by August Red
Roman’s done good today. Promotion is just right around the corner. Looks like they'll be a few vacancies needed to be filled soon, seeing as there are a few naughty wolves in the pack.
Hopefully, Roman will be the one to vacate them permanently.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
BELLE FEELS HIS HAND leave her, and she forces her head off the table to see that he’s unfastening his suit pants.
Oh, God, no...
Her darkest, most secret fantasy, is about to come true. But instead of making love to her in a bedroom made from a fairytale castle, Judas is about to fuck her senseless on a table.
The reality hits her hard. There’s been no admission of love. The endless weeks of tension and frustration have led to this, the point where their desire can no longer be contained. The momentum that’s building will turn what could be something beautiful, into a hurried mistake. This isn’t going to be an act of love. How can it be? They’re about five seconds from a tabletop quickie. This isn’t going to be something sacred she will cherish forever. This is sex. Frantic, rough sex.
Belle had sworn to herself that she’s better than this, after losing her virginity to Emmett. And she’s unsure of Judas’ true intentions. Maybe he only wants sex from her. But somehow, deep down, she doesn’t believe that.
Judas has only ever had one-night stands; it’s all he’s ever known. Not only does she deserve better, but so does he. And Belle wants more than anything, more than instant pleasure, is for Judas to believe that he is worth so much more.
"Stop, Judas!"
Judas stops immediately, his hands still on the buttons of his trousers as he looks up at her with hungry eyes. She struggles to sit up, trying to keep the top of her dress from slipping as she urges breathlessly, "Judas... no. We... we shouldn't do this… Not here. Not like this."
His gaze is intense as he groans, "My bedroom then?"
Belle shakes her head. "No. No I can’t do this. I... promised myself I wouldn’t do this again unless it... meant something... I want it to mean something with you."
His eyes cast downwards, his breathing heavy. “Do you know what you’re asking of me?”
“You deserve more as well, Judas.”
He lets go of her completely and pulls back. His eyes harden. "You have no idea what little I deserve and the reasons for it,” he says gruffly. “So don’t think you know me enough to say that." His jaw tightens, and his brows lower in defense.
Getting off the table to stand, she tries to capture his gaze. "Please don’t go cold on me,” she murmurs. “I hate it when you—"
Belle takes a deep sobering breath as Judas’ arm closes around her. Despite the fact that she’s fully clothed, she feels incredibly exposed and vulnerable.
Her thoughts are a tempestuous storm as her mind reels over what had almost taken place. Judas had kissed her. He had touched her, violated her in an incredible way, and she had been so close to surrendering to him. She’s done the right thing, but, her body suffers.
Belle is a slave to her desire when it comes to Judas.
The arm around her waist tightens, drawing her closer to him. He leans in and whispers in that sultry voice that nightmares are made from, "I’ll just have to show you how good it will be then."
The suggestiveness of his insinuation is not lost on her, and it brings the heat back to her cheeks. In a hitching breath, she stammers, "Th-That's not... I... I wasn’t saying that...”
Acutely aware of the fact that he’s pulled her closer, she can feel his thick thighs moving against hers, and his warm breath drifting over her ear. She shuts her eyes in attempt to suppress the barrage of erotic sensations; it only heightens each and every one. His dark creamy voice interrupts her thoughts as he purrs, "I can take all the pain away tonight. Let me.”
His eyes meet hers, and the heat in his gaze is unequivocal. Not a trace of a smile graces his face. His demeanor is intense, his sight set resolutely on her. Her heart feels as though it’s slamming against her ribcage. Belle knows that look. She was right.
He is big trouble.
His eyes never leave her face as his other arm encircles her waist, drawing her nearer in the most natural and deliberate manner. Dizzy euphoria washes over her as she wraps her arms about his broad shoulders. Very slowly, he starts to move with her to the slow, seductive song that begins to play. The combination of the evocative music, and his close proximity, is overwhelming. His scent is reminiscent of sweet exotic spices mixed with something that reminds her of winter and snowfall. She breathes deeply, committing the scent to eternal memory. It’s sweeter than anything she has ever known.
