War Torn Love

by Londo, Jay M.

  Poppa had responded to me, “Little bear,” the others and I thought that since we would not be able to bring all our food rations along with us, we had nearly two weeks worth of supplies we would otherwise been leaving behind -why let it go to waste, or to others when we have been starving for so long. We took a family vote while you were gone. We should celebrate the fact that we are all together, moving on to a new adventure. We were going to feast – for the first time in a very long time, this family darn well is going to get enough to eat for a change. Tonight there shall be none of us going hungry. We shall all express joy, and celebrate and have a good time! Not to mention planning, this time for bringing food aboard the train for the long ride we shall be taking. We will bring some food on the train with us, so we would not have to have nothing to eat.”

  “I think that’s a magnificent idea, Poppa! You’re right - this family deserves a celebration darn it. I think that is the best idea I had heard in a long time. Poppa you know what I feel like dancing - would you please come and dance with me,” I said.

  Poppa had not called me his little bear in so long I welled up, I noticed he had too - it reminded me of better times and the way he was before. This all was so wonderful! I walked over and gave him a great big hug! My sister came over and joined in, and the three of us had a group hug, just as we did when we were small. Then we both took turns dancing with him.

  That night at dinner, each and every one of us managed to eat slowly as we could, trying to be sure that we could savor every single bite of food before us, which was key in being able to put away even more. You cannot even imagine how good it was to truly be eating. The meal tasted so terrific, as hungry as we all were – of course, it, was missing the most basic of normal everyday spices, but truly, it still turned out to be the best meal I had the fortune eating. Something we had not been able to do in much to long I know as I ate, I looked around me. The food was bringing out the best in me. This meal made me realize how important everyone sitting before me was to me. I wanted to be able to see everyone. Not one of us had a frown.

  In three years, we had learned a very valuable lesson the hard way. We had learned to appreciate the smallest of things in life. We learned that the most essential things in life were not materialist items, but rather it was our faith in God, the love of our family, following close behind having enough to eat each day. And shelter over our heads, and our health. Anything after that was just secondary.

  The family ate until we could not eat anymore; it was not because we ran out of food. Oh, the warm bread my sister baked was the best. I forced myself to have even more. I sought after this stuffed feeling to last me as long of time as I could manage! Because I knew, it could be years until I had an opportunity to eat like this once again. I could not even remember the last time I was able to eat this much food all in one sitting. During dinner that night, we all laughed so merrily - talked, sang, and gave thanks. This was truly the happiest any of us had been since. I cannot even begin to tell you when, it had been that long. I would have to say it had to be before the war as far as I could recall. Once again, these memories would have to last me a while. I knew it, on some instinctive level that this – this meal, this night – was going to be our last all together.

  We all in due course made our way to bed more rolled our way. For the first time my stomach was not gurgling when I got into bed that night, which sometimes had kept me stirring in the past, unable to sleep because of the hunger. I think that tonight I rather managed to confuse my poor stomach. Nevertheless, as good as one unbelievable meal was to all of us, it surely was not going to be enough food to be beneficial enough to mend all the damage to our bodies. The starvation had been causing damage over the last couple of years. The after effects of this wonderful meal, I found myself, hours later, I was in the bathroom suffering the effects from eating so much, after hardly eaten anything in great amounts in years. It was horrible - I probably lost everything I had gained. My stomach was a wreck! All twisted up in knots.

  Five o’clock in the morning the next day there came a noisy knocking coming from the front door, odd being this early, we were surprised and confused at who it could be. We had all been up by this time anyways - so we were not put out by this intrusion into our last minutes of our privacy. We were eating breakfast when the knocking had come.

  Desiring to surprise to the family, I had gotten up in the early hours, before anyone else was up, and made breakfast for everyone. It was not much of a breakfast I assure you, but at least it was nice to have something for breakfast before we had to leave. We had not had a breakfast since coming here.

  Generally as a norm, we had enough food to afford having no more than two light meals on any given day. Really, usually it would had equated to one small meal worth, but we spread it out, trying to treat our ravenous appetites. Therefore, we would not had to go so many hours per day without food.

  Abram went over and answered the door, seeing I was busy, I had my hands full.

  “Hello!”

  I curiously looked through the crack in the open door, as Abram was talking, and then spotted it was a two-Ghetto police officer at the door. I did not have to wonder what it was all about, why they were here.

  “Sorry to disturb you Sir, this is a heads up, we were ordered here, to go door to door to warn everyone. That my men and I in an hour, we will be going through and clearing out this entire building, so please for your own sakes be ready, make this easy on all of us. We do not like this any more than you do. Oh and try to remember only bring along any personal items that you can physically carry with you, nothing more. Otherwise the Germans will take from you anything they deem so fit.” He had also asked Abram for the names of everyone in the family, and their ages.

  “Well thank you for letting us know, I assure you Sir we will be ready, and out of here!” Abram answered in calmly and politely. When he wanted to, he was a much more even killed person than I, I on the other hand would have probably called the man at the door scum, a trader for selling out his own people. He and the rest of his cronies could be so savage against their own families. They beat us; they became no better than the Nazis they were serving, they had become power hungry.

