by Alexa Land
“You saw me,” I said quietly. Tears started to prickle at the back of my eyes, but no way was I going to cry yet again.
“Yeah. I saw you, Chance. And I saw myself too. I saw everything wrong in my life that made it impossible for me to just walk up to you and ask you out. Nobody knows I’m gay. I think a couple people have their suspicions, but that’s it. I still live at home, pathetic as that sounds, because it’s rent-free and I was saving my money for a house. My parents are completely homophobic. I watched the way they turned their backs on Shea when he came out, and I was too much of a coward to follow my kid brother’s example. Instead, I just stayed in the closet. I haven’t even told Shea the truth! Isn’t that ridiculous? I’m so fucking deep in there that I can’t even be honest with my own gay brother! What the fuck is wrong with me?”
I squeezed his hand and said, “Nothing.”
“Bullshit.”
“I’m serious. There’s nothing wrong with you, Finn. Not every choice you make is the right one, but, God, who among us is perfect on that count?”
“I don’t expect to be perfect, but I could be a hell of a lot better than this. Sometimes I think I secretly wanted you to slip up and tell Christian that I was seeing you, because then my brother would find out I was gay without me having to tell him.”
“Why don’t you just talk to him? You know he wouldn’t judge you.”
“It’s not that I think he’d judge me, he’d know how much I failed him. I let him go through all of that alone. If I’d manned up and come out first, maybe it would have been easier on him. And if he knew I was gay too, he would have had someone to talk to, not just when he was coming out. I had so many questions when I was younger, and I bet he did, too. But I was too busy being afraid to be there for him.”
“You should really cut yourself some slack,” I said.
Finn grinned, just a little. “Yeah, I don’t really do that.”
“You know what? Shea turned out fine. Better than fine! He’s madly in love and married to a great guy, and the two of them couldn’t be happier. Maybe it’s time to forgive yourself for all these alleged shortcomings.”
“Definitely in the easier said than done category.”
We watched each other for a little while, and then I asked, “If I hadn’t ended it, how much more of your savings were you planning to give me?”
“All of it, all eighty-three thousand, every last cent until the account was empty.”
I sat up and exclaimed, “That’s totally nuts!” He just shrugged. I stared at him for a long moment before saying, “You know you could have gotten laid for free at any gay bar in the city.”
He sat up too. “It wasn’t just for sex. You know that. It was for you. I wanted to be with you more than anything.”
“It would’ve been a hell of a lot cheaper to ask me out.”
“Would you have said yes? If I’d walked up to you at my brother’s wedding, introduced myself properly, and said, ‘Chance, will you go on a date with me?’ is there any possible way you would have agreed?”
“Honestly? No. I thought you were really attractive, but I still would have said no to you. I don’t date, never have. How can I with this job?”
“You know what I think? You use your job as an excuse. I think you’re as afraid of getting close to someone as I am, if not more so. I think we both needed the excuse of me hiring you to let ourselves have what we really wanted,” he said. “Or maybe I’m just completely self-deluded and telling myself all of that to keep from feeling like such a total creep for paying you to have sex with me.”
“Oh no. Don’t even try to feel guilty about that. I loved being with you! I loved every single minute of it. And you’re probably right about that being the only way we’d ever manage to get together.”
“I’m afraid to ask this question,” Finn said after a pause, “but I need to ask it anyway. Where do we go from here?”
“I have absolutely no idea. I’m still a hooker, you’re still not out, and it really doesn’t seem like either of us would have the first clue how to be in a relationship, even if those two huge barriers didn’t exist.”
Finn sighed quietly. He did that almost as much as I did. Then he got under the covers and laid back down on his bed facing me, and I laid down on mine. “I wish things were different,” he whispered.
“So do I.”
We watched each other for several long moments across that small divide. Then I scrambled out of my bed and into his, taking B.B. with me. Finn wrapped me up in his arms, and I snuggled against his chest as he kissed my forehead. Finally, I was able to let myself relax, exhaling slowly as my eyes slid shut. I felt better and safer than I had in days.
