Tragic Impulse

by Roman Shepp

  “So, heaven isn't the same as the stars?”

  “I think heaven goes beyond the stars, even further away. It's not a place of this world, it's something more,” he said, but decided not to go further down that rabbit hole as Tara was too young and too tired to grasp those philosophical concepts. “Either way, you have your parents looking down on you from heaven, the old gods looking down on you from the stars, and me watching over you here.”

  “That makes me feel safe,” she murmured, and soon was asleep.

  Saeed turned over and fell asleep too. His last thought was of Aaminah, and how he wished that he could tell a story to her again. His thoughts mixed with his dreams and the lines between the worlds blurred, so his dreams were pleasant as he thought of his wife and child. They were bittersweet too, though, as he had to wake up and be faced with the stark reality of the day. During the night Tara had moved closer to him and she was practically hugging him. Saeed decided not to move, to let the child have as much rest as possible. He stared up at the sky, wondering about his story, and his religion. He tried so hard to hold onto his beliefs, but it was difficult for him to reconcile those with the reality of his life. What kind of god would place so much suffering on the world, and on children?

  Thinking about it only gave him a headache, though, and he tried not to let himself be too saddened by thoughts that Allah had forsaken him. A new day had dawned, and he still was alive. That was plenty to be thankful for in a world like this.

  Beside him, he sensed movement. It was too small to be a person, though. Martha and Belinda still were sleeping. Turning his head, he saw the grass move, and then became aware of the slithering shape of a snake coming toward him. Without any hesitation, Saeed's only thought was that he had to protect Tara. He moved, which woke her, and darted his hand down to the ground, curling his fingers around the snake. It writhed and wriggled in his hands, hissing violently. Saeed held it as far away from his face as possible, well aware that a snake could be deadly. If he let it loose, it could slither around all of them and leave them for dead. Saeed wasn't going to let that happen.

  He ran away from the others – by now Martha and Belinda had awoken and were clutching each other tightly at the sight of the snake. Saeed wrapped his other hand around it and swung it by the tail against a tree, whacking its head against the trunk. There were a bunch of cracks, sounding like someone scrunching up bubble wrap, then the snake fell limp. Its eyes were dead, and its forked tongue hung out of its mouth helplessly. Saeed wiped sweat off his brow and returned to the others. Tara beamed with pride, and Saeed was grateful that he was able to protect them. For the first time Saeed actually believed he would be able to protect them.

  Chapter Twelve

  “What the hell was that?” Rosa asked as she and Phil dragged Frank and Jane out of the bunker. Phil had wrapped some cloth around his arm to prevent him from wounding anyone he touched. Frank and Jane both were groggy, speaking unintelligibly. As soon as they were out of the bunker they almost fell to the ground, but Rosa and Phil managed to hold them up.

  Rosa’s mind was reeling with everything she just had seen. Anger boiled within her, not just at the masked man, but also at Frank for trying to grab her gun. Then there was Phil as well. It wasn't his fault he had lost an arm, but it didn't make it any easier on her. She was bearing the brunt of their weight, while Phil helped. What she really wanted was to be down in that bunker, getting vengeance for her brothers-in-arms. Not that she had much sympathy for Don. The hothead always was going to get himself into trouble and that was the way things always were going to go, but Steve didn't deserve that. It all had happened so fast. The masked man had been a blur, and she felt annoyed that he had bested her in combat.

  “That was the man who attacked us. We have no idea who he is, but we think he's been moving through the forest killing people. We barely managed to survive last time,” Phil said.

  “Seems as though the same thing is happening this time,” Rosa replied tersely.

  Helping these two walk was a tremendous strain, especially since she still was feeling the effects of the fight with the masked man. Thankfully, Frank and Jane still had some control over their bodies. Otherwise it would have been an impossible task. The two of them were suffering, though. They were groggy and complained of being nauseous, and from the way they were speaking they didn't seem as though they were much help to anyone. But at least they weren't bickering.

  “Yeah, well, at least we're alive,” he said.

  “Not like your friend.”

  “Don't talk about him like that. Tony is tougher than he looks, and he has Groot. He has a chance.”

  “I don't think so,” Rosa said. It always amazed her how people were so quick to hold onto things that were clearly untrue. It stunned her to think that Phil's group could have survived an encounter with that man when trained soldiers had been unable to stop him. “I wish I could say something better but I'm not going to sugarcoat it for you. That man has had military training, and unless your friend can pull off a miracle he's not going to stand much of a chance in there.”

  “You don't know Tony like I do.”

  “No, but I know fighters. That masked man just took out three soldiers without breaking a sweat. If we don't move soon, then he's going to come after us and I know when I'm up against a superior force. I don't even feel confident going back in there with my gun. We need to get out of here.”

  “We can't just leave Tony,” Phil said with a dumbfounded look on his face.

  Rosa had seen that a lot. Plenty of people had certain expectations of her based on the uniform she wore, as if she was supposed to be a hero or something. She was only thankful that she had been in the bunker when all hell broke loose in the world. If she had been outside, people would have turned to her to defend them and lead them, when really, she just was in it for herself. All that mattered was that she went on living. There was safety in numbers, which was why she didn't go off on her own, although she had considered it. The other thing keeping her behind was that she wanted to give Frank a piece of her mind. They wouldn't have been in this situation if it hadn't been for him and his stupid attempt to grab her gun. That had sent her off-balance and given the masked man all he needed.

