by Jayci Lee
Not knowing what to say, Seth stuffed pancake into his mouth, washing it down with gulps of coffee.
“Your place is here.” Alex tapped her nose. “Weldon Brewery needs you. Our family needs you.”
“And I need you guys,” she said with love written plainly on her face.
Seth’s heart constricted painfully. They were right. Tara’s place was in Weldon. It was her dream to become a champion brewer and to grow Weldon Brewery into an institution. Everything she wanted was here.
An inexplicable sense of hopelessness weighed him down, like gravity wanted to hug him tight. But why? He knew going in that she belonged in Weldon, and their time together was limited. He doggedly shook off the despair that threatened to overtake him.
His place was in Paris. A new chapter of his life awaited him. Even if he wanted things to be different—and he didn’t—there was going to be an ocean between them soon.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Seth and Alex did the usual Korean tug-of-war over the bill, and Tara watched with avid attention. They were both so stubborn, she wondered who would get the honor of paying for their meal. It was a win-win situation for her. She got free breakfast either way.
“You’re a guest in our town,” Alex insisted, tugging the bill toward him.
“And I’m grateful for you welcoming me here. It wouldn’t be right for me to let you pay,” Seth countered with a tug toward his direction.
“We’ve been inconsiderate in not inviting you to a meal sooner. Let us make it up to you.” Tug.
“This might be our last meal together. It’ll be my farewell treat.” Tug.
Then her big brother brought out his ace card. “I’m the oldest one at this table. It’s my prerogative to treat everyone to breakfast.”
“I … fine.” Not having anything to trump the age argument, Seth grudgingly released his hold on the check. “But you have to let me treat you next time.”
“Sure. Of course,” Alex answered disingenuously. There would always be a who-gets-to-pay tug-of-war. Her brother handed their server his credit card, wearing the high of his victory on his face. “Here you go.”
Seth sighed ponderously. “Thank you for breakfast. It hit the spot.”
“Anytime,” Alex said.
Once their food was paid for, they shuffled out onto the sidewalk and said their goodbyes. Except for Seth and Tara. He caught her gaze and lifted his eyebrow a couple millimeters, and she gave a tiny nod. They were going to spend the rest of the day together.
When Tara didn’t follow her brothers down the street, they turned to look back at her. Jack cocked his head to the side. “Coming?”
“Alex was right about us needing to hustle on the website. I have the late shift today so I might as well lend Seth a hand,” Tara said, stepping closer to him. “You guys, go ahead. I’m sure he’ll give me a ride back after.”
“All right then. We’ll see you later,” Jack said, and Alex waved them goodbye.
Once her brothers were out of sight, Seth placed a possessive hand low on her back, sending a delicious shiver through her body. His breath was warm against her cheek when he growled, “Eager to get to work?”
“If by work you mean hot, sweaty sex, then yes,” Tara whispered, leaning closer to him.
“Dammit, woman.” His laughter sounded both amused and pained. “You can’t turn me on like this in the middle of the street.”
“Oops, sorry. But you started it.” Her sympathetic smile matched the sincerity of her apology. “Maybe you can walk it off.”
He raised his eyebrows. “Walk it off?”
“Yeah. We’ll take a stroll to Comfort Zone as an excuse, and pick up some dessert for after lunch.”
“You have to promise to be on your best behavior. I’m a little trigger-happy right now. I couldn’t stop thinking about you last night.”
It was Tara’s turn to flush. She’d been in such a jealous craze last night that his words were a balm to her soul. He wanted her. Even if it was only for now. He wanted her badly. And her primal instincts told her to make him hers. Now. But alas, they were in the middle of the street, as Seth pointed out. She needed to walk it off herself.
“We are mature adults who are fully capable of not tearing each other’s clothes off in public. We’ll be fine,” she said primly, more to convince herself than him.
They walked along the sidewalk with their hands grazing against each other’s. Each barely there touch sent a shiver down her back. It was the most contact they could have since they couldn’t hold hands in public, but it was more than enough to keep her heart racing.
It was a lovely sunny day with a cool morning breeze. They walked in silence for a few blocks enjoying their surroundings and allowing their desire to simmer down.
“How come you never told me about living in Paris?” Seth glanced at her, then looked forward again.
Why? He was leaving soon. She didn’t want to be reminded of it by mentioning Paris. “I don’t know. It never came up, I guess.”
“I see.” His brows were still furrowed. It was obvious he didn’t see.
She sighed. There was no use burying her head in the sand anymore. “It was the summer after my freshman year. I was so in love with wines that I wanted to learn more about it during vacation. But I didn’t want to do something boring like summer school, so I signed up for a summer wine program in Paris. It was such a place of romance and history. Learning about their wine and winemaking process seemed like a treat.”
“And was it?” Seth asked.
“It really was. I loved it there and made some great friends. I don’t think I’ll ever forget it.”
“You should look me up if you decide to visit Paris again,” he said lightly.
Her heart fell to her stomach, then lodged itself in her solar plexus. What is that supposed to mean? Was he suggesting a vacation fling after this one? He was so casual about reminding her that he would be gone soon. Was it going to be that easy for him to say goodbye to her? She couldn’t even think about him leaving without anxiety squeezing at her heart. But that was her. It wasn’t fair for her to expect more from Seth.
