But she told me to get out of her life. Get out of her life. The one person I’d always loved, told me to get lost. She couldn’t do that and get away with it. We had a pact; she’d signed it. It was there in black and white. It was a contract. It was our bond. It represented our future. When I tried to point this out she laughed at me. I had to make her see sense the only way I could. The only way I could was to sue her for breach of promise.
The British law system is quite different to American procedure, but I had contacts. I called a guy I had worked with when I had started out in London, he was still with the firm with whom we’d both trained. Clive Parsons met me for a drink and I told him everything. He told me I had no chance of getting it to court, and he tried his darndest to talk me out of it. I told him there was no way I would give up, so he said that as I was serious we could issue proceedings for a preliminary hearing. He helped through the process, and although we weren’t exactly friends, it was good to have someone to talk to. I issued a summons for a preliminary hearing in a civil court. If the judge agreed I had a case then I would go ahead and sue; I’d sue until she saw sense. Although Clive said this was doubtful, I was still determined to give it my best shot. I asked Clive to represent me but he refused. He was very nice about it, but told me that he couldn’t take on a case like that, he mumbled something about it not being his ‘area’. I was going to represent myself. I knew what I had to do, and I knew why I was doing it. I thanked Clive for his help and I prepared myself to battle.
‘Why are you really doing this?’ Clive asked me.
‘Because I love her,’ I replied, simply.
‘George, I don’t think this is going to work, I’m telling you that as a mate.’
‘Fine, but I’m still going to do it.’
‘I suppose I should wish you luck, I just don’t know if I can. I feel that I should try to stop you, that I shouldn’t have let you come this far.’
‘Clive, I’ll take it from here, there’s no need for you to be involved further. There’s nothing more to say.’
‘George, good luck...I think.’
‘Thank you Clive.’
Just one more person who refused to understand me.
*
I wasn’t trying to hurt her. There was no way I would ever hurt her, but I couldn’t let her throw our future away and I had to use any means within my power to ensure that that didn’t happen. All I was trying to do was to keep myself in her life, that way she would soon come to her senses.
Love is a funny thing. Everyone who has ever been in love must know that. It is something that makes you feel strong and weak at the same time. I knew in the weeks following my departure from New York that I wanted to go back there. I knew that I wanted to return to my old job and resume my career but I also knew that the only way I would do that was with Holly as my wife. Surely she was going to realise how right we were for each other? It was just a question of when.
So, today, I am once again George Conway, super lawyer, and I am going to ensure that Holly Miller is so impressed with what I can do that she will come running into my arms. Where she belongs.
I checked myself in the mirror one last time. Gave myself a pep talk and tried to contain my nerves. I had to; my future depended on it.
Chapter Fifteen
Post Coital
I went to court, although it didn’t look like a court, but saying that, I was too nervous to pay attention. As we met Susan’s words washed over me. All I could imagine was myself and George shackled together in marriage, enforced by an old judge who had never married himself. It certainly wasn’t like on television. I kissed Joe and Freddie before we were taken to somewhere called ‘chambers’, and all I could think was that the British legal system was archaic because what they called chambers, any normal person would call an office.
It was over quickly. If I had paid attention rather than concentrating on the nausea I was feeling, I would have known that it was going to be all right from the start. The judge asked how it had been allowed to get this far. I wondered the same. As this was a preliminary hearing and not a proper case it was just Susan, myself and George in front of the judge. The judge said that the contract would not stand up in any court of law and that was to be an end to the matter. I watched George’s face crumple and I felt sorry for him. I then kicked myself for that, because he had tried to force me to marry him. He was ordered to pay any costs and then we were thrown out. As Joe and Freddie hugged and congratulated me I watched George leave dejectedly. I did notice that there was a woman there and I wondered if she was a friend because she led him out. I didn’t care because it was all over as far as I was concerned and I could get back to my life. It was three months since George had first come back into my life and finally I was rid of him. Any sadness I tried to feel about this, was washed away with relief.
