Upon a Midnight Clear

by Jude Deveraux

  And he couldn't bear to hear the laughter of her and the two boys as they decorated the house for Christmas, a Christmas that didn't seem to include him.

  "Sit down," she said, then half shoved him into a chair and began to pry the gloves off his frozen hands. "If one of the boys stayed out until he was this cold I'd turn him over my knee," she said, sounding like the teacher she was.

  "Feel free to do the same to me," he said softly to the top of her head as she bent over his hands.

  "Stop it!" she said, looking into his eyes, which were almost level with hers. "And if you make any attempts at… at…"

  "At what?" he asked softly.

  Kathryn tossed his cold gloves on top of the wood box, then moved away from him. "Seduction, that's what."

  As the kitchen began to fill with warmth, feeling was returning to Cole's body. "Seduction?! How can you accuse me of such a thing? Ifyou've lived with me—lived with me!—for weeks, and I've never so much as touched you. I've seen you bent over your desk and reaching for apples and asleep in your bed, and I've never so much as laid a finger on you. So how can you accuse me of trying to seduce you?"

  In spite of herself, Kathryn had to turn away so he wouldn't see her smile. Cole Jordan was a difficult man to hate. Just seeing the way he loved his son was enough to melt a woman's heart. And then there was what he was doing, anonymously, for the people of Legend. How many men paid for retired "ladies of the evening" to be taken care of?

  Kathryn didn't bother to answer Cole as she raked the coals then added kindling and began to build up the fire in the stove. Turning toward the pantry, she said, "I'll see what Manuel has left for you to eat."

  But before she could take a step the door blew open, and she ran for it, but Cole beat her to it. Leaning over her, he shoved the door closed, then told her to pull the loose board off the kindling box and to fetch hammer and nails. Kathryn scurried to obey him, then held the board up as he nailed it in place across the door.

  When he'd finished she turned to walk away, but her body was pinned between the door and him, and it didn't look as though he was about to move.

  "What is it you want?" he asked softly.

  Kathryn tried to look around him, but that was nearly impossible considering how big he was. "Please let me by," she said, trying to still the trembling in her voice.

  "No, you can't go. Not until you talk to me. Not until you tell me why you've turned against me."

  That made her look up at him! "Turned against you? "You tried to deny me a job that was rightfully mine. You called me a liar and worse in front of the whole town. You humiliated me in front of…"

  She broke off because he was wrapping her braid around one hand, while his other hand trailed down her shoulder.

  "Why is it that even though you have a child I get the feeling that you know nothing about men?"

  "I know everything about men," she said, trying to tighten her lips into a line. "I know that they are liars and cannot be trusted, that they take everything from a woman and leave her nothing. I know they… they…" His hands were on her neck now, and she turned her head away. "Please don't do that," she whispered. "Please."

  Abruptly, he dropped his hands, but he didn't step away from her. "You're free," he said. "Free to go wherever you want."

  Kathryn started to step away, but then she turned and looked up at his face. The room was dark except for the soft glow from the lantern; she could feel the heat rising from the stove. And the Christmas decorations she and the boys had hung about the room gave it a festive, happy look. Outside a bolt of lightning flashed, making her jump, and when she did, she came in contact with Cole's big body, his clothing still wet and cold, but she could feel the heat from his body as though he were a raging fire.

  Her mistake was in looking up at his face as another flash of lightning illuminated it, and all she could think of was that first day and his lips on hers. Without conscious thought, Kathryn's arms went around his neck, and she kissed him with all the pent-up desire that had built in her over the weeks. No, the desire that had built up over years was in her lips.

  For a second, Cole pulled back from her, then looked at her in puzzlement because she kissed like a child, with her lips tightly closed. With great pleasure he showed her how to open her mouth under his, and when the tip of his tongue touched hers, she seemed to melt into his arms.

  "Kathryn," he whispered as he buried his face in her neck. "I have dreamed of you every night and every day. I've thought of nothing else except you since that first day. I can't fight you anymore. We must—"

  With a great push, she got away from him. "No," she said, moving away, her breast heaving. "Don't say any more. You mustn't say any more. There cannot be anything between us."