“Yeah, sure.” She hoped her tone matched his nonchalance. “If you promise to buy me a triple cone from Berthillon.”
“It’s a deal,” Seth said with a crooked smile.
“I wasn’t finished,” she admonished. “I also want a sugar and butter crepe from a street vendor, and to eat it sitting on the grassy hill at Sacré-Cœur.”
“Demanding, aren’t you?”
“Only because I’m worth it.” She arched her brow and dared him to contradict her.
“You certainly are,” he said, his appreciative glance traveling over her body. “Anything else? Do you want to ride on the carousel at Trocadéro?”
“Oh, please no. That carousel is ridiculously fast. I hung on for dear life the one time I rode it. The view of the Eiffel Tower became a giant blur.” She hugged her stomach. “I couldn’t look at the Eiffel Tower without getting nauseous for weeks.”
“You know what? Your demands will make a wonderful date.” Seth linked his pinky with hers. It was the most innocuous of touches, and it made her toes curl. “Except for the carousel. We won’t do the carousel.”
“Definitely,” she said.
Tara felt sadness wash over her again. It was a wonderful date that would never happen. Because she knew that when Seth left, that would be the end. Sure, they could see each other at get-togethers if he came to visit Landon and Aubrey, but it couldn’t go further than that. She wasn’t sure if she had the strength to only have him for bits of time and let him go again and again.
He wasn’t like her other friends with benefits. The feelings he brought out of her … they weren’t the sort she would feel for a friend. It really was all or nothing with him. So she had to go with nothing. Because all was not an option.
Their conversation dwindled again, and they continued strolling down the street until Comfort Zone came into view. S
he reluctantly withdrew her finger from his touch. He glanced sideways at her with a wistful expression that reflected her own. She felt the loss of connection keenly. When it came to Seth, she seemed to feel everything keenly.
The bakery was full of customers. It was a good thing they planned on doing takeout. They greeted the server and peered at the goodies in the display case. Even with Seth’s help, she had trouble making her choices. Everything looked so scrumptious.
“Tara?” a familiar voice said behind her.
When she straightened and turned, Roger leaned down to kiss her on the cheek. She shot a panicked glance at Seth and evaded the kiss, giving her friend an awkward hug instead. Her friend with benefits.
“Roger, I didn’t know you were in town,” she said, then vaguely remembered receiving a text from him about coming to Weldon sometime. Sometime must be now.
“You must’ve missed my texts,” he said with a winning smile.
“Oh? Sorry about that. How…”
She forgot what she was about to say when Seth straightened beside her. “Hi, I’m Seth Kim.”
“Roger Stephens. Nice to meet you.”
The two men shook hands, and she looked at them with bewildered eyes. This was so weird. Her former lover meeting her current lover. Wait. Is Roger my former lover? She realized the answer was yes. After Seth, she couldn’t imagine being with him again. She couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. No one else but Seth.
She was on the verge of freaking out in front of the two men when Justine walked out from the kitchen. “Tara? Perfect timing. I swear you have the best luck when it comes to food.”
Grateful for the interruption, Tara went around the counter and enveloped the sous-chef in a tight hug. “Hey, you. How are things going? Are you enjoying your freedom?”
“Oh, God, no. I miss Aubrey so much. I can’t wait till she comes home.”
“Me, too. She’ll be back in less than a week, so we won’t have to wait long.”
“In the meantime, I need you to be my test subject. I made two new desserts I want Aubrey to consider adding to the menu. I’d love your thoughts on them.”
“Ooh. New desserts?” Forgetting about her predicament with the men standing behind her, Tara rubbed her hands together in anticipation. “When can I taste them?”
“They just came out of the oven. Come on back,” Justine said, leading her by the arm. “Sorry, Seth. I’m going to borrow Tara for a bit.”
“No problem,” he replied, giving Roger a speculative glance.
Tara wasn’t at all sure if it would be a good idea to leave the two of them together, but she so badly wanted to escape that she let Justine lead her away. She hoped she didn’t regret this later.
* * *
“So … you’re from out of town?” Adonis also known as Roger asked, flicking back his golden bangs to better reveal the turquoise blue of his eyes. Is this guy for real?
“Yeah.” Seth narrowed his eyes. “How did you know?”
“I’m guessing you two are together?” The other man sized him up with a sideways glance.
“Yes, we are.” Even if it was meant to end next week, they sure as hell were together now.
“Well, as far as I know, Tara only dates out-of-towners.” Roger let that hang between them.
“Is that so?”
Seth felt a hot tingling at the base of his neck. So this guy was one of Tara’s former lovers? From the way he tried to greet her, maybe Roger wasn’t exactly her former lover. She might be planning to get back with him once Seth was out of the picture.
“And never for long.” Roger’s smirk made Seth’s hands curl into fists. “I tried to convince her to make what we have more permanent, but she balked at the idea and threatened to break things off completely.”
“Why exactly are you telling me this?”
