As Sha’s words rang in my ears, I fought the urge to cry and let sadness or any weak emotions invade my body at that time. I knew that I needed to keep my mind clear and stay strong for the battle that was sure to come. I had to keep my kill or be killed mentality intact until the war was over, and that’s what I did.
“I love you lil bruh, til the end of the earth and back. You always got me. Now, go to sleep. Hopefully Duck will come soon and he’ll let us out to eat. Just hold on. I told you, I got you.” I said to Sha as I rubbed the wall next to the vent before stepping away.
As I walked across the room and sat on the concrete-like bed, my stomach growled so loudly it sounded like an angry lion was in the room. I laid back and rubbed the small bulge with a tiny fetus growing inside, comforting and soothing one of the only people I had in my life who would love me.
“It’s okay little baby, we’ll get food soon. Everything is going to be okay. Be strong. You are me and you are your father so you have no choice but to be strong my son. I know you’re a boy with a smile just like your father’s and those beautiful eyes. I love you my child. I love you to the moon and back and I will never let anything happen to you. Daddy will be home soon. He’ll save us. Just hold on baby. Just hold on.” I whispered to my baby as I felt my eye lids grow so heavy I couldn’t keep them open.
Sleep hit me hard and sudden as I fell into a coma-like state with visions of Jerrod playing in my head. I dreamed of our reunion and the happy life we would have with our son once our nightmare was over. I saw our entire lives flash before my eyes and for once in my dreams there was the happiness I always wanted. However, there was one thing that made my heart race in my sleep and caused me to toss and turn on the hard bed. That horrifying reality was the fact that my brother and sister were nowhere in sight. In my dreams I had created a fairytale life with my husband and kids, yet the brother and sister I loved dearly were not there.
That made me realize subconsciously that their sunset and happily ever after I saw in my daydream wasn’t the same as mine. The harsh reality of a fact I knew deep down inside hit me hard even in my sleep. I jumped up out of the bed suddenly, swinging my arms wildly and screaming my sister and brother’s name after seeing a vision of my wedding with neither one of them there. I couldn’t stop my heart from racing madly or slow my breathing as I focused my eyes and glanced around the room. The first thing that I noticed when I was able to focus my eyes was that the door to the room was open.
I quickly straightened my gown and crept towards the open door on my tip toes as my heart beat wildly and I felt light headed. I could hear muffled voices coming from the living room as I made it into the door way, which caused me to double back to grab my stick off the dresser before peeking out into the hall. I glanced quickly from side-to-side, peering down the hallway before slipping over to the closet Sha was kept locked in. I was shocked when I went to reach for the knob and found that the door was already open. I called out for Sha in the darkness as I crouched down and stepped into the closet but I quickly discovered he wasn’t inside. I felt my legs wobble beneath me as I made my way out of the dark, stinky, cramped closet and back into the semi-fresh air of the hallway.
I breathed in deeply as I put my back against the wall and crept down the hall towards the living room. I kept the stick gripped firmly in my hand ready to strike as I neared the door way to the living room. I held my breath as squeezed my eyes tightly shut and thought about getting me and my brother free. Any apprehension I had lurking inside of me quickly dissipated as I stepped around the corner to face what I thought would be an epic battle with the monster from my nightmares. However, when I stepped into the living room all that I saw was a still semi-clean room in which my clean and happy brother was laying on the floor besides Duck playing the Xbox. I couldn’t help but to stand there with my mouth open, ready to catch flies as I watched my brother giggle at Duck’s joke before suddenly noticing me and jumping to his feet.
“Tisha, you’re finally awake. I wanted to wake you up, but Duck told me to let you sleep. Come on, Duck brought us new clothes, food, a new game, and he said we can stay out until mama come back on Friday night. That’s two days, Tisha, we can be out. Be happy, Tisha.” My brother squealed threw his excitement as he ran over to me and hugged me tightly.
