Alex is quiet, watching the road. I'm not sure if he's mulling over what I just said or trying to read street signs and keep from getting us lost.
“Are you disappointed?” We pull up to a stoplight and he looks at me waiting for an answer.
“No, of course not.” I lie knowing I'd like to re-run the whole episode. Yeah, I knew I was coming to meet him and go to his concert and, of course, have sex because that's what I've dreamed would happen, but I can't shake the wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am feeling.
“Cool, me neither.” He runs his finger down my nose and smiles. We make a few more turns and pull into the parking lot at the back of a huge building. Alex rolls his window down and shows the parking attendant a piece of paper. We're waved into a lane that shoots us straight to the back of the venue where we park.
“Come on,” he instructs. We exit the car and quickly head to the back door where Alex produces a laminated badge and shows it to the guard. He barely has the door open when two teen girls approach us from behind screaming Alex's name. Each grab an arm and shove me out of the way. They're giggling, crying, waving photos of him begging for autographs.
I stand to the side in shock that he's already this popular, but then I'm not sure what else I expected. I've maintained a blog pretty much outlining their every move, posting every photo and blowing their horn every week for the past two years. Maybe a part of me didn't think it would actually happen, at least not on this level.
Alex seems shocked too, but I can't tell if it's because the girl's startled him or he's flattered they know who he is and have the balls to scale a fence past security to meet him. Either way, he seems to be enjoying the moment posing with the girls for a selfie and graciously accepting their kisses before security pulls them back to their reality, behind the fence.
“Where the fuck have you been?” A voice asks Alex as he leads us inside. I recognize the tone and raise my eyes to see Ian. “What the hell? Morgan? They released you for the night?” Ian picks up where he left off two years earlier sauntering over to me draping his arm around my shoulders.
“Yeah, nice to see you,” I chuckle trying hard not to duck out from under his touch. Maybe I'll play the game and make him believe there's nothing to see in the fact my brother and I showed up together late in the evening, never mind the scent of sex I can still taste on my tongue.
“So this is where you've been. Alex, you made my dreams come true.” Ian is gazing dreamily down into my face, his breath warm with the scent of alcohol. It somehow doesn't surprise me, but Alex's lack of protective boyfriend, or even stepbrother, action does. I assume, like me, he doesn't want to reveal we're an item until the time is right. I stall at the words floating through my brain.
When would the time be right? I ask myself completely unaware of the conversation surrounding me or the fact I was walking to the band's dressing room. I hadn't given much thought to the concept of Alex and me having a relationship until now. I guess I always dreamed things would go differently, maybe Alex wouldn't pursue music, become popular or ever leave our small town. I think I envisioned us moving to a totally different place where people didn't know us and couldn't judge us by our past connection.
“Mic check was at three. We totally missed our chance to practice.” Brendan stands in front of Alex hands on his hips.
“Well, I'm sure we'll be fine.” Alex is more reserved than I remember. Walking swiftly to a room at the end of the hall. We all follow, Ian's arm still around me, his hand dangling inches from boob. I swear if he even so much as grazes my chest I'm going to punch him in the ribs.
“How can you say that? This is our biggest gig yet!” Brendan runs his hands through his hair as if there's a serious situation here.
“Because we were fine last night Wanda Worrier.” Alex pokes fun slapping Brendan on the shoulder.
“Yeah, well you think it's all fun and games off doing whatever with your sister while we sit here like idiots not knowing what to do.” Brendan grabs his guitar and slings it over his shoulder. “Shit, I wish Grant came with us, but no, you had to piss him off too.”
“Dude, Grant's always kinda pissed off.” Ian chimes in laughing. I can't say he's drunk, but I seriously question his ability to bang the drums tonight. Then again, how hard can it be.
“Because you're fucking drunk half the shows and Alex doesn't bother showing up until the goddamn minute we go on stage.” Brendan adds.
I shoot Alex a look wondering if there's any truth to Brendan's comment. It wouldn't surprise me as they were on tour with The Arctic Monkeys for six months before joining The Keys tour. Alex rolls his eyes and looks away.