  Cole was smiling at her and slowly moving closer. "I know that there have been some unusual things between us, and maybe I shouldn't have thought you were trying to trick me into hiring you, but I really did think you'd tried to play me for a fool. And can you blame me for being angry? There I'd found who I thought was the one woman for me, only to find out that she was a conniving little actress, so I—"

  "Don't come any closer," Kathryn said under her breath.

  "Sweetheart, I plan to get a lot closer than this," he said as he reached out for her, then only smiled when she moved to the other side of the kitchen. "Look, honey, I'll court you if that's what you want. I'll buy you flowers and candy and—"

  "No!" Kathryn said fiercely. "You can't. We can't. You don't know—" Suddenly her head felt as though it were going to explode. In Philadelphia she had dreamed of falling in love with a man and having a complete family, but now she knew what it felt like to love a man, for only love could make her feel this awful. And with the knowledge of love, she knew something else: She knew that she could not endanger Cole and Zachary. She and Jeremy were already in danger, and it must not extend further.

  "What in the world makes you think I'd ever be interested in a cowboy like you?" she said, with a toss of her head that she hoped looked convincing. "Look at yourself. You smell like horses, and I doubt if you've ever read a book in your life and—"

  She didn't say any more as Cole pulled her into his arms and kissed her until she could hardly breathe. When he moved his mouth away, she was limp in his arms, her eyes closed.

  "I don't know why I ever thought you could have been a good actress," he said softly as he began to kiss her neck. When she didn't respond, Cole swept her up into his arms and carried her up the stairs to his room, where he gently laid her on his bed.

  "But I… We…"

  "Shhh," he said, kissing her as he quickly stripped off his cold, wet clothes, then climbed into bed beside her. When a flash of lightning illuminated the room and he saw Kathryn's expression as she saw his nude body, he smiled. "You'd think you'd never seen a naked man before."

  "I haven't," she said without thinking, as he started unbuttoning her dress and kissing the skin that was exposed, inch by slow inch.

  He chuckled at her words. "And was Jeremy's father some phantom lover, a man you never saw?" he asked as his hands moved over her breasts.

  Kathryn didn't answer, but closed her eyes as she felt the new sensations of this man's touch.

  Then abruptly, Cole stopped touching her and leaned over her, staring down into her eyes. "How did you get pregnant with Jeremy?" he asked forcefully.

  Turning her head away, Kathryn wouldn't look at him, then she drew her dress together and started to get off the bed, but Cole stopped her.

  "The bastard," he said under his breath, and those words told that he knew how Kathryn had been made pregnant. After a moment, Cole slowly began to kiss her neck again. But when she didn't respond, he took her face in his hands and looked at her. "You may not think so, but I'm an honorable man. I keep my word. Kathryn," he said with his eyes piercing into hers, "I love you. I think I fell in love with you that first day when you saved my life. I knew I had never kissed anyone who made me feel as you did, and that's why, la
ter, when I thought you were just one of the girls from town, I was in a rage."

  He was caressing her cheek and neck, and Kathryn's eyes closed. "Later," he said, soft and low, "I decided that I didn't want to be in love. I didn't want this feeling of rage one minute and… and…"

  "Blithering idiocy the next?" she asked.

  "Exactly," he said, smiling.

  All the while he was talking to her, he was touching her, his hands gentle and tender, moving along her waist, along the edges of her breasts.

  Then suddenly, he rolled away, to the far side of the bed so he seemed to be miles from her. "I can't do this," he said as he put his hands behind his head and stared at the ceiling. "I thought you were a widow or at least that you were familiar with a man. But you're almost a virgin."

  For the last hour or so she had been swept off her feet and unable to think. Yesterday she had told herself that she despised him. When they passed in the hall, she had looked past him. So how had they come to be in his bed together, he naked with only a sheet covering him? How had she come to have her dress unfastened so that her breasts above her corset were exposed? But most importantly, what had happened to make him move away?

