War Torn Love

by Londo, Jay M.

  “Hana, it would probably best that neither of us say a word to the other kids.”

  “You’re probably right Abram!”

  We even pinky - swore on it. All the way, home all I could think about was when the poor woman had time to sleep. And then I realized that I was going to be in trouble for coming home so late. To be honest, the thought of what trouble I faced, or the trouble I put Abram did not dawn on me until the moment the two of us came strolling in through the front door.

  I reckoned my teacher would appreciate a little cheering up. The very next day, I brought her fresh cut flowers. I didn’t tell her that it was me that was bringing this stuff to her – so I had to get to class at least a half hour before her to achieve it. Each time I did, and then I would leave the classroom and hide away until it was perfectly safe until the other students began arriving. I genuinely just wanted to cheer her up, even in the smallest of ways. I felt better when she kept them in a vase right on her desk each day - she would look at them several times, and even smell them on occasion. I brought flowers for her up until the colder weather had begun to set in, and the flowers withered away. Then on each Sunday morning, early in the morning I packed a little care package. I brought her some of our sweet juicy apples, making sure there was more than enough for her children to have later, after the first frost hit the apples it made them even sweeter. I also brought her fresh corn and other vegetables from our garden. As winter had rolled in, I brought her some of Momma’s canned food. I also manage to collect up some used clothes for her children. Momma even allowed me to bring in some whole-made bread, cookies etcetera. With permission from my parents, I put my own Hanukah gift in a care package for her kids. Once I told Abram - whether I had guilty him or not - he also did the same thing. We even decided that they were to have a gift at their Christmas. I also told the others Jewish children to go along with me. I convinced them that it was in their interest that we would become the best pupils in class turn the other cheeks. I also pointed out to them that it would be improper in Gods eyes to hate her. We tried tremendously hard to not give her reason to be mad at us. It was much easier on me and Abram – especially knowing what I knew about her, I knew that she really was not a bad person. She was underprivileged, and could scarcely feed her children - she was doing what she could to survive. Rather I sought after to do what my God would expect of me to do. When she treated one of us badly, she had obviously did not meant it.

  Momma thought I was quite a passionate soul, but a little crazy, though she was not about to make me discontinue my efforts either, she knew darn well how stubborn I was, once my mind was set on something. I told her that things always have a way of working themselves out, if you have a little faith.

  She began to cry, “I’m so proud of you my daughter!”

  I smiled, “Oh Momma, please don’t cry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

  “Oh trust me my child I’m not crying because I’m sad. I’m so happy, and your father and I are so proud, what you’re been doing is such a wonderful thing - so unselfish of such a little girl.”

  I think I had understood what Momma had meant, because I was nearly eight and three quarter’s year old at the time. I was old for my years - yet still young in nature - at least that’s what my Rabbi had said to me, once I had confided in him.

  God finally heard my prayers. Not in the way that I had anticipated my prayers to be heard, but rather he showed me my answers in his own way, he also showed me that to solve my problem, I needed to help the very person I was once so mad at, a women I once considered my enemy. My efforts started paying off for me. A month after I had started my efforts, I got a spelling test turned back and it was a resounding A, written in red ink. There was even a little note at the top of the paper, saying, “You did a good job - and by the way, thanks for all the kind things you and your friends have done for me, and my family. I guess I really misjudged you. I’m so sorry for my actions against you and the other students. There’s no excuse for my actions, not one that could actually justify my previous misbehavior. If you could find it in your heart to forgive me, I would be ever grateful.” I smiled as I read this - she smiled back. Each of the Jewish kids were given a nice note, but she figured it out, that I was the ring leader.

  Then from that day, for the rest of the school year Mrs. Kaczmarek started treating us just a bit nicer. I think that she was able to finally see that there was still good in this world, and that others still cared about her. Then once the school year was up, we got her a job at dad’s store. She was finally able to feed her children, and I was able to learn that she was an actually a good person under her rough exterior, the life slowly started coming back in her. See she had been heartbroken with the loss of her husband. I became friends with her children. And I learned a wonderful lesson. That love and faith are the greatest gift that we all can be blessed with. That it’s important to always treat others as you would have done to thy self. I learned that, that goes without saying.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  “THIRTEEN”

  When I was twelve years of age. I became (Na’ arah) - in the Jewish religion known as a maiden: a girl during the first six months after her twelfth birthday. Something extraordinary and wonderful began to happen to me, starting out of the blue. My young female body was going through the changes all girls experience eventually - physically, mentally, spiritually. The kind when a tomboy turns into a woman. I like to think of it as what happens to a butterfly. I was a bit scared of these changes taken place, that I would discover I had no control over. Part of me wanted to change, another part of me wanted to stay that young girl forever. To be candid, I was quite scared of these new changes.

