Maybe This Love

by Jennifer Snow

  “About ten minutes ago.”

  He laughed. “Couldn’t wait until after the date, huh?”

  “I should have canceled, but…”

  He wanted to reassure her she shouldn’t have canceled, that strangely enough her revelation didn’t change the fact that he wanted this time with her more than any other date in too long. But he waited to see what her “but” was.

  “I don’t know. I guess I wanted to see if the connection between us was real. Even though I have no idea what to do if it is. And I’m hoping like crazy that it isn’t,” she said.

  Honesty. Just one of the many things he liked about her. “Well, I’m glad you decided to go through with this evening.” And he was happy to hear his suspicions were correct—that she felt this strong pull between them as well. “I’m happy for you.” Reaching across the distance between their seats, he squeezed her hand. “That is great news. In fact, change of plans,” he said, an idea forming in his mind as he switched lanes.

  Her eyes widened. “Surprises are not really my thing Ben…”

  He grinned. “Yeah, well, dating pregnant women is not really my thing. Guess we both need to adjust a little for this to work, huh?” And the thought that he wanted this to work, despite the fact she was going to be a mother in nine months, only scared him a little a lot.

  * * *

  “How the hell am I supposed to learn all of this in nine months?” Olivia stood open-mouthed and overwhelmed in front of the parenting section in the bookstore on Sixteenth Street ten minutes later.

  Ben reached for one on pregnancy. “You don’t. You just find the ones relevant to you and only read what you have to. For example, in this book, the first three chapters deal with conceiving—you’ve nailed that part already.” He flipped through the book. “The rest is just”—his face tuned a shade greenish—“disgusting and a little scary.” He tucked that book in the back of the shelf. “Forget that one.”

  She shot him a look. “This is your idea of an epic date?” she asked, though, inside, her ovaries were overjoyed at the thought he wasn’t freaked out by the situation. In fact, he’d completely surprised her with his thoughtfulness to change their plans. He’d claimed that this was an important moment in her life, and she should enjoy it the way most women would.

  The gesture made her wish they were back in her apartment. The man was sex on a stick most of the time, but that evening—blame it on hormones or the fact he was embracing her life-changing news with impressive maturity—he was all kinds of tempting. The tight hip-hugging jeans and black dress shirt rolled at the sleeves, revealing muscular forearms, weren’t helping her keep a clear head, either. She hadn’t even known forearms could be so sexy. The men she’d dated in the past had all been good-looking guys, but Ben took handsome to an unhealthy level.

  Her body was betraying her every instinct to keep her distance. She longed to be as close to him as possible, breathing in the tantalizing scent of his cologne, feeling the muscular body beneath his shirt. As much as she’d fought against this date, now that she was on it, she wanted it to feel like a date. A real one. With touching and kissing…

  As he reached for another book, he said, “Okay, so maybe epic was a bit of a stretch, but I can honestly say it’s a first for me—so I should at least get points for unique, right?”

  She laughed. “Okay. I’ll give you unique.”

  And anything else he wanted. Right now.

  She felt her cheeks grow hot and turned to scan the row of books. Astrology guidance in planning your pregnancy…that was different. She took it and opened it.

  Ben put his book back with a shudder. “Not that one, either.” He joined her, leaning over her shoulder as she did the math in her head, making the calculation of her due date a million times harder than it should be. His breath against her neck, and the feel of his body against hers, had her thoughts going fuzzy and her body awakening to sensations she hadn’t felt in a long time.

  There was no denying it. She wanted Ben Westmore—broken heart waiting to happen and all.

  “April conception would be a January baby,” he said, flipping to Capricorn.

  Thank God, he’d figured it out. She’d forgotten what she was even trying to do. She forced a breath, reading the sign’s description. “Practical, cautious…Always thinks things through.” She nodded. Like her—an earth sign—feet firmly planted in the dirt. She could raise a child like that. Without even planning it, she was in for a personality that matched her own. She wasn’t one to place a whole lot of stock in astrology forecasting, but when the predictions made her feel better…“That sounds promising.”

