Benji and the Wireman

by Charlie Winters

  “Okay, babe. Deep breath. That was a lot. You must be exhausted. Alright, here’s the deal, bud. Sometimes Oma doesn’t remember us. Them’s the brakes. It sucks, but you’ve got to learn not to take this personally. The day of Grandma Nancy’s funeral—I never told you this, but I figure now’s as good a time as ever—we were there and Mom turns to me and says, ‘so, how’d you two know each other?’ I looked at her and said, ‘what? Who?’ She said, ‘You and Nancy? How did you two know each other?’ I said, ‘Mom, she was my mother. Just like you. She was my other mother.’ She looks at me and just says, ‘oh.’ That’s it, Ben. She just says, ‘oh.’ You know how much that hurt me? But I know that sometimes she just gets lost in there. Sometimes she calls your dad Carl. I know she knows he’s not Grandpa, but she just gets confused. It is what it is.”

  “I need you,” I said quietly.

  “I know you do, little bear.” She sighed into the receiver. “Can you wait until the weekend?”

  I nodded, even though she couldn’t see me. “Sure. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have called. You don’t have to come. I just didn’t know who else to call and I don’t know who to talk to and… I guess I could talk to Jesse, but he probably doesn’t want to listen to me go on about Oma and—”

  “Who’s Jesse?” she asked.

  Shit. I hadn’t told her about him.

  “He’s… the electrician.”

  “The… electrician,” she deadpanned. “The one you hired to fix your wall thing?”

  “Uh huh.”

  “And why would you be talking to the electrician about Oma?” I could almost feel the lift of her eyebrow through the phone.

  “Um, because we’ve become kind of like… friends?”

  “Friends with the electrician. That you hired. To fix the wiring.”

  “Jesus, Mom, yes! That one. What is so hard to understand? We got to talking and I told him that I needed other things done around the house and he’s kind of like a handyman person.” I bit my lip and stared down at my fingernails. I needed a manicure. Ugh.

  “He’s like a handyman person,” she said dully. “So, you befriended the electrician you found online and are having him fix things around your house.”

  “Uh huh. Oh, and he did the chemicals in my pool too. It’s totally crystal blue and does not feel like you are walking on a floor made of Vaseline now.”

  “Jesse the electrician put the chemicals in your pool—”

  “And put in a new toilet,” I added.

  “And put in a new toilet… for… free? And what, do tell, are you paying him with?”

  “Well,” I said, peeling back my cuticle, “I paid for all of the parts for like, everything he fixed, and then he just did all of the manual labor for free. I mean, I paid for dinner and—”

  “You paid for dinner?” she asked. “You went out to dinner with him?”

  “I mean, nowhere super fancy. Just like pizza… and like this sushi place once, but it’s more like strip mall sushi, but it was really amazing. They had these like really great Philly rolls, which you wouldn’t think they would in a strip mall, but I guess the fish really is fresher here, so it doesn’t matter where you—”

  “Ben, focus.”

  “On what? You’re the one who seems to be focused on Jesse and the fact that he’s an electrician. So I made a friend. So what?” I sighed dramatically. “He’s awesome… and he likes me.”

  “He… likes you.”

  “Mmmhmm. He’s sweet on me. We had a date scheduled tonight, which I’m going to cancel because I am having a small breakdown and I just can’t ‘Ben’ out on him right now. You know how I get.”

  “I do,” she said quietly. “So… what happened with Zach? Did you two…?”

  “We broke up,” I said with another sigh. “He came down here, you know. And he was trying to make things right, but then he made things oh-so-wrong because I told him that I didn’t think it was going to work and then he basically all but tried to pressure me to, you know… I mean, he definitely wanted me to do stuff with him and—”

  “He pressured you?” she barked.

  “Okay, maybe that was a little dramatic, but he tried to put his hands where they most certainly were not wanted, even after I told him that I wanted to break up. You know, no means no, Mom.”

  She laughed aloud, throaty and low. “I’m so glad you listened during that birds-and-the-bees talk your dad gave you. Although I think he was giving it to you so that you knew when the girls thought you might be getting too handsy.”