I hugged Sha back as I glared at Duck while he smiled back at me. Although I was grateful for the bit of kindness he did show me and my brother, I still remembered who he was and I knew that eventually the kindness would wear off. Somehow I knew that as soon as the time came and he didn’t get what he wanted, the true him would show. Despite all of the kind gestures, I could feel that beneath that smile there was malice and a perverted man waiting to prey on the weak. He had me fucked up though. I wasn’t going to be the easy target I had been with Jerome. I would fuck a nigga up if he thought he was just going to take something from me again.
I couldn’t help but to giggle as I stood there mean mugging Duck and a vision of me giving his ugly ass a chemical peel with battery acid flashed before my eyes. I had to quickly wipe the grin off my face though when I noticed Duck looking at me.
“Yeah baby girl, be happy like Sha said. Duck took care of y’all like always. Now, go wash up and shit then eat. I’m going out for a while but I’ll be back tonight. Don’t worry your mama won’t be home for two more days. Y’all can eat and kick it until then, but Friday afternoon y’all gotta go back before she get here. I’m gonna stash some food in y’all rooms so when she lock y’all back up y’all will be straight. I gotcha. I can make shit even better though, Tisha, remember that.” Duck said as I glared at him and he winked before darting around the corner and out of the front door.
I waited until I heard Duck lock all of the deadbolts and put the padlock on before I hugged my brother and began searching the house frantically for a way out and weapons. After about 20 minutes of trying to get out to no avail, I gave up on that plan again and began looking for tools to defend myself. By the time my search was over I had found a small pocket knife, a strong piece of wire, and a fake pregnant belly my mother used for boosting.
I quickly took the things I found into the room and stashed them under the thin mattress to serve as my weapons and armor for my impending battle. Once I had my tools secure I returned to the living room to get the pink juicy pajama set Duck had brought me and went to take a shower. I felt a ton of worry and stress leave my body as I stood in the shower and let the hot water pour down on me. I almost felt normal and like I had a real life as I enjoyed the simple pleasure of getting clean.
After my shower, I joined Sha in the living room where we ate pizza, tacos, and KFC chicken until we were blue in the face. Sometime later both Sha and I passed out on the couch with a chicken bucket between us and smiles on our faces as Crooklyn played on the small TV.
Chapter 8
I awoke to Duck nudging my shoulder as he escorted a skinny, 20-something light skinned female, with long red weave, and a big ghetto booty down the hall to his and my mother’s room. I looked up and rolled my eyes at Duck as he tried to block my view of the girl before putting on his good nigga act.
“Oh hey baby girl. Get up and go to bed now. You and Sha can both sleep together. No worries Duck here. I’m fina let my, uhhh, cousin sleep off her drunk in our room. Y’all gone lay down now.” Duck said as I glared at him through sleepy eyes.
I really didn’t give a fuck what he did, especially to my mother, but the fact that he thought he was fooling me did have me salty as fuck. I shook Sha awake before helping him to his feet as Duck stood in the doorway watching us. When we made it to the room, I was kept in Duck stopped me at the door as I urged Sha to go on in and lay down.
“Aye Tisha, I don’t have to say that what happens when we here stays between us, do I? Not after all the rules I’ve broken for you. I know you mad and shit because I held you for Denise but when faced with doing what she wants me to or helping you, I gotta pick her. I fuck with you though and I’ll fuck with you
more as soon as you play ball. You’ll see. You gotta be nice though. I know you don’t want all the good shit happening for you and yo brother to run out. So think about that princess and keep yo fucking mouth closed.” Duck said to me calmly through clenched teeth as he leaned in close to my face.
I held my breath and stood there still, not even looking at his weak ass as he continued to glare at me. After a few seconds, he laughed and kissed me on the cheek before disappearing down the hall. I quickly went into the room fuming, wishing I had stabbed Duck in the neck with the pocket knife I had stashed up my coochie. I quickly removed the knife and stashed it under my side of the mattress before getting in bed, beside Sha. He laid with his back to me facing the wall trying to pretend like he was asleep as I deeply exhaled the tension I was holding inside.
