Baby In My Arms

by Madeline Harper

  Tina hesitated.

  “Because I wanted to, Tina. And because he was there when we needed him. That’s all anyone can ask.”

  “Humph,” Tina muttered. “I’d ask more.”

  “What would be the point? He made it clear from the first that commitment wasn’t a word in his vocabulary. Why should I be surprised that he’s happy to be back to his old life? When he moved us back to my apartment, he talked about staying in touch. He said he’d call us after the holidays, asked me to be sure and invite him to Amanda’s birthday party in January, said—”

  “The old ‘let’s be friends routine,’” Tina said darkly.

  Kate didn’t respond. This was her problem, not Tina’s. After a while she admitted, “Now that we’re on our own, Amanda and I, it’s obvious I’m not much of a mother.”

  “You found a day-care center,” Tina reminded her.

  “It’s only temporary, but with Laura and Jack, I know she’ll be well taken care of and loved. There’ll be no guesswork and no insecurity, with two parents at home to see to all her needs.”

  “But how do they feel? I can’t believe they want a kid at their stage of life.”

  “Obviously, they thought they were finished with child rearing, but they also understand the problem. They’re family, and they’re willing to help out.”

  “Willing?” Tina prodded.

  “Let’s say they’re cautiously optimistic,” Kate said.

  Tina shook her head. “Well, I’m pessimistic. This is a big mistake, boss. You and the kid belong together. She loves you.”

  “And I adore her,” Kate admitted, “but I’m trying not to be selfish. I want her to have what I never had, a family of her own.” Kate’s voice trembled, and she realized she was about to lose control. “I’ve made up my mind,” she said decisively.

  Tina nodded. “You’re a stubborn woman so I know what that means.” Then she asked philosophically, “What can I do to help?”

  “Take us to the airport tomorrow. I know it’s an imposition, but with all the baby’s gear I can’t do this alone.”

  “Don’t worry. I’ll be there.”

  Kate checked her watch and reached for her coat. “I have an appointment with United Charities at two and then…”

  Tina waved her out the door. “I’ll take care of things here. Get going and good luck.”

  The moment she heard the elevator doors open and then close on Kate, Tina reached for the phone, pulled a number from her Rolodex and dialed.

  “Pick up,” she mouthed to herself. “Be there.”

  She let out a long sigh of relief when she heard the click of the receiver at the other end.

  “This is Tina at ESS. I need to talk with you—”

  “THIS IS RIGHT. This is for the best.” Kate talked out loud as she flung clothes into her suitcase. “Laura and Jack can give Amanda everything I can’t. It doesn’t matter how I feel because…” She began to repeat the litany again. “This is right. This is for the best….”

  She finished packing, wiped her tears away and zipped Amanda into her snowsuit. When Amanda smiled up at her, Kate felt the sting of tears and almost lost control of her emotions again.

  Then she heard the knock on her apartment door. Tina was early. “Coming,” she called. She took a quick glance in the mirror, satisfied that she didn’t look as if she’d been blubbering half the day. With Amanda in her arms, she went down the hall and opened the door—but not to Tina.

  “Hello,” Ben said with an easy smile. “Heard you needed a ride to the airport.”

  “Ben…” Kate took a moment to recover. He looked wonderful, tall and handsome, with a feathering of snow dusting his black leather jacket and gleaming in his hair. She felt the familiar rush of excitement at seeing him. As usual, his presence dominated the space around them.

  “I thought Tina was—”

  “She was,” Ben said. “But something came up so she called me to step in. As it turns out, we’re leaving for our vacations at just about the same time. So why not drive to the airport together?”

  He held out his arms to Amanda, and Kate released the squirming baby to him.

  “Hi, Mandy. How ya been?” Round, blue eyes shining, she gurgled delightedly. “And how are you doing, Kate?”

  “All right.” She forced a smile.

  “So you’ve decided to take Mandy to your cousins for good?”

  “Tina told you,” she said with a sigh.

  “And about Mandy’s fall, too.” He checked the baby out, tenderly touching the small bump on her head, smoothing back her golden curls. “She seems fine. Don’t be hard on yourself. All kids have accidents. There’ll be more. Bruises, broken limbs, even teeth knocked out. It comes with the territory.”

  “But I don’t know how to handle the territory. That’s the problem.” Her voice was sharper than she meant it to be.