  “Ew. Disgusting.”

  “I think we figured out that girls weren’t going to be a problem when you performed Paula Abdul’s ‘Blowin’ Kisses in the Wind’ at the fifth-grade school talent show,” she teased.

  “Whatever,” I returned with an eye roll. “Jesse is nice. You’d like him.”

  The sigh was back, long and drawn out. “Benji, Benji, Benji. First, it was the guy from the little coffee shop. Remember him? Then it was the guy who did your taxes. The wine sommelier at the cigar bar. That hairdresser—”

  “Mom. This is different.”

  “I’m just saying. You just got there. Maybe you need to find out what it’s like to be on your own. Men are always going to be drawn to you because you’re so beautiful and so full of life. But they also take advantage of you for the same reasons. You’re just so trusting and—”

  “He’s not like that, Mom.” I thought about Jesse. If anyone was taking advantage of the other’s sweet nature, it was me, not the other way around. “He really does like me.”

  “I don’t doubt that, baby. And I’m glad you made a friend. Maybe he can fix your dad’s laptop when we come down. That thing hasn’t worked since last Christmas.”

  I pictured Jesse trying to use his Smartphone. “Huh. I doubt it. He has a hard time texting. He’s all thumbs, but at least he’s pretty to look at.”

  My mom laughed again. “Yeah?”

  “Oh yeah. He’s not a pretty boy like the last one.” I clucked my tongue. “Think Henry Cavill, but like with dark eyes instead of blue. And bigger. Maybe hairier. Oooh, but like… stranded in the wilderness.”

  “Stranded in the wilderness? Alright, kid,” she returned with a giggle. “I love you, little bear.”

  “I love you too. Take care of Dad, okay?”

  “You take care of you.”

  I curled up against my pillow trying to figure out the words to say.

  I don’t feel good? I have a headache? I have to work a last minute shift? Instead, I just picked up my phone and typed out a quick text, keeping it as vague as possible.

  Can we reschedule?

  There. It was done. A moment later, my phone buzzed.

  Jesse: Are you okay?

  I stared at the screen for a few moments, trying to come up with the perfect non-basket case answer.

  Me: I’m okay. Had a hard day. I was just feeling like being alone, you know? Hope you understand. It’s not you, it’s me and all that.

  Jesse: You’re not getting off that easy.

  You’re not getting off that easy? What did that mean? I certainly wasn’t going out. My plan was to feel sorry for myself in pajama pants and watch nothing but Property Brothers for hours on end. There was a marathon on, after all, and I was going to watch all of the goddamn idiots pick out the lemon houses, just like I did, only after they picked them, two gorgeous twin brothers fucking fixed them up top-to-bottom in like… a week or something. I had no time reference considering that the show was like an hour long and a lot of shit seemed to happen in that time frame.

  I dropped my phone on the mattress and tuned in, watching Jonathan fiddle with his tool belt while I dug into a stale bag of Skinny Pop. A pang of sadness washed over me again in that moment, wishing my mother was there because that woman could make some motherfucking popcorn and she was the best television companion. I don’t know if we’d ever gotten through even one program where she hadn’t prattled on the entire time… come to think of it, I n
ow knew where my incessant talking came…

  Buzzzzz!

  Well, motherfucker. It couldn’t be… less than thirty-five minutes had passed.

  Glancing down at my fitted pajama pants, I felt a pang of embarrassment, but at least they were hilarious. Who wouldn’t have sprung for a pair of gauzy white pants featuring a squirrel on his hind legs reaching up between your legs, you know, for… ugh! Never mind—Jesse may not see the humor, but fuck that guy for interrupting my program and my pity-party just when Jonathan was about to interlock some wood… or whatever.

  I all but dragged myself to the door, clutching my bag of popcorn in my pitiful hands.

  “What?” I murmured, pushing my glasses up onto the bridge of my nose as I tugged the door open.

  Jesse stood on the other side wearing the total “date” outfit. Dark, pressed jeans. A white button-down—like one of the good ones without the buttons on the collar—sleeves rolled up to the elbow. A pair of distressed boots, but like in a good way—like he was trying, but not too hard. They were saddle brown with topstitching and worn just enough to be perfect.