His eyes dart to her lips, once, twice, before capturing her warm gaze again. A faint smile of satisfied contentment touches his lips as she moves in unison with him, relaxing her body against him. Her heart flutters wildly in her chest as his hands splay out, moving gently and persuasively up the length of her back. Her eyes roam hungrily over his face, and she finds him so beautiful; it’s heart-wrenching.
His silky voice comes hot against her ear, "I don’t think you know what you want... what you need..."
Judas is relentless. And Belle realizes then, that he’s a man used to using sex as a means to getting what he wants from women. He’s fighting her; fighting himself against her faith in his self-worth. He lost control tonight, and Belle is beginning to understand him more.
And he knows it.
And he hates it.
Now he’s using his charms, his godly body, to take back that control from Belle. And, dammit, she isn’t so sure if she’s strong enough to fight him.
Not trusting herself to speak, she merely nods. Her knees feel weak and she clings to him for fear of losing her balance. His hands make their way up her body to cradle her face. Her eyes meet his for a fleeting moment, and for the first time, they’re soft rather than fierce. He lowers his lips to hers, and kisses her in a light and teasing manner.
It’s maddening to feel his mouth on hers like that, with so much pent-up longing and promise. It shatters her resolve so much that she wants to just give in. But is she willing to place her heart in his hands? This is Judas Bane, after all. Can she risk sleeping with him knowing that things can so easily fall apart? That she can fall apart? Would she be able to accept one night of passion, enjoy it, and then walk away with her heart in one piece? Can she sleep with him knowing it’s impossible for them to be together?
No. She can’t.
Belle is already in too deep.
If she takes that final step, she will not come out unscathed. Whether he knows it or not, it seems that in the end, Judas does have a great deal of power over her. Because she deeply, madly, cares about him. More than she’ll admit to herself.
Judas moves to deepen the kiss. Torn between ecstasy and agony, she barely manages to stifle a sob as her hands suddenly slide down over his chest to push him off. She fights hard to keep a tear at bay, and clenches her jaw as she finally manages to tear her mouth from his. Her hands are still braced against his chest to keep him away as she struggles to take in some air.
She finally catches her breath enough to speak, and to her dismay, her voice shakes as badly as her insides, and her words come out in a choked whisper, "P-Please... stop... Please."
For a moment, he seems taken aback. Then his eyes cloud with some dark emotion. "Belle..."
She quickly turns her back on him, afraid she’ll lose her composure. She takes a few deep breaths before she begins in a shaky, desperate voice, "I'm asking you nicely... please... If there's a shred of decency in you... please... don't do that again."
He speaks from behind her, his voice soft, almost coaxing as he replies, "Do what... kiss you?"
She nods her head as the slow, seductive song dies away and something softer and more lighter begins. She hears him come closer. "Okay,” he says, his breath warm on the back of her neck. “I won't kiss you again." He gently turns her around to face him, and his mouth curves into a playful smirk. "Unless you ask
me to."
That manages to elicit a small smile from Belle as she shakes her head. She has to admire his persistence, even though it drives her crazy.
“You have something...” he says, moving in close, their mouths mere inches apart as he cups her face with one hand. He gently brushes the top of her cheek and she flinches. Is he going to kiss her again? “Relax, will you. Just an eyelash.”
“Sure...” she says, stifling a shiver.
“Make a wish.” Bringing up the lash to her mouth, she narrows her eyes before blowing. “You still don’t trust me?” he grins, his dimples teasing her. “God, you have to be the most stubborn person I’ve ever come across, Belle."
"You wouldn’t have it any other way," she says, with a smile.
After having their dinner at the table, Judas settles them onto the sofa that faces the panoramic window. Looking out, Belle watches the night Sky glisten with a thousand stars; it’s almost magical.
