Tagan's Child

by ammyford1

  I shook my head. “Not for a while.” Tears sprung from my eyes.

  “Hey, hey.” Bennie hugged me.

  “It’s not safe for him to come back yet,” I choked out. “Bazeera is still a threat and the King can protect Toby much better all the time he is staying with him.”

  I sobbed quietly. “That’s it, let it all out,” she said, rubbing my arm soothingly.

  “I’m sorry,” I said.

  “Don’t be ridiculous, after what you’ve been through you have every right to have a good cry.”

  The trouble was it was all I had done since I had returned.

  “It’s over now,” Bennie said quietly, misinterpreting my silence. “Toby is safe, albeit not in the most ideal of situations, but you’ve got to be comforted by the fact that his life is no longer in danger.” She was doing her best to make me feel better. I very nearly blurted it all out but wasn’t ready to face my feelings yet. I was content for the time being to hate Ahran. Hatred was a far easier emotion to deal with than anything else I was fighting hard to bury.

  “You’re right. I’ve got to think about what is best for Toby.”

  Cracks began to work their way across the barricade I had carefully erected to protect myself. Hold it together Sophie, hold it together. I closed my eyes and fought the emotion threatening to assault my fragile composure.

  “Are you going to be moving there with Toby?” she asked anxiously.

  “No,” I said too firmly. “No. I’ve got the shop and I’ll be able to visit Toby.” My eyes began to fill up again. I had never felt such a feeling of crushing emptiness. My limbs felt extraordinarily heavy as if my lifeblood was slowly draining from me. It felt like I was on the brink of imploding and I was completely powerless to stop it.

  “Sophie?”

  I started to feel dizzy. A kaleidoscope of colours rained down before my eyes and the room began to spin. Everything went black.

  *****

  I felt something cold on my face. I raised my eyelids enjoying the feeling of not hurting for the first few seconds of consciousness before the suffocating sense of loss and betrayal washed over me like a drowning wave. I closed my eyes again and summoned all my strength to resurrect the fragile barrier I had managed to construct over the last few days.

  I took a deep breath.

  “God Sophie, you frightened me half to death, I thought you’d died!” Bennie’s face was etched with concern and she looked pale under her tan.

  “I’m sorry,” I croaked after the first abortive attempt to apologise, my vocal chords felt like they had stuck together. “Can I have a drink?”

  Bennie passed me a glass of water. I sat up feeling like all my strength had been sucked out of me and took a few sips. “I don’t know what just happened. I guess I must have fainted.” I didn’t exactly feel ill, just heavy and weak. An image of Ahran treacherously flashed in my mind and the now familiar ache in my chest returned with full force. I tried to take a few deep breaths to ease it but nothing changed. I think I preferred unconsciousness where I didn’t feel anything. I’d lost count of how many times my body had shut down over the last couple of days.

  “You look as white as a sheet. I didn’t phone for an ambulance, you still seemed to be breathing so I figured it was probably best not to attract attention by inviting a blue light down your street.” She waited for me to condone her lack of action. If the look of indecision on her face was anything to go by she was still wondering whether she had made the right call.

  “I’m fine, honestly, I’m fine. I guess my ordeal has taken it out of me more than I thought.”

  I couldn’t tell her that on top of everything my heart had splintered into a million pieces and that it would have taken far more than attending paramedics to put it back together. This had been the worst black out yet. It had felt like I had fallen down a bottomless hole.

  “Have you had anything to eat recently?” she asked, ready to pounce on me disapprovingly.

  “Um,” I couldn’t remember when I’d last eaten.

  She looked at me like a reproachful school mistress. “Have you had a proper meal since you came back? Actually, when did you get back?” She eyed me suspiciously, drawing conclusions she was clearly unhappy about.

  I raked through my mind to see if I could add up the days but they all seemed to blend together, night into day, day into night. I was unable to come up with an exact answer. “A few days ago,” I offered noncommittally.

  “Jesus Sophie, you’re clearly in a state. Why didn’t you call me sooner?” She was angry and I couldn’t blame her.