  “You’re taking her to Florida because of one little fall?”

  Kate looked away. “Plus everything else that’s happened. I was on the phone with Laura and Jack for hours. We’ve discussed everything, and I think this is the best solution for Amanda.”

  “For God’s sake, why?” he asked angrily.

  “You know why,” she burst out, “better than anyone. You know firsthand what an inadequate mother I am. Amanda needs so much that I can’t give her.” She struggled for control. “I’ve made the decision.”

  “I don’t think it’s a good one, Kate,” he said as he tried to stay calm.

  Her eyes met his coolly. “But it’s mine, isn’t it? I’m the one with all the responsibility so I make the choices.”

  His mouth tightened. “You’re right. I was out of line. This had nothing to do with me.” He walked purposefully toward the bedroom, where he picked up Kate’s bag. “Let’s get going.”

  IT SEEMED so familiar, Kate thought, riding in Ben’s car with Amanda dozing in her car seat. Except today, they weren’t talking. His handsome profile seemed carved in stone.

  He finally broke the silence. “Traffic’s building up already. The airport will be a madhouse.” He tapped the brakes, slowed the car to a crawl and turned to her. “Listen, Kate, I know this is none of my business, but I still have to tell you what I think.”

  She remained silent.

  “You should reconsider this Florida deal. So you don’t know everything about raising a child, but…love is what counts. You love Amanda, and she loves you.”

  “Amanda’s very adaptable,” Kate said. “She’ll bond with Laura and Jack.” She paused before adding adamantly, “She’s too wonderful a baby not to have the best—two reliable, experienced parents who love her.”

  The traffic began to move, and he eased down on the accelerator. “And you’re too stubborn to see what’s right in front of you. You and Mandy are a family. Why are you fighting that?”

  She thought before answering. “Maybe because I’m scared.”

  “You? Come on. You broke into the spa, outran a security guard, fought off Dylan. You’re not afraid of anything, Kate.”

  “Of course, I am. We’re all afraid of something, and my fear is I’ll fail with Amanda. I couldn’t bear to hurt her.”

  “I never thought you’d run away from anything, Kate.”

  “I guess we all run at some time,” she said softly. “Even you.”

  BEN, BUCKLED in his seat on the aircraft, shut his eyes and tried to think of the trip ahead, but all he could see was Kate, the unreadable look in her eyes when he said goodbye at her gate, her smile, Mandy’s tears.

  Why did their faces keep invading his mind and heart? He had everything he wanted. A great life. Freedom. Money. Time. But somehow all that didn’t seem enough.

  The pilot’s voice came over the intercom. “Sorry for the delay, folks, but we’re faced with holiday traffic and holiday weather. We’ll be taxiing away from the gate in approximately ten minutes. So sit back and relax.”

  AT HER GATE, Kate stood patiently at the head of the check-in line w
here the agent checked her boarding pass.

  “Just a slight delay, Ms. McNair. We’ll be boarding shortly, and I’ll call for passengers with children first.”

  Kate nodded, shifted Amanda in her arms and sat back down. Amanda seemed fascinated by the lights and sounds of the airport and sat quietly in Kate’s lap. Now and then she’d see a tall dark-haired man and point, asking “Da-da?”

  “No, darling. I’m afraid not.”

  Kate looked at the clock above the desk. Assuming Ben’s flight was on schedule, he’d already taken off and was on his way to Mexico and his old life. She couldn’t help feeling anger at Tina for arranging their encounter, even though she knew her assistant meant well.

  But seeing Ben had only made the hurt in her heart more intense. He didn’t love her, that was obvious. Sure, he cared about her and Amanda, but only as a fleeting part of his life.

  Why had she ever thought it would be different?

  Because she loved him!

  “Ma-ma.” Amanda looked up and smiled, and that trusting, loving expression tugged at her heart. The baby had total faith in her. Tears stung Kate’s eyes. She didn’t deserve that trust!

  To her surprise, Amanda turned away from the fascinating crowd of travelers, put her pudgy arms around Kate’s neck and clung lovingly. Then she leaned back and touched Kate’s wet cheeks. What was going on with this enchanting baby? Was Amanda trying to sway her and change her mind?

  Of course not! She was simply reacting instinctively. But what loving instincts!

  “Ma-ma,” Amanda repeated as she leaned forward and planted a wet kiss on her cheek.

