Secrets and Sacrifice: A Christian Romance (The Shadows Trilogy Book 4)

by Juliette Duncan

  Despite having peace in her heart, Grace had trouble sleeping, so sometime during the night she rose and wrote Niall a letter. She owed him that much at least. When she confessed to the Police, as no doubt she'd be doing in the next few days, she'd make sure he got it then. At least then he'd know why she hadn't agreed to marry him. She also read more of her Bible, clinging to the comfort it provided that God would uphold and bless those who did right in the sight of the Lord.

  Morning finally came. When Grace drew back the curtains, instead of a grey, misty morning, the sky was bathed in a glorious blue, and below, the loch shimmered in the early morning sunshine, warming her heart. It was going to be a lovely day, but how would it end? Grace's heart pounded once more, but as she gazed out at the beauty of God's creation, she reminded herself that God was with her, and would uphold her. Calmness returned to her soul.

  As much as she loved Lizzy and the children, Grace breathed a sigh of relief when she entered the kitchen to discover it empty. She turned the kettle on and made her herself a strong coffee. A note on the table caught her attention, and she picked it up.

  Dear Grace,

  Sorry we missed you—I didn't want to wake you… I've taken the children into town to see the doctor. I hope you're okay and that you have a nice day. We'll see you tonight.

  Lots of love and God bless,

  Lizzy

  A nice day… Closing her eyes, Grace gripped the edge of the table and drew a long, slow breath. If only… Releasing her breath, she sat, resting her head in the palm of her hand. How many times had she played over in her mind how she'd tell Ryan, and imagined the look of shock in his eyes when she did? But she had to do it, and God would be with her. Maybe they could have a nice morning… and then she'd tell him.

  Grace drank her coffee and poured another. Taking the mug back to her room, she placed it on her dresser while she showered. Ryan was picking her up at nine, so she had less than twenty minutes to be ready. She chose a pair of dark blue designer jeans, a red collared shirt, and matching red ballet flats. She threw in a denim jacket just in case.

  Looking in the mirror, she applied a light coat of foundation, some blusher, and some red lipstick to match her shirt. She decided to leave her hair down. She peered into the mirror. Would anyone pick her as a murderer? She'd looked into the eyes of many a killer, and they all had a look about them. Did she?

  She closed her eyes and swallowed. God, please be with me today. I need Your strength more than ever to do this.

  If they were to have a few hours of enjoyment before she dropped the bombshell, she needed to pull herself together before Ryan arrived. She'd done it before, and she could do it again. Drawing a deep breath, she steadied herself and opened her eyes, downed the rest of her coffee, picked up her bag, and went outside to wait for him.

  He turned up on the dot of nine in an old, olive-grey Land Rover. Not quite the car she was used to, but then, this was the Scottish Highlands, not downtown Belfast. Pulling up in front of the cottage, he jumped out and jogged around to where she stood in front of the white, picket fence.

  Grace's heart skipped a beat. So ruggedly handsome in blue jeans and white polo shirt, she struggled to tear her eyes away from Ryan's powerful, well-muscled body.

  He stopped in front of her and gave her a smile that sent her pulses racing. At the same time, her heart was crumbling. Taking her hands in his, he smiled into her eyes. The eyes of a murderer. "It's great to see you, Grace. Are you ready for today?"

  She swallowed hard and returned his smile. "Absolutely. Where are you taking me?"

  A mischievous look came into his eyes. "You'll have to wait and see." He chuckled. "Come on, let's go." He let go of one of her hands and led her with the other to his truck before opening the door.

  He must have seen her raised eyebrows as she clambered inside. "Don't you like it?" He wore an amused grin as he climbed in beside her.

  She cast her gaze over the basic dashboard, the long gear stick, the torn seat, and the metal floor in the back. "What makes you think that?"

  He shrugged as he let out another chuckle. "I have no idea."

  Their eyes locked. Grace's heart pounded. Leaning towards her, he lifted his hand to her cheek. "You look lovely today, Grace." His voice was soft, tender. He leaned closer, brushing his lips gently across hers, teasing her.

