by Jayci Lee
“Aw, man. Do I have to?” She grinned cheekily and scooted away from him, leaving a respectable distance between them.
“And quit being so adorable,” he said with feigned irritation.
“You’re such a dork.” She crinkled her nose at him, holding back a laugh.
And just like that the darkness receded into the past.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Tara had the 5 p.m. to 2 a.m. shift tonight, but her mind was hardly at the brewery. She couldn’t stop thinking about what Seth had told her earlier today. Her heart broke at hearing his story. It was such a damn shame that he was letting his true talent waste away because a cruel little bitch stomped on his heart until it became a stain on the sidewalk. No one should experience something like that. Especially not someone as kind and gentle as Seth.
But at the same time, she felt intensely jealous. Was Jessica the love of his life? He’d said something about spending the rest of his life with her. Did life lose meaning for him when he let her go? Is that why he chose to give up art? Was he was still pining for her even after what she did to him?
The customer jumped a little when she slammed down his blond ale a bit harder than necessary, making it slosh onto the table.
“Oh, my gosh. I’m so sorry. It must’ve slipped my hand,” Tara said, picking up his glass again. “Let me refill it for you. It’ll just be a second.”
Fuckity hell. She was losing it. No matter how frustrated or angry she was, Tara never let her mood affect her work. But the green monster was on a rampage through the brewery.
If anyone so much as looked at her wrong, they got her glare from hell. The kind where actual fire flickered in her eyes. Or at least it did in her mind.
“Here you go. Sorry about that again.” Tara deliberately set down the cup with care and forced a smile for the customer.
“No problem,” he said nicely enough, then speed walked away from her like rabid raccoons were on his ass, glancing over his shoulder once.
“What did you do to him?” Jack asked, watching the customer retreat.
“Nothing…” she hedged. “I just slammed down his glass on the counter like a bartender does to strangers in spaghetti westerns.”
“Right.” Her brother studied her face, and said blandly, “Should I avoid you tonight? I don’t want you jumping down my throat.”
“So you’re just going to avoid me? Don’t you even care why I’m feeling down?” Righteous indignation burned in her voice.
“You’re not feeling down. You are mightily pissed off about something, which means you can’t be reasoned with tonight,” he said matter-of-factly. “I’ll give you a big hug and pat your back when you’re a little less scary.”
“I am not scary,” she growled. She might have shown some teeth.
“Of course, you’re not.” Jack backed away from her step by step. “I’ll go take some orders now.”
Traitor. And he was the nice one. If Alex were out front, he’d be pressing every button to raise her blood pressure even higher. He thought she was hilarious when she was cranky. She did come up with some creative curse words when pushed just right, and those could be pretty entertaining.
Jack took off in a jog once he was out of arm’s reach. Tara muttered unkind things about her brothers under her breath. Not really deserved, but she was in a black mood. And the fact that she was in a black mood put her in a worse mood. What is wrong with you?
Tara gasped. What was wrong with her was that she wanted to fix him. She wanted to mend Seth’s heart, so he could start his art again. She was going out of her fucking mind. Who was she to fix anyone? She had enough baggage to last her a lifetime without adding someone else’s to the load. All she would probably do was break him even more.
She was getting in too deep. It was time she admitted that Seth was different from her other flings. There was a connection between them that couldn’t be ignored, and being in his arms felt so right. She already missed him, even though she saw him earlier that day. What had she gotten herself into? How had she allowed him to get so close? Tara knew what would happen if she opened her heart to someone again. She couldn’t. Never again.
He’s leaving. She wanted to sob out loud. The mantra that had kept her feeling safe all this time now felt like a thousand needles in her heart. When he left, she would be safe again, but did she want to be safe if it meant Seth would be out of her life? She put down the glass she’d been drying after nearly dropping it. Do not answer that question.
“What’s wrong, baby?” Her mom came out from the kitchen wiping her hands on her apron. “Jack said that you were being scary.”
