by Jayci Lee
She accepted the mug o’ wine he offered and leaned against a wall. Seth stood by the sink, starting down at his wine. He was probably becoming irritated with the silence stretching on between them. She was the one who told him that she wanted to talk, but her mouth was glued shut with quaking nerves. She couldn’t blow this. Get it together, Tara.
* * *
What he’d really wanted to say to her on the stairway was … Yes, I still love you. More than life. But fear clogged his throat. Why had she asked that? Did she want reassurance that he was over her, so she could go on with her life with a clear conscience?
He didn’t know why she was here. Had her guilt prompted her to fly across the ocean to apologize to him? He didn’t know if he was ready for her. Ready to convince her that they were meant to be together. He knew in his heart that she loved him, too, but what if she didn’t love him enough to risk getting hurt again? If he failed, he didn’t know if he would get another chance to fight for her.
It was agony waiting for her to speak. He wished he could just kiss her until neither of them could breathe. His memories and dreams hadn’t done her justice. She was breathtaking, and he couldn’t stop his eyes from traveling to her lips again and again.
Her lips at the moment were puckered adorably, blowing on the mug. Then she crinkled her nose and shook her head no as if deciding against blowing on the room-temperature wine. With a quiet, frustrated sigh, Tara chugged her wine like it was one of her brews on a hot day.
He could go on staring at her all night. God, he’d missed her so much. A part of him still thought he might be imagining all of this. But her essence, her spirit, filled his apartment with life. Hope, timid and uncertain, fluttered inside him.
“Why are you here, Tara?”
She jumped as though she’d forgotten he was there. She stole a glance at him without answering, and came up to the sink. She rinsed her cup and looked around for a towel to dry her hands. When she found none, she wiped her hands on her jeans. Her form-fitting jeans. They looked fantastic on her, hugging all her curves. He wished he was her jeans.
Without a word, Tara walked out to the living room and Seth followed. Not only because she expected him to, but because he couldn’t help himself. He needed to stay in her orbit. When she reached the middle of the living room, she turned to face him. She didn’t startle as much this time, but by the widening of her eyes, it was obvious he’d been following her too closely again.
But he couldn’t make himself step back. They were so close, he could feel her warmth and smell the alluring scent coming off her body. She smelled fantastic. He’d so desperately missed her at times that he would’ve bought a bottle of her shampoo if they sold it here. He was probably being creepy, staring at her like a man who’d found an oasis after days in the desert. He should step back and give her some room, but his feet had melded to the floor. Not knowing what to do or say, he stuffed his hands into his pockets so he wouldn’t accidentally make a grab for her.
Tara let out a noise that sounded like a small growl then grabbed and kissed him. He stumbled back, and she took advantage of his unsteady balance to slam his back against a wall. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that they needed to talk but … fuck it. Tara was in his apartment in Paris and was devouring his mouth like a starving woman. Talking could wait. Breathing could wait.
He groaned against her mouth and took over the kiss. He couldn’t hold himself back anymore, and he plundered her mouth, his tongue tangling with hers, demanding her response. And she responded with equal desperation. He spun them around and trapped her against the wall and wrapped her leg around his waist.
“Tara,” he moaned, and kissed her with renewed passion. It was good—so good—to have her in his arms again. But why? Why was she here kissing him like she couldn’t live without him? He needed to know. He had a right to know. “Wait.”
Using every ounce of strength he had, he pulled his lips a centimeter away from hers. She growled in protest and pushed her lips against his, holding him captive with tight fists in his hair. Okay. He tried his best to slow things down. Now he couldn’t hold back anymore. He wrapped her other leg around him and held her against him, and took his first steps toward the bedroom. Blood rushed in his ears with need. He’d been without her for too long to be able to fight this any longer.
The only one who could stop this now was Tara, but she didn’t seem like she had any intention of stopping. Her legs wrapped tighter around his waist, and she kissed him until he couldn’t breathe. But when he hefted her up higher in his arms and lengthened his strides, her lips finally stopped their sensual assault.