“Because I saw the way you looked at her. You’ve got it bad for her.” He stopped to observe Seth’s reaction. When he got nothing, he shrugged. “But you won’t be able to hold on to her.”
“You know nothing about me and Tara,” Seth said through clenched teeth.
“No offense, man.” His expression told a different story. “Just offering you some free advice.”
“I appreciate your concern, but I don’t intend to lose her.” Blood pounded in Seth’s ears. He meant every word. He wasn’t going to lose her. He couldn’t.
“Well, good luck with that,” Roger said with a humorless laugh and walked out of Comfort Zone empty-handed.
Seth’s head was spinning. He wanted to keep her. Although he had shoved aside his bubbling questions this morning, his subconscious seemed to have already chosen what he wanted. He wanted Tara. He didn’t want their relationship to end when he left for Paris. The realization was too new, too bright to put under the microscope, but he was certain they had something that was worth keeping. His heart shook off its bindings and pumped with renewed life, and bliss spread through him as bright and warm as the first light of day.
It had been so long since he had wanted something. Really wanted it. He’d been content with safe. With superficial success and satisfaction. But the thought of going back to that life made him feel hollow. The happiness he’d felt in the last few weeks with Tara ruined him for anything less than real.
He had let something that happened during college impact his life choices for the last seven years. Because of one broken heart, he’d sworn off love. And he’d let the pain of that heartbreak lead him to give up his art. His dream. How could he not have realized how foolish that was? Sure, he’d worn his heart on his sleeve and allowed himself to love Jessica with all his loneliness and desperation. But had it even really been love? Or had he been so desperate for someone to belong to that he’d glommed onto her like she was his lifeline?
He was nineteen back then. He knew nothing. The last few years should’ve been spent on figuring out what he wanted out of life instead of closing himself off to it. Well, that was going to change, starting now. There was so much to explore and learn about himself and who he wanted to be. But he was already certain of one thing. He didn’t want to live the rest of his life without Tara in it.
Seth didn’t fully understand what was happening between them, but he wanted to explore it further. She made him feel so alive, and he hadn’t known happiness greater than when he made her laugh. He wanted to make her happy. He wanted her to know that she was an amazing person and she could do anything she wanted with her life. She was the most confident and driven person he knew, but there was a vulnerability to her that he ached to protect.
The bustle of the busy bakery receded into the background, and an acute stillness overcame him. Sunlight seemed to bloom inside him and hope filled him to the brim. He was going to reclaim his life, and allow himself to live to the fullest. The thought of returning to art still frightened him, but if his soul commanded him to create again, he wouldn’t fight it. He would throw himself in headfirst as he used to. Art wasn’t about being safe and secure. It was about taking risks and facing the fear of uncertainty. It was life and it was beautiful. And maybe he would allow himself to love again. He wasn’t sure he had the choice anymore. He was already halfway in love with Tara. The realization shocked him, and fear—fierce and overwhelming—rose inside him again.
Like an unforeseen thunderstorm, dark clouds blew in to hide the light and hope inside him. Knowing that he wanted her didn’t mean Tara felt the same way. What would she think of his epiphany? Could he be just another out-of-towner to her? Someone briefly passing through her life? That didn’t ring true. She cared about him. But Tara wouldn’t sleep with someone she didn’t care about. Maybe she cared about all her hookup buddies.
Seth knew Tara. She wouldn’t just pick up any guy off the street. Whoever these passersby were, she would choose them carefully. Maybe she’d accepted his dare because he happened to meet her criteria. A vicious claw tore at his heart. Anger, jealousy, and pain. He wanted to be more than a temporary fix. He could be so much
more for her.
His pain fueled his anger, and soon he allowed fury to overtake him because it was more bearable than anguish. He didn’t know how long he sat at the counter fuming, seeing nothing. All logic lost to him.
“Hey, look at what I have.” Tara appeared beside him and held up a bagged box. “Justine hooked us up. Her new desserts are so delicious.”
“Are you ready to leave?” he asked without emotion.
She blinked in surprise then shrugged. “We have what we came for.”
“Let’s go.” Seth stood abruptly from his seat and headed straight for the door.
“Hold on. You’re like a runaway train. I can’t keep up.” Tara gave him a sideways glance. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing,” he said curtly.
Apprehension dawned in her eyes, and she stayed silent and stiff beside him as they walked back to his car. Once they were seated and speeding through the streets, Tara finally spoke.
“What happened with Roger?”
“What could possibly have happened between Roger and me? It was a pleasure meeting one of your hookup buddies.” He stared straight ahead as the vicious words cut the air between them.
“Seth…”
“So you only date out-of-towners, do you?”
“Who I’ve dated before you and who I’ll date after you is none of your business.”
Seth stayed silent because she was right. He was being an utter asshole. But he wanted to roar with pain.
“Stop the car,” Tara said in a cutting tone.
“What?” He turned to her in shock. This wasn’t what he’d wanted.
“I said stop the fucking car. Right now.”
He slowed the car down to a stop near the park where they’d had their first date. She unbuckled her seat belt and his heart stopped beating, thinking she was getting out before they had a chance to talk this through. Instead, she spun in her seat to face him.
“What the hell are you getting at?” she hissed.