“I’ll be right back, Sha, just rest please.” I said to my brother as I walked out of the room.
I could feel Sha’s eyes on me as I walked into the hall way. When I got outside, I looked back inside to see him still laying there with that peaceful, serene look on his face. I should have felt comforted knowing that my brother had found some type of peace. However, the chill running through my body causing goosebumps to pop up all over my arms, told me I shouldn’t rejoice just yet. That eerie feeling told me something was coming, but I couldn’t see or stop the future. All that I could do was wait out the storm that was coming, and I was sure it was coming.
I made my way into the kitchen passed Duck who was back on the couch amongst mountains of trash, chain smoking Newports and guzzling his fifth beer. When I stepped into the disaster area that was supposed to be a kitchen, I almost vomited from the filth and horrific smells. Old food containers, dishes, boxes, trash, clothes, dirt, rats, roaches, paper, and baggies covered the floor and cabinets everywhere. There was not a spot in the disgusting ass kitchen that wasn’t filthy or covered in some shit. I had to put my hand over my mouth to keep the vomit that was creeping up my throat down in my stomach. My eyes watered as I continued to hold my breath while walking deeper into the kitchen. The thought of tackling such a huge job on my own made me exhausted as I exhaled deeply while kicking a pile of newspapers near the sink and an army of roaches ran from underneath. My flesh crawled and I squealed in disgust as I ran forward like a lunatic, stomping and cursing roaches.
“This shit is gonna take me forever.” I said to myself as I went over to the pantry and got out the broom, mop, and cleaning supplies.
It was apparent that no one had cleaned that kitchen in a very long time, if at all because the gallon sized bottle of Pine-Sol I found in the closet was still full and it had cobwebs hanging off of it. I had to rinse the cobwebs and thick layer of dirt off of the bottle before I could start cleaning. As I walked over to the sink which was filled with trash and crusty dishes, I felt as if someone was watching me. I could feel eyes on the back of my neck as I found a space to squeeze the bucket into the sink and let the brown, rusty water fill it. I knew that it was Duck watching me, lusting after me, but I wasn’t about to even acknowledge his perverted ass.
I didn’t even turn around, I just filled the bucket and began cleaning the sink and kitchen cabinets. As I cleaned I let all of my emotions rush forward, and fuel my body like coal to a locomotive. I moved about the disgusting room, robotically and methodically cleaning and releasing tears filled with anger and sadness. I could see Sha’s battered face in my mind as I threw piles of trash out of the open kitchen window, getting my first glimpse of where I was being held. I quickly looked around with my upper body out of the window, noticing that I was in some apartments that had three stories to them.
I made a mental note of the color of the bricks, the houses on the street behind the apartments, and how high the perimeter fence was so that I would know exactly how Sha and I would have to escape. I couldn’t jump off of any roofs like I had done in the past so I knew that I had to plan a ground route that would have less complications, for my baby’s sake. I got lost in my daydream, inhaling the fresh air as my body still dangled out of the window. I got so lost I didn’t even hear Duck behind me until he had his slimy hands on my waist, pulling me back inside of the window.
“Woooo there, Tisha. I can’t let you kill yourself on my watch. How would that look?” Duck said laughing as I quickly stood up straight with my back to him and my face pressed up against the open window.
I could feel Duck’s hot, cigarette, beer, and booty smelling ass breath on the side of my neck, creeping around to my face as he pressed his body up against mine before licking the back of my ear. My stomach churned and I had to hold my mouth to keep the vomit and screams threatening to break free down.
“Now Tisha, I know you weren’t trying to get out were you? You up three floors little girl. In your condition, I wouldn’t go jumping out of windows and shit like a super hero. Besides, wherever you go she’ll find you. Yo mama crazy as shit and when she sets her mind on something she gets it done. I ain’t never met a bitch crazier than her. I would have been quit fucking with her if it wasn’t for the fact that she a complete freak and she got some fye ass head and good enough pussy. That’s neither here nor there though. What a nigga saying is with a mammy crazy as Denise, you need allies. Let me be your ally, Tisha. You help me and I’ll help you. I can make it all stop.” Duck said as he reached around me and grabbed me tightly around the waist, pressing his penis into my butt as he moved his pelvis in a grinding motion.
