He glanced over toward Whizz and Lacey. Both were wrapped around each other, neither of them kissing, but each had that look of deep yearning on their faces. Envy filled him at the love shining between the two. Whizz deserved the love and happiness that Lacey was going to give him. Both had gotten over so much to be together, and it hadn’t stopped them or their love. He thought about Emily.
They were together, but they weren’t together-together. It was a strange set-up. He had an apartment in town, owned outright from the money he earned working for The Skulls. Emily and his little girl Darcy lived with him. Blaine wasn’t under any illusions. If it hadn’t been for Angel, his girls wouldn’t be in his life. He didn’t doubt it was down to Angel. Lash’s woman lived up to her name. Blaine adored her and would do anything to see that she was happy.
“What’s got you looking all serious?” Angel asked, coming out from behind him. She carried Anthony on her hip even though the little boy could walk.
“Nothing.”
“Are Emily and Darcy coming for the celebrations?”
He gripped the back of his neck trying to ease out the knots that had formed. Emily lived with him, but he knew half of her stuff remained at her folks’. She didn’t trust him even after the last few years together. Emily used every excuse to keep her shit at her parents’. With the way he’d treated her years ago, he’d not even bothered to fight her. He put up with whatever she threw his way. Blaine wasn’t in any position to fight back. He’d been a complete ass to her, a cheating ass. When he’d been shot, she’d been by his side, but still she kept him at arms’ length. He knew she was afraid to commit to him.
“Yeah, I think they’re coming.”
It would mean Emily would have to share his bed. She’d shared his bed a couple of times without them having sex. She always put a large pillow between them. Emily would not let him touch her. He couldn’t blame her. When he was high on the drugs, he couldn’t remember half the shit he’d done. Once the drugs wore off and Emily wasn’t around, he’d lost it, sinking deeper into the spiraling pit of hell. Getting clean was the best thing he’d done in a long time. The only problem was knowing he couldn’t get close enough to Emily to gain her trust or forgiveness. He talked with her parents, and they didn’t have a clue as to how to help him. They had tried talking to her to reason with her and still nothing.
Angel squealed pulling him out of his mundane thoughts. “This is going to be so amazing. A wedding, Christmas, family, it’s all coming together.” She pulled him in for a hug while still holding Anthony.
Barely a second passed before Lash was tugging his wife into his arms. “Honey, you’re going to have to let Anthony go. Our son is getting squashed, and you know I hate it when you let another man hug you.”
“Blaine’s my friend.”
“He’s still got a dick.”
“It doesn’t count.”
Blaine chuckled. “I’m going to head out. I’ve got a few presents still to get.” He said his goodbyes on the way out of the shop, heading into town on his bike. It was fucking freezing, and the snow had already laid a nice white blanket over the paths. A snow plow had cleared most of the roads, but in a few days driving would be hazardous for anyone who tried it. He went into the little toy shop that had opened up. All of The Skulls loved it and had bought plenty of gifts for their kids from the store owner, Millie.
“Hey, Blaine. I’ve got your orders ready,” she said, appearing from behind the counter. Millie was a young woman, twenty-five he believed. She was rounded, charming, and sweet. He wouldn’t have a bad thing said about her as Emily adored her.
He pulled out his wallet.
“You don’t need to do that. Emily stopped by to pay for it all. I got talking to her about your orders for Darcy.”
Blaine gritted his teeth to keep from biting out. He truly thought Emily and Darcy had been struggling to live while he’d been doping up on drugs and shit. Her parents were wealthy and had seen to their care. Emily never made him believe anything, but while he’d been in rehab, he’d made himself believe that lie to get him through. The only truth he had was he’d abandoned his woman when she needed him most. She shouldn’t have had to rely on her parents.
He’d told Emily he would look after her, had sworn to love and protect her, and he’d failed her so completely.
“I’ll just take the gifts then.”
“I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have mentioned anything.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
This was Emily pulling away again. Every time he thought they were getting closer, she always pulled back. He hated it.