“Oh,” she said quietly. Then she wiggled against his hold and said in a panicked voice, “No, wait. Stop.”
Seth stopped in his tracks and put her down. His hands were shaking so he shoved them down into his pockets again. Good. He was glad she’d stopped him. The rock-hard part of him protested loudly, but he knew in his heart that it was better this way. He needed to find out what Tara really wanted before they went any further.
“Sorry,” Tara said, looking down at her toes. “Well, it’s your fault, too, for looking all handsome and sad. How is a woman supposed to resist that?”
“Tara,” he said with quiet warning. “Are you ready to tell me why you’re here?”
“I … I came to apologize.” Her face crumpled with regret and something inside him seemed to wither.
“I don’t want your apology,” he said, more sharply than he’d intended. He didn’t want to assuage her guilt. He wanted to love her. But when her face turned pale, he wanted to smack himself.
“Well, you’re going to get one anyway,” she said, narrowing her eyes at him.
“I…”
“Shut up and listen.” She took a deep breath. “Please. Before I lose my guts and run away.”
The “run away” part shut him up good. No matter what happened, he wasn’t ready to watch her go.
“I was afraid. Not that it excuses what I did to you, but I let my fear get the best of me.” She slid down against the wall until she was sitting on the floor. He joined her from the opposite wall in the hallway. Their outstretched legs were lying parallel to each other. He held himself back from pressing his leg against hers. “What I told you? About my ex from college? There’s more.”
“I’m listening, Tara,” he said in gentle reassurance. But his heart was thumping against his ribs, bruising them with its force. “Go on. I’m here.”
“He wasn’t just controlling. He was emotionally abusive.”
A menacing sound he didn’t know he was capable of making escaped his throat.
“Seth, please. Don’t get angry. Just listen for now. It’s all in the past and I’m finally okay with it. Don’t let it hurt you. Please.”
“I’m sorry. I’ll try not to interrupt anymore,” he said through clenched teeth, trying to control his fury. That bastard had hurt Tara. Really hurt her. He wanted to beat him to an inch of his life.
“He made me believe that I wasn’t good enough. Everything I did was wanting, and he said that I didn’t love him enough to do better. I kept trying to be good enough for him, but kept failing. My confidence was shattered and guilt chained my heart.” She took a shuddering breath and continued, “I would hold my breath and shrink into myself when he was near so I wouldn’t trigger one of his outbursts. But I stayed with him because he always convinced me that it was my fault he got angry. I think that really broke me. I didn’t know who I was anymore. I was so scared.”
“God, Tara. I’m so sorry.” Heat prickled behind his eyes as pain slashed through him, and emotion choked his throat.
“One day, something came over me, and I fought back when he lost his temper. I didn’t buy his hateful accusations. I didn’t cower to his fury. The real me was still inside of me, shouting that I didn’t deserve that. That I’m worth more than what he convinced me to believe. That’s when I finally left him.”
Seth stayed silent even as
he trembled with helpless fury. He wished he could turn back time and protect her from all harm, but that wouldn’t be right. She was who she was because of her past. What he needed to do was listen, and stand by her as she healed.
“The thing that tortured me most was that I’d lost myself so completely. I thought love was the destructive force that broke me. That’s why I was so frightened when you told me you loved me, because I knew I loved you, too. All I could think was that I didn’t want to go back to being that broken person. Or become a monster who breaks you.” Her voice cracked, but she continued with renewed strength, “But now I finally understand that it was the malice and the toxicity that made me lose myself. That’s the nature of abuse, not love. I won’t hide in shame and fear anymore. I survived soul-destroying abuse, and that’s a testament to my strength. I was so wrong to fear love. My love for you only makes me stronger, and it will never make me hurt you the way I’ve been hurt.”