“Tisha and the Blow Fish, huh?” Sha suddenly said as we both broke out into hysterical laughter.
I tickled my brother for a while and we wrestled in the hard bed, carefree and for the first time in a long time happy. Our happiness lasted until that Friday too with Duck keeping his promise and surprising us with another movie and take-out night before a day of games. I did my best to ignore Duck’s advances and all of the long stares and shit during the fun times. However, the rage burning inside of me grew stronger each second I was around him. By the time Friday rolled around and my mother was expected to return home, I felt like I was about to bust with emotions. I had so much trapped anger, anxiety, fear, and hurt built up inside of me I was anxious to unleash it on someone, anyone. I didn’t have to wait long for that opportunity though because at about 8 a.m. that morning Duck woke me and Sha up suddenly and told Sha to go back to his closet.
“Aye, y’all get up and go back to the way y’all was, Denise will be here sooner than I thought. Sha there’s food in there and shit you gone be straight. Gone get yo hugs and shit so you can roll homie.” Duck said to Sha firmly as my confused little brother sat up in the bed beside me, rubbing sleep out of his eyes.
I quickly hugged Sha close to me and kissed his forehead before pushing him out of the bed and towards the door. When Sha got into the hallway, he stopped to look at me before speaking and when our eyes met I read his mind.
“Be safe, Tisha. I love you!” My brother said as I whispered the words, “I love you” back and he disappeared next door with Duck.
I stood there listening as Duck locked Sha back in the closet before coming to lock me in my own prison. As soon as the door closed, I began my preparation, strapping the pregnant belly my mother used to shoplift over my little belly and then stuffing my flat pillow inside for extra coverage. I then got my pocket knife out and stuck it back up my vajayjay before placing the wire inside the small fold on the headboard. Once I was sure all of my weapons were securely hidden, I stood in the middle of the floor with my stick and sharpened piece of metal in hand, looking at myself in the mirror as I did kill moves. I mentally prepared myself for what was to come, hoping I would have the courage necessary to slay the dragon.
“I’m ready…As tired as I am, I can’t be nothing but ready. The question is, is she?” I asked myself as I looked in the mirror and acted out killing my mother by slicing her neck with the piece of sharpened metal.
The Tisha I saw staring back at me when I looked in the mirror made the hair on my neck stand up. I almost didn’t recognize myself with the deranged grin I was sporting. I knew right then I was more like my mother than I’d ever admit. However, I knew that was exactly what I needed to defeat her. I knew that I had to meet crazy with crazy, and I was ready.
I stood behind the door to my prison for hours with the piece of wood in my hands, the metal sticking down my pajama leg, and a pocket knife up my cooch. I was suited and booted, ready for battle the second my mother walked in.
At around eleven thirty that morning, I got exactly what I had been waiting for as I sat on the floor behind the door with my stick in my hands. As soon as I heard the front door fly open, I knew it was Denise from the way my heart started racing and the hair all over my body stood up. I got to my feet in a hurry as the sound of my mother huffing and puffing followed by the heavy pound of her naked feet on the hardwood floor filled the air.
I fought to keep my cool as the sound of my mother’s furious voice vibrated through the air, into my body, piercing my soul.
“Yeah bitch, I’m on my way….. I told yo funky ass.” My mother said through clenched teeth as she marched towards me like a tsunami.
At that moment fear tried to creep back in and make me a slave of my mother’s insanity once again. However, I was too mad and fed up to be afraid. I just wanted it all to be over with and I was ready to get it done by any means necessary. I got into the perfect batters stance behind the door as Denise continued to curse while unlocking the padlock on the outside. I don’t know what my mother expected when she barged into the room that morning, but from the way she walked right into the nail end of my stick as soon as she came through the door told me that she didn’t expect me to fight back.