“It’s nothing, Mom.” But Tara ruined the reassurance by sobbing in the middle of it.
“It’s okay. Everything will be okay.”
Without further question, her mom enveloped her in a hug and did what moms do best—make everything better somehow. But they were out in the hall, so Tara backed out of her embrace. “Thank you. I … I just miss Aubrey a lot today.”
It was true. She needed to talk to her best friend, and figure out what was happening to her. At this point, keeping her dating dare with Seth a secret seemed foolish. Aubrey would never judge her. She knew how emotionally abusive Jason had been, and would understand Tara’s fears and tangled thoughts.
“Are you still struggling with your best friend being married?” Her mom squeezed her hand. “Your time will come soon.”
“Ha!” She clamped her hand over her mouth, but it was too late. She’d already spit in her mom’s face. Literally.
Her mom lightly slapped her arm. “I’m serious. Why do you make jokes out of everything? You’re twenty-eight years old. It’s time you started thinking about things like marriage.”
“Oh, Mom. Please don’t tell me to find a nice young man and settle down. I always brag to my friends that you are the coolest mom because you never ask me when I’m going to get married. At least not directly.”
“Just because I try my best to mind my own business doesn’t mean I don’t worry about you. And I don’t need to be a cool mom. I just want to be a good mom.”
Tara couldn’t help it. She gave her a quick, tight hug. “You are a good mom. The best mom.”
“Oh, my baby girl.” She tapped her cheek gently. “Remember I’m always here if you want to talk to me.”
“I know,” Tara said. “Now let me get back to work. I think Jack secretly dropped off a bunch of orders to avoid direct contact with me.”
With her laughter lingering in the air, her mom returned to the kitchen. Although nothing was answered, Tara felt more like herself. She checked the counter, and her cowardly brother had indeed left a stack of orders for her. Laughing softly under her breath, she returned to doing what she loved best. Sharing her brew with her customers and seeing happiness bloom on their faces.
She shouldn’t lose sight of her goals. She had new brews to perfect, rivals to beat, and the World Beer Cup to win. And two more dates with a lovely man before he walked off into the sunset.
* * *
Seth got out of bed and paced the floor. He was restless and couldn’t sleep. Maybe it was because the bed still smelled like Tara and he missed her. It hadn’t been more than twelve hours since he’d seen her. Had he ever yearned for somebody so much? No. Not even with Jessica. When she was off somewhere, he’d enjoyed the quiet, solitary time with his art.
Was it the lack of art in his life that made him so focused on Tara? His days were busy—the finishing touches on the restaurant were turning out to be quite time-consuming—but he still noticed her absence keenly. Opening up to her earlier in the day had been difficult but cathartic in a way. Her warm sympathy and respect for his space had touched him deeply, and he felt that much closer to her. And … it felt as though something had awakened in him.
He reached for the nightstand and opened the single drawer. It held his never-used but ever-present sketchbook and the pencil he kept sharpened to a point. He pulled both out and sat down
on the bed with his back against the headboard. The restlessness seemed to settle into his hands and made them tremble … until he drew the first line. Then they became as steady as a surgeon’s and whirred across the paper in a storm of sketching.
A deep sigh resonated inside him as though a long-held breath had been released, and a painful constriction in his chest eased. He hadn’t even known the pain existed until it was gone. The next breath he took felt as if it was the first full breath he’d taken in years.
Seth ripped out pages after pages of finished sketches until they nearly covered the entire bed, and still he couldn’t stop. He didn’t want this to end. His yearning for Tara hadn’t diminished since she was the subject of every one of his drawings, and he felt somehow connected to her.
The sketches were a reimagination of the photos he’d taken of her. In one drawing, a side of her face filled the page with the surrounding beauty reflected in the iris of her eye. In another, she was but a wisp of wind on the hills, an apparition on the verge of appearing or disappearing. Once a sketch was melded with one of the actual photos, he would have a finished piece. Then an image that existed only in his mind—which mirrored his thoughts, dreams, and hopes—could be shared with the world.