Chapter Thirteen
Finn was gone when I woke up the next morning, and there was a note on the nightstand. I felt like I was back at the Whitman. When I read the note though, it said he’d gone out to get some breakfast and would return soon.
I used the toilet and took a quick shower, then got dressed again in the only clothes I had. By the time I came out of the bathroom, Finn was back and setting up breakfast for two on the little round table by the window. “I got a couple things I thought you might need,” he said, “but the only place I could find that was open early was a gas station convenience store, so it’s all a bit random.”
“Thank you,” I said as I peered into the plastic shopping bag on my bed. The items near the top were a toothbrush, a dark green t-shirt with ‘Wyoming’ written across the front of it in big letters, and several candy bars. “I’ll pay you back. I probably already owe you about—”
He cut me off. “Please stop keeping a running total. I’m here to help, so just let me.” I quit talking about it, but added the purchases and breakfast to the list in my head. As I sat down at the table, Finn said, “I got the room for another night, and we can add more as needed. We should hang around and see if your car turns up, and it’ll also give us a chance to work on tracking down your father.”
“Don’t you need to get back to work?”
“There’s no hurry.”
“Really?” When he nodded, I said, “Well, alright. What do you suggest?”
“Tell me exactly what happened when you went into the bar where your parents met.” I told him the whole story, in between sips of hot coffee and bites of a fast food breakfast sandwich.
Finn fidgeted with his coffee cup as he said, “We could go back and question the bar owner, but if he was that defensive I doubt we’d get very far. Instead, maybe we can find a diner or someplace in Gala that’s frequented by locals and see what we can find out there.”
“I’m sure that’ll go over big. People in small towns just love outsiders, especially ones that ask questions,” I said.
“I know. I’d approach it another way and do a records search, but that’s pretty tough without a last name.” Finn drained his coffee cup, then said, “I really want to find out a bit about that bar owner. He has to know Tony, or at least know of him. Otherwise, his response makes absolutely no sense. You said he seemed friendly until you started asking about your dad.”
“Yup. It was like flipping a switch.”
Finn polished off his breakfast sandwich and pushed back from the table. “I’m going to get a shower and then we can take off.” He retrieved his backpack and looked inside, then started to chuckle as he dumped its contents on the bed. “I did an awesome job packing.” All he’d brought was a toothbrush and about twenty pairs of underwear. “In my defense, I packed in about fifteen seconds, because I was trying to catch that flight out of SFO.”
“You were obviously taught never to leave the house without clean underwear,” I said with a grin. “Nailed it!” He flashed me a smile, then went into the bathroom with the toothbrush and took a shower while I finished my coffee.
I was changing from his shirt to the dark green t-shirt he’d bought me when Finn came back into the room sometime later, wearing only a towel and looking so damn sexy that my breath caught and
my cock instantly stirred. His gaze locked with mine when he noticed me staring.
In the next instant, we were all over each other. I tore the towel off him as his mouth devoured mine and he pulled me onto one of the beds. I was absolutely desperate for him, clutching his big body as we ground our hips together. He fumbled with my belt and zipper, then yanked my jeans and briefs off me. As soon as I was naked, Finn dove onto my cock and sucked me to the root. I threw my head back and cried out, thrusting into his warm, wet mouth for a few moments before I told him, “I need you in me so fucking bad, Finn.”
He released my cock, grabbed his wallet from the nightstand and pulled out a little individual packet of lube and a condom. As he prepped himself, I got on my knees and elbows, arching my back. Both of us moaned when he pushed into me. He wrapped an arm around my chest and pulled me against him as he began to pump in and out of me. His other hand snaked down my body and grasped my cock. With each thrust into me, he slid his hand down my shaft, which was slick from his mouth, establishing an intense, steady rhythm. I completely gave myself over to the pleasure, crying out beneath him, driving myself onto him as everything else, all thoughts, all worries, fell away.