I felt disgust, anger, and fear surge through me as I squirmed to get out of Duck’s grip while elbowing and pushing him back.
“Get off of me. I have a man who I love. I don’t want to help you, but as a human you should help me just because, knowing what my mother is doing. I shouldn’t have to DO anything for you to help me. If you know she’s crazy why would you let her continue to do this while you sit idly by? That’s because you ain’t shit either. Get the fuck out of my face!” I yelled to Duck as his face changed from a perverse look to one of astonishment, and then amusement.
Duck’s cold, creepy ass laugh filled the air as he backed away out of the kitchen with his arms held up in the air. I watched him from the corner of my eye, not turning towards him and giving him the satisfaction of knowing I was afraid, I was though. As I stood there my heart raced and my legs wobbled so much I thought I would fall out of the open window. I calmed my breathing and finally stopped my legs from wobbling when I heard him get right outside of the kitchen door and stop. I held my breath and waited, watching my breath fog up the window my face was pressed against as Duck’s laugh trailed off.
“Just know that the offer is available whenever you’re ready pretty girl. Know that I will be waiting.” Duck said sucking his teeth before disappearing down the hall.
He was so fucking creepy and disgusting he gave me the shivers, causing the hair to stand up all over my body as I tried to shake it off and get back to work. When I knew that Duck was completely gone, I was finally able to relax as much as possible in that situation. Over the three hours following that I worked diligently cleaning the kitchen, living room, bathroom, and even the room Sha was in as he laid there sleeping. I cleaned and cried with visions of my past and the love I longed for playing in my mind. I needed to see Jerrod and have his arms around me at a time when I wasn’t sure if I would live or die. I wasn’t even sure if I cared whether I lived or died at that moment as I thought about the miserable existence I had.
The only thing that gave me a second of hope was thinking about the few people who truly did love me; my boyfriend, my sister, and my brother. I thought about them and I knew that I had to be strong because they each faced their own version of hell and I was all they had. I cried for Jerrod being gone, I cried for my sister being lost, and I cried for my brother being broken beyond repair. I cried as I drug my exhausted body across the room finishing up the one-woman extreme home makeover I had just pulled off. I looked around at the clean, fresh kitchen in which you could now actually see the floor and cabinets, and I felt a twinge of pride beneath the extreme pain and hunger raging in me. I stood there huffing like an out of breath whale as the rumble from my stomach roared so loudly that’s all I could hear.
“You did a damn good job, Tisha, damn good. Now come get something to eat.” Duck said as he stood in the kitchen door with a crooked ass smile on his face.
I didn’t know whether or not I should trust him as he stood there cheesing at me like a sneaky ass cat, but the aroma coming from the living room had me captivated. Apprehensively, I walked forward into the living room as Duck laughed and trailed behind me. Once inside I felt my stomach do flips as the KFC chicken, biscuits, mashed potatoes, gravy, and mac-n-cheese invaded my nostrils. I went straight to the table, making my brother and myself a plate loaded to the top with food before quickly scurryin
g off to the room. Once inside I woke Sha up and helped him to get a little food down before he moaned himself back to sleep.
I hated to see him in so much pain knowing that I could do something to help him. However, no matter what lie I told myself, I just couldn’t bring myself to letting someone other than Jerrod touch me, not if I had any control in the situation. I sat there with tears rolling down my face as I stuffed food into my mouth and watched my brother moan and fight in his sleep. The internal fight he was having at that moment with the demon who haunted us was just like the one I was having with myself on whether I should give in to Duck. I cried until my throat felt sore and my body shook in violent hiccups.