  My once none existent boy breasts - at least that is what I thought of them – began to change. They were starting to suddenly growing, which hurt. So much so, Momma made me start to wear a brassiere, truthfully, I was not so keen to wear one. I feel so constricted with the brassiere on. Then the looks started coming my way, I started catching the eyes of boys staring at me. In addition to my chest, I experienced my very first period. I underwent the (Niddah) the Jewish ritual status of a menstruating woman. Momma tried playing it up like it was such a wonderful event. I didn’t like it not at all, as far as I could tell there was nothing wonderful about it; I think it’s something women say in order to make it easier. It made me feel horrible. I suddenly got moody, what was so great about that?

  Momma sat down after I had come to her, informing her of what had happened, and she had a talk with me. She said, “You would be experiencing one of these, once a month.” Upon hearing this tragic news, I did not take it so well; In fact, I began crying inconsolably for a good solid hour. My hormones made me extremely moody. I would cry at the drop of a hat. I guess with these recent changes taking place that I was not comfortable with my body. I noticed that Abram did not like hanging around me during this time each month. My hips were becoming curvier and I had hair growing in places I never had before now. I was no longer such the tomboy any longer. As much as I may have wanted to remain that dear sweat little girl that thinks more like a boy than a girl and run about, climb trees, getting dirty, catch frogs ect. I cannot even begin to tell you on how happy my mother was about this development. I was at that awkward, in-between, uncomfortable, embarrassing stage in my life - not comfortable in either world. I was very uncomfortable with my body these days and with the acne on my face, everything seemed like a constant battle.

  Trying to make me feel somewhat improved, Momma said, “You are now a moth, which is now transforming into a beautiful butterfly.” Right, of course. My body had been going through a miraculous transformation, that at the moment felt odd, and foreign, but by the time I was transformed into a butterfly, it would all make sense to me, at least that’s what I was hoping, because right now I had more questions than answers.

  So, I went through this - little did I know just how much that would transform my once simple uncomplicated life. Momma as well as Sissy tried to
play these changes as a positive. I did not quite see it the same way they did, not seeing what the upside to all this could possibly be.

  There was a cost that was coming with these said changes I have been experiencing. Abram and I had somewhat now had less in common than we once had - drifting apart since I was becoming less, interested in the things I was once into - the things that we had in common. As much as I tried to be interested in these things - the same stuff that once entertained me - I just could not help myself, and I was becoming an emotional wreck. But I wasn’t the only one going through such noticeable changes, or showing interest in new things. Abram was turning into a teenager, going through changes of his own.

  I was starting to see the world around me differently. Abram and I weren’t spending as much time with one another anymore. And I began seeing him in an entirely new - I might add much unexpectedly exciting - light.

  Speaking of my dearest friend, over the last year, he too had been experiencing quite a growth spurt. I was once slightly taller than he was, by a good two inches, now he was at least four inches taller than I was. His voice was changing and his voice would crack. He had certain awkwardness about him, though he was taller, his body had not filled in. And of course, he was clumsy – all teenage boys seem to go through a phase of falling over their feet, as if their brain still thinks they are as they were. Like baby calves, finding their feet for the first time. I was drawn to the rapidly reshaping boy - my friend who knows nearly all my secrets – as I know his. He was becoming a slight, handsome stranger, though neither of us were currently sharing certain secrets.

  My interests were broadly shifting apart - I was starting to identify with, and turned out to be similar to what my older sister had meant four years earlier - when I was around eight, and she was thirteen, she had acted snobbish towards me. I had wanted her to play children games with me, but she had rejected me, or so I had thought. She clearly declared, “She no longer had time for such childish games.” I remember that, because that is when she completely stopped playing with me altogether. It was scary, but I was starting to morph into my sister - I was on the road to becoming a young woman like her. Now I was realizing that wasn’t such a bad thing, if I was to just let nature take over, and see were exactly it would take us - stop fighting it, since there was no way of stopping it.

  Reaching out, I began making all new female friends. As a tomboy, I had not been even remotely interested in the general things that girls my own age had been interested. Therefore, to suddenly be making girlfriends was proving new, quite exciting, and so foreign. It was easier talking about girl things, with girls of my own age. Things I would not dare think of talking about with Abram, since it was mostly about him anyways, or the changes I was going through – I knew my girlfriends were going through the same things.

  Yes, just in case you were wondering, Abram and I were the most excellent of friends, if a bit distant sometimes. However that being said, during the summer, before the launch into the introduction of the eighth grade. I found myself surprisingly starting to develop strong romantic feeling for my best friend. It felt odd to be experience these new feelings for him - I had never really thought of him in this manner before now, I found myself daydreaming about him. The last time we had gone to the swimming hole, I could not but help myself from looking at his physique. Suddenly, I liked looking at his half-naked wet body and strange new feelings came over me - a warm tingling feeling, and some interesting dreams, later that night. To be honest I could not stop myself from thinking about him afterwards. Oh, I guess I had always hoped that he and I would end up being together one day, all girls’ fantasize about their knight and shining armor - I think we were predestined to be together – as it always had been since that very first day he moved in next door to me.