  “I’m sorry Ben.” The tears began to stream down my cheeks again.

  “Hey, come on now.” Her tone softened and she put her arms around me awkwardly. “I can’t imagine what you’ve been through, it sounds horrific, all of it, but Toby’s safe now. You’re probably suffering from post-traumatic stress or something. Maybe you ought to talk to somebody, you know, a professional who is used to dealing with this sort of thing.”

  I pulled away and started to shake my head, the last thing I needed was to go through it all with a complete stranger.

  “I don’t need therapy, I just need to rebuild my life,” I said, wiping my nose on my sleeve. “I’ve got a business to run and it’s not that I’ve lost Toby altogether.” I didn’t sound at all convincing.

  Could it be the case that Halsan would never let him return to earth? Fresh tears welled up and spilled onto my cheeks. Bennie hugged me again and I buried my face in her shoulder. I was doing my level best to keep everything walled up, but like the tiny shafts of light through an old wooden door, they determinedly found their way through. Bennie did her best to comfort me. After Toby, she was the closest thing I had to family and I knew she cared for me like a sister. Eventually, my tears subsided and I tried to draw strength from her embrace. Finally, I was able to draw a breath that wouldn’t result in a sob.

  “God, I’m sick of crying,” I said, sitting up straight.

  “I’ll get you a tissue,” Bennie said, getting off the sofa and sounding more than a little relieved my tears had stopped.

  She handed me the box.

  “Thanks,” I blew my nose, feeling a little better. “I’m sorry, I know you find emotion difficult,” I said, trying to make a joke of it.

  “Well, you have just ruined my new cashmere V-neck,” she said with feigned irritation, pulling the soggy front of her sweater away from her chest. When she looked back at me her eyes were full of sympathy. “It will all work out, I’m sure of it,” she said and sat back down.

  I nodded, wanting to believe her.

  “Let me cook you something nice to eat,” she offered.

  I raised my eyebrows and smiled weakly. Bennie was the world’s worst cook.

  “Okay, you’re right let’s just get a takeaway. I’ll collect it. She walked over to the sideboard. “What do you fancy?”

  “Oh, I don’t mind, you choose.” The thought of food actually made me want to heave.

  “Chinese? A curry? Pizza?” She was looking through the array of takeaway menus I kept in my sideboard drawer.

  “A pizza,” I replied. It was the only thing I could imagine taking a bite of without gagging.

  After placing our order she picked up her glass of wine and sat back on the sofa. “Where’s Mungo?” she asked.

  Bloody hell, Mungo! I hadn’t given him a thought since I’d come back, Toby would never forgive me. If I got the dog back he would be another thing I’d lose to Ramia, I thought childishly.

  “Oh, Sandie’s got him, well, at least I hope she has. I haven’t been in touch with her. Come to think of it I’m not even sure how long I’ve been away.”

  “You left ten days ago,” Bennie said almost too quickly.

  Was that all? It felt like a lifetime.

  “I suppose I ought to phone her.”

  “It won’t hurt to leave him one more day, we need to work out a story to tell the police first,” she said.

&
nbsp; “Maybe we should say that you were kidnapped too?”

  I looked at Bennie with a grimace.

  “What?” she said defensively. “It would explain your sudden disappearance.”

  I toyed with the idea. “But I had made arrangements with Sandie, it wouldn’t take the police long to find that out. Besides they have probably interviewed her already and she wouldn’t have known not to tell them anything.”

  “True,” she said. “Okay, what about saying you were blackmailed?”

  I thought about this for a minute. I supposed that could work. It would explain why I had taken off without telling anyone, although I hated the prospect of more deceit, I wasn’t good at lying, I almost always tripped myself up at some point.

  “Okay. But why would they blackmail me?”

  “For a ransom of course. You could say you went to meet with them, but they double-crossed you and kept hold of Toby.” She looked rather pleased with herself for coming up with this idea.

  “I don’t know,” I said doubtfully.