  Tina’s voice invaded Kate’s mind. She loves you, Kate.

  Ben’s voice joined in, speaking words he’d said only half an hour ago. You and Mandy are a family.

  Kate tightened her arms around the baby and felt the cold hard pain she’d been carrying inside suddenly melt and fill her with a surge of warmth. All the planning, the phone calls to Jack and Laura, her rationalizations, came down to this: a baby in her arms, blue eyes shining with love and trust.

  Her flight was called, and Kate stood up, holding Amanda tightly. Yes, they would spend Christmas with Laura and Jack. After that, she could only hope that her cousins would understand her decision.

  “Here we go, babe. Time to fly.”

  “I’M SORRY, SIR, but we’re ready to close the exit door.” The attendant on Ben’s flight was polite but firm.

  “I suggest you change your mind,” Ben offered, “because I’m getting off this plane now.”

  “Is there an emergency, sir?” A male officer materialized from the flight deck.

  “You could say that,” Ben told him. “The woman I love is about to make the biggest mistake of her life.” Ben realized that he was smiling. The woman I love. Dammit, that sounded good. “The crew hasn’t prepared for takeoff yet so will you please let me deplane?”

  The attendant stepped aside, and Ben bolted through the boarding ramp. Kate’s gate was at the other end of the huge terminal, and he sprinted toward it, not stopping to look at the departure screen, just hoping that she’d also been delayed. He elbowed past the throngs of travelers, dodging, pushing people aside, not caring about the dirty looks or threatening comments.

  Then he saw her gate up ahead. The plane was still on the ground! He caught a glimpse of Kate’s red hair. The agent was taking her ticket, and Amanda was waving goodbye.

  “Stop that woman!” he cried. “She has my baby!”

  Kate whirled and looked wildly around in time to see Ben jumping over a row of chairs as if it were an Olympic high hurdle. He called out to them, “Don’t get on that plane!”

  “Da-da!” Amanda cried.

  Ben was beside them, pulling Kate out of line and into his arms. “Stay with me, please, Kate.” There was urgency in his face and voice.

  “I thought you were on the way to Mexico,” she stammered. “I thought—”

  “Why would I go away when everything I want is right here? I love you, Kate. I want to marry you—and Mandy!” He kissed her long and hard, and only when the crowd around them began to applaud did he end the kiss.

  “I love you, too,” she murmured, “but loving is a commitment, and you said—”

  “Whatever I said, I was wrong.” He rescued Amanda, who had been squeezed between them, and hoisted her into the air. “Merry Christmas, Mandy. What do you say we go shopping for a tree and presents and stockings?”

  He took Kate’s arm and pulled her out of the flow of the crowd. “You’re the right mother for Mandy. And I’m the right father. We can handle it, Kate. Together. Get on a phone, call your cousins and say Mandy stays with you.”

  Kate burst into laughter. “I’d already decided to tell them that! I couldn’t get along without my baby, any more than I can get along without you.” He kissed her again, oblivious to the hurrying passengers all around them. “Merry Christmas, Kate.”

  “Merry Christmas, darling.”

  Amanda, secure in Ben’s arms, reached out a small hand toward each of them. “Ma-ma, Da-da.”

  Ben and Kate looked at each other and laughed.

  “This time, you’re exactly right, Mandy,” he said. “Come on, let’s go home.”

  eISBN 978-14592-7599-7

  BABY IN MY ARMS

  Copyright © 1996 by Madeline Porter and Shannon Harper

  All rights reserved. Except for use in any review, the reproduction or utrlization of this work in whole or in part in any form by any electronic, mechanical or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including xerography, photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or retneval system, is forbidden without the written permission of the publisher, Harlequin Enterprises Limited, 225 Duncan Mill Road, Don Mills, Ontario, Canada M3B 3K9.

  All characters in this book have no existence outside the imagination of the author and have no relation whatsoever to anyone bearing the same name or names. They are not even distantly inspired by any individual known or unknown to the author, and all incidents are pure invention.

  This edition published by arrangement with Harlequin Books S.A.

  ® and TM are trademarks of the publisher Trademarks indicated with ® are registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office, the Canadian Trade Marks Office and in other countries.

  Printed in U.S.A.

  Table of Contents

  Cover Page

  Table of Contents

  Excerpt

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  Books by Madeline Harper

  Dedication

  CAST OF CHARACTERS

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Copyright