Leaving the shop with his sack full of presents, he headed toward the café in town. He ordered himself a sandwich and a strong coffee. Blaine stared at the chair beside him. There were a lot of presents. He could take them back to the clubhouse before heading to his apartment or he could take them home with him.
“Hey, Blaine.”
He looked up to see Lenard, Emily’s father, taking a seat opposite him. It looked like the older man also had a sandwich and coffee.
“Hello, Lenard.” They’d stopped being formal a long time ago. Lenard demanded that he treat him like a friend.
“You got the gifts?”
“Emily already paid for them.” Blaine shook his head, forcing a smile. “Shit, sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“She still giving you a hard time?”
“No, she doesn’t give me a hard time. She just doesn’t allow herself to depend on me.” He picked up his coffee taking a sip. “I deserve it. I didn’t exactly give her any reason to trust me.” Blaine had come a long way with Lenard. The first time he dated Emily, Lenard had tried everything he could to stop them being together, threatened anything he could think of. Now, Blaine had done everything he could to prove to Emily and her family that he wasn’t going to screw up.
It was strange really. Her parents believed him whereas Emily didn’t.
“I love my daughter, Blaine. She means the world to me. I know she loves you.”
Blaine stared down into his cup unable to take the sincerity in Lenard’s eyes. There was a time he’d have believed him. Not anymore. He doubted Emily loved him. Blaine truly believed she only put up with him because of Darcy.
He loved her. There was no denying his love for her, but he’d begun to doubt her feelings for him. Blaine had bought her a ring over a year ago, not long after he’d gotten shot. He’d heard her calling to him. At the time he couldn’t explain it, was afraid to even understand what was going on. Then he was awake and the first thing he’d seen coming out of the coma he’d been in was Emily’s tear filled eyes. Seeing her face and, more importantly, the expression on her face kept him believing they still had a chance to be together. He’d hurt her badly all those years ago. It was almost impossible to break through the ice she kept between them, but Blaine couldn’t walk away. He loved her too damn much.
“What if you’re wrong?” He couldn’t keep holding onto the past.
“Emily’s a stubborn woman, like her mother. When she wants something or loves someone, she gives all of herself. There’s no holding back with her. When she gave her heart to you, Blaine, she gave it all to you. She’s hurt, and she’s scared.”
“I’ve proven to her that I’m going to be there.”
“But you’re not fighting her. You’re giving her a chance to have these doubts without being the Blaine she knew and loved. You’ve become complacent, almost worried in your approach to her. Your skittishness is what’s making her have doubts. You don’t show any confidence in yourself anymore. Why should she trust you? For all Emily knows, you’re scared about going back to the way things were.” Lenard stopped talking to take a drink. “Don’t get me wrong. You broke my little girl’s heart, and I wanted to fucking kill you, ten times over. I thought about it, planned it, I was fucking ready for it, but I knew she’d be more heartbroken to never see you again than anything else. Don’t give up on my girl otherwi
se I’d have to kill you.” Lenard finished off his coffee. “I better be getting back. Shirley hates it when I’m late for dinner.”
Blaine watched him leave the café. Sitting back, he let out a sigh. He was well and truly fucked as he didn’t know what to do. The last thing he wanted to do was push Emily away. She was his life, his reason for living. He couldn’t lose her.
****
“You’ve got to give that boy a chance,” Shirley said, stirring her sauce as Emily threw in the herbs. They cooked together as Darcy did her homework at the kitchen counter. Emily glanced over at her daughter to see her listening to music with her headphones on. Darcy was now five years old, in full-time school, and growing faster than Emily liked to think about. It wouldn’t be long before she had posters of guys on her wall, talking about boys, and leaving for college.
Get a grip, Emily.
“Could we not talk about this?”
“It’s all we need to talk about. Blaine is a good man.”