"So..." he says, biting off the cap of his beer bottle. "...What did you wish for? Before? I mean, what’re your dreams? Right at this very moment?"
She lifts her diamond-encrusted glass from the floor. "You're asking me?” She smiles, taking a sip of her juice. “Don’t you have control over me right now?"
"Only for a short while.” His mouth curves into a sinister smirk but his eyes tell a different tale. “Then you’ll be free."
She shrugs, taking another sip of her drink. "Okay then,” she begins, her gaze drifting out the window. “When I graduate from Stan—”she closes her eyes, sighs, then opens them again“—I’d like to graduate from Stanford. To become a doctor. Maybe Doctors without Borders or something like that, I suppose."
“You like saving people.”
She gives him a sideway glance. “Yes.”
“Why’d you want to become a doctor?” he asks evenly, taking a swig of his beer.
“Because of you,” she says, without hesitation, almost as if she’s been wanting him to know this all her life.
Furrowing his brow, he asks, “What do you mean?”
“I don’t know,” she says, shaking her head.
“Yes you do. Tell me.”
Taking a deep breath, she answers truthfully, “You saved me and now I want to do the same for others. I don’t know what you’ve become since then, but I know the man who killed my attacker risked his own life for me for no other reason than to save me. Nothing in return.” Her eyes drift back into the endless dark of the night. “I’ll always cherish that man, no matter how much you try to kill him, Judas. Because he’s mine. In my heart. And you can never take that away from me.” She takes another sip from her drink, her throat itching her.
She can’t look at him, just yet. He remains silent and she hears him take a long gulp of his beer before he asks softly, “Why didn’t you call them?”
She looks at him, confused. “Them?”
“Why didn’t you call the cops that night?” His voice becomes more urgent.
“You know why.”
“No I don’t,” he mutters, raking his hand through his hair, looking straight ahead. “I don’t get anything about you.” When his attention returns to her, she can see he’s unsettled by something. His voice hardens as he says hoarsely, “I don’t get why you didn’t tell anyone about that piece-of-shit Emmett—”
“Judas—”
“—And why you asked me to take your life instead of your father’s. Why, Belle? Why would you do that?"
"Are you kidding? You say that as if I had a choice."
"You did have a choice," he snarls. She stares at him as though she’s only just seeing him now for the first time.
"Oh my God... You still don't get it. Judas, for me there wasn’t a choice. We needed the money. We had nothing!” she rasps. She looks down at her hand, at the diamonds lining her glass. She shakes her head at how much wealth she’s holding. “You have no idea what it’s like to be poor, Judas. To have to eat scraps, not being able to afford basic necessities, hiding from loan sharks… And as for my family, they might be a pain-in-the-butt sometimes, but they’re my family and I love them. I'd die before I'd let anything happen to them. I would go through Hell to save them, just as I would save anyone who..." she trails off, trying to catch her breath as her emotions become too much for her to bear.
He regards her silently for a long while, as if he’s grappling to understand all that she has said. Finally, in a very tired voice, he says, “Who saved your life...” For the first time ever, Judas looks completely lost. "But you’d give up everything? All your dreams?"
Something in the way he says it, hits her. "I didn’t give up on my dreams, Judas,” she says, her voice calm. “I just let go of them for awhile so my family could have a chance."
"But why? Why would you do that?" he asks, anger lacing his voice.
"Because I love them,” she sighs. “That's what you do when you love someone, Judas. You make sacrifices for them.”
The bewildered expression on his face makes it clear that the notion is completely foreign to him, and from what Belle knows of him, it isn’t all that surprising. Judas seems to lead a pretty solitary existence, and his money and status basically put him in a position to do just about anything he wants. And get away with it.