  “They only need look at you to know that you’ve been to hell and back. Have you got any better ideas?”

  I couldn’t think of anything that didn’t implicate me in Toby’s kidnapping.

  “No, I suppose not.”

  “Right then, you were blackmailed and went into hiding, you were terrified of telling anyone in the fear that they would harm Toby.”

  “But why would they kidnap Toby? I’m not exactly some celebrity millionaires.”

  “There are plenty of opportunist weirdos out there, you only have to listen to the news to know that. You are well-known locally and you have a thriving business. You are a likely victim.”

  “Thanks, that’s reassuring,” I said dryly.

  “Well, you know what I mean.”

  “Okay, we’ll go with the blackmail story. I suppose it’s tenuously feasible,” I said.

  “Just think of Toby. That will help you to be more convincing when the police question you. He needs you, he doesn’t need his auntie banged up.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh. “You have such a delicate turn of phrase sometimes.”

  “Well it’s true,” she said with a chuckle.

  Bennie was right. I had to play this carefully, I had no alibi and I had to protect myself as well as Toby. We both sat thoughtfully for a while.

  “I’ll go into the police station in the morning and report my return,” I said.

  “Do you want me to come with you?” she offered.

  I turned to look at her. “Would you?”

  “Yes, of course I will.”

  “Thanks Ben, I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

  “I’m always here for you lovey.”

  I leant over and gave her a hug. She endured my affection stiffly.

  “Right, that’s enough hugging for one evening,” she said good-humouredly.

  “Its good therapy for you, Ben,” I said straightening. “It might help you to hold onto a man in the future.”

  She laughed. “You must be feeling better, you’ve started to give me stick about my love life again.”

  I did feel better. Being with Bennie had given me hope. Maybe I had a chance of getting my life back on track.

  *****

  The next morning we went to the police station and after two hours of questioning I was allowed to go home. I was unable to hide my distress and they released me on the proviso that if anything came up they would have me back in for questioning. They promised to put as many of their resources into finding Toby and asked me to return the following day to make a television appeal. I had no doubt I would be able to give a convincing performance.

  We stopped off at the supermarket on our way home. When we got back, Bennie went into the kitchen. I took a deep breath and phoned Sandie. I successfully dodged most of her questions and she agreed to hold onto Mungo for another couple of days, this would at least give me the chance to visit Toby. She told me Audrey had gone home yesterday and was doing well. I felt like the world’s worst friend. I told her I would be opening the shop sometime in the following week. Even though I didn’t quite feel ready to face the nosy inhabitants of Hatherley, I needed to get my life back to some normality as soon as possible. Moping around the house wasn’t doing me any good. I hung up just as Bennie came back into the lounge.

  “Here,” she said, handing me a sandwich

  “Thanks.” I didn’t feel hungry but took a bite anyway and thought about the next couple of days. I wanted to visit Audrey before going to see Toby and I had the T.V. appeal to do the following morning but as much as I was looking forward to seeing him I was kind of relieved that my next visit to Ramia would be delayed a little longer. If Ahran was around it would give him the chance to leave before I arrived. Never seeing him again was the only recourse I had. It wasn’t as if I could report what he had done to the police.

  “Aren’t you going to eat any more?” Bennie asked, pointing at my half-eaten sandwich.

  I shook my head. “You’ve got to eat Sophie, you hardly ate any of your pizza last night.”

  “I know. I will, once I’ve got everything sorted out.”

  She sighed and picked up our plates and took them into the kitchen. When she came back, she hesitated. “I’m really sorry Sophe, but I’ve got to leave in a little while. I had a phone call this morning, I’ve got a new assignment starting tomorrow. I didn’t think it was happening until next week but apparently the weather is good at the moment and the forecast for next week is terrible.”

  “What will you be doing?” I asked.

  “Filming stag deer in Scotland for a BBC documentary.”

  “That sounds good.” As much as I loved Bennie, and appreciated what she had done for me, I was secretly pleased she wasn’t going to be around. It meant I could go to Ramia after the T.V. appeal and wouldn’t have to face any awkward questions from her about where I was going.