  "Thank you." She could hardly lift her voice above a whisper. She so desperately wanted him to kiss her. His nearness was overwhelming.

  He pulled back but left his hand on her cheek. "We'd best go."

  Her heart fell as he straightened and turned the key in the ignition. She studied his profile with sadness. They'd have so little time together.

  Ryan pointed the Land Rover northwards on the A82 towards Inverness, but soon after turned right onto the A86.

  "So, where are we going?" She had to speak loudly to be heard over the engine, and she didn't really care where they were going. It was just nice sitting beside Ryan, watching his strong arms handling this beast of a truck, but she guessed she should have some idea.

  Turning his head, Ryan leaned towards her. "Thought we'd take a drive into the Cairngorms, stop at Aviemore for a coffee, and then decide where to from there."

  "Sounds good." Grace smiled at him and then returned her attention to the countryside, all the while praying for strength for the conversation they'd soon be having.

  Half an hour later, Ryan pulled off the road and headed onto a smaller track.

  Grace angled her head and laughed. "Is this the right way?"

  He chuckled. "I know a short cut."

  She raised a brow. "I hope it doesn't turn into a long cut."

  "We'll be all right. Don't you worry."

  They bounced along the rough track, climbing steadily until they reached a plateau. Ryan pulled over and killed the engine. "Come on, I want to show you something."

  Grace climbed out as gracefully as she could and took the hand Ryan offered. The clean, crisp air took her breath away. All around were mountains dotted with sheep and heather, craggy rocks and the remains of old stone buildings. So peaceful, so quiet, so beautiful. "Where are we going?"

  "I found the remains of one of my ancestor's cottages a while ago. There's not much to see, but it's still interesting."

  "Do you still have family around here?"

  "Some. Distant relatives, but they've made me feel part of the clan, even though I'm a Sassenach."

  Grace laughed. "What would they think of me?"

  "They'd love you, Grace." His eyes flashed warmly as he wrapped his arm around her.

  She chuckled, but the heaviness in her chest was growing. They won't when they know all about me… But with Ryan's arm around her she felt safe, and she tried to push away the impending situation and just enjoy the present. "Tell me about them."

  She listened eagerly as he talked about the clan MacGregor, the most famous member being the one and only Rob Roy MacGregor.

  "The outlaw?" Grace laughed.

  "Yep."

  She looked more closely at him. "Ah, I see the resemblance…"

  He hit her playfully, and then stopped all of a sudden, gathering her in his arms. He flicked some hair off her shoulder and gazed into her eyes.

  Her heart thudded noisily.

  "I enjoy being with you, Grace. We understand each other." His voice was soft and warm, and sincere.

  His look was so galvanizing she almost melted in his arms. "Yes, we do." Her voice caught in her throat. An undeniable magnetism was building between them, and the mere touch of his hand against her cheek sent a warming shiver through her.

  Her knees weakened when he lowered his face and pressed his lips against hers. His kiss was slow and gentle, and she savoured every moment of it as if it were the last kiss she'd ever receive. When they parted, it was as if they'd entered a whole new world together. If only she didn't have to spoil it…

  He took her hand as they continued along the track in comfortable silence.

&n
bsp; When they reached the pile of rocks which Ryan told her were the ruins of a crofter's cottage that he believed belonged to one of his ancestors, she laughed. "You brought me all the way up here to show me a pile of rocks!"

  "They're special rocks. Can't you see that?" He bent down and picked one up.

  She looked at the rock in his hand and laughed. "It's just a rock!"

  He chuckled. "I guess so. But it's kind of cool to think my ancestors used to live up here." He turned around and gazed out at the bare mountains that stretched into the distance.

  "It must have been a hard life." Grace's tone sobered.

  "They were a tough lot, but yes."

  "Ryan…" Grace's heart pounded.

  As Ryan turned to face her, his expression changed. "What's wrong, Grace?" He stepped closer, placing his hands on her shoulders.

  "I… I need to tell you something." Her pulse raced. She swallowed the lump in her throat.

  "What is it?" His eyes held concern as they peered into hers.

