A Sound Among the Trees

by Susan Meissner

  “If she doesn’t come home, find out where they take her.” I said, sounding like Eliza, and Tessie told me she would.

  Eleanor, I am leaving Holly Oak in an hour for Richmond and taking with me the two Confederate uniforms hidden inside Eliza’s traveling case.

  My traveling case.

  23 December 1862

  Richmond, Virginia

  Dear Eleanor,

  I suppose I am a fool for writing down the events of the last two days, but unless I am also cursed, no one shall ever see this letter. I cannot express how glad I am that no one ever will. I may be a fool, but I am not without a sense of shame.

  I write this from a beautiful room decorated in blue. A hot cup of tea is at my elbow, and the day promises to be warm—for December. The maid who brought me breakfast told me it is a lovely day for a wedding.

  Did you know, Eleanor, that one tiny broken thread in a seam can lead to the eventual ruin of the entire garment? One simple bubble of air can ruin a jar of peaches? One decision you make in the blink of an eye can alter your life forever?

  I am not talking about the decision I made two days ago at Libby Prison. I am talking about the decision Mama made the summer I was sixteen. We were to come visit you in Maine. Remember? Papa had died only a few months before. And we were to come visit you. But Mama let her parents convince her not to come. And so we didn’t. And I can’t help thinking that if we had, Mama would have found a different way to spend her grief. I imagine that had we come, we would have stayed. Mama would have found comfort in being near all the things that Papa loved. The woods, the smell of fresh-cut lumber, the smell of the sea, the house where he grew up, the streams in which he had fished as a boy, the same starry skies where he had wondered what married love might be like. And if we had stayed, we would have been living in Maine when the war started and I would’ve seen Will on his visits home before duty called him South and I’d be writing letters to him instead of you and so he wouldn’t have met Eliza and he wouldn’t have been where he was when he got caught and sent to prison and I would never have had to get on that train to Richmond.

  I know I cannot have changed the course of the war had we come to Maine, but I know that the course of my life within the war would have been different if we had.

  What is done is done, and what will be will most surely be. I did take that train to Richmond. I didn’t tell my mother, not that she would have heard me. And I didn’t tell Grandmother. She would’ve heard me, but she would’ve ordered me not to go. From the station I took a hansom to Libby Prison, and I went to the southeast entrance, where I asked to see Cpl. Stiles. When asked what business I had with Cpl. Stiles, I said the medicine that Dr. Prewitt had requested had been sent.

  But Cpl. Stiles did not come to the entrance as Eliza said he would. Instead, I was told to come inside to deliver the medicine to the infirmary. Perhaps I should’ve declined, Eleanor. Perhaps I should’ve left the case and made my exit. But I still had the gold. If Cpl. Stiles had been bribed to give those uniforms to Will and John, then I had to get that pouch to him or he would not do it. And who knew what would become of Will and John then? I had heard about the atrocities that took place inside Libby Prison. And I knew sick men at Libby soon died. I could easily guess what would become of them.

  And so I went in. And I was taken down a long hallway with doors on either side and then told to wait on a bench while someone went to the infirmary’s office to tell Cpl. Stiles I was there. The man who escorted me went inside the office, and as the door closed, I heard him tell someone else that I had a delivery from Dr. Prewitt. Then I heard the other person say, “Who the devil is Dr. Prewitt?” I sprang from that bench before I could even think what I was going to do next. I knew I had to find a way to get those uniforms to Will and John. I had to. I began to open doors as I made my way down the hall, fearful that the door by the bench would open and there would be a posse to take me away as Eliza had been. I didn’t know at the time what was compelling me to open those doors. For all I knew, I was taking a greater risk than just sitting on the bench and waiting for the people behind the door to realize there was no Dr. Prewitt.

  I saw tattered men in dirty beds, sick men. Broken men. Bandaged men. All chained to their beds. Union prisoners in Libby’s attempt at an infirmary. I began to quietly call out Will’s and John’s names. I’d opened perhaps half a dozen doors when I heard a familiar voice.

  Will.