  “However, January could also be Aquarius,” Ben said, taking the book and flipping the pages. “Like me,” he added with a smirk.

  Her smile faded. He didn’t even need to read the description of the sign for her to get a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. Like him. In other words—a charismatic charmer, outgoing, fast talker? Nope. That was not something she could feel comfortable with. But maybe Ben was nothing like his typical sign. She held on tight to that hope as he read.

  “A born rebel, forward thinking, risk taker.”

  She snatched the book away. “He…or she will be a Capricorn.” She’d induce labor if she had to.

  * * *

  “You know that men who buy large vehicles are usually trying to compensate for shortcomings in other…um…areas,” she said as they walked back toward his Hummer, which was taking up nearly three parking spots at the back of the lot half an hour later.

  “Trust me, that’s not the case this time,” he said with a wink.

  The simple little gesture had her wanting to rip his clothes off. Damn. These pregnancy hormones were going to be the death of her common sense.

  Flatlined. Do not resuscitate.

  If she was this way now, she couldn’t even begin to think about how she would deal with the sexual drive increase as her pregnancy progressed. She’d read about women being insatiable, and she was wondering if Ben would be up to the challenge of being at her beck and call for booty calls.

  He stopped next to the vehicle and tossed her the keys. “Why don’t you drive?”

  She caught them awkwardly and shook her head, extending them to him. “No way. You’ve seen my car.”

  “Exactly. I want to show you what you’re missing,” he said with more than a hint of flirtation in his voice.

  “No. Forget it. I think we’re both safer with me not knowing.” Definitely safer.

  He stepped closer. “Safer is boring.” His warm breath on her cool cheek made her shiver. She longed to rip her suddenly too warm sweater from her body—followed by the rest of her clothing. The thought didn’t help to cool her. “Live a little,” he said, tucking several strands of hair behind her ear as the wind blew them across her face.

  She couldn’t breathe. He was too close, too attractive, too dangerous to her heart…and he smelled too damn good, like the crisp, chilly mountain air mixed with a cozy warmth. She stepped away from him. “That’s the thing—if I drive, we could both die,” she said, breaking his gaze to size up the vehicle. The tires practically came to her waist. She wasn’t the best driver under normal circumstances, in a normal-sized vehicle. Combine the size of the Hummer with her lack of clarity around him, and no one would be safe on the road.

  “You’re being overdramatic. A car is a car—there’s really only one way to drive. Come on, give it a try. Just around the parking lot—it’s practically empty. You can’t do much damage.” He shoved his hands into his pockets as he led the way to the driver’s side.

  “Famous last words,” she muttered as she followed him.

  He unlocked the door and helped her climb in behind the wheel. His hand holding hers sent shivers dancing down her spine, and the other placed gently on her back made her body tingle. What would it feel like to have his hands running all over her body?

  “Hit that button to start her up,” he said, pointing to the keyless ignit
ion.

  She did and the beast roared to life. Huh, kinda sexy. She gripped the massive steering wheel; she’d never driven anything so powerful with such a big engine.

  “There’s the button to adjust the seat,” he said, pointing to the electronic dash, which looked more like a computer monitor.

  She hit it and the seat slid forward until she could reach the pedals.

  “And this one adjusts the side mirrors,” he said, leaning past her to reach the button. His arm brushing against her thighs made her clench them together as she tried to focus on what he was saying and not the dampness of her underwear.

  The mirrors swiveled back and forth until she nodded. “There. That’s good.” She wasn’t sure she’d even need to use mirrors. She was seated so high, she could see everything.

  “Wait for me,” he said with a smile as he shut her door.

  Watching him walk around the front of the vehicle, she forced her emotions in check. She was behind the wheel of a tank. She needed to think clearly.

  A second later he climbed into the passenger seat. “I’ve never sat on this side before.”