  “I could always get my mother to stop by and check on you.”

  I gave her a half smile, half grimace. “Thanks, but that won’t be necessary. There’s stuff I need to do to get the shop ready for opening next week.” I had decided, I would spend the beginning of the week in Ramia and open up as soon as I got back. I needed to keep busy. I tried to give her as bright a smile as I could muster.

  “I’ll come back as soon as I’ve finished.”

  “Thanks Ben, but don’t rush back on my behalf. Do what you’ve got to do. I’m going to open the shop and try and carry on as best I can. Once I’ve had a conversation with Toby’s grandparents I’ll know more about how things are going to pan out there and then I’ll just have to get on with it. I’ve got a mortgage and bills to pay.” It was fighting talk but I wasn’t at all convinced I knew how to do it.

  “Well, I’m always on the end of a phone. You can call me anytime day or night,” she said sincerely.

  I nodded.

  She continued to hover, not looking any more confident than I was about my ability to cope.

  “When are you going to see Audrey?”

  “I haven’t spoken to her yet but I was hoping I might be able see her this later this morning. I feel so bad about not getting in touch.”

  “Audrey will understand. I’ll get the phone for you. I’d feel happier about leaving if I knew you’d made arrangements to see her.”

  “Okay, thanks.”

  She handed me the phone. I didn’t have to think about dialling Audrey’s number, my fingers tapped out the sequence of numbers automatically.

  Three rings and she picked up.

  “Hello?”

  I took a deep breath.

  “Hi Audrey, its Sophie,” I said as brightly as I could muster.

  “Sophie! It’s so good to hear from you.” I didn’t know why I had been worried, Audrey treated me like a daughter and there wasn’t much she wouldn’t forgive me for.

  “Where have you been? Have they found Toby yet?”

  I hesitated. “Toby is fine althoug
h it’s a very long story. I was wondering if I could come over and see you.”

  “So he’s safe?”

  “Yes, thank goodness.”

  “You don’t know how pleased I am to hear that. Yes of course you can come over.”

  “Great I’ll be over within the hour.”

  “Look forward to it dear. Bye”

  “Bye then.”

  At least I still had my friends. They would help me get through this.

  Bennie had stood listening to our brief conversation and she looked satisfied.

  “See, I told you so. I feel happier about leaving you now.”

  “I’m a big girl,” I said, aiming for more conviction this time.

  Bennie looked at me doubtfully. She hesitated. “Are you sure you’ll be okay? You seem different somehow.”

  “Do I?”

  “Yeah, sort of dull.”

  “Dull?” I thought if I fired questions back I wouldn’t have to answer any of hers.

  “Your eyes have always reflected your mood. And now…,” she was searching for the right words. “They’re sort of dull.”

  I gave a humourless laugh. “Well its hardly surprising Ben, I’ve not had the easiest time of it.”

  “Oh God, Sophe, I totally understand. You’ve been through hell, it’s just that...”

  I looked at her waiting for her to go on but willing her to stop.

  “Oh I don’t know,” she shrugged and gave me a squeeze. “I’ve got to go. Are you sure you’re going to be alright?” she said for about the millionth time.

  “Yes!” I replied, relieved she hadn’t pursued her previous line of enquiry.

  She looked at me hesitantly as if she was about to say more but then thought better of it.

  I followed her out into the hallway.

  “Oh, I almost forgot. It’s my parents golden wedding anniversary on the 22nd of December and they are having a ‘do’. Do you think you’ll be able to come?”

  “The 22nd?” I hadn’t a clue what date it was. “When is that?”

  “It’s four weeks away.”

  I wanted to reserve my weekends so I could go to Ramia but I knew my best friend needed moral support on these occasions. She always found them difficult and would probably drink too much if I didn’t go. She also knew her father had been prone to the odd marital indiscretion over the years and celebrating such a milestone wedding anniversary was bound to cause her mixed emotions. I would just have to see Toby afterwards.