  She rolled toward him, pressing her body against his, then put her hand on his bare chest. She'd never touched a man's bare body before. When O'Connor had done to her… what he had done, he had not bothered to remove his clothing.

  "I can't very well be a virgin if I've given birth to a child, can I?" she said as she planted a kiss on his shoulder.

  Cole didn't move. "But still, you're not experienced in these matters, so we'd better wait. Until after the wedding, that is."

  Kathryn paused in kissing his arm, but only for a moment. Right now she didn't seem able to remember anything about safety. How could she and Jeremy not be safe if they were protected by a man like Cole Jordan? And a wedding might be very nice.

  She ran her hand across his wide chest, then, daringly, she moved it downward, below the sheet that was draped over him. "What do a few days matter?" she said as she moved upward and began to kiss the soft place just below his ear. It was when she felt his pulse that she knew he was lying. He was as excited as a man could be, and one glance downward confirmed that knowledge. Maybe she wasn't a good actor, but he obviously was.

  "You're right," she said as she moved away from him. "We should wait. We should get to know each other. We hated each other yesterday, and today we love each other. Who's to say that we won't hate again tomorrow? And if we've done this, we won't be able to go back. Yes, indeed, we should wait."

  But as Kathryn rolled to the edge of the bed, Cole caught her arm.

  "You put one foot on that floor and you're dead," he said in the voice of a man who was serious. Very serious.

  With a giggle, Kathryn turned back to him, and the next moment he was on top of her, and her clothes came off in one fluid motion. "You are never, never going to get away from me again, Mrs. Kathryn Jordan," he said as his lips descended on hers. "Never."

  "I don't think I want to," she whispered, but didn't say any more because he began to make love to her, and she didn't think after that.

  In the morning, when Cole awoke with a smile on his lips, Kathryn was not in the bed beside him. Thinking she'd gone for necessary purposes, he put his hands behind his head and looked at the ceiling. So many years ago, when he was just a boy, that woman he'd seen only once, a beautiful woman with black hair to her waist, had told him to marry someone who could cook. And that was what he was going to do.

  But in the next instant his happiness was shattered by the door bursting open, and a wild-eyed Zachary was there. "They're gone," he said.

  For a moment Cole couldn't comprehend what his son was saying. "Who's gone? More hands? I'll hire—"

  "No! Mrs. Kate and Jeremy are gone!"

  In a flash Cole was out of the bed and pulling on his trousers, and moments later he was running down the hall toward Kathryn's bedroom. Her bed had not been slept in but Jeremy's had. Turning, Cole looked at his son and the boy handed him a note that Zachary had obviously already opened and read.

  Dearest Cole, he read. There are things in my life that I can tell no one. I cannot expose you to what Jeremy and I must face every day of our lives. Forgive me, but I love you and Zachary too much to put your lives at risk. Good-bye, my loves.

  Cole looked at his son. "Get my horse ready. She can't have gone far."

  "You'll bring her back?" Zachary said, and for the first time that Cole could remember, the boy looked as young as he actually was.

  "While there is breath in me I will look for her," Cole said, then grabbed his son in a quick, fierce hug as he was running for the door.

  But in the hall, he paused, for there on the floor was a piece of paper. Before Cole picked it up he sensed that it was important, and his intuition told him that Jeremy had secretly left the paper behind.

  Bending, Cole picked it up, and what he saw made his breath catch in his throat. It was a wanted poster with a drawing of Kathryn and a younger Jeremy. The poster said Caitlin McGregor was wanted for thievery and attempted murder, with ten thousand dollars being offered for information leading to her apprehension.

  When Cole read that the woman was known to be dangerous and should be treated as such, he crumbled the paper in his hand.

  But not before his son had seen it. As Cole looked up, he saw the Christmas tree in the living room, gaily wrapped gifts under the tree. The idea of putting up a tree was something that Kathryn had brought with her from England and Cole had surreptitiously watched as the three of them had decorated it.