  I ran to the bed where the voice had come from. Will lay hot with fever, his face mottled with yellow bruising. He had been beaten, perhaps when he was caught. The bruises looked old. I sank to my knees at his bedside.

  “Eliza,” he whispered.

  The pain was swift but I could not entertain it. “It’s Susannah,” I said, as soft as I could. I did not wish to awaken the other men sleeping in the cell. “I’ve brought you and John the uniforms. I am going to put them under your mattress, Will. Do you hear me? And the pouch of money. When Cpl. Stiles asks about it, give it to him. Do you understand?”

  “Susannah?” His eyes now focused on me. He smiled. Then he grimaced. “Susannah! What are you doing here?”

  “Did you hear what I said, Will?” I whispered. I opened the case and lifted out the dresses, then shook the uniforms out of them. “Roll over.” I commanded. And Will obeyed me. I shoved the uniforms under him. “Now roll back.”

  Will groaned and rolled back to face me. “Run, Susannah. Before you get caught.” His voice was weak, but his eyes were bright with fear for me. That wild concern made up for his confusing me with Eliza.

  I showed him the leather pouch. “I am putting this inside your shirt. Cpl. Stiles will not help you and John escape without it. Do you understand?”

  “Susannah …”

  “Do you understand!”

  He nodded. I slipped the pouch inside his shirt. His chest was hot to my touch.

  “Where is John?” I asked. “Is he all right?” And again he nodded.

  I knew I had to run then. But there was something I wanted to do first. I knew that Will might not remember that I had been the one to deliver the uniforms to him. Or perhaps he would remember but the memory would be foggy and indistinct because of his fever.

  And that is why I kissed him, Eleanor. I didn’t care that I might also become sick with whatever he had. I was afraid I might not ever have another chance. And, of course, I know now that I won’t.

  I leaned down and kissed him, on his lips. It was my first kiss. His mouth was soft and warm like bread from the oven. Sweet like bread too. I kissed him again. And I felt him kissing me, a slight turning of his head, his unchained arm now on my arm drawing me close. I knew I would remember that kiss always. Strangely, it was all that I had imagined it would be. It did not matter that he was a prisoner chained to a bed and burning with fever and that I was in danger of being caught and quite likely arrested. That one fragile moment when I kissed him seemed a moment outside itself. It would always be a tiny fleck of time outside the war, outside of me.

  I heard voices outside the cell. I stood and stuffed the dresses back into the case and snapped it shut.

  He reached out his hand to feebly push me away from him. “Run,” he whispered.

  As I approached the door, I turned to look at him one last time. “Go!” he gasped, and his eyes were bright with tears.

  I opened the door and saw a pair of soldiers making their way to the door by the bench. Their backs were to me and they went inside.

  I tiptoed out and began to walk away from the bench, the door, and the man I loved in the cell behind me. I was nearly to the end of the hall when a voice called out.

  “Miss! You there with the case!”

  I thought for a moment of running, but I knew I could not outrun a man, not in a dress, not in heeled shoes. And I knew that Eliza would not have run. Eliza would turn around calmly and think of something clever to say.

  Eliza would not have run.

  I prayed for strength and wisdom and
slowly turned around. “Yes?” I said, sweetly as I could, my hands shaking.

  “Are you the one looking for Cpl. Stiles?” He started walking toward me.

  My mind raced for a response. “Corporal who?” I said.

  “Were you asking for Cpl. Stiles? Did you tell the private at the south entrance that you had a delivery from a Dr. Prewitt?” He was now only feet from me. I could see the wariness that lay in his eyes.

  And the way he said Dr. Prewitt’s name, Eleanor, I knew I could not maintain that ruse any longer. There was no Dr. Prewitt. I had to think of a lie. Fast.

  “I know of no Dr. Prewitt,” I said, and then it came to me, the answer I could give which would keep Will and John safe and the uniforms I had just delivered from being discovered. “I think I am lost. I am looking for Lt. Page.”

  “For who?” The wariness receded only a notch.

  “I am looking for Lt. Nathaniel Page. He works at the quartermaster’s office.” I said this as if I were a daft girl. Simple. Decidedly so.