I cried until my body slowly gave out on me and I fell asleep at the foot of the bed with my head on my brother’s legs and the plate still in my hand. I woke up some time later to the sound of music blasting from the living room along with the sounds of people laughing. I quickly got up, sat my plate on the dresser, and tip toed over to the door, peering out to see that Duck had company and was having a party. I knew that if he partied anything like my mother did, trouble was around the corner so I quickly closed and locked the door before returning to the bed with Sha.
I smiled at my brother when I got back to the bed and noticed he was awake as he looked at me through glossy, serene eyes. He and I sat there for a moment saying nothing, but saying everything as our eyes worked like mediators and we released the last bit of pain that was holding us down.
“Everything is gonna be okay, Sha, I promise.” I said to my brother before kissing him on the forehead and reaching over to grab my plate off the dresser.
Instead of my plate though, I grabbed the paper plate next to it which contained three pills with a note written in it.
Tisha, I’m not the bad guy and I do have a heart. But I ain’t no sucker either. This time it’s free, but next time you pay to play. I’m leaving two Tylenol for you and an ibuprofen for the boy. Remember, fuck with me and I will fuck with you….I’ll wait though!
I read the words on the plate before quickly swiping the pills up into my hands and running them through my fingers. At that moment I felt like Eve in the Garden of Eden, holding the forbidden fruit in my hands while being tempted by the snake. I wondered whether or not those pills and the pain-free moment they offered were even worth it. I wondered if I would be able to pay as Duck said when the time came. A million thoughts ran through my mind as I sat there contemplating on what to do with the pills in my hand. After a few minutes of just sitting there looking at the pills and saying nothing, my brother Sha got tired of the wait and reached over, taking the ibuprofen out of my hand and popping it into his mouth. I watched as he swallowed it down and laid back on the pillow while looking at me.
“Just take it, Tisha. We deserve to be without pain, even if it’s just for a minute.” My brother said as I popped the pills into my mouth and swallowed them down with the bottled water Duck had left on the dresser.
I laid back on the small bed beside Sha after taking the pill, resting my tired aching body as my muscles in my legs and stomach tightened and my head pounded. I hoped that the relief the pill offered would be immediate as the pain in my body intensified to the point where I felt nauseous. I closed my eyes and took my brother’s hand in mine as we both drifted off into a peaceful sleep. When we woke up the music had stopped to our surprise and I noticed the door to the room was open. I quickly sat up and looked around at myself and Sha trying to make sure we were okay as I wondered why someone was in the room. When I noticed the small, nine inch TV on the dresser with an Xbox next to it and a stack of books and games, I figured it was Duck because my mother had never been that nice the entire 17 years I knew her.
I woke Sha up and watched his eyes light up like it was Christmas morning when he saw all of the toys left in the room. Within minutes he was pulling his swollen, battered body up out of bed and positioning himself on the floor in front of the TV. I watched that life my brother used to have inside return to his body as he cut on the game and began playing. For the first time in my life, I felt normal in that moment, enjoying quality time with my brother in a place that wasn’t filthy and where an evil tyrant wasn’t lurking around the corner to beat us into submission if we didn’t comply with her demands. Sha and I were in a fantasy world as we giggled, played, and enjoyed the snacks that Duck brought into the room later that day. I never felt as comfortable and relieved as I did that day even with Duck’s creepy ass lurking nearby. At least I knew he cared somewhat. At least he was better than my mother.
Sha and I lived in bliss like that for two weeks. Over those two weeks my stomach got bigger as I went into my 8th week of pregnancy and Sha’s physical wounds healed. We didn’t notice or care about the fact that Denise had left that day and not returned. I hoped that she never came back so that one night when Duck was drunk and passed out, Sha and I could creep straight out of the front door. I knew that it would be much easier to escape with only one person watching us so having Denise gone was like a fucking holiday bonus.