  After Abram had shut the door, Poppa turned to all of us, and then so we could all hear him, said, “Everyone please, I know you’re all busy, trying to get ready to go. And I know we do not have much time, but I think that this would be an appropriate time for each of us to give thanks to our God, so please take a moment with me!” He put his reading glasses on so he could read the words, and then he read a few of his favorite words from the “Torah, before packing it away once more. Now please everyone come in close, hold each other’s hand!”

  The family took a moment to kiss and hug one another, let each other know that we appreciate one another, and of course loved one another. “That is so wonderful before we go out through that door for the last time, each one of you need to remember the importance’s of us all sticking together, let us not be divided.”

  Through all the ruckus, Abeila managed somehow to still be a sound asleep when we were leaving - I did not bother trying to wake her up, why wake her! I brother had her sleep until we are safely aboard the train, if I am so lucky; she could be a very cranky in the mornings! Everyone else had a chance to eat something, so I went ahead and packed my daughter something to eat for later. I bundled her up in a knitted blanket – the one my mother had knitted for her when she was born.

  As we were preparing to leave, everyone’s arms were full of either our belongings, or small children. Abram choose to carry his daughter, her little head leaning on his shoulder as if it was a pillow, and she was drooling all over him. Her arms dangled over his shoulder, after she had wiggled them free from inside the confines of the blanket, flopping then back and forth as she walked, that was one thing about my daughter, she could virtually sleep through just about anything. I am the exact opposite to her. Drop a pin and I am awake. This has made it difficult on me over
the last three years. Having to listen to several people snoring at the same time, it could truly be maddening

  It did not take long to discover once outside that it was an extremely cold morning out. I was going to freeze, not dressing warmly enough. The weather outside, that day was light snow - a couple of inches of fresh snow had already fallen just since last night, after my husband and I had been out. The prevailing wind wiped up inside my dress, and danced around, successfully cooling me off. My knees were knocking, and I had Goosebumps up and down my legs.

  As we were making our way down to the train station on the other side of town, the whistles of were going off in the distance as it was pulling into town. Going off two separate times the whistle blow loudly. After three years, I knew this inevitably meant the train was pulling into the station for us.

  Chapter Nineteen

  “The ride to the unknown!”

  Maryn walked beside me, holding my hand, with her one free hand, her beautiful daughter on her other hand.

  She unexpectedly spoke up loudly, reminding us all, “Do you guys all realize that this is the very first time any of us had had a chance to step foot outside these gloomy gates in nearly three long grueling years, I cannot believe we are finally leaving that place once and for all. I know that I surely shall not miss that horrible place and everything it represents.”

  Deep down I knew none of us were actually excited about leaving, I think secretly we all felt the place we were being taken by the Germans was going to be much worse. We had no other reason to believe otherwise - to cope, we had to lie to ourselves.

  I want to see the Ghetto one last time, one last look. Then I thought, why bother, this just was not the sort of place that one would strive to – Leave. I had already had a pretty-good image built up in my mind - too many painful memories, and I knew I’d probably have nightmares the rest of my life. It was a horrible place, so no I did not need to turn around. But it had also been home. Truthfully, I had no want to see that place ever again, as long as I lived. If it was physically possible to wipe this place from my memory I would.”

  When I realized this, it was a sobering thought. To be escaping this prison fully was impossible - I would be haunted by this until the day I died. I just hoped that this change we were being forced to make was the lesser of the two evils. Of course, we were not walking through the gates to the outside world freely, being released on our free will. As we wandered closer to the gate. German soldiers were now there to greet us, and leading along us, as we had to pass through the rest of the city again on our way to the train station.

  The non-Jewish inhabitants stopped and briefly watched us, and then went back to their daily business - they appeared as afraid as us. There was one difference from before. After three years while we were prisons, it would appear in a way they had also become prisoners. It looked like they were nearly starving; the buildings that lined the city streets were unkempt. A massive German swastika was now draped city hall, and there were more troops everywhere.

  We made it to the train station. There were five separate boxcars, with the Nazi symbol painted on the side of each one of them, hooked onto the steam locomotive. By the time we arrived, the doors to the boxcars were opened, ready for us to load. Looking around, I witnessed several soldiers eyeing all of us with contempt written openly across their faces – some with pure unadulterated hatred. So much so I am sure they would have loved to shoot us if they were given the go ahead.

  The boarding began immediately - we were in a long line waiting to board. All together, there was between five-hundred, to seven hundred of us all waiting to board. A Nazi officer pointed with a gun, directing us which car we were supposed to board. The cars were filling up rather quickly with the many people.