I came first, yelling as I shot onto the bedding, my ass tightening around Finn’s thick shaft. “Oh fuck,” he rasped, clutching me to him as he slammed into my body. He pushed in deep when he came, rocking both me and the bed with several hard thrusts.
He kissed my shoulder when he finished, holding me as he caught his breath. He then slid from me carefully, discarded the condom, and pushed the soiled top sheet off the bed. We settled onto the mattress and Finn wrapped himself around me, his chest against my back. I grinned happily.
After a few minutes he said, “I wish we could spend the whole day in bed. I know there are some important things we have to do today though, so I guess we should get up and get going.”
I nodded as I sat up and pushed my hair from my face. When I turned to look at him, Finn flashed a beautiful smile and pulled me back into his arms. “But five more minutes won’t hurt anything.” I smiled too and kissed him.
*****
Five minutes turned into a few hours. That was fine, though. I really wasn’t eager to get to the day’s tasks.
Once we finally got up and dressed, we went to Gala’s one-room police station and finished the paperwork on my stolen car. Finn had a good rapport with the forty-something female officer who assisted us. She was full-figured with a friendly smile, and apparently in the process of growing out her blonde hair in favor of her natural salt-and-pepper, leaving her with a two-tone effect. She was the only person in the station and seemed glad to have someone to talk to. It also didn’t hurt that Finn was nice to look at, and more than once I caught her checking him out. He didn’t seem to notice.
When the report was completed, they engaged in a bit of cop talk, comparing notes about their jobs. “I’ve thought about transferring to a bigger city,” the police officer said, whose name badge read C. Hanson. “Nothing ever happens in Gala, except for theft or vandalism. It’s always either kids bored out of their minds or someone passing through on the highway. Then again, a big city might be entirely too much excitement.”
“Did you grow up in this town?” Finn asked.
“No, in Gillette.”
“I suppose you’ve gotten to know the citizens of Gala pretty well, though.”
“Not all, but a lot of them. There are only four hundred and fifty-two residents,” she said.
“What can you tell me about the owner of Washington’s bar?”
Officer Hanson raised an eyebrow at that. “Why do you ask?”
Finn told her, “My friend went in there yesterday because he’s looking for a family member, and the bar owner flipped out on him. I was wondering if he’s always like that.”
“Cap used to be the nicest guy in the world. I always heard money changes people, and apparently there’s truth to that. He got a huge inheritance a couple years ago, and ever since then he just hasn’t been the same.”
“Really?” I asked.
“Yup. He got close to a million dollars, bought Washington’s and has been putting all kinds of money into fixing it up. I don’t know why. It’s the only bar in town. His regulars would drink there even if the roof fell in and chickens roamed the dance floor.”
“You said his name’s Cap?” Finn asked.
“He’s been captain of the volunteer fire department for the last decade, ever since he got sober, so that’s his nickname,” she said. “His real name’s Antonio Asturias, but no one ever calls him anything but Cap.”
That made me sit up as my breath caught. “Antonio,” I repeated, and she nodded. “Is Asturias Greek?”
“No, Spanish. His father was a Guatemalan immigrant. You sure are interested in this guy,” Officer Hanson said. “What’s your story?”
“I came to Gala looking for my dad,” I admitted. “I’ve never met him, but he and my mom hooked up at Washington’s Bar more than a quarter century ago. It seems like a place that would mostly draw locals, so I asked Cap if he knew this guy and that was when he threw me out.”
“Really? Just for asking a question?” When I nodded, she said, “That’s peculiar. Cap’s had a short fuse lately, but not that short.”
“It struck us as odd, too,” Finn said. “The man we’re looking for is named Tony. Do you know of any men by that name in town? He’d have to be in his forties or fifties, and we think his last name is Greek.”
