by Jayci Lee
“Well, your movie-star-handsome boy toy guessed right away that I was from out of town. When I asked him how he knew, he mentioned that you only dated out-of-towners who passed through town.” He needed to stop himself before he took it too far, but the words continued to pour out of him like lava overflowing from a volcano. “Adonis supposedly wanted something more permanent with you, and you freaked out and threatened to break off your convenient arrangement with him.”
“Roger should’ve kept his big mouth shut. None of this is any of your business.”
“So did you say yes to my dare because you knew I’ll be out of your hair in a month?”
Tara hesitated for a moment then lifted her chin. “Yes.”
“Am I one of them? Just passing through your life? Will I get to see you again for a meaningless hookup every year or two when I visit Weldon?”
“I…” She drew back from him as though he’d struck her. “Are you judging my lifestyle? You suggested the dating dare because you wanted the same thing. You wanted something fun and uncomplicated to entertain you before you left for Paris. Don’t you dare deny it.”
“We’re not talking about what I want right now, because you have no idea what I want.”
“Isn’t that convenient for you?” She huffed a humorless laugh. “Since we’re talking about me, let me make one thing crystal clear for you. When this is over—which obviously is now—you will be out of my life. Permanently. You will never be one of my fuck boys, so don’t concern your pretty little head over it.”
Seth listened to her with rising panic. This is over? Now? No. That was not what he wanted. That was the last thing he wanted. “Tara…”
Before he could do anything to salvage the mess he’d instigated, Tara swiftly opened the passenger door and got out of the car. She was half a block away by the time he managed to catch up with her.
“Where are you going?” Seth asked with a tremor in his voice.
“Home.” She didn’t bother turning to look at him.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Let me take you home. We could talk later.”
“No, and no.”
“Tara.” He took a gentle hold of her arm and she shook him off violently.
“Don’t touch me. Don’t ever touch me again.” She finally spun to face him, and the anger and hurt in her eyes tore at his heart. “I’m going to walk home, and we won’t be talking again. This would’ve ended in less than two weeks anyway. It’s not worth the trouble.”
Tara walked off and Seth let her go. Maybe there was nothing left to talk about. He knew everything he needed to know now. He wasn’t worth the trouble.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Too focused on holding back her tears, Tara didn’t notice that Seth wasn’t following her anymore. By the time she turned around to look for him, she’d come too far from the park to spot him. Maybe he was there, staring at the direction that she’d disappeared to.
She stomped down on the urge to run back to the park to find him. She’d done nothing wrong, but she felt guilty when he questioned her life choices. When she felt anxious to appease him, she’d lost it. Tara refused to be that needy, sniveling girl again. She would not be ashamed of who she was. This was her life, and she could do with it as she desired. No one dictated what she did. Not anymore.
But she hadn’t meant what she said. Even as the words were coming out of her mouth, she knew they were lies, but she had been too angry and scared to stop them. She didn’t want this to be the end of them. Not like this.
Roger was a good guy and she’d been happy with the arrangement they had. They spent time together when he was in town, and lived their separate lives when they were apart. They liked and respected each other, and had great chemistry. Or so she’d thought until she met Seth. What she had with Roger was like a tame kiddy ride compared to the breakneck-speed roller coaster of desire that she shared with Seth.
And there had only been Roger for a very long time. Tara didn’t have a black book of out-of-town fuck boys like Seth implied. She was perfectly proficient at meeting her own needs when necessary. She just sometimes missed the human connection.
But she shouldn’t have to explain her past to Seth. Why should she have to tell him about the men she’d been with before him? Then she thought about how she would react if they ran into one of his ex-lovers, a gorgeous model. She would go mad with jealousy. Just imagining it made her stomach twist. And she would feel insecure. She would wonder if she was just one of the women in his long line of casual lovers.
Had that been it? Was Seth seeking reassurance that he meant more to her than a casual fling? Despite their agreement to keep their relationship a fun, simple fling, did he wish it was more than that? Just as she did?
It was too much to think about right now. She was angry and hurt, and too worked up to properly engage in “what if I were in his shoes” exercises. Tara let herself into her house and kicked off her shoes, letting them land wherever they fell. She didn’t know if anyone was home and she didn’t care. She headed straight for her room and fell facedown on top of her bed. Might as well be comfortable while she mulled over her fight with Seth. But even though it wasn’t yet noon, she fell into an exhausted, dreamless slumber.
* * *
There was an urgent buzzing sound coming from the purse she dropped on the floor. What the hell is that? As she slowly surfaced from the depth of sleep, she realized it was the text alert on her phone. A glance at the clock told her that she’d been out for more than an hour, and she knew who was texting her.
The buzzing had grown increasingly closer together. After taking a deep breath, she reached her hand into her purse and rummaged around till her fingers wrapped around her cell. She pulled it out and saw that she had twenty-seven text messages.
SETH: I’m a monumental asshole.
She wouldn’t go so far as monumental, but he had been an asshole. As his text messages continued, his insults at himself grew increasingly amusing.