His hand stilled. What was he doing? He’d vowed never to make himself vulnerable again—bearing his heart and soul for people to stomp on—because his heart wasn’t strong enough to be shattered a second time. But his art still hummed its alluring melody in his veins. After being silenced for so long, it demanded to be heard. And Tara … she could never be pushed aside. She had been ever present in his mind since the wedding.
He was scared shitless. The foundation he’d built his adult life on was being throttled, and his head was shaking from the force of it. Art and love were a part of his past, but so was his heartbreak. Was he going to allow something that happened years ago to continue impacting his life? His future?
I don’t know.
Seth gathered the sketches on the bed and hid them away in the nightstand with hands that shook again. He couldn’t look at them anymore. Look at her anymore. He lay down with his arm thrown over his eyes. He didn’t expect sleep to come, but sweet oblivion overtook his turmoil with dawn just peeking over the mountains.
He woke up a few hours later in a foul mood with bleary eyes and the first thrums of a headache. His sketching fever felt like a dream, but his cowardice felt unbearably real. But being a coward, he didn’t want to figure out why he was being so cowardly, so he shoved his messy thoughts into a dusty corner of his mind. After a quick shower, Seth headed out for Weldon. He wasn’t enjoying his company very much, and would rather be buried in the bustle of strangers.
Pancake Hut was busting at the seams as usual, and the sight lifted his spirits. A tall stack of hot, fluffy pancakes would be a great way to turn around his morning. Simple and satisfying. The way his life had been before the dating dare. Now a prickling sense of dissatisfaction shadowed his day unless Tara was with him. This has to stop. He had less than two weeks left to start a new chapter in his life. All this disquiet, yearning, and soul-searching wasn’t going to do him any good. His path was set. His time in Weldon was only a layover.
Seth got himself on the waiting list, and went out to stand on the sidewalk with the long line of hungry customers. Everything moved a little slower in Weldon, but he was starting to like it that way. He walked with his head down toward the end of the line when a familiar voice said, “Hey, Seth.”
He stopped a second too late and had to backtrack a couple steps. It was Jack, Alex, and … Tara. Shit. It took superhero strengths to keep his eyes from devouring Tara. The woman he’d been thinking and dreaming of all night. He still felt exposed and vulnerable after his remarkable night, and he wasn’t sure how well he would be able to hide his feelings for Tara from her older brothers.
“Good to see you guys. How are you doing?” Seth shook hands with Jack and Alex, and gave Tara a jerky nod in his best attempt to be casual.
“Jack and I are doing swell, but our baby sister is in a black mood,” Alex said over Tara’s muffled moan. She had her face buried in her hands. It was difficult to make out, but she seemed to be muttering kill me now on repeat. “So we brought her here to cheer her up, and make Scary Tara go far, far away.”
“Thanks for that, Alex,” Tara said with a touch of acid, and took a peek at Seth through her fingers. With a defeated sigh, she lifted her head and met his eyes, looking adorably flustered. “So what brings you here?”
“Pancakes,” Seth said with a smile that soon disappeared at Tara’s not-so-amused glare. “I needed a pick-me-up as well.”
“Don’t let her scare you.” Jack placed a supportive hand on his shoulder. “She’ll be all better after pancakes. A full Tara is a happy Tara.”
“Why don’t you join us?” Alex said, waving him closer.
“I don’t want to cut in line.” Weak excuse. But he couldn’t figure out how to act normal in this situation.
Tara coughed to cover her snort. She seemed to find his discomfort amusing despite her black mood. Why was she in a bad mood? He would ask her later. For now, he was glad he could make her laugh at his expense.
“You’re joining our party of three, so you’ll just be taking our empty fourth seat,” Jack reassured him. “No harm done.”
Seth shot her a panicked glance and she lifted her shoulder in the world’s subtlest shrug. Her faintly amused expression told him she was resigned to the awkward breakfast.