  “Yes, we can, and we should. Tony is holding off that maniac in there so we can escape and be safe. It's a miracle he's survived this long, if he's not dead already. We can't make his sacrifice mean nothing. Too many people have died already.”

  She didn't much care for the politicians, and barely had blinked when she had to step over their bodies on the way out of the bunker. Steve and Don were different, though. She'd been in that bunker with them for too long, and although they got on her nerves, they were her friends, and it was a pity they had died like that.

  “I'm sorry about your friends,” Phil said, looking a little ashamed.

  He probably felt guilty. As far as Rosa was concerned he had no reason for that. Unlike most people she never developed a sense of empathy. Most of society's normal rules didn't mean a thing to her. That was one good thing about the apocalypse at least, although if these early interactions were anything to go by, Phil was a stickler for the old way of thinking. It was going to be a long time together if she had to put up with these kinds of things.

  “Everyone knows the risk when they put on this uniform,” she replied bluntly.

  Glancing toward the entrance to the bunker she was forced to look at Don's body. From the way the body fell she was forced to meet his gaze. His neck had been twisted unnaturally, and she only could look at it for a few moments before she had to turn away. What she told Phil wasn't entirely true. Of course every soldier knew there was a risk of death, but none of them imagined it would come at the hands of a maniac. They all thought it would come in the heat of battle, if at all, and the three of them never even had considered the thought of death. As far as Rosa was concerned the assignment had been nothing but desk duty.

  “Still, it's a hell of a thing fo
r him to die. Especially after what we were talking about,” Phil said.

  He was looking at the body too. All her life Rosa had tried to steel herself against the torrent of emotions that so plagued other people. She hoped it had made her stronger, but despite the stone walls she had built around her heart, emotion still made its way through. For as annoyed as Don made her, she still had wanted him to reunite with his girlfriend and meet his baby.

  “He always went on about it,” she said in a small voice. “All he wanted was to see his son. We always said we'd hold him one day. He just chose the wrong moment to leave the bunker.”

  “You don't blame him, do you?”

  “No, I blame him,” she spat, looking at Frank.

  Needing a break, Rosa and Phil sat on the ground. Rosa had been ignoring the pain in her side for too long. Throughout her life she had become adept at ignoring pain. Frank and Jane's heads lolled close to each other and their eyes closed. A blow to the head could be damaging. They hadn't shown any sign of improvement, but Rosa knew they couldn't be allowed to fall unconscious.

  “Keep them awake,” Rosa said.

  Phil had a hand on his hip. He chewed his lips, glancing back at the bunker. Rosa knew that if they didn't move soon, Phil would be tempted to return to the bunker. Either that or the masked man would emerge and seek to kill them. Rosa had a clear shot at the bunker entrance but given everything they already had witnessed from him she didn't fancy her chances. She didn't even consider the possibility that Tony would survive. As far as she was concerned he just had made the ultimate sacrifice.

  “Yeah, well, that doesn't surprise me. From everything I've heard, he's a piece of work.”

  “I could tell that about him from the moment he came in. Acted like he owned the place. If I had been in charge, I wouldn't have given him the time of day, but Steve always wanted to be the good soldier boy. He thought that if we held onto the constants of the world, we'd find a way out.”

  “You don't agree?”

  “It hasn't led us very far, has it?” she said. “Look, I like all this chitchat, but we really have to move if we're going to survive. Sooner or later someone is going to come out of that bunker. I don't want to be here when he does.”

  Phil licked his lips nervously. “But what if it's Tony? I really think I should just go back in there to help him. Before it's too late.”

  Rosa rolled her eyes. It already was too late. It was too late when Tony had made the decision to stay in the bunker alone. “Okay, look, I'll make a deal with you. We'll move off and stay quiet but keep to where we can see the bunker. That way if Tony comes out we can greet him, but if the masked man comes out we can try ambushing him or run away.”

  Phil nodded. “Maybe we should find the others as well. They can't have gone far.”

  “They had the right idea,” Rosa said. There was no sign of them. She was envious. “But I need you to stay with me. I can't handle these two alone, especially not if they can’t get themselves together again. I don't much like them like this, but at least they're not fighting each other.”

  “Oh yeah, Jane really hates him.”

  They set about helping Frank and Jane deeper into the woods, away from the bunker, losing themselves in the thick trees and foliage. It was a strain to carry them, and she wished that she had someone who had both arms. The cloth around his arm was working, but Phil always had to be careful with how he positioned himself. He was carrying Jane, who weighed less than Frank, which seemed fair considering he only had one arm.

  “I've been meaning to ask, how'd you lose that arm?” Rosa said. Phil turned red for a moment.

  “It's a long story.”

  “It seems we have a lot of time.”

  “Fine. Some people captured me and tied me down, cut off my arm and ate it. They were saving the rest of me for later. I was one of the lucky ones.” He shook his head and sat on a log. Rosa hadn't been expecting such blunt honesty.