  Her head swung toward him. “No one’s driven your truck before?” She’d assumed this was one of his regular dating protocols. Allow his date a false sense of power and control.

  “Nope.” He reached for his seatbelt and fastened it. “Okay, whenever you’re ready,” he said.

  She hesitated, glancing around. “Are you sure?” She slid her hands nervously up and down the steering wheel. She could do quite some damage with this thing.

  “Yes. Let’s go.” His eyes fell to her hands and the up-and-down motion on the wheel, and his expression changed. “But please stop doing that.”

  So, she wasn’t the only one fighting sexual urges.

  She put the vehicle in drive, slowly easing out of the parking spaces. The good news was the visibility was great—being up so high with so many big windows—and he was right—the lot was practically empty.

  “You can go a little faster,” he said, pointing toward the exit. “Let’s take it out onto the road.”

  “You said parking lot,” she said, though admittedly it was kind of fun to drive the monster vehicle.

  “Don’t wuss out.”

  She shot him a look, then pressed the gas harder, picking up speed as they turned onto the street.

  He gripped the oh-shit handle over his head, and she saw him wince as she bit the curb, but the big tires ate it with ease, and she felt little more than a small thump. In her car, driving over a curb would have impaled it. She relaxed a little. “Okay, I’m starting to see why you like this…just a little.”

  He smiled. “Welcome to the dark side. Should we head to a used-car dealership next?”

  Her smile faded slightly. “Actually I will need something else when the ba…something with a backseat, safer to drive in crappy weather.” Her vehicle had let her down on one too many snowy, icy Colorado roads that winter. Alone was one thing. She wouldn’t take that chance with a child in the car. Her child. Her grip tightened. “Just a small SUV or something.”

  “Are you excited?” he asked.

  She nodded without hesitation. She wanted to tell him she was also terrified, riddled with self-doubt over the decision, and worried sick something would go wrong, but she wasn’t capable of being that vulnerable with him. She was already starting to fall for him—in lust, at least—and that left her in a bad enough predicament. No sense handing him all of the ammunition he needed to destroy her. Which he no doubt would. “It wasn’t a decision I made lightly.”

  “That wouldn’t be your style.”

  His tone wasn’t judging. It was soft, caring, respectful. Full of things that could make her lust-filled attraction teeter slightly over the edge into love. “You’re right—I’m cautious. I weigh the pros and cons in most situations—it’s true. In this case, there were almost enough concerns not to go through with it, but in the end I was ready to deal with any of the challenges that arose. I want a family.”

  “Without the husband?”

  She focused her attention on the road ahead. “It just didn’t work out that way. I spent my life building my career, and relationships weren’t a priority.” After her parents died, she’d gotten used to being alone. Her aunt Helen had been on her own so long, she hadn’t known how to fill the role of parent that Olivia needed.

  She hoped she wasn’t too closed off to be what her baby would need.

  She was relieved when Ben didn’t press for more, but she needed to turn the tables on him. She wasn’t ready to reveal too much more yet she knew if he asked, she would.

  She cleared her throat. “So, that night in Vegas…”

  He shifted in his seat. “Do we need to talk about this? The case is over.”

  The tightness in his voice was almost enough for her to say no, but she was still curious about what could possibly have made him want to get married—however alcohol-induced.

  “It’s just you are so anti-commitment, I can’t even fathom what would have possessed you to…”

  “My ex got engaged on national television.” He sighed, sitting back against the seat.

  She frowned, searching her repertoire of what she knew about him—whether directly or from hours of cyberstalking. He was never tied to anyone for long. The countless photos of him snapped by paparazzi at different events, he’d had a different woman in almost all of them, except when his mom served as his date, which was often enough to be endearing. She thought hard…“Do you mean the sports broadcaster—Janelle Adagio?”

  He shot her a surprised look. “Someone’s done their homework,” he said, his tone light, but she sensed an underlying anxiety about the subject.

  “I’m thorough.” She shrugged, turning the big vehicle onto a quieter side street. “So, she got engaged. Continue.” There had to be more to it than that.