  He smelled amazing, like a combination of leather and sandalwood with just a hint of get-inside-here-and-fuck-me-now. Hair just right, curls barely tamed… beard glossy and wild, just the way I liked it.

  And that smile he wore for me?

  “Nice pants,” he said, nodding once. “If I’d have known you were gonna wear those, I’d have worn mine with the little genies on ‘em. They say ‘Rub me for luck.’ Get it?”

  I stared at him. “What are you doing here, Jesse?”

  He leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to my lips. “You’re supposed to say, ‘hey, I’m happy to see you. I can’t wait for our first official date.’” His smile turned into a frown. “Instead, I got a text from you canceling the only thing I’ve been excited about in a really long time. You want to tell me why?”

  I let out a frustrated sigh. “Come in. Ugh. I’m just watching TV in the bedroom, but you can watch with me, I guess.”

  “You guess? Hang on. Wait a second, Ben.”

  I walked a few steps toward the bedroom before Jesse tugged on the back of my pants, essentially pulling the elastic away from my body.

  “Whoa,” he returned in embarrassment. “I did not realize you weren’t wearing underwear.”

  “I wasn’t planning on guests, Jess. I wasn’t wearing underwear because I didn’t think you were just gonna pop on by.” I tossed my hands up in defeat. “Want me to put some on?”

  “I mean, kind of.” He scratched his fingers over his beard noisily. “You want me to wait and not try to have sex with you, but you want me to come into your bedroom and watch TV, but you’re wearing white fucking pants with a squirrel reaching for your nuts and now I know you’re not even wearing underwear and I’m supposed to just not want to touch you? I mean, come on, Ben. Jesus Christ. Throw me a bone here. I mean, honestly, right now, I wish you were wearing a fucking snowsuit.”

  I rolled my eyes and made my way onto the mattress, plopping down onto it with a sigh. “Sorry ‘bout your luck, buddy.”

  Jesse sat on the edge uncomfortably, patting the duvet cover. “I think this is the first time I’ve been in here.” He looked around the room and cleared his throat. “In your bedroom. I mean, I’ve seen it from like a distance when the door’s been open, but I’ve never like… really been in here.”

  I popped a handful of dry popcorn into my mouth and stared at the television. “It’s where the fucking magic happens,” I deadpanned.

  “What happened today, Ben? You okay? You don’t seem at all okay. Whatever is going on has made you into some sort of robot version of yourself. I miss the other Ben.” He knocked on the top of my skull. “Where is that Ben?”

  “That Ben went to visit Oma today and everything just went to shit.” I shoveled more popcorn down my throat before Jesse wrestled the bag from my hands and hit pause on the remote.

  “Will you talk to me?”

  I grabbed the remote from his hand and clicked it back to play. Sure, it was an immature thing to do. Sure, it wasn’t going to solve anything in that moment, but I just wanted time to myself and he wasn’t giving it to me. Instead, he was showing up unannounced and trying to make me talk when I just wanted to—

  “Alright,” he said, standing and heading toward the door. “Have it your way.”

  I continued to stare at the television and waited until I heard the soft click of the front door before clutching at my stomach in agony. Why had I fucking done that? Why?

  Just as I started to come to my senses, sitting up in bed and grabbing for the phone, he was back, standing in the doorway with a large paper sack.

  “I know you haven’t eaten because you were drowning in that disgusting twenty-calorie popcorn like it was your lifeline. So get your ass up and come into the kitchen. I brought Chinese. I didn’t know what you’d like, so I ordered half the goddamned menu. I hope you’re hungry.” Jesse gave me a brief smile and a wink. “And I hope you were getting ready to call me with that phone and apologize for being a dick.”

  I nodded. “I was. Jess… I’m really—”

  “It’s alright. Come on. Food’s getting cold. You want to talk about this morning, you can talk. If you don’t want to, that’s up to you. Tonight, we said we’d go to dinner and a movie. Since you canceled, I brought the dinner and a movie to you. Hope you like Maid in Manhattan. Some guy whose opinion means a lot to me said that it’s one of those movies where the underdog comes out on top.” He shrugged. “You said you had a bad day. Thought maybe it could lift your spirits or something.”