When she truly thinks about it, such an existence seems both a blessing and curse. True, his power and station put the world at his fingertips, but at the same time, it seems a lonely way to live, with nothing but gold-diggers for company. Looking at it in such a way, suddenly puts things in perspective for her. No wonder he often acts like a spoiled child. He’s probably never made any sacrifices, and it’s likely he’s never been denied anything. It all seems to click in her head. And in that moment, despite him having enough money to live a few lifetimes, in luxury, she pities him.
Is this why you wanted tonight? To get to know me? To understand why I helped you…? If that’s the case, then it’s only fair you do the same. It’s time to start digging about your past...
She watches Judas fidget with his bottle cap. Clearing her throat, she bravely asks, “Did you grow up here? Do your parents still live here?” He goes rigid, quiet. “Judas, give me something of yourself and I’ll give you something in return. I won’t say anything more until you give me something back—”
“They’re dead,” he says, in a voice devoid of warmth. He downs his beer.
“God, Judas, I—”
“Don’t look at me like that,” he mutters, looking down at the beer bottle. He starts to scrape the corner of the label. “I’m fine.”
“Judas—”
“Yeah, I grew up here. Inherited this place,” he continues, changing the subject. He sits up, straightening his shoulders. “Was past down from my Granddad. He converted an old abandoned castle into this modern mansion. Great, huh?” He takes another swig of his beer. “Fucking brilliant.”
“It’s beautiful,” she says, looking up at the high stone ceiling. “I don’t think a day or minute has gone by that I’m not in awe of this place. I had no idea people could live like this,” she says, with wide eyes. “I can’t imagine having everything I could want, just like that. Just given to me. The things I would do with it all...” She notices his leg begins to jump up and down slightly. “You know, I’ve wondered a few times… if we had this kind of money… would my father still be in trouble? Would we be happy?”
“Money doesn’t buy happiness, Belle,” he says, judiciously. “People only want one thing from you.” His eyes finally set on hers, and she can’t help but gaze at him with sadness. He goes to drink his beer but sighs when he realizes it’s empty. Shaking his head, he says in a jovial manner, “Well two things with me. My body, obviously.” He laughs, but it’s strained.
“You keep doing that.”
He flips the bottle cap in his hand and catches it. “What?”
“Masking humor to hide the pain.”
“That’s not what I’m—”
“I do it too. I hate to admit thi
s but... we’re alike, Judas.”
“You don’t know the first thing about me,” he mutters, looking away.
“You’re wrong. I know a little. You’re a man who saves a complete stranger at the risk of your own life. You even got shot for me.”
Judas hesitates a moment, busying himself by placing the empty bottle down on the floor. They both look out the window together in silence. After a minute or two, he breaks the quiet. “Sometimes you see something that changes you forever.” He clears his throat and looks in her direction, not quite reaching her. “I… I’ll never forgive myself for not helping her…” Finally, he looks directly at Belle, his eyes darkening. “So I couldn’t just walk away seeing you in danger like that and not do something… I didn’t have a choice.”
Did Judas see someone he loved get attacked? Raped? Did this have something to do with the mysterious Olivia? A girlfriend, perhaps? He told her once that he would never force her into his bed, and she remembers distinctly the hurt she saw in his eyes when she accused him capable of such an act. Something in the past he’s keeping a secret...
Is it all connected somehow to why you’re doing this to me?
The grandfather clock strikes midnight, breaking the tension and her thoughts. Taking her glass of juice and putting it down next to his beer, he turns to her. “I think it's about time we called it a night.”
Belle nods. "Yes, I should probably sleep."
He stands up, offering his arm. "Let’s go to bed then." Not entirely sure what he means, she hesitates. "I meant, I'll take you to your room."
She nods again and cautiously takes his arm. They walk together in silence until they round the corner into the hall where their separate bedrooms are located. Belle chances a glance at Judas. There’s a playful smile on his face and Belle feels a little at ease for some reason. Maybe it’s because she feels like tonight they were able to get to know each other more.
"I... just wanted to say... that I, um... had a nice time tonight," she says.
"Are you actually admitting that you enjoyed my company?" he grins.