‘Susan, thanks,’ I said, with as much affection as I could muster for my solicitor.
‘Just my job,’ she replied, said her goodbyes and left. I noticed that she smiled a little more than she had on our previous meetings, and I decided that if I was going to need a solicitor ever again, I would contact her.
‘I think that we should celebrate,’ Freddie said.
‘How about Italian food and red wine,’ Joe suggested.
‘No champagne?’ Freddie asked, in mock-horror.
‘OK, so we’ll head over to the nearest oyster bar and order champagne and oysters,’ I decided.
‘Actually, I’ve got to get back to work, so I better leave you two to it,’ Freddie said, winking.
‘Maybe I should come in to work, after all I have been a bit preoccupied lately,’ I suggested.
‘No, Francesca said that I was to call her with the news and then head back, and whatever the outcome you were to have the rest of the day off.’ Freddie kissed me and left.
‘I think you need to pinch me,’ I said as Joe took my hand as we left the building.
‘Why?’
‘Well, now it’s over it all feels like it was just a terrible nightmare.’
‘It was.’
‘I’m relieved, but I’m almost angry with myself for letting it get me into such a state.’
‘It’s not every day that someone takes you to court to try to get you to marry them,’ Joe said, squeezing my hand that bit harder.
‘I know, anyway, it is over now.’
‘It sure is. Where shall we go for the champagne?’
‘Let’s go to Blake’s, I feel like celebrating.’
In the taxi, I called my parents, then Imogen, Lisa and Francesca to tell them the good news. By the time we got to the restaurant, I was more than ready to celebrate. I hadn’t felt this happy in ages, I was as exuberant as the bubbles in the champagne. I ate heartily, but then I had been eating quite a lot. After lunch, I ordered another bottle of champagne, and Joe reached over and took my hand. We were a bit merry I think, but Joe’s face was pink, I believe he was blushing.
‘Holly, I know that when I asked you to marry me it was for all the wrong reasons. Well, not all the wrong reasons, because I do love you and that’s always a reason for marriage, but I guess my timing was off and the overwhelming reason was to get George off your back, but now he is. Anyway, what I mean is that when I asked you, well I hadn’t given it a huge amount of thought, but I haven’t stopped thinking about it. And well, this isn’t how I planned it, but...I don’t think I’m very good at this, so I should just do it. Holly Miller will you marry me?’
The warmth that flooded my entire body was like a lifetime of summers. Shit, how corny is that, but it was. Here in front of me was the man I loved and he was asking me the question that was perhaps the most important question anyone would ever ask me, and although I was a bit off marriage since George came back on the scene, I knew that the way my body, and my head, and my heart were feeling right now, was the right way to feel. I squeezed Joe’s hand and felt tears stinging the back of my eyes, I didn’t want to cry, not even with happiness because
there had been too many tears. Joe was looking at me intently, looking for the answer, and his face was still pink.
‘Yes,’ I squeaked, unable to hear if my voice was audible.
‘You said “yes”?’ Joe shouted.
‘I did.’ He jumped up and to the surprise of the rest of the restaurant, he lifted me high in the air.
‘You mean it?’ he whispered into my ear, as if he couldn’t believe it.
‘I do, do you?’ I asked, unable to believe it either. Then we kissed, and we laughed, and this time the tears did return.
We finished the second bottle, and then we paid the bill and went home.
‘I want to tell the world,’ Joe said.
‘Well you can’t. You have to ask my father’s permission don’t forget.’
‘I haven’t met your father.’ Suddenly Joe looked scared.
‘He’s a softie, but really you ought to meet my parents before we tell anyone.’
‘When can I meet them?’
‘How about the weekend after next? It’s a bit of a trek to Devon, so we could try to take Friday afternoon off.’
‘Sounds fine by me. But I have to keep quiet until then?’