  I can still remember that gorgeous smile as he glanced up at me while I was in the tree house -looking down on him as we first met. I was not sure, because I had in no way felt like this before, but I think I was falling in love with my very best friend, I worried about how this may, or may not affect our friendship in the long- run.

  Confused about these out of the ordinary, new feelings and rather than going to Momma to talk, I went ahead to talk to Sissy. She smiled when I did. And then informed me, “Hana dear I can see the way you’re always looking at him, you’re in - love with Abram I wasn’t even remotely surprised to find out you would fall in love with him, you have been following him around like a puppy dog for years now, it was bound to happen sooner or later. I have always known that Abram, and you would one day end up being together, I think that you may be the only one surprised.”

  Momma had the similar reaction to the news; in fact, she was blissfully happy for me.

  She said, “The God has heard her prayers.”

  I was not certain as Abram was growing into a young man that he was developing this same sort of feelings towards me. Soon “hopefully,” I would find out. It was killing me not knowing, though I did my best to hide my feelings from him. I could not just come out and ask him – that - sort of things just wasn’t done. I knew if he did not have some measure of feeling for me, it would utterly break my young tender heart, and then I did not know what I would do. I declared on that day that I would never love another man but him.

  We would both be celebrating, as we each would be having our Bar mitzvahs in a month time. I had mistakenly overheard a conversation my Poppa was talking about a dowry with Mr. Wakstok. I knew that Poppa was talking about, I just knew that he was promising me to Abram, that eventually we were to become man and wife, which was the way things were done when I was a girl. Of course, before I actually heard if it had been about Abram, and me, I bolted before I was caught eaves dropping. The glorious thought of that got me all warm in the heart. I snuck outside, unheard, and headed off for somewhere, anywhere else, screaming for joy!

  Abram never really as much as told me, but I had unexpectedly caught him looking at me strangely once and awhile, especially when we went swimming, and I purposely let him see me. He seems to get all tongue tied when he is around me those days. I was not sure what that had meant.

  The two of us still hung out together, he escorted me back and forth to school each day, but since the summer has started, there has been a new development in the time he had available to me; he had taken on a job with the nearby farmer, as a farm hand. I hardly have to see him - he seemed to be tired whenever I got to spend time with him, which was not much. I was sad about this - we had always spent our summers together.

  This didn’t sit so well with his father. His father wanted his only son to have his employment in his and my Poppa’s clothing store. But the truth was, he wasn’t remotely even shown interest in that line of employment - he wanted to become a farmer one day, he showed no interest in clothing whatsoever, never did. It was however traditional that the eldest son to take over his father’s business at some point, but Abram just would not have it. He knew it was breaking his father’s heart he just wanted to pursue his own dreams. He dreamed of starting his own farm one day.

  This was all smoothed over - thanks if you can believe it, - to my big sister, who just so happened to fall madly in - love with Abram’s older cousin. Who just so happened to have come to town, for work, and to attend college. He decided to stick around after he started dating and falling in love with Sissy. Now on this subject, both our fathers joined forces, through both combining their two businesses together, and happily joined families. Marym and her new husband was groomed to take over and solved the problem. I guess he has good taste for his daughters, I know he was very protective. So this got Abram off the hook to freely purse his dreams, and not have to feel so bad.

  Oh, you ought to have seen Marym, these days, she was so happy. I can honestly say I have never seen her as happy as she was then, she was positively glowing. Once married, she really desired to become a mother. I considered that she would make an excellent mommy. I looked forward to becoming an aunt too. And Momma had been
leaving not so subtle hints, and let it known she desired to become a grandmother, she even started knitting baby clothing. And her new husband, oh he’s a really terrific guy, he treats her like gold, quite handsome to boot.

  Poppa once said, “he’s is like a son I never had,”

  They both got along positively famously - they often went fishing. My Father and Mr. Wakstok were quite happy with his work they say he has a good head for business. He used to live in Warsaw before coming here - he moved here upon his mother’s passing because he needed work, and with no family there.

  Mr. Wakstok, and Poppa have been trying to expand the company. Finding new markets for their line of men’s clothing, across the border, in Germany.

  Poppa said. “Since this fella named Adolf Hitler came to power in Germany, he has seemed to completely turn around the economy. In just a few short years since taking office tool! Poland should be as lucky as Germany.” Have you ever live to regret something you have said? We would all regret the true horror of what one man could bestow on the world, in his attempt to destroy humanity. Trying to completely exterminate a whole race of people. My Poppa dearly regretted ever liking Adolf - so did six million other Jews wishing this one man had never been born.