the U.S., a few areas had teams. Through the 1930s, the Preston Rivulettes from Ontario ruled the women’s game, winning the championship every year for a decade, losing only twice in more than 350 games.

  SCOURING FOR COMPETITION

  Conservative views of women following WW II slowed the development of hockey for women but by the late 1960s, the feminist movement had changed attitudes and women were moving into areas considered inaccessible previously. In the Vancouver area, women’s leagues were established by the mid-1960s with age limits similar to men’s hockey. Soon leagues were organized in British Columbia and women’s teams were traveling to eastern Canada and even Europe to find competition. There were several challenges in courts for girls wanting to play in boys’ leagues because it was the only hockey available.

  HOCKEY HUGE

  By 1982, 12,000 females were registered for hockey in Ontario and the women’s division of USA hockey had 116 teams registered. Canadian women’s college hockey grew quickly with a national championship in the 1980s and, in 1984, the Eastern Collegiate Athletic Association in the U.S. created a league. In the next decade, close to 100 colleges had women’s hockey programs and by the end of 1990s, close to 25,000 women were registered for hockey programs in the U.S. In 1993, the NCAA passed rules that produced a national championship by 2001 and in the hockey hotbed of Minnesota, where boys’ high school hockey is huge, the number of girls’ high school hockey clubs topped the 100 mark by 1998.

  NEXT WE TAKE THE WORLD

  The first women’s world invitational tournament was held in Canada in 1987 and the first World Championship sanctioned by the International Ice Hockey Federation was held in 1990. Women’s hockey made its Olympic Games debut in 1998 at Nagano, Japan, as a demonstration sport and was a full Olympic sport in 200
2 at Salt Lake, Utah. While the U.S. and Canada remain the dominant world powers, several other countries are making strides to increase the depth of competition, notably Sweden, Finland, Russia, and China.

  * * * * *

  “I tried to talk my daughter out of going with a hockey player but he’s a good kid. He asked me if he could marry Carrie before he asked her. I said: ‘You want to what?’ I thought he was just going to ask for more ice time.”

  —Phil Esposito, on his daughter Carrie getting engaged

  to right-winger Alexander Selivanov

  IT’S ALL ABOUT THE GAME…OR IS IT?

  The business of hockey can be distracting…and confusing.

  “When you ask for the house, car, cat, dog and all the fish when you’re dealing with a player who’s got questions about his health, no GM in his right mind is going to say ‘yes’ and offer to clean the aquarium, too.”

  —Eric Lindros, on Flyers GM Bob Clarke’s inability to trade him

  “It’s beyond money at this point. They’re not even treating him as a member of their family, unless it’s a dysfunctional family.”

  —Brendan Morrison’s agent Kurt Overhardt on contract negotiations with the Devils

  “We’re looking forward to building the type of team the Rangers are able to buy.”

  —Phoenix GM Bobby Smith

  “The three important elements of hockey are: forecheck, backcheck and paycheck.”

  —Gil Perreault,

  former Buffalo Sabres forward

  “Listen guys, I only want to be paid what I’m worth. I’m not asking for millions. Uh, excuse me, I meant to say that…”