‘Absolutely.’
‘I love you Holly Miller.’
‘I love you too Joe McClaren.’
The court case was over, I was marrying the man I loved, but immediately following the proposal, life got back to normal. I went to work and threw myself into it. I found it hard keeping quiet about our engagement but if ever I was tempted to talk about it, I called Joe. On Saturday, following the court visit, I had work to catch up with and Freddie was coming over to my flat to help. We’d got behind on a couple of projects, although nothing major, and as it was my fault, I resolved to sort it out. Freddie was being a darling about the whole thing, and I really felt things getting back on track. Joe was spending the weekend catching up with friends he’d neglected before the court case. I kissed him goodbye and I realised that although he would only be gone for one night, I really would miss him. I was totally sad.
When I think back to first meeting Joe, I was cool. Before Joe I was cool, but gradually I have been sliding off the cool tracks and now I am just a loved-up sap. The awful thing is that I’m quite happy to be uncool. I have no use for cool any longer. But then, the relationship has had an unusual path. Pre-George it was normal, but George did turn it on its head. He tried to split us up but that brought us closer together and I am sure that if it hadn’t been for him we wouldn’t be making this mammoth marriage decision for a while yet. He made me realise how much I loved Joe, which is ironic because that was the opposite to what he wanted, and I guess he must have made Joe realise how much he loved me. In a funny way, I owed a lot to George. I might even tell him that one day.
The buzzer interrupted my thoughts and as Freddie announced himself over the intercom I let him in.
I could hear him bounding up the stairs, and he stood at the door looking like the cat who got the cream.
‘Let me in,’ he said, impatiently, as he pushed past me.
‘Why the big grin?’ I asked.
‘Just had a good shag last night, you know.’
‘Actually, I do. Who was she?’
‘No one you’d know.’ Freddie coloured slightly, suggesting the opposite of his words.
‘It better not be anyone at work or I’ll castrate you.’
‘Course not,’ Freddie replied, filling the kettle.
‘So?’ I pulled two cups out of the cupboard and reached for the instant coffee.
‘Instant? You are so bourgeois,’ Freddie said.
‘I’m not sure that you mean that. I thought instant was common.’
‘Actually. bourgeois is the new common.’
‘So, no more details?’
‘Nope. What about you? How is life in the land of the romantics?’
‘Perfect. It’s been so nice since the court appearance. First off I am relaxed, and second Joe and I are happy and I don’t snap at him all the time and, of course, George is nowhere to be seen.’
‘Holly, touch wood quickly, I hate it when you say things like that, it’s like you’re tempting fate.’ I humoured him by touching wood.
‘Sorry. And the other thing is that I’ve stopped being sick.’
‘I didn’t know you were being sick.’
‘Oh yes, practically every day, it was the stress. Anyway, it’s stopped now.’ I smiled, Freddie didn’t.
‘Holly, you know I teased you the other day about putting on weight?’
‘Yeah, but that was stress too, anyway, it’s barely noticeable.’
‘I know. But...well I thought you might take up smoking again, you know when George was stressing you out.’
‘I did, but I couldn’t bear the taste, just shows how effective giving up was.’
The kettle had boiled and I made the coffee. He was leaning against the cooker looking perplexed. I handed him the coffee.
‘Can I ask you something without you shouting at me?’ he said.
I nodded, confused by the strange look that had appeared on his face. ‘As long as it’s not about the fact that I’ve put on weight. I feel bad enough about that already.’ I giggled, Freddie didn’t.
‘Holly, can you in any way be pregnant?’
‘What?’ I laughed. ‘Don’t be ridiculous, I’m on the pill.’
‘And you take it regularly?’
‘Like clockwork, you know how organised I am. I get out of bed in the morning, take a shower, then I drink a glass of fruit juice and take my pill before getting dressed. Freddie, why did you say that?’
‘When was your last period?’