“Tara, you are amazing—smart, kind, and so strong. Never doubt that.” Seth rejoiced in her admission of love, but more than anything, he was so fucking proud of her.
“Do you forgive me? For breaking your heart. For lying to you. Because it was the biggest lie I ever told. How can I not love you?” She shifted to sit beside him and hesitantly gathered his hand between her own. “I love you so much that I can’t even contain it inside me. Now that I’ve told you … told you that I love you, I can finally breathe. And I don’t ever want to stop saying it.”
He cupped her cheek with his free hand. “There’s nothing to forgive. I knew in my soul that you loved me. Like you said, you couldn’t contain it. You loved me with your every glance and touch. I felt it. It was dense of me to take so long to realize that we were in love. I should’ve known I loved you. You filled me with joy and yearning every time I saw you, and I couldn’t stop thinking about you when we were apart.”
“Do you still love me?” Tara’s eyes searched his as if she was looking for the very meaning of life.
“So much,” he whispered. “Tara, I love you now and forever. And I’m never letting you go again.”
Tara threw her arms around his neck and held on for dear life. “You won’t get a chance. I might lock you in the bedroom and throw away the key.”
“Ooh, kinky. I have no objections to that.” His smile was tremulous, but his heart was singing.
“We don’t have to … I’m not sure … can we talk first?” she said shyly into his neck.
He chuckled low in his chest, and kissed the top of her head. “Of course, baby. As long as you want. I was only teasing.”
“Okay. Good. So you won’t get the wrong idea if I ask to move this conversation to the bedroom? My butt cheeks are getting numb.”
Seth would’ve loved to massage them for her, but he needed to keep himself under control. Tara was exhausted and vulnerable right now, and he didn’t want to overwhelm her. Instead, he lifted her to her feet, and led her to his bedroom.
“Oh,” she gasped. “Seth … oh.”
His walls were covered with his paintings and artwork, with his recently finished work of her in the hills of Weldon placed prominently above his bed.
“You’re wrong, you know.” Seth wrapped his arms around her waist from behind and rested his chin on her shoulder. Her hands came to rest on his arms. “I wouldn’t be giving up my dream to stay with you in Weldon. Photography isn’t my dream. Art has always been my dream. I’d just lost my way for a while.”
“But what about your job here?” she whispered.
“I respectfully declined the position.”
“So you haven’t worked a day at your new job?”
“Nope.”
She broke away from his embrace and spun to face him. “Then what are you doing here in Paris?”
He pulled her into his arms because he couldn’t stand to be apart from her. “I’ve been working on my art. I wanted to create something that will show you that this really is my dream. Once I had something worthy, I would’ve gone back to Weldon to convince you that we’re meant to be together. But you came here first.”
“And you don’t think any of these are worthy?” She stared at him slack-jawed.
He shrugged. “For you, I don’t know if anything ever will be.”
“Then it’s a good thing I came. Who knows how long I would’ve been waiting for you to create your masterpiece?”
“I wouldn’t have lasted much longer. Staying away from you was torture.”
“Seth, all of this”—she leaned back to glance at every wall—“they are all amazing. You are amazing, and I’m so glad you finally found your way back to your art.”
“What would you have done if I was happily working at my new job?” He led her to his bed, and they sat side by side with their backs against the wall.
“I don’t know. All I knew was that I had to tell you that I love you, and find out if you still loved me. Then, we would’ve worked everything else out. We might’ve tried the long-distance thing for a while. Then I might’ve taken a sabbatical from the brewery and come stay with you for a year. I don’t know, but we would’ve found a way to be with each other.”
“We’ll always find a way.” And because he couldn’t stop himself, he leaned down to kiss her softly.
“So what’s next?” she said against his lips.
“How long can you stay?” He dropped kisses along her jaw.
“I was going to stay as long as necessary to win you back,” she confessed.
He found her mouth again and kissed her hard. “And now that you’ve won me back?”