“What's got your panties in a wad anyway? Didn't get laid last night?” Alex pulls his t-shirt off changing right in front of me. I look away before anyone notices I'm staring at the body I just kissed, tasted, loved.
“Fuck you Alex. It's not all about you, you know. I'm going to the stage to tune. If you guys wanna sound like shit, be my guest.” Brendan storms out of the room leaving the door open.
“Well, I guess that's my cue. See you after the show Catholic school girl.” Ian grabs his sticks and heads out the door followed by Randy who's only eyed me since I got here, too busy plucking the strings on his bass.
“Sorry, M. Band shit's always fun. I couldn't possibly tell them anything though. You understand, right?” Alex stands in front of me talking in a low tone.
“Sure, but there's not much to tell besides the fact you picked me up to see your concert.” I wasn't quite sure what Alex was eluding to. Did he think I was hoping he would tell them about us? I didn't want to ask fearing we'd be overheard or worse, he'd say something I wasn't sure I wanted to hear.
“Exactly.” He smiles into my face and for a second I move to kiss him, but stop myself. Alex moves back and chuckles. “We don't have much time before the show starts. I may not be able to make it back to you, but you can watch me from the side of the stage.”
“Um, okay.” I stammer, questions floating in my mind. Am I totally on my own here? I wonder.
“Don't worry. I'll find you after our set and we can watch the Keys from the side of the stage. Best seats in the house.” Alex's words relieve me. For a second I was thinking this whole night might be going down the tubes, at least in reference to my love life.
“Okay, I'll be here.” I smile and twist nervously, my hands stuffed in my back pockets. Alex ruffles my hair and I immediately feel twelve years old again. It wouldn't have mattered except that I wasn't. I was eighteen and about to graduate. I was a woman, one he'd just slept with because he's in love with me and I him. So why does it feel so strange?
Alex leads me to an area at the side of the stage. The band is tuning their guitars while Ian slaps the the drums. I can hear the shuffle and hum of the crowd as they stand waiting. I step forward to peek through a crack in the curtain and my stomach gets butterflies. I can't imagine being on stage in front of this many people and wonder how Alex keeps his composure.
“Check, check, check.” Alex's voice booms over the mic. The crowd cheers. Even with the curtain down they recognize the rockstar warming his vocal chords. Alex says something to the band and they nod their heads. Ian clacks his sticks together and they launch into one of their songs. Alex's voice is subdued and it seems as though he's not singing to capacity, but then, what do I know. The band gives him funny looks as they continue to play. About mid way through, Alex gives the kill signal and everyone stops. Stage hands are talking to the band and Alex nods his head. He turns and walks toward me.
“Hey, how about you move to the other side of the stage. The view is better.” He winks at me, his head tilted to one side, it reminds me of teen Alex.
“Okay.” I reply walking to the back of the stage and around to the other side. I didn't know why he was asking me to move, but I wasn't about to argue seeing as how I wasn't even supposed to be here and he was my only ally.
“How's everyone doin' tonight? You ready for some fuckin' amazing music t
onight?” The MC stands at the front of the stage, the curtain behind him. The crowd cheers wildly. “Well, before we get to the Keys we're gonna let ya hear a little somethin' from a band that's blazing out of the Indie saddle and straight up the charts. Welcome Walker Heights!”
The band bursts into one of their most popular songs as the curtain rises. My heart is beating wildly as I watch. Alex is jumping and singing, moving his way to the front of the stage the microphone cupped in his hands as he builds to the chorus.
I watch in wonder as he becomes the rockstar I'd always teased him of being. The crowd reaching and holding their hands out, girls screaming and I think some even crying as they push against the steel barriers. I'm sure they'd be giving each other a lift onto the stage if not for the distance between them.
I sway to the beat and find myself singing along. “You're such a groupie,” I say to myself. I quickly strike it and replace “groupie” with “girlfriend.” Of course, I have to insert “secret” in front of it, but know it won't be for long. We're in shock and in love and I have no doubts Alex and I can one day live a normal life, whatever that is.