  “Miss, this is Libby Prison. Who told you this was the quartermaster’s office?”

  I bit my lip. “Well, I asked at the train station where all the important Confederate people were, and this is where they told me to come.”

  He still wasn’t convinced. “What is your business with Lt. Page?”

  I attempted an attitude of self-importance. “Why, I’m his fiancée!”

  He blinked at me. “His fiancée.”

  “Yes, of course!”

  “And your name is?”

  I told him. Susannah Towsley.

  The soldier stood there looking at me, looking at my case, waiting perhaps for my story to somehow collapse all around me. “Well, then. We must see to it that he knows you are here. I will send a messenger. Come, let’s get you to a nicer place for you to wait for him. I am Lt. Carruthers.” He took my arm, gently but firmly, and led me down the hall to a set of stairs.

  He looked down at my case. “May I ask what you are carrying in that case?”

  I swallowed hard, but he was ahead of me and did not see. “Why, my clothes, of course!” I said.

  Now he looked at me. “You always carry your pretty clothes in a travel case like that?” He laughed but his tone was dubious.

  I could almost feel Eliza feeding me an answer. “Those despicable Yankees ruined all our luggage. They ruined practically everything we own. I am from Fredericksburg, you know.”

  This seemed to satisfy him. At least at that moment. We came to another floor, and I was escorted into a waiting area. Lt. Carruthers offered me a chair and asked if I would like anything. To keep up my harmless reason for being in the wrong place, I told him a cup of tea would be lovely.

  The cup was brought to me, and then Lt. Carruthers told me a message had been sent to the quartermaster’s office to Lt. Page that a Miss Susannah Towsley had wandered into Libby Prison looking for him. He watched me for my reaction to the word wandered. It seemed that way to me. I told him I hadn’t wandered; someone gave me bad directions.

  “Of course. Let me know if you need anything,” he said.

  I had no plans to run, but he lingered as if I might. In less than fifteen minutes’ time, the door to the waiting room opened and Lt. Page swept in, pink cheeked from the cold. He ran to me and took me into his embrace. I closed my eyes, but not before I saw Lt. Carruthers’s eyes widen a bit in surprise.

  “Susannah! I have been so worried for you. You are well? Everyone at Holly Oak is unharmed?”

  I nodded. “Yes, I am so sorry we’ve not been able to get word to you.”

  He kissed my hand. “Did you come by train? If I had known you were coming, I would have met you at the station.”

  “I wanted to surprise you,” I demurred.

  Lt. Carruthers cleared his throat. “Apparently your fiancée was told at the train station that this was the quartermaster’s office.”

  Lt. Page swiveled his head to look at the sergeant and then turned back to me. His eyes were glistening with surprised pleasure. “Fiancée?”

  “Is she your fiancée?” the lieutenant asked.

  His eyes implored me. And I nodded.

  A smile broke wide across his face. “You have decided then? You will marry me?”

  Eleanor, I have never seen such joy and happiness on a man’s face as I saw at that moment. I think I began to love Nathaniel just a little then. I know I shall never love him as I should. But it is not like I do not love him at all.

  “Yes,” I said.

  He kissed my hand again.

  Lt. Carruthers took a step toward me. “I see congratulations are in order. And there should be no reason why then I could not have a look inside your case?”

  Nathaniel frowned. “What for, Lieutenant?”

  “Your fiancée came here saying she had medical supplies from a Dr. Prewitt. We know of no Dr. Prewitt.”

  Nathaniel turned to me, a crease of worry across his brow. “Susannah?”

  I had been telling lies for nearly half an hour. It was not hard to come up with another one. I pouted. “I wanted to surprise you, Nathaniel. I didn’t know I was in the wrong building. I made it up. I knew you worked with supplies. I thought I could surprise you at your office. Don’t you work with supplies?”

  Nathaniel smiled and kissed my hand again. “Aren’t you a dear?”

  “So if I were to have a look in your case …,” Lt. Carruthers said.

  “If I had known how much trouble this was going to be …,” I said, and I set the case on the floor, unlatched it, and opened it fully. Eliza’s two dresses lay in messy folds, their bows and lace and frills nearly cascading over the sides.