  Her shoulders slumped. "I wasn't going to tell you until later, but I can't wait any longer. Can we sit?"

  "Sure. How about over there?" He pointed to a flat grassy patch to his right.

  Once seated, she took his hand and looked into his eyes. "I don't know how to tell you this, Ryan, but I need to, because once you hear it, you may not want to be involved with me."

  "Grace, it's okay. I don't get shocked easily."

  She grimaced. "No, but this might be the exception." Her bottom lip quivered as tears stung her eyes.

  He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and tilted her face towards his with his fingers. "You don't have to tell me, but if you feel you need to, I'm not going to judge you. Okay?"

  Blinking back tears, Grace's body shuddered as she drew a big breath. "Okay." Her voice was barely a whisper. She took several more breaths. "When I was sixteen, I did something really stupid." She gulped. "I got involved with a radical group." She gulped again. How could she do this? Her chest heaved.

  "It's okay, Grace. Take your time." Ryan stroked her hand and pulled her closer to him.

  She sucked in a steadying breath. Now she'd started, she had to continue. "I… I think I was just looking for something to be part of." She blew out her breath. "Being at Aunt Hilda's was horrible for Brianna and me, and I was angry we were there. I was just looking for something. Anything."

  Her body shuddered. "A friend introduced me to this group." She lifted her eyes and met Ryan's gaze. "It was exciting, and I jumped in head first." She gulped again, but held her gaze steady. "I went to bomb making classes without Aunt Hilda or Brianna knowing, but then I was given my first assignment." She swallowed hard as tears stung her eyes. "I had to place my bomb at a bus stop. Maybe I was naive, but I'd never really thought it through properly. I didn't think I'd be planting a bomb that would kill anyone. There was no way out if it, I had to place the bomb, otherwise who knows what would have happened to me, but I left a wire loose so it wouldn't go off. Only, it did." Tears streamed down her cheeks.

  "Ten people were killed, including three children." She wiped her cheeks with her fingers. "Somehow I got out of there without being picked as the one who'd planted it. I guess being in a school uniform helped. When I got home, that's when I discovered Brianna had been raped by our cousins. I was going to report them, but Aunt Hilda had found the piece of paper I'd stupidly thrown in my bin that had the time and place of the bombing on it." Grace sucked in a breath as the smug smirk on Aunt Hilda's face flashed through her mind. "She knew it was me who'd placed that bomb, and she vowed that if I ever reported her boys to the police, she'd report me." Grace clenched her fists. "Brianna and I fled, and we've never been back since. I changed my appearance and kept a low profile. Nobody other than Aunt Hilda knows, not even Brianna. She only knows something happened, but still doesn't know what." Grace lifted her gaze again. "But now that I'm a Christian, I know it's time to face the consequences." Her hands shook and her body felt cold. "So if you don't want to have anything more to do with me, I understand. And I'm ready for you to take me to the police."

  Ryan was unable to speak. He'd known Grace was holding things back, but he'd never in his wildest dreams imagined anything like this. And he knew about the bombing… he'd been in Londonderry when she was sixteen, having been sent there as part of a special task force to help combat the Troubles.

  But Grace? Caught up in that? Grace, Barrister, upholder of the law… maybe it wasn't just Brianna's rape that had motivated her to become a lawyer. Maybe she was putting herself on trial every time she stood up in court.

  What should he do? God had forgiven her, but he'd have to report her. If only she hadn't told him… but no, she had to, he could see that. It was better he knew. But he was falling for her… and now she'd given her heart to the Lord… but if what she was saying was true, she was responsible for the deaths of ten innocent people. He knew what that was like… how had she been able to keep it secret all these years without going crazy?

  He drew a deep breath. His heart was breaking as he gazed at Grace. God, please help me. Show me what to do. He squeezed her hand and then dabbed her cheeks with a tissue he drew from one of his pockets. "Grace, you're not a killer."

  Her eyes widened. "Yes, I am."

  "No, you might have killed people, but that doesn't make you a killer. You never intended to kill them."

  Her body shuddered.

  "I find it strange that no one came after you. The police were good at tracking down rebels back then."