The song ends and Alex turns around heading back to Ian's platform where he grabs his water bottle and takes a long drink. He places it next to the bass drum and tosses me a smile and a wink before counting the guys off and belting out my next favorite hit.
The butterflies are almost choking me as he croons the words into the mic. It's the song I heard him sing at his last practice. Well, the last one I heard before being shipped off like cargo. I always felt like it was for me and tonight was no different.
I close my eyes as I rock in his lyrics. I imagine I'm lifting my shirt and showing my bare breasts from the front of the stage in appreciation of his musical ability as I remember those chic's did in the Bon Jovi video.
Alex hits the groovy note and I open my eyes to the worst sight I can imagine – my older stepbrother Grant peering at me from the other side of the stage.
I freeze under his gaze. Shit! What now? I wonder. I contemplate running, but to where? It wouldn't matter any way as he's already seen me. I gulp and manage a slight smile. Grant glares at me in disbelief then leaves his position. I'd win a million dollar bet that he was on his way to me. I wish so badly Alex wasn't stuck on stage for another handful of songs. I'm watching him to see if he'll glance my way, but he's knee deep in his rising stardom.
“To what do we owe the pleasure?” Grant yells into my face loud enough for me to hear him. He's got a small smile on his face as if he can't wait to be amused by my response.
“Uh, hi Grant! I, uh, won tickets.” It was the first idea to pop out of my mouth. Probably because I was considering offering a free give away on the blog, but I couldn't scrape together enough money for even one ticket.
“Uh huh. How'd you get here? On top of that, how'd you get out of school?” Two questions I was hoping he would wait to ask me or just scratch all together. After quickly running over the available answers in my mind, I decided it was best to keep the ball rolling.
“I hopped a train. You know, got a cab and here I am!” He'd be none the wiser. Besides, it's not like he kept tabs on me at school or knew anything about me and my life.
Grant studies me. I glance nervously at Alex on stage, totally oblivious to the third degree questioning I'm under. Grant looks at Alex, then back to me. I'm too nervous to hold his stare and questioning looks.
“Come on. We've gotta get you back before they call mom and dad for verification.” Grant is staring at me, one arm on my shoulder the other gesturing toward the door.
“What do you mean? Nobody's going to call them! Besides, I have a train back tomorrow!” There is no way in hell he's going to play this big brother card with me.
“Morgan, you don't really think they let girls walk off campus and not double check with the parents later? They weren't born yesterday.” Grant laughs, but his expression is serious as he stands in front of me.
“You've got to be kidding! I'm here, don't you think I would've been caught by now?” I glance toward Alex. He's in the final chorus. I wish I could enjoy it as much as he is, but Grant is like a huge weight on top of me.
“Whatever you're doing, it's not worth sacrificing your future for, not now.” Grant's referring to my relationship with Alex, I can feel it. A part of me thinks he understands and for a minute, I want to tell him everything. Then I remember, he's Alex's brother, and to him, I'm Alex's sister.
The song is finished and Alex walks to where Grant and I are standing just off stage.
“Hey, what's up?” His brows are furrowed as he looks at me then Grant.
“I'm taking her back to school. This was a dumb move Alex.” Grant crosses his arms and stares at Alex.
“Please, it's not hurting anyone.” Alex retorts, throwing a look to his band mates standing alone on the stage.
“Yeah, it's just a concert.” I chime in figuring two against one has got to sway the vote.
“You don't understand, it's a selfish move. If Morgan get's caught they won't give her a diploma. Then what? She works at the mini mart? She's got a month before graduation. This could've waited.” The anger is apparent in Grant's voice. For a minute I start to soften to his reasoning, but I can't stand the parental vibe.
“Then I'll work at the mini mart. It's not your life Grant!” I'm not letting him boss me and Alex around. If nothing else, I'll join Alex on the road. At least we'd be together. Alex and Grant stare at each other. If I didn't know better there was some telepathy going on between the two.