SETH: I’m a piece of chewed gum stuck on the bottom of a second grader’s desk with black pock marks made by a freshly sharpened pencil.
Then the humor slowly leeched out of his texts.
SETH: Tara? Can you say something please?
SETH: I’m trying to apologize. I guess I’m not doing a very good job of it.
SETH: God, Tara. I am so very sorry. I shouldn’t have said what I did. It was none of my business.
The tightness in Tara’s chest eased a little at his apology. But her lack of response increased the desperation in his pleas.
SETH: Please forgive me. I will never act like a jealous fool again.
So he had been jealous. A small smile lifted one corner of her mouth. Although she had every right to feel a bit vengeful after the things he’d said, she shouldn’t enjoy her power over him this much. But it felt good that it wasn’t just her who was tortured by the green beast.
SETH: Did you mean it? Are you done with me?
SETH: Please tell me you didn’t mean it.
SETH: Tara? Are you going to ignore me forever?
SETH: Well, I sure as hell am not done with us.
SETH: Goddammit just say something. Anything.
Tara gasped and sat up on the bed. Oh, no. He was suffering, and she was here gloating over his messages.
TARA: Anything.
The ellipses began scrolling immediately on the screen.
SETH: Just one second. I’m going to collapse on the couch from relief.
TARA: Oh. Take your time.
SETH: Were you torturing me with your silence for fun?
TARA: Maybe …
SETH: I can’t say I blame you.
TARA: You wouldn’t dare after the dick move you pulled.
SETH: No, I wouldn’t. Tell me. What was going on with you? Are you okay?
She loved that he was worried about her despite the ordeal she’d unintentionally put him through.
TARA: I fell asleep. It seems having a fight with you sucks awa
y all my energy.
There was a short pause.
SETH: I’m so sorry, Tara.
TARA: You should be.
SETH: I am.
TARA: Good.
SETH: Will you forgive me?
Not wanting to put him through more unnecessary torment, she replied succinctly.
TARA: Yes.
There was another pause. A bit longer this time.
SETH: Thank God. You scared the shit out of me.
TARA: I’m sorry, too. I didn’t mean to hurt you.
SETH: That’s fine. I deserved it.
TARA: It’s not fine. I shouldn’t say things like that lightly.
SETH: I have to see you. Right now. I need to hold you.
She wrote her next message with her heart beating double time.
TARA: Leaving now.
She rose to her feet, picking up the purse she’d thrown on the ground, and rushed out of her room. She found one of her shoes at the start of the hallway and the other one by the front door. Slipping them on, she rushed to the driveway and hopped into her car.
An odd urgency filled her, and her foot grew heavy on the gas pedal. She couldn’t believe that they wasted precious time fighting. Not wanting to be pulled over—and to waste more time before she could see Seth—she constantly checked herself and slowed down, but she got to Aubrey’s house much sooner than the speed limits would’ve allowed.
As usual, the front door swung open before she even reached it. She didn’t know who jumped whom first, but they clung to each other without an inch of space between their bodies.
“Tara,” Seth sighed into her hair, embracing her even more tightly.
“I didn’t mean it.” She couldn’t breathe, but it didn’t matter. She was in his arms … she was home. “We’re worth fighting for. I want to be with you every minute we have left.”
“I believed you for a split second, but I couldn’t give you up that easily.” He inhaled deeply. “I know you care about me. Just as I care about you.”
“I do.” She pulled back far enough to caress his cheek. “I care about you, Seth. More than you know.”
Seth opened his mouth on the verge of saying something then closed it. Tara held her breath searching his face. What was she hoping for?
In the end, he just said, “Let’s go inside.”
He led her inside with his arm wrapped around her waist as if he couldn’t stand being apart from her. Without stopping, they walked to his bedroom and closed the door behind them. Seth glanced at her with a question in his eyes.
“Yes. I need you,” she answered.
He turned to her and held her face in his hands, and looked and looked at her as though he couldn’t get enough. He smoothed his thumbs over her lips, then leaned down to touch his lips on hers—feather-light and tentative. She kissed him back, letting him know they were okay. And they kissed like that—sweetly and tenderly—for as long as they could before passion swelled over them.
When his hand fisted in her hair and he tilted her head back, she parted her lips with a long sigh. His tongue swept the inside of her mouth, lapping up the sound like a prize he was claiming. She could go on kissing him like this forever. Making out with him was better than sex. Well, the sex she knew before she met him. Sex with him was actually even better than making out with him.
So she decided to move things along toward that end. She leaned back despite his growly protest and pulled off her shirt. Then her bra. The protests stopped instantly.
“If you’re trying to kill me, you might be succeeding,” he said with a groan.
“You’re such a boob man,” she teased, biting her lip when he cupped her breasts and slowly massaged them.
“Aren’t you glad I am?” He brushed his thumbs across the peaks, making her head fall back.
“Yes,” she hissed when he gave one a hard pinch. “That hurts so good.”
“God, Tara. What are you doing to me?”
“Making you desperate for me.” She grabbed him by the hair and brought his lips a breath away from hers, caressing him with each whispered word. “Because I want you completely out of control—your soul bared and naked—when I take you.”