“In that case, I’d be happy to have the company,” Seth said, joining their huddle.
They were seated within thirty minutes in a cozy booth, and oversized laminated menus with way too many options were handed to them. Seth already knew what he wanted, and the Park siblings seemed to have the menu memorized, so the orders were taken quickly.
“So you guys are working together on Landon’s website?” Jack asked, taking a sip of his coffee.
“Yeah, we’ve made a lot of progress,” Seth responded, then realized Tara would have no excuse to see him without suspicion if the website was finished. “But there are still some details to tweak.”
“Those little things are the time-consuming ones,” Tara chimed in, nodding repeatedly for emphasis.
“Well, you better hurry and finish that,” Alex said, accepting his skillet-sized western omelet from the server with a wide grin. “You’re leaving for Paris at the end of next week, right?”
“Right.” Seth choked on his answer so he repeated himself. “Right.”
He and Tara never talked about it. About his leaving. Without meaning to, he had been avoiding the topic entirely. But she never brought it up either. Was she planning to wave him off when the time came? Sudden frustration clogged his chest. No mess, no fuss. Why did she want that so badly? Did her relationship with her ex still hold so much power over her?
Seth caught his rising anger and relaxed his clenched jaws. What was his problem? No mess, no fuss was exactly what he wanted, too. Liar. His conscience was exhausting him this morning. Despite the tall piping-hot stack of pancakes in front of him, his hunger deserted him.
“You must be excited to start a new life in a new country,” Jack said, sounding a little wistful.
“Yeah.” Seth cleared his throat. “Sure.”
But he wasn’t sure how he felt anymore. When he’d made the decision to take the job, he was excited for a new chapter in his life to begin—the move would propel his career forward and take him away from his comfort zone. He’d hoped the change would fill up the nagging hollowness he felt in his current life. Yet in the last few weeks, he’d hardly thought about Paris.
“I love Paris,” Tara piped up, saving him from more questions. “When I was still studying wine, I went and lived there for six weeks on a summer program. Honestly, I love California wine more than French wine, but the baguette and cheese…”
“You wouldn’t stop talking about it when you came home.” Jack smiled affectionately at h
is little sister. “I still don’t get why you changed your major, though. Not that I’m complaining. You were meant to be a brewer. But graphic design was so out of the blue.”
“I was barely twenty.” Tara shrugged, cutting out a perfect triangle from her stack of pancakes. “It’s really too young for anyone to decide what they want to do with their lives.”
So even her family didn’t know about her douchebag ex. Not wanting Tara to get uncomfortable with where the conversation was heading, Seth brought it back to Paris. Besides, he wanted to know more about Tara’s love of Paris. Why hadn’t she brought it up before?
“You know what I love about Paris? Berthillon ice cream,” Seth said.
“Berthillon? That ice cream store near Notre Dame?” Her eyes got as big as Alex’s omelet.
“Yup. That one.”
“Best ice cream in the world,” she said with hushed reverence.
“No truer words,” Seth said, high-fiving Tara. “I’m going there for a triple scoop as soon as I land in Paris.”
Tara smiled at him, but there was a hint of sadness in her eyes. Perhaps she wasn’t quite as indifferent to his leaving as she acted. His grin broadened.
“I like being home in Weldon just fine,” Alex said between gigantic bites of food. “We travel often for beer festivals and contests, which is fun. But living somewhere else is a whole other story. I don’t want to know what homesickness feels like.”
“Me, too,” Tara said in a near whisper, staring at her hands wrapped around her mug. “Traveling is fun and exciting, but nowhere in the world is worth leaving home for. I know what homesickness feels like, and I don’t want to feel that way again.”
Seth’s eyes shot toward Tara, but she continued studying her coffee. It was black as usual. What had she meant by that? She hadn’t just been talking about being away from home for college. Homesickness seemed to be a loaded word, and his stomach lurched for reasons he didn’t understand.