“I don’t plan on letting you out of my sight for a while,” she said, her hand caressing his face. “I’ll stay here with you until you’re ready to go home with me.”
“Good. Then there’s time for me to take you on our fourth date. You haven’t forgotten we have one date left, right?”
“Forgotten? No way. When you left Weldon early, I was furious. A deal is a deal.”
“Yes, it is.” He laughed, rubbing the tip of his nose against hers. “I still can’t believe that you’re really here.”
“Oh, I’m here all right.” This time she kissed him until he became light-headed. “Do you believe it now?”
“Yes,” he said. “And you really love me?”
“With all my heart,” she said without hesitation.
“I love you, Tara Park.” His heart was so full of happiness, he was surprised he wasn’t floating on air.
“That’s what I like to hear.” A single tear slid down her cheek. “Never stop telling me.”
“I love you. I love you. I love you.” He punctuated every I love you with a kiss, then let his kisses show her how much he loved her. That he was hers. Forever.
EPILOGUE
Two weeks later
“Is it as good as you remembered?” Seth asked.
“Mmm,” she moaned, her eyes fluttering closed. “It’s even better.”
They’d had trouble leaving Seth’s apartment for a while, so their fourth date was a bit delayed. But they finally made it to Berthillon for the promised three scoops. The ice cream shop resided in an elegant multistoried stone building surrounded by rows of similar buildings. The wooden façade of the shop gave it a refined, old-fashioned air that was perfect for the exquisite ice cream they served. The narrow street in front was nearly traffic-free, adding to the feeling of being in a place out of time.
“I could watch you eat ice cream all day,” he said in a low growly voice that should be illegal on public sidewalks. Even on the atmospheric, romantic sidewalks of Paris.
Tara felt her cheeks warming up, and her body softening. The man sure knew how to turn her on. But not now. They were on their date, and she wasn’t going back to the apartment until they visited Sacré-Cœur.
“I actually can eat this stuff all day, and every day,” she said, tickled pink by the song of French voices chatting around her. It felt wonderful to be immersed in a culture so different from hers. “But
I can’t have you staring at me and neglecting your work, so I’ll refrain from doing so.”
He chuckled and pointed at her cone. “Can I have a taste of your melon flavor?”
“Sure.”
She smiled, remembering their first kiss at the park. She licked a dollop of her melon ice cream and brought Seth’s mouth to meet hers. He moaned and she wasn’t sure if it was because of the ice cream or the kiss.
“More later,” she said. “Our ice cream is melting.”
“Yes, later,” he agreed. “Much more.”
They made quick work of the delicious treat, walking along the idyllic streets of Île Saint-Louis, where Berthillon was nestled. The streets were quiet and peaceful in the charming neighborhood dotted with bakeries, cheese shops, and cafes. The air smelled purely of Paris, ageless and sweet. She loved experiencing Paris this way, without the throng of tourists.
But she couldn’t resist walking along the iconic Seine with their fingers linked, the warm spring sunshine reflected on the water.
Seth brought their hands up and kissed her knuckles. “It feels so great to touch you without worrying about getting caught.”
“I love it, too.” She stood on her tippy toes and kissed him to accentuate her point. “It feels fucking glorious to be lovers in Paris.”
He pulled her into his arms and spun her around. “I can be as corny as I want, and it’ll still be romantic because it’s Paris.”
“But you are romantic,” Tara confessed. “All those times I called you corny, I was actually melting into pink goo.”
“Ah, so you are susceptible to my brand of romance.” His grin turned cocky. “Good to know.”
“I’m susceptible to you, Seth,” she whispered. “I didn’t know it was possible to be so much in love. It’s overwhelming sometimes.”
“I know. Me, too,” he said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
“Do you think it’ll still be like this when we go home?”
“It’ll be like this wherever we are.” He tugged her hand and they started walking down the river again. “This isn’t some Paris magic, Tara. It’s our own magic. Our love.”