‘Don’t...’ I was about to tell him that I didn’t know, and then I remembered I didn’t know. Stress can be insidious, I know, I’ve seen what it can do. People lose their hair and all sorts, and I was really under stress. I had been trying to come to terms with my best friend turning into a madman, then it was the harassment, then the court threats. Almost three months of torture. Shit, three months.
‘Holly, please, tell me. I had this hunch...I thought you looked, well you look different, if you’ve missed your period do a test.’ I looked at him, surprised that he would be the one to notice such things. Even if he was totally wrong. ‘Hol, don’t look at me like that, my sister was pregnant last year remember, she phoned me up daily as soon as she found out with symptoms. I never thought her harassing me would come in handy, but it has.’
‘Freddie, I told you, I’m on the pill, and anyway, stress can affect you in many ways you know.’
Freddie had grabbed his coat and abandoned his coffee. ‘Where are you going?’ I asked, confused, scared, and unsure. ‘I’m going to buy you a pregnancy test kit.’
‘I don’t need one.’
‘I think you do.’
‘I don’t.’
‘Tell me when your last period was and I’ll stay.’ He looked at me with concern and a bit of impatience. I shrugged as I looked back at him, then watched him leave the flat.
I clutched my coffee waiting for him to return, but I didn’t drink it. It was all so absurd. How could I be pregnant? I’d know. I’m sure I’d know. There was no way on earth that I wouldn’t know something that big. I hadn’t even put on much weight, just a few pounds. Freddie was being melodramatic.
The coffee cup slipped from my hand as something entered my mind. I walked to the sink to get a cloth but I held on to it for dear life. No! I screamed to myself. This could not happen. There were too many things, no, too many bad things. I was not pregnant, because I would know if I was.
It seemed like hours before Freddie came back, and I had mopped up the spilt coffee and regained some of my composure. Freddie had scared me, but that was all, and as soon as I took his negative pregnancy test I would then go to the doctor and tell him about the stress and see what he could do for me. Everything would be sorted, Freddie was definitely wrong.
‘Holly, you know I care about you, and I�
��m not doing this to try to hurt you?’ he said as he handed the package to me. I smiled and busied myself reading the instructions, but although I knew that there was no way I was pregnant, holding the test in my hand scared me.
‘Go pee on the stick,’ Freddie instructed.
‘I’m just reading the instructions and anyway I don’t know if I can pee to order.’
‘You’ve got one of the weakest bladders I’ve ever met, go on.’ He ushered me to the bathroom and stood there.
‘Well I can’t do it if you’re watching,’ I said.
‘I don’t want to watch, thank you,’ Freddie replied, and he smiled as he shut the door. Suddenly my bathroom seemed enormous, although it wasn’t. The loo was miles away, so I started walking towards it. I pulled the test out of the box and did as I was instructed, I peed on it. Then I washed my hands, wiped the arm of the test with a tissue, thinking how undignified it all felt. Surely modern science could come up with a more hygienic way of finding out if I was pregnant or not. I put down the loo seat and sat on it leaving the test on the side of the sink. Freddie knocked on the door.
‘I’m coming.’ I went and opened the door.
‘Well?’
‘Give it a chance, you have to wait a couple of minutes.’
‘Is there a line?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘What do you mean you don’t know?’
‘I can’t look.’
‘But if you’re so confident that you’re not pregnant, you wouldn’t mind looking.’
‘Fuck off Freddie. You look.’ All of a sudden, this huge implausibility was looking a tiny bit plausible. Then increasingly so as the test sat on the sink.
‘There’s a line,’ Freddie whispered.
‘Well then, it must be wrong. Faulty tests, you hear about them all the time.’
‘Lucky I got you another one then.’
‘Well I can’t pee again.’
We battled on for a bit, while I paced round the flat. I immediately gravitated back to the kitchen where I stared out of the window. I saw George. I blinked and looked again and realised he wasn’t there.
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