  Now, the tree and the gifts were a reminder that he had a son and he owed something to him. Cole looked into Zachary's eyes. 'Today is Christmas," was all he could manage to say, but his son understood that his father was torn between duty and action.

  "Won't be much of a Christmas without that sissy boy to show off to," Zachary said, and Cole could see that the boy was hovering between tears and abject terror. "And won't be no real dinner if Manuel has to cook it." The tears were winning.

  Zachary's head came up. "She didn't kill anybody, did she? They ain't gonna hang her, are they?"

  "Not while I have breath in me," Cole said, then bent and hugged his son fiercely. "How about we hold off on Christmas until we can share it with them?"

  Immediately, Zachary's head came up as he pulled away from his father. "Maybe if you bring them back it will help make up for the low-life snakey way you've treated her since she's been here."

  Cole opened his mouth to chastise his son, but closed it again. "Let's hope so. Don't cause any trouble while I'm gone," he said, then ran out the door.

  * * *

  Chapter Six

  It took Cole and seven detectives six months to find Kathryn and Jeremy. And by the time he did find her, he knew more about her life than he did about his own. It was amazing how many Irish people who were in the United States now had once worked for the O'Connors. And each person was willing to tell all that he knew—or thought he knew.

  Cole found Jeremy first, and immediately, his stomach lurched, for the boy, already too thin, had lost weight. And the usually fastidious child was dirty, his clothes nearly worn through. The worst was that in his eyes was a look of hopelessness.

  When Jeremy looked up from his shoeshine kit and saw Cole, he didn't say a word, but walked away from his rich customer and stared up at Cole, his eyes filled with questions. Cole opened his arms, and Jeremy fell into them, his body shaking from emotion. When Cole lifted the boy and carried him to the waiting carriage as though he were a baby, Jeremy didn't protest, but put his head against Cole's strong shoulder and buried his face, as though he no longer wanted to see what was around him.

  Cole had rented a two-bedroom suite in San Francisco's finest hotel, so he took Jeremy there and ordered half the menu brought upstairs. As Jeremy sat at the table and ate as though he were starving, which he was, Cole said, "Where is she?"

  "She won't
want to see you," Jeremy said, mouth full, his usually impeccable table manners forgotten. "She says you'll be killed if you take on my father."

  Cole didn't allow the boy to see his wince at the thought of someone else being Jeremy's father. Instead, Cole stood by the door and looked at Jeremy.

  The boy got the message, for a moment later he gave Cole the name and address of a soup kitchen. "She waits in line there for free soup. Wait!" he called when Cole bolted out of the room. "She's—" Breaking off, Jeremy looked down at his plate, his face red.

  "I'll take her whatever she is," Cole said, not bothering to wait to hear if Jeremy had any more to say.

  When Cole at last made his way through the back streets of San Francisco to the soup kitchen and scanned the long line of people, at first he didn't recognize Kathryn, for she was heavy with child. His child, he thought, as several emotions went through him at once. First there was anger that she'd not told him, then there was more anger because she had taken something away that belonged to him. But then Kathryn turned and saw him, and when he looked into her eyes he didn't seem to remember what he had ever been angry about.

  For a moment all he could do was stand there, on the other side of the street from her, and grin. But when he saw her put her hand to her forehead and start to faint, he ran in front of carriages, freight wagons, and over pedestrians as he made his way to her.

  He caught her before she hit the ground, swept her into his arms, then carried her to the carriage.

  "I can't stay here," Kathryn was saying as Cole put more shampoo on her filthy hair. "And you have no right to do this. We have no right. We shouldn't—"

  She broke off because Cole had dunked her head under water in the bathtub. Kathryn came up sputtering.

  "If you're about to tell me that we're not married, and I have no right to strip your clothes off and bathe you, I think that belly of yours is evidence that I have every right."

  "It's not your child," she said, chin up as he used a rough cloth to scrub her back. "I have been to bed with so many men that—Ow! That hurts."