The bonus I had gained in my mind was lost though on April 17th. Sha and I were lying in bed watching a movie when destruction and pain reentered our world wearing a blue sundress and flip flops. My mother like the devastating dark force that she is, came back into our world and brought with her a world of hurt and pain I would have to fight to get out of.
Chapter 5
“Uh Huh, what the fuck do we have here?” Denise yelled as she burst into the room, taking all of the air and peace that was inside.
Sha and I scrambled to sit up in the bed as my heart raced and I felt light headed from getting up so fast. Sha cowered behind me with his knees tucked up to his chest and his forehead rested on my back as I cradled my stomach. I held back the tears burning behind my eyelids and the fear brewing deep in my heart as I kept my eyes trained on the dragon in the blue sundress standing in front of me. I glared at my mother with deep seated resentment fueled by years or pain and heartache and festered into the malice I held for her very existence. The love for her I once held on to was completely gone because all I could see was hurt when I looked at her.
I continued to glare at my mother as she smirked while sucking on the Newport in her hand before blowing smoke rings over her head. I could feel Sha trembling behind me as Denise’s voice began to echo through the air.
“I see yo funky ass did what I said and got this house clean before I got back, you better had. But who told you muthafuckas to let the mute out. The robots told me y’all was bucking in this bitch while I was gone. Hell naw and what.” My mother said as she stepped further into the room looking around me to see Sha just before the TV and games on the dresser caught her eye.
You would have thought my mother was a prize bloodhound out hunting for dinner and Bambi’s juicy ass ran by when she saw the things Duck had bought us. She v-lined from the bed to the dresser quick as hell, knocking the TV down to the ground and smashing the screen. Sha whimpered behind me when he heard the TV go down and realized our fantasy world was gone. I remained strong, staring at my mother with a smirk on my face as she threw games and toys all over the floor, smashing and breaking everything in sight. I watched in amusement as my lunatic ass mother ransacked the room while raging like the fool she was, looking to evoke fear in us. Fear was what drove her and I knew that, which is why I wasn’t about to give her the satisfaction.
Instead of spazzing the fuck out or crying like my mother expected me to do, I laughed in her fucking face as she broke the pink jewelry box Duck had bought for me. In that moment of defiance, I showed my mother that nothing she could do would faze me anymore. I could tell that my mother knew that too as her evil smile turned into a look of shock. For a second I thought my mother had snapped back into reality and would actually see how irrational she was being; however, when she suddenly sprinted over to the bed, jumping over me to grab Sha by the neck of his shirt, I knew that was a silly dream.
My mother’s sudden movement c
aught me off guard as I tried to reach out and grab Sha’s leg as she drug him across the bed to the floor. Before I could jump my round self up to help Sha my mother had already began unleashing a series of smacks and punches to his head and face as she cursed.
“Oh so this muthafucka bought y’all shit while I was gone like this a vacation spot, huh? Like he got money to entertain you muthafuckas, but not to give to me. Oh ok, we’ll see. I bet I sale that muthafucking game. You bitches won’t play that! Yo retarded ass don’t deserve it anyway, neither does this tough bitch. Yo tough ass ain’t gonna fold, huh Tisha? Well, I bet you fold bitch after I beat the fuck out of this dummy.” My mother screamed as I ran into her, scratching her face and pulling her hair while she continued to drag a screaming Sha towards the door.
I tried to rip my mother’s matted ass hair right out of her scalp as I held on to it with both hands, pulling her and my brother back deeper into the room. For a second we were in a Mexican standoff as I held on to my mother’s hair and she stood doubled over holding Sha by his collar, choking him. I could hear my brother began to spit and pant for breath as my mother grunted and continued to squeeze his throat.
“I’ll kill his lil ass, Tisha. You think I’m playing bitch? Let my muthafucking hair go!” Denise yelled as I ignored what she said.
SINS OF THY MOTHER 2 Page 5