“Grant's got a point. Go back to school.” Alex turns to me a blank look in his eyes. I begin to protest as he looks over his shoulder to the crowd now chanting his name. It's obvious he's got to get back on stage. The last thing I want to do is stand in the way of his music, his success.
“See you soon, okay?” Alex squeezes my shoulder barely offering a smile as he heads back to the stage.
“Sorry 'bout that! Let's get this party started muthafuckas!” Alex grabs a bottle of what looks like Vodka, takes a drink then dumps some over the crowd. They act as if he's throwing money at them.
I stand in shock watching my opinion of my stepbrother change before my eyes.
“Come on. We can be there by morning if we leave now.” Grant touches my arm. For a split second I feel relief to be leaving. I only wish it didn't feel so weird.
Grant steers me away from the stage and we weave the halls to the back entrance again.
“Do you have a bag?” He asks before we exit.
“It's in Alex's car,” I reply almost to myself. Keeping my head down as we walk my eyes begin to burn, but I swallow back the tears. I refuse to let Grant see me cry. For starters, it seems so, juvenile and groupie-like and emotional. It was the last thing I wanted to be in front of him and I sure as hell am not about to display my heart broken feelings over having to leave the love of my life.
Grant retrieves my bag from Alex's car and ushers me to a black Mercedes sedan. He holds my door open as I slide into the plush leather seat, which feels more like a chaise lounge, then places my bag in the trunk.
“All set?” He shoots me a smile as he settles into the drivers seat and starts the car. Is that a rhetorical question? I wonder, but decline to respond knowing if I do it will be another rant and right now I fee like a child whose been caught being naughty.
We drive through the dimly lit city streets making our way to the freeway. I peer out the window trying to see the venue, get one last glimpse of this memory, but we take enough twists and turns, changing freeway to freeway then to highway that I'm not sure where the fuck we've been let alone where we're headed.
I stare blankly ahead at the dark road stretching before us. I can't imagine being on this for hours on end, not under these circumstances anyway.
“Why don't you just put me on a train?” I blurt, knowing full well the answer.
“Because the station actually shuts down. Besides don't you think it's goi
ng to look a bit suspicious you being dropped by a taxi instead of your parents? Did you think that far ahead? Or are you waiting until midnight to sneak in through the hole in the garden hedge?” As much as I hate to admit it, he has a point. I left in a bit of wonder as to how was I able to walk through the hole and straight into a black town car. A note from Alex was waiting for me in the back seat explaining my train ride and “The Plan.” It was like a dream, which, now, has turned into a nightmare.
“Wait a second, you know about the hedge?” I stare at Grant until he looks at me.
“It doesn't matter if I know about it, it matters that you graduate.” He turns back to the road ignoring the fact I'm still staring at him. I wonder who Grant is as I study his face. Serious, strong, intriguing.
“Why do you care so damn much if I graduate?” He doesn't answer for a minute, no doubt trying to think of an answer that won't sound “cookie cutter” parent-like.
“You know what, maybe I don't. I just think if you're going to flush a diploma down the drain you should have a better reason than this.”
“This? Alex? His concert?” I stammer. “You act like it's meaningless. Some way to treat your bread and butter.”
“You just broke the cardinal rule and stole away from your school, an action that will have you simultaneously losing your diploma while being kicked out. I think I would've picked something bigger than hanging out at my brother's concert. By the way, he's not even close to being the crumb on my plate, but he'd thank you for thinking so highly of him.”
My mouth is agape listening to Grant. If he knew what Alex and I meant to each other, I'm sure his opinion would change. I wonder if he's ever been in love like this, me and Alex. He's certainly old enough to have some experience under his belt, but it's hard to tell looking at the tension in his face.
I sit back and watch the road digesting Grant's words. Shit, I can't be kicked out. Not that I wouldn't love to piss my mom off, but it's my stepdad's money paying my tuition and for what it's worth, he's been nice to me these past few years. As much as I'd like to play tough and think I can make it on my own, I need that damn diploma and any doors it might open for me, and Alex.
My Stepbrothers Rock: Headliner Page 3