Somehow my mother expected me to just lay there and let her do whatever she wanted to do to me after all I had been through. That was what she wanted but she got the exact opposite as I hit her with everything I had two good times in the face with the stick before she knocked it out of my hands. I could hear the flesh on her cheek and forehead ripping as she knocked the stick to the ground and I punched her repeatedly in the head. I tried to jump back and pull my metal out of my pajama leg fast but my mother recovered from the blows to the face faster than I anticipated. Before I knew it, she was rushing me with blood pouring out of her wounds and wrapping her hand in my hair.
My mother tried to pound me in the face as she held my hair, but the fight in me just wouldn’t let it go down like that. I quickly got a burst of energy, despite the fact that I was out of breath, and managed to ram my mother down on to the bed. As soon as her frail, soggy ass body hit the mattress, I was on her like a maniac landing punches and forearm strikes to her face. For a second my mother flapped around like a drowning person, flailing her hands, and trying to block my vicious licks. However, her dazed state didn’t last long as she suddenly got a jolt of energy and insanity of her own. Before I knew it, my mother hand her hands in my hair, flipping me over on the mattress as she straddled me just below the waist.
“Yea you lil bitch, I got you now hoe. You don’t want me to sit on your stomach and kill yo baby, do you? Fuck you and yo baby bitch after what you just did to me. Both of you bitches gonna die today!” My mother screamed like the psychopath she was as blood from her face dripped down on me and I struggled to get her off of me.
I managed to get my hands up to the head board to reach my piece of wire as my mother held my hair with one hand and pounded me in the face with the other while cursing. As soon as I felt the wire in my grip, I whipped it around my mother’s neck, pulling her down closer to me, and crossing my hands with the wire ends in them at the wrist. My mother’s eyes bulged out of their sockets as she felt the air in her body slowly began to leave as I tightened my grip and stared at her with hate. She reacted like a scolded dog jumping back and falling out of the bed on her stomach with me still clinging to her, but now on her back. I held the wire tightly around my mother’s neck trying to squeeze the evil right out of her funky ass while for once I was the one whispering threats in someone’s ear.
“Yeah hoe, who fucked up now. Your reign of terror is over mother. Who gonna save you now bitch? Where are your robots now you sick, perverted, demented BITCH! I HATE YOU! DIE!!!!!” I yelled as I continued to choke my mother with the wire and her resistance began to fade.
I could hear Sha screaming my name through the vent above my insanity but I couldn’t even focus on the words he was saying. All I wanted to do at that moment was see Denise die.
“No more suffering for your sins bitch. I hope you like living in hell.” I whispered in my mother’s ear as I leaned in and kissed her on the head.
As soon as my lips touc
hed her skin and I began to back away, I regretted my decision as my mother brought her head forward into my mouth and nose with so much force I fell back and blacked out for a few seconds. When I came to reality again, my mother had me by the hair as she drug me over to the bed in an attempt to tie me to it with the wire I tried to choke her with. Hearing the threat of being tied to anything was enough to light a fire under my ass so I quickly swallowed my pain and struggled to my feet. As soon as I was up, my mother and I began to exchange blow after blow like heavy weight fighters, bouncing around the room like super balls.
Sha’s screams and our combined curses could be heard echoing through the air and probably the entire building as we fought like it was the end of the world. After a few minutes of back-and-forth punches and hair pulls, I was able to get some leverage over my mother by yanking her head down so that I could knee her in the face to throw her off balance. My tactic worked as my mother went crashing down to the floor and I had enough time to pull my piece of metal out of my pants. I held my mother firmly in her hair with one hand as I put my foot in her groin and used my other hand to get a good grip on the metal. I raised the metal quickly and brought it down with force before I could even think. Lucky for my mother she still had a little strength in her and was still a little quick, although crazy, because she was able to avoid the vicious blow that would have possibly sliced her head off. She squirmed under my foot and punched me in the stomach and legs as I hit her in the top of the head with the bottom of my closed fist while still holding the piece of metal.
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