  Ten.

  Jesse

  Ben’s mouth opened in surprise. I hoped it was a good surprise, but one could never tell with Ben. It was a fifty-fifty on whether or not he was about to open the egg drop soup and splash me in the face with it.

  He didn’t.

  “So… you… you rented Maid in Manhattan?”

  I shrugged again. “I had to fucking buy it, actually. That movie is old, man. They don’t have it to rent anymore. I had to stop by Target on the way here and dig through a bunch of bargain shit. Do you know how embarrassing it was to go through the checkout line with that thing? The cashier guy looked at me like I was nuts.”

  “Okay,” he said, slowly lowering into one of the kitchen chairs.

  I spooned out some broccoli and beef onto one of his fancy party plates. “You want Kung Pao chicken too?” I asked.

  “I don’t care,” he mumbled. “Whatever. Just… all of it.”

  “You alright?”

  Ben turned to face me again. “I’m sorry, you bought an old DVD of Maid of Manhattan on your way over here and then stopped and bought half of a Chinese restaurant all because I texted you and said I had a bad day?”

  I stopped mid-scoop and studied him carefully. “Is that a bad thing or a good thing? I honestly can’t tell by your face right now.”

  “You know it’s available to stream for free on at least one of my channels, right?” he asked, pushing his glasses up. “I’m just saying that you could have saved yourself the embarrassment.”

  I dropped the spoon. “Why did you tell me that it came on cable and you were almost late the other day?”

  “Because it did come on cable! I mean, don’t you love it when you just run into a movie on cable and it’s an old favorite or whatever? I love running into things accidentally when they’re on live TV. Oh my God, like earlier today there was this marathon of The Fosters on Freeform. Anyway, I’ve seen all of the episodes before on Netflix or whatever, but it’s different when you run across them on regular TV, you know? I totally get sucked into that fucking show even though I feel like sometimes I lose IQ points for watching it… I mean, like I honestly feel less intelligent when the hour is up. So, it was the second season where they change actors for Jesus and think that no one would notice… I mean, at least with soap operas, they have the decency to put that ticker at the bottom and say ‘The char
acter of Jun is now being played by Bao Lee’ which is always strange when they do that, but—”

  I snapped my fingers in front of his face. “Ben!”

  “Sorry,” he said with an eye roll. “Geez. Someone’s in a mood. The point is if you wanted to watch Maid in Manhattan, we probably could have just pulled it up on my Roku.”

  “Jesus Christ.” I slumped down into my chair and pierced a piece of chicken before popping it into my mouth.

  “But…” Ben stood slowly and straddled my kitchen chair, settling onto my lap. “If you wouldn’t have done what you did, it wouldn’t have been half as romantic.” He pressed a soft wet kiss to my lips, lightly grinding his cotton-covered cock against the front of my jeans.

  “Ben,” I whispered, “I thought you wanted me to be good.”

  “I am being good,” he said hotly into my ear.

  “I thought you wanted to watch the movie.”

  Ben stopped grinding and pulled back with a smirk. “You really want to watch that movie? I thought you came over to… you know…”

  I laughed lightly. “No, I wanted to respect the boundaries you set. You wanted to wait, so I said I’d wait. You wanted dinner and a movie, so that’s what I’m here for. I even brought you some of that candy you like. That Riesen stuff that you said keeps your dentist in business.”

  Ben slowly climbed off of my lap and went back to his plate, picking up his fork and taking his first bite of broccoli. “Huh. I thought that dinner and a movie was more like code. You came over here with the food and the sweet movie that I’ve already seen, so I thought we’d… like…”

  “Fuck?” I asked him through a bite, chewing noisily.

  He coughed before taking a quick sip of water. “Yeah… maybe. I mean, you wore nice clothes and cologne and I don’t think you’ve ever worn cologne before around me, so I guess I just thought you… I don’t know. I mean, this was supposed to be our first date, so—”