  “She got engaged on New Year’s Eve. On television. The guy’s an anchor—it was their top story of the evening.” His voice was devoid of emotion.

  “Cheesy,” she muttered.

  “Right?” Ben looked relieved that she agreed on that front.

  “Absolutely.” Public engagements were so over the top. It was like the couple was more interested in declaring their love for the world to see than caring about the connection they had and the promise they were about to make to one another. She heard stories that started with them all the time—pro athletes were kings of the public engagements: scoreboards, on home plate, in center field, or halftime at the Super Bowl…gag, gag, gag. They usually ended up divorced quickly.

  “Anyway, I saw it, I started to drink, I ran into Kristina in the lobby of the Bellagio, and yeah, pretty much everything happened the way she claimed.” He ran a hand through his hair.

  He was avoiding the point. “Right, but why did it happen? Why a wedding?” She wasn’t seeing how his ex getting engaged could spark such a drastic move on his anti-marriage heart. If it was a race to the altar thing, that was pretty lame, and nothing about Ben—even his mistakes—could ever be lame.

  He blew out a deep breath, his gaze settling on something in the distance or nothing at all. It was hard to tell. “When we were together Janelle claimed that I was never going to settle down. She wanted more, and she said I couldn’t give it to her.”

  Sounded about right. Ben said as much himself. Wasn’t that his morning-after exit speech? So why had his expression darkened?

  “So, I bought my house in Denver and asked her to move in with me. She’d lost a job opportunity that she’d been hoping for, and she jumped on the chance to start building a life with me.”

  Obviously. Look at him—who wouldn’t?

  “Things were going great. It was New Year’s Eve six years ago, and like a fool, I had been waiting for the right time…When I finally asked, she said no. She’d been offered her dream job as a broadcaster in Vegas. She left the next day.”

  Olivia blinked. “Wait. Go back. You proposed?”

 
; He nodded.

  “So she was…”

  “The love of my life.” His gaze met hers and for the first time since meeting him, gone was his flirty demeanor. In its place was the raw vulnerability of a man who’d had his heart broken.

  And there went the tipping scale of her emotions from lust to something a little more terrifying.

  Oh. Shit.

  Then the sound of crunching metal and a high-pitched squeal made her jump. Tearing her eyes from Ben, she slammed on the brakes.

  Both heads turned toward the windshield.

  What had she hit? She leaned forward, but could see nothing. So much for visibility. Whatever it was must be lodged underneath the vehicle. Oh God, please don’t let it be a Smart car.

  “Stay here. I’ll go look,” Ben said, but his face had paled.

  Olivia shook her head. “I did this. I’m coming.” Her voice and hands shaking, she opened the door and climbed down. She saw the source of the high-pitched squeal at the same time she saw the bike crushed beneath the tire of the Hummer. Her chest filled with relief. “Thank God—just a bike.” No kid. No other vehicle. No one hurt.

  The kid standing on the sidewalk didn’t appreciate her relief. “Just a bike?” he said. “Lady, that bike was my birthday present. It’s only hours old.”

  Guilt washed over her. She’d always wanted a bike, but had never had one. Like everything else fun, her aunt had thought it too dangerous. Now she’d ruined this kid’s birthday. “I’m sorry…”

  Ben put up a hand to stop her, turning his attention to the kid. “If it was so important to you, why did you leave it on the street?”

  The kid’s eyes darkened. “I didn’t. I jumped off of it when I saw that tank coming toward me.” He readjusted his bike helmet on his head.

  Oh no. She’d almost hit a kid? Her confidence in her parenting abilities plummeted. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t see you…”

  “Olivia, relax. He didn’t bail from the bike,” Ben said, reassuring her and calling the kid’s bluff. He moved closer and studied him. “There’s not a mark on him. I’ve jumped off of a moving bike before—a ripped knee or scratched up hands would be guaranteed at least.” He gave the kid a stare-down, which the preteen countered for all of four seconds.