* * *
He kissed her hard.
Not only because he wanted to … needed to. He kissed her to stop the flow of words that were bringing him to his knees. He couldn’t bare his soul to her because he didn’t know what he would reveal. Would he reveal his new resolve to keep her, and his yet-unidentified feelings for her? He wasn’t ready, and he had no idea if she was.
All he could show her was that he wanted her. Wanted her like he had never wanted another woman. He wanted her to know, so she could never doubt that she was special to him. Someone he cherished.
Seth lifted her off the ground and carried her to the bed. Before he lay down beside her, he stripped off the rest of her clothes and did the same with his. Finally, as he held her in his arms, skin to skin and limbs tangled, he had enough control to ask her.
“Aren’t you afraid of what you would find?” he asked, smoothing the back of his hand from the side of her breast to the curve of her hips. A shiver ran through her and he smiled.
“I am.” Her hand roamed his chest until it came to rest just above his heart. “But I want to see you. I want to make you mine even for a short while.”
“For a smart woman, you are astoundingly dense.” She drew back in surprise but he pulled her back into his arms. “Didn’t you know I was yours ever since you said, ‘You need to stop staring at my ass’?”
“You can’t be serious,” she whispered.
“I haven’t looked at or thought of another woman since then. You are all I see. Awake or dreaming.”
“Me, too. You’re all I see.”
Seth sucked in a sharp breath. “Say it again.”
“You’re all I see. You’re all I want.”
And that was all it took. He was falling down a cliff without a safety net. Falling for her. Deeper. Endlessly. Maybe he had a chance of keeping her. Forever. He gazed at Tara wordlessly. Shallow lines were forming between her brows. He probably looked a little frenzied.
“I’m gonna make you feel good, okay?” he growled.
“Okay.” Then a naughty smile lit up her face. “And I’m gonna rock your world.”
He laugh-groaned. She was so funny and so fucking sexy. “I’d like that very much.”
But when he touched her, it was with breath-catching tenderness and reverence. His Tara. She was too much. So special. So spectacular. And she responded in kind, smoothing her hand down his jaw. Kissing his cheeks, his eyes, behind his ears. They made love with such intimacy that Seth knew he would be changed irrevocably. He was scared, but he didn’t let his mind shy away once. Every second was precious, something to be shored up inside of him.
When they came back to the present, they were both shaking, and holding tightly onto each other. He never really knew what earth-shattering sex meant until now. He felt as though his entire life had crumbled down and rebuilt itself around him. And he looked down at the woman in his arms, knowing that he was forever hers.
Seth loved her. With all his heart and stunted soul. He couldn’t hold anything back or keep a corner of his heart safely to himself, because he’d already given everything to her. He was terrified, but he wouldn’t have it any other way. Tara deserved nothing less than all of him.
“Hey.” He pulled the tangled sheets over them, because she was still shivering. “You okay?”
“Yeah … I think so.” Her voice was thick with emotion, and tears filled her eyes.
His stomach dropped out. “What’s wrong, baby? Talk to me.”
“I don’t know.” She covered her mouth to stop a sob from escaping. “That was wonderful and I’m so happy. I don’t know why I’m crying.”
He pulled her head against his chest and smoothed his hand over her hair again and again. She felt it. His unspoken words. His love for her. And she was crying happy tears. It was a
very good sign. Even so, seeing her tears made his chest ache and the back of his throat prickle.
“Cry as long as you need,” he said, his voice rough with emotion. “I’ll be right here.”
She smiled through her tears. “Good. Stay right here.”
His heart screeched to a halt, or so it seemed, until it began pumping at triple speed. She probably meant for now, but could she have been implying that she wanted him to stay after the month was up? Just thinking about the possibility made him float in air.
Her tears soon stopped falling, but the smile she offered him still wasn’t quite steady.
“What should we do now?”
“I brought in the dessert you left in my car,” he said, kissing away the last tears lingering on her cheeks. “Should I brew some coffee? We could have dessert in bed while we think about what to do for the rest of the day.”
“Your plan sounds like you want to spend the rest of the day in bed.” Tara laughed. “Why don’t we have some coffee and dessert and get that website finally finished?”
“My idea is more fun.” He leaned down to kiss her on her neck. She considerately tilted her head to give him better access.
“We could always come back to bed after we’re done with the website. It could be our incentive to focus on the work.” Contrary to her words, she grasped one of his hands and placed it on her ass. She moaned when he squeezed it.
God, he loved her ass. It was so round and soft. He also loved her breasts and how perfectly they fit in the cup of his hands. To make sure they still fit, he cupped both of them. Perfect. He licked and suckled the tips until she was writhing under him.
“I think we need to finish this first. Otherwise, we’ll never get any work done,” he said in a choked voice when she ground her hips against him.
“What work? Stop talking nonsense and make love to me.”
“Right.” He stopped talking altogether and kissed her like she was the only woman on earth and he’d searched a lifetime for her.
It was true. She was the only woman in the world for him. And now that he’d found her, he would hold on to her with all his strength.