  Down the line, we were all startled when an unexpected gunshot broke out, interrupting the calm, subdued loading. And then shortly afterwards there was another gunshot going off even closer to our present position - with that came fresh screams of horror, there I noticed a women on her knees crying loudly, holding on tightly onto what appeared to be her murdered boy. I heard the German screaming at her. She was clearly devastated. When she would not leave her son’s body behind, the soldier had a couple of Jews grab her and throw her into a boxcar. We all knew what it had meant, without having to even look. We had been bearing witnessing to such atrocities for three years now, usually every day be were forcefully exposed to unspeakable things. Murders, beatings, verbal abuse, humiliation, rape. We were had become conditioned to the true horrors of this war was representing.

  When the gunfire erupted, I grew concerned Abiela would wake up, but bless her heart; she slept on - even quietly snoring. Seeing her like that cheered me up. I guess she was conditioned to it, since she heard it nearly every day. When I looked into her young face, I realized the fact that she still walked this earth, that there was a small measure of hope left in me.

  The family had gotten up to the boxcar we were being loaded onto, the third car down from the locomotive, two ahead of the locomotive. It was already nearly bursting full with others, yet the soldiers demanded my family start boarding the boxcar at once, regardless.

  One of the soldiers was brandishing a small whip like instrument, and officer, striking those who were loading too slowly in their eyes. Question is where were we supposed to go - the boxcar was packed.

  Being as high as it was, and carrying bags, and children, Abram and my brother-in-law gave all the women behind them a hand up into the boxcar. Then he and the other men began coming aboard. Oh, the whole boxcar smelled something horribly - it was clear they did not bother clearing out the inside of the car after each trip.

  However, before the last of us to boarded, which was Abram’s dad nervous when it looked like there may be a problem with him being able to come aboard in the same car. He began to come over to the boxcar to get in, but than a nearby soldier shouted at him,

  He shouted, “No more, now move down to the next boxcar, down!”

  My father-in-law was begging to come aboard, he put his hands together, with a look of sincerity, “Please my family is already aboard this one, I need to be with my family, sure we could make room for me.” He pointed desperately back to the boxcar we were now in, not wanting to be estranged from his darling family - he knew he needed to stay together. His greatest fear had suddenly become true, that was being separated.

  Abram was trying his utmost best to reach out to his beloved father, holding onto the door, and hanging his body way out trying to reach out to him. Panic written on both their faces. Abram was now panicking, calling out to his father. “Poppa, Poppa, please, please!

  His father ignored the commands, and moved passed the soldiers. By now, I was starting to get extremely worried I was actually quite terrified. Looking over at my husband, and I could tell there was something definitely wrong!

  The soldier shouted at him in German, “Halt!” without bothering to give him a chance to halt, shot him in the back of the head. It was like a witnessing a nightmare, unfolding in slow motion. Just like that, he fell slowly face forward into the snow. But before he did his right arm had been raised high, reaching out to his son.

  My father-in-law was screaming, “I love you my son, I love you, take care of Momma.” Then like that, the gun went off, and he was silenced forever more. Before the gun was fired, I could sense, he knew he was about to die. Moments after his body lay motionless in the snow – it was quickly stained red with his blood, spilt by Nazi.

  It felt like my heart had just been ripped out from my chest. I could barely breathe. I heard the gun go off, and then saw him fall. I started to cry. It was not just that, Abram was instantly pelted with his own father’s blood, since at the time he had just grabbed hold of his father’s hand. Abram having to witness the murder of his father first handedly, turn pale, - he did not move, I think he was in complete shock.

  I loved my father-in-law so much, and oh what about my husband, and my mother-in-law. I screamed out in p
ain as it began to sink in what had just happened! “No, no, no, please God no!”

  I shook my head; I could understand just how much it hurts to lose a parent in this manner, after seeing my own mother’s gunned down.

  With the train beginning to roll out, I sensed Abram was about to do something really stupid, and completely snap. I saw him starting to clutch his fists, I knew that look of his, I knew he was thinking of jumping down out of the car, and attacking that soldier, it would spell out certain suicide if he had.

  He had to be stopped. Poppa was the closest to him. I glanced over at Poppa, and he looked back at me. He understood perfectly what I was asking of him. He knew how important he was to me. Poppa did not want to lose another of his family member to these Nazis. Too many of us were being taken and killed – it was too high a price. He just was going to have no more of it. My Poppa reached out to Abram, and with all his strength he could muster in his fifty year old body, he began pulling my husband back into himself as the door began slamming shut, they then both quickly flew backwards unable to catch their balance.

  Landing on a couple of people on their way downwards, this quick heroic action of my father probably ended up saving my husband’s life. Poppa then grabbed a hold of him, and began forcefully hugging him. Looking him squarely in his eyes. “I love you son, just as if you where mine, your father loved you very much. Do not let his death be in vain, you go on and live your life. That is what he would have truly wanted for you. He was very proud of you; he was always talking about how proud he was of you. I am going to let you in on a secret him and I had made a pact about a year ago. That was that if something was to happen to one of the two of us, that the other would step in and assume the role, fill the void, and let me tell you I intend to honor that role. Do you understand - you’re not alone?”