  “You've been lucky in that bunker, you haven't had to face the horrors of the world,” Phil added.

  “I'm getting that impression. What about the others?”

  “They saved me. I knew Tony from way back, but it was only coincidence that brought us together again. Well, maybe it's fate. I don't know. The men who captured me were using Tara to confuse people, to earn their trust. As soon as we were asleep they took us and carved us up. I'd rather not relieve it.”

  “I bet,” she said, suddenly having more sympathy for the man.

  “What are we going to do about your friends?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Do you want to bury them or anything?”

  “Oh...I hadn't really thought about it,” Rosa said. She'd never been one for spiritual matters. As far as she was concerned, once someone died that was it. There was nothing else. “But I don't think we can be concerned with that.”

  “We have to be concerned with it. We have to hold onto the things that make us human. Otherwise, we're nothing but animals.”

  “You're starting to sound like Steve,” she said, smiling a little.

  “I hope that's not a bad thing.”

  “It's not, but I like to be a little more pragmatic with the way I view the world.”

  “I can see that. Do you still consider yourself a soldier?”

  “I guess, although I don't know what I'm supposed to be fighting for now.”

  Phil looked conflicted. “I found out something. I don't know if the others were going to tell you or not. They probably were, but anyway...you know Martha and Belinda? They came from another community. They were driven out actually, or they chose to leave. Either way...they spoke of a man who was threatening the safety of the city. He was going to wait for it to tear itself apart and then gather up the spoils. He's declaring war on the entire city, and if we don't do something, he's just going to walk in and take whatever he wants.”

  “From what you guys were saying it doesn't sound like there's much of the city left.”

  “There are people there,” Phil said, “people who matter. We just can't stand by and let them suffer.”

  “There's only two of us, Phil. I don't know what you think we can do, but it's not a hell of a lot. We don't even have any food. We barely can survive as it is.”

  “All I'm saying is you wanted something to fight for. There it is.” He folded his arms.

  It certainly was a cause, but Rosa couldn't remember the last time she had fought for something because she truly had believed in it. Then again, things could change dramatically. After all, just recently she was sitting in a bunker, distant from the world, with two men she trusted. Now they were dead, and she was left with the fragments of people. Phil seemed like a good sort, if not a little idealistic. She'd have to learn about this new world all over again, though. There was no retreating from it, no army into which she could run and lose herself in the uniform. She had to stand by herself and find a new purpose. She had to make her own orders. It actually was quite frightening.

  “Maybe we could go back to the city and try to prepare the people there. At least then we'd have an army.”

  Phil's face was ashen. “From what the others have said I don't think that's an option. We're the only ones who can make a difference now. There's no hope for us in the city. We have to find a way to stop them here and now. If they reach the city, then it's too late. Maybe it's a fool's crusade, but I think we have to try doing something. You're a soldier. You should know what it's like to fight for the greater good.”

  Rosa tried hard not to scowl. She'd been plagued by that sentiment ever since she had joined the army. It amazed her how so many people were willing to fight for something that wasn't their own survival. Yet, something stirred within her. Maybe it was seeing how Steve had died and wanting to live up to his example. Maybe it was the desire not to be outdone by a one-armed man. Either way, Rosa knew she wasn't going to leave him, and that for now she would stick with him and try to stop this madness.

  The man below her
stirred. It seemed as though Frank’s grogginess was wearing off. Frank's head turned, and he blinked gingerly, wincing in pain. Rosa crossed her arms and glared down at him, ready to lay into him for what he had done, but Frank never gave her the chance. Frank pushed himself up and rubbed his head, then looked around at his surroundings. Standing tall, he gazed down at Jane.

  “Where are we?” he asked.

  “Sheesh. You're welcome,” Rosa said, rolling her eyes. Frank waited for an answer, ignoring her comment.

  “We brought you two out of there.”

  Frank's eyes darted furtively around the forest. “We have to go back to the bunker. Rosa, you're with me,” he said, and started to stride away before he realized that Rosa wasn't making a move. He slowly turned and walked back up to her, still feeling some lingering effects of his dazed state.

  “I gave you an order, soldier. Now follow me. I'm not surrendering the bunker to that maniac. If we don't have that bunker, we have nothing.”

  Rosa stood firm and placed her hand on her gun. Frank bristled. Phil stood by, silent.

  “If you make one more move, I'm going to shoot,” she said. Frank gritted his teeth, clenched his fists, and stepped forward. Rosa was hoping he'd do that.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Matthias awoke to face a new, fresh day and did his usual stretches. Life was good. The world was good. It finally felt, after all this time, as though things were falling into place as they were meant to be. Matthias always had believed there was some cosmic power guiding the universe, and that people simply had to stay the course and be true to their beliefs to see them come to fruition. Matthias had had many opportunities to give up over the years, but he had never given in to the corporate machine. Never had he worn a suit to work, and it galled him that the only people who ever could make anything of themselves in this world were the ones who had to sacrifice their personal pride and sense of individuality. It annoyed him that so many people were blind to the horror of the world, but he and Hugo would show them all.