  “Satisfied, Lieutenant?” Nathaniel asked, clearly perturbed. “If so, we shall be going. My bride-to-be and I have many plans to make.”

  The lieutenant nodded without a word, and Nathaniel bent down to close the case. “First thing we will do is get some better luggage for you, my dear.” Nathan took the handle of the case in one hand and mine in the other.

  “Good-bye, Lieutenant!” I said gaily, because I knew that’s what I should do.

  We left Libby Prison, where Will lay atop pilfered uniforms.

  Nathaniel kissed me as soon as we were in his carriage. Light and sweet. But it was Will’s kiss that still lingered on my lips, even after I met Nathaniel’s kind parents and even as I sank into the guest bed at his parents’ house.

  Nathaniel wants to marry me at once, before he is called away to the field again. He asked if we might send a message to my mother and grandmother so that they could come on the next train and attend the ceremony. But I knew my mother couldn’t travel and Grandmother was still mourning the loss of her own husband. And I really don’t want anyone I know and love to witness what I am about to do. I told him I already have their blessing and that I didn’t want to wait.

  I will wear his mother’s wedding gown today. We marry at five o’clock.

  I kept my promise to Will. My decision to marry Nathaniel has kept my beloved Will alive and will secure his escape.

  I will marry out of love.

  Yours,

  Susannah.

  28 December 1862

  Richmond, Virginia

  Dearest Eleanor,

  My wedding to Nathaniel took place in a lovely little church that was all decorated for Christmas. His parents were there, his married sister from Port Royal, his father’s mother, some neighbors, and a few colleagues from the quartermaster’s office. No one asked about my family other than to express condolences at the loss of my brave grandfather and offer a remedy or two for my ailing mother, whom they were told was too ill to travel. Nathaniel did ask if my aunt Eliza might have come, and I told him she had gone away for a few days before I left Fredericksburg and I didn’t know where she was. Not entirely a lie.

  I will not embarrass you or myself by describing what it was like to share a bed with a man whom you only love a little. I can tell you that Nathaniel is a good man, a kind and
gentle man, and that he is the same refined soul in even his most intimate moments.

  I do not deserve him.

  There is something about the bond of the physical that I had not known, could not have known. The oneness in flesh binds you to the other person in almost the same way Tessie was bound to us. But yet not the same. I don’t know how to explain how I feel toward Nathaniel after sharing his bed. It was not altogether unpleasant, Eleanor. The intense and raw loyalty I now feel for Nathaniel has surprised me. It is a strange, new devotion. But I know it is different, less somehow than what I carry in my heart for Will. The love I have for Will is purer than what I have now shared with Nathaniel. It is above it. And always will be. And it shames me to admit it.

  Nathaniel is attentive to my every desire, and I suppose I will learn to love him the way he loves me. I will try very hard to return that love.

  Will’s kiss returns to me at odd moments. When I am brushing my hair, when I am putting on a stocking, when Nathaniel places an arm over me in our bed in his sleep. Will’s kiss will replay itself. Part of me wants it to stop, and part of me wants to hold onto it with every ounce of strength I have.

  Nathaniel’s parents are kind and thoughtful, but I can see they are brimming with unasked questions about why I came to Richmond the way I did. When I walk into a room, they assume a different pose than they had before. Most of the time his parents are engaged in quiet conversation and they cease when they hear me approach. They trust Nathaniel’s judgment, I can see that, and they are committed to accepting me because they love their son. But I do not think they trust my judgment. They surely think it is odd that I married Nathaniel with not a family member in attendance. They showered me with presents on Christmas nonetheless.

  I wish I knew where Eliza spent her Christmas. I have written home to announce my news and inquire about Eliza, but it is too soon to expect a letter back from my grandmother. It has been less than week that I wrote to her.

  I wonder if you have had a happy Christmas. I pretend that I did. In truth, it wasn’t all pretend. The news on the street on Christmas Eve was that two Union soldiers escaped Libby Prison and no one knows how they accomplished it.