“Mom, I live with him—”
“Honey, stop acting dumb. It doesn’t do you any favors. You’re not really living with Blaine. All you’re doing is waiting for the boy to screw up. It has been three years, maybe even more. He’s been there for Darcy and you.”
Emily closed her eyes. She hated listening to this.
“You’re supposed to be agreeing with me. I’m doing the right thing.” She rubbed at her temples as a headache started to begin.
“No, you’re stopping yourself from having fun, and that includes that boy of yours.”
“Blaine’s not a boy.”
“You’ve got to start thinking about Darcy. Maybe a little brother or sister? It would be good for everyone.”
Emily blew out a breath as she threw in the last of the torn up basil. Her parents had been doing nothing but talking to her constantly about Blaine. They liked this new side of him.
I like this new side of him.
The last couple of years had been a rollercoaster ride of happiness, fear, excitement, and disappointment. Blaine, the boy she had fallen in love with, was still there. She saw the real man in his eyes when he allowed himself to relax enough around her. The moments were fleeting but there. He was always nervous. Was he scared about using again? Did he think about drugs all the time while he was with her? Did he want the other women he used to be with?
She’d not been with anyone but Blaine. The last time they’d had sex was a few months before Darcy was born. Surely he’d been with another woman. Emily had urges all the time and had come close to giving in, but then she’d sense this unease, and she’d lose all confidence in herself. Had Blaine been with another woman since they’d moved in together? She’d not seen him with another woman.
Great, she was losing her mind now thinking about Blaine with another woman.
“Finished,” Darcy said slamming her book closed, and removing her headphones.
“Go watch some cartoons, darling,” Shirley said.
“Sure thing, Grandma.”
Darcy left the room leaving her alone with her mother.
She turned to face her mother and groaned. The determined look on her face didn’t bode well for Emily.
“Mom, don’t.”
“Women have needs as much as men. You’re in love with Blaine, always have been. I’m not going to watch you destroy yourself yearning for a man—”
“He’s not even mine!”
“Don’t interrupt me, little miss. I get that he hurt you. I understand it, but it has been years. He’s not fucked up yet, has he?”
Emily didn’t answer, feeling like a petulant child for not doing it.
“Emily, answer me.”
“No, he hasn’t.”
“Go home. Spend some time alone with Blaine without Darcy. Your father and I love having Darcy around.”
“It’s okay. I can take Darcy with m—”
“I’m trying to tell you to go and get that man laid.” Her mother’s cheeks turned a bright red. Emily’s heated at her mother trying to get her to sleep with Blaine.
“Mom?”
“I may be your mother, but I’m still a woman. You were not born through a Virgin Birth. I love your father, and so did a lot of other women at the time. I made sure he didn’t have a reason to go hunting for another woman. The trick to keeping your man happy is being everything he needs so he doesn’t go looking elsewhere.”
“You’re saying I failed Blaine all those years ago?” Emily asked, hurt by her mother’s outburst.
“No. Blaine was a complete asshole back then. He was too young and a blithering idiot. He let you down and he let us down, but now he’s trying and has been trying for a long time.”
“You should be on my side.”
“I am, honey. He was and still is the love of your life. I know and you know you’re just scared in case he ruins it again. I can tell you Blaine is not going to ruin it. He loves you.”
Emily didn’t say anything. Hope flared inside her, but at the same time it ended as she recalled all the women hanging off him.
You’ve got to stop thinking about this.
She really wanted to forget about the past, but it was too hard to do. The last time she gave herself to Blaine he’d torn her heart out and stamped on it. Could she allow herself to give herself back to him?
“We’re looking after Darcy tonight. Go, have some fun with Blaine. Besides, I’ve not made enough for you anyway.”
“Mom!”
“Don’t ‘mom’ me. You’ve got needs, and you seriously need to relax. I look at you and I tense up.” Shirley walked over to her, cupping her cheek. “You’ve got to relax, honey. From what I hear Blaine has already beaten himself up enough over what happened with you and the baby.”
“He saw me, Mom. He came by the house when you and Dad were out. I showed him a picture of Darcy. He knows we were fine.”