  She angled her head. "How do you know?"

  His voice softened. "I was there, Grace. I was in Londonderry when that bomb went off."

  Her face paled even further. "I've been expecting a knock for more than fifteen years."

  "I bet you have. It must have been terrible."

  She nodded. "I should have handed myself in straight away. The longer I left it, the harder it became."

  "Are you sure it was your bomb that went off?"

  She nodded again. "The job was given to me. I was the only one there."

  He let out a heavy sigh. "We'll have to go the police."

  "I know."

  "I'll stand by you, Grace."

  "You don't have to do that, Ryan. We barely know each other."

  "Yes, but I want to know you better."

  "Even now?"

  "Nothing's changed that. From the moment I met you I felt a bond between us."

  "What if I'm sent to prison?"

  "We'll cross that bridge if we come to it."

  Tears spilled down her cheeks. She threw her hands over her face and burst into tears.

  He pulled her close, tucking her head into the hollow between his shoulder and neck as he gently rocked her back and forth, brushing her hair with his hand. "Shh… it'll be all right." He had no idea how, but thank God, He did.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Ryan suggested they continue with their day out and not rush into anything. "It's been so long already, Grace, another day isn't going to make any difference."

  "Are you sure?" Grace couldn't believe what she was hearing. Ryan had said he'd stand by her, and that there was no hurry, and they could continue their day out, almost as if nothing had happened.

  "Yes. As soon as you go to the police, they'll take you into custody, you know that."

  She nodded.

  "We need to think this through, because something doesn't seem right to me. Did you follow the story in the news to see if they arrested anyone?"

  "No. After Brianna and I left, we kept our heads down and tried to stay out of trouble. I never looked it up, and I knew Aunt Hilda wouldn't report me because if she did, I'd tell the police about the rape."

  "I think that's where we need to start."

  She drew her brows together. "Why? What are you thinking?"

  "I'm not sure. We just need to do some digging, that's all."

  "Okay. How do we do that?"

  "You're the lawyer…"


  "Yes, you're right… but not for much longer."

  Ryan squeezed her hand. "Don't say that, Grace. Don't give up hope." He smiled at her as he traced her hairline with his finger. "I think we should pray about it."

  "That's all I've been doing."

  "Another prayer won't hurt."

  "You're right. Thank you." She gave him a grateful smile before bowing her head, squeezing tears from her eyes as Ryan prayed for her.

  "Dear Heavenly Father, we come to You with heavy hearts. I thank You that Grace has come to know You, but as a result, she now has to face the consequences of her past. Please give us guidance and wisdom to know how to handle this, and if there's anything we need to know, please guide and direct us, but most of all, I pray that You'll bless Grace's honesty, and that she'll feel Your loving arms around her, no matter what happens. In Jesus' precious name we pray, Amen."

  Sniffing, Grace gave Ryan a weak smile. "Thank you."

  "You're welcome." He pulled her tight and gave her another hug as he kissed the top of her head. "Now, let's leave these rocks and grab a coffee. I sure need one, and I bet you do."

  "Where are we going to get one of those? I don't see any cafés around here." Grace chuckled. She felt lighter somehow, as if the weight she'd been carrying for so long had lifted. It was strange to think that after all these years of hiding it, her secret was finally out.

  "Oh, I have my secret places."

  "Really?" She chuckled again. "Did you bring a flask?"

  "No, but I should have." He jumped up and held his hand out to her. "Come on, there's a place not far from here."

  "I'll believe you when I see it."

  'You'll just have to trust me."

  Tucking her hand into the crook of his elbow, she smiled up at him. "I will, won't I?"

  "Yes."

  As she walked, Grace thought about what Ryan had said. Never had she doubted it was her bomb that had gone off… no one else had been there. But it might be worth doing some research. Easier said than done, out here in the middle of the Scottish Highlands. Niall. Niall! She hadn't called him… Her stomach churned and she let out a sigh. Well, at least now she could tell him why she hadn't married him rather than letting him read it in a letter. And surely he'd help her… but maybe not if he knew about Ryan… Only one way to find out.