“Not offhand. I can think of three…no wait, four men named Tony in Gala, but none of them are Greek or the right age. The person you’re looking for could have been passing through though,” she told him.
“That’s a definite possibility,” Finn said. “He could have also been a resident back then and moved away.”
“True, but that’s less likely,” the police officer said. “Gala’s the type of place where the families go back generations. Not a lot of turn-over.”
Finn pushed his chair back and got up. “I think we should try talking to Cap again. Thanks for your time, Officer Hanson.”
“Christine,” she corrected as they shook hands. “If that doesn’t pan out, come on back and I’ll see if I can give you a hand tracking this fellow down. Everyone should have a chance to know their father.”
I thanked her and we went out into the parking lot, where I turned to Finn and said, “Asturias could easily be mistaken for Greek, and Tony could be a nickname for Antonio. Did I meet my dad yesterday?”
“I was wondering the same thing. Maybe he bought the bar he used to hang out in.”
“Oh man, what if that’s him? He’s such an asshole,” I said.
“It might not be the right guy. Maybe his name’s just a coincidence, and if so, we can come back and see if Officer Hanson can help us access the town records. But as soon as I heard his name, I wanted to ask him some questions.”
“Me, too. Let’s go see him,” I said. “The bar was totally empty this time yesterday. It’s probably best not to confront him with an audience of drunk locals.”
I told Finn how to find the bar, and when he parked in front of it he asked, “You do want me to come in with you, don’t you?”
“Yes, please. I’m guessing this guy won’t be thrilled to see me, and you’re probably good at defusing hostile situations.” He gave me a half-smile and got out of the car.
I went into the bar first, and as soon as Cap saw me, he growled, “Was I unclear yesterday? Get the fuck out.” When Finn filled the doorway behind me, the man said, “Oh great, you brought muscle. Look, if you start anything, I can have the Gala Police Department over here in ninety seconds.”
“I didn’t bring ‘muscle’, I brought my boyfriend,” I said as I walked up to the bar. “And if you feel like calling the police, go right ahead. Christine seemed pretty bored when we were talking to her a couple minutes ago and she’d probably welcome a little excitement.”
“What the fuck do you want?” Cap
said, glaring at me and bracing both hands on the bar.
I took my wallet from my pocket and fished out a worn photo, which I held in front of his face. “That’s my mom. Her name’s Janet Matthews. She would have looked a bit younger when she was passing through Gala in August of 1988. That’s my kid brother in the photo. He doesn’t know who his dad is either, but that’s a different story. Anyway, that summer Janet was on her way back from visiting friends in Montana, but she and her girlfriend left late and decided to spend the night in Gala. My mom came to this bar and hooked up with a guy whose name she remembers as ‘Tony-something-Greek’. It was just one night, and she never saw him again. Nine months later, I was born. My name is Chance Matthews. Coming here was a total long-shot, but I had to try.”
Cap had been staring at the picture with his brows knit. He looked at me as I tucked it away and returned the wallet to my pocket, and said in a low voice, “That’s a really compelling story. There’s only one thing wrong with it, the fact that I’m infertile. Other than that little hitch in your well-spun tale, bravo. You sounded really convincing. I think I even vaguely remember Janet. She must have put you up to this, right? Well, go back and tell her nice try, but I’m not falling for it.”
“Did you sleep with her?”
He knit his dark brows at me. “Get the fuck out of here.”
“But—”
“But nothing!” he yelled. “Didn’t you hear the part where I can’t have kids? My ex-wife and I tried for six years! That’s why she left me, because I couldn’t—” Cap stopped talking abruptly, gritting his teeth and looking away.
I said quietly, “Look, all I know is this: in August of 1988, a guy named Tony in Gala, Wyoming conceived a child with my mother. Maybe it was you, maybe it wasn’t, although I have to say, it sure sounds like it might have been you. I know you say it’s impossible, but hell, maybe that was your one and only viable sperm or something. Who knows?”