Shirley wrapped her arms around her. “You ever thought that thinking the worst is what got him by? Men do stupid things, but he came back for you, Emily. Blaine has always come back for you. Think about that when the worst of the memories are threatening to spill over.”
She held her mother tightly then released her going to find her daughter. As she walked down the hall her father entered the house.
“Hey, honey.”
“Hey, Daddy.” She hugged him tight, glancing to the left to see Darcy sitting beautifully in front of the television. Emily loved that little girl, and she really wanted the best for her.
“I bumped into Blaine. He had a lot of presents, and he looked pretty bummed.”
Heat filled her cheeks once again. Millie had let slip that Blaine had spent a fortune on presents. She couldn’t bring herself to let him pay for all of them.
“Emily, you’re giving him a hard time.”
“You as well. You’re my parents and should be agreeing with me.” She pressed a hand to her chest.
“I do agree with you. I agreed with you three years ago when he first came back into your life. Three years, Em, has he given you any reason to doubt him?”
“No.”
“Then stop being stubborn and stop fighting him. It won’t do you any good.”
“I’m going to go home. Mom’s kicking me out.” She hugged her father close then entered the sitting room. Darcy climbed onto her lap.
“I love you, Mommy.”
“I love you, too, baby.” She kissed Darcy’s head, breathing in her scent. Whenever she thought about Blaine in the past and the pain threatened to claw her alive, she always hugged her daughter. Darcy made everything better for her.
Shirley cleared her throat.
“I’m going, I’m going.”
Darcy chuckled. “Give Daddy a hug from me.”
“I will, honey.”
She stroked Darcy’s hair then turned to leave. “I’m going, Mom.”
“Good. Go and have some fun.”
Leaving the safety of her parents’ house she made her way out into the cold. She’d wa
lked all the way and so she needed to make the trek back home. Emily thought about Christmas. Blaine had mentioned spending the week at the clubhouse. Every Christmas she spent with her parents. Would they hate not having them over at Christmas? She’d need to talk to her parents about it.
If they wanted her and Darcy for Christmas then she wouldn’t go to the clubhouse.
That’s cruel.
Tears filled her eyes, and she let out a breath. She thought about her parents’ advice. Should she give Blaine a chance? Hadn’t she already given him a chance? They were living together.
Are you really?
She and Darcy still had a room at her parents’.
No, she’d not given Blaine a chance. She was always ready to leave at a moment’s notice.
Emily stared down at the snow as guilt swamped her. She had been unfair to Blaine from the beginning. The fear of what he had done to her in the past had been at the forefront of her mind. She wouldn’t give him a chance, and for three long, miserable years, she’d made him pay.
By the time she made it back to their apartment building she was freezing. Entering the building she saw the fake blonde who lived down the hall from them. Nicole, she believed her name was.
“Hello, Emily,” Nicole said. “Where’s Blaine? I’ve not seen him for quite some time.”
“I don’t know.”
“He’s so yummy. I wouldn’t let him go if I was you. You know what they say about The Skulls?”
Emily stood, staring at the woman. Nicole was everything she wasn’t, slender with large fake tits. Her own breasts were large, but they also held the memory of carrying a child. She had stretch marks and an added layer of thickness to her body. Above everything, Nicole was fun. She could see it in Nicole’s eyes. Any man who took a turn with Nicole wouldn’t be left unsatisfied.
“No, what do they say?”
“Once you’ve had a Skull there’s no turning back. It’s why they’ve got a club full of women. There’s no way you can leave them.”
Feeling sick, Emily made her way toward the stairs. “I better get home.”
“Tell Blaine hi.”
Nodding, she walked up the long flight of stairs. She pulled her key out of her pocket then entered their shared apartment. Blaine lived in a good part of town, not that there were many bad parts with The Skulls present. They made sure everything stayed above board. The scent of garlic met her senses.
Blaine: Christmas at The Skulls Page 2