My dad shakes his head, repulsion all over his handsome face. “Take a good look, Tess.” He motions at her. “This is your mother. Do yourself a favor and don’t have kids. You don’t have good genes.” And that truth will stay with me forever.
“Everyone stop!” Reed yells, turning on my dad. “Robert, Tess is not leaving. She has school. If you care about her, you will walk away.” I’m clutching his hand, my legs shaking, my room vibrating with angry energy.
Slowly my dad faces us. “I don’t give a shit what you think. She has exactly ten minutes to grab her things because we are leaving.”
“No!” I scream. “Daddy, please… I can’t leave Reed! Please, I promise he will not stay over ever again. Just don’t do this to me.” I’m hysterical. It’s my last stand.
“Get her ready, Reed. Ten minutes. Make sure she has her antianxiety pills. This is happening, and there is nothing you can do to stop it, so man the fuck up.”
Moving toward my door, he stops. “You will thank me someday, trust me. You’re not going to want to be with the same woman forever. I take Tess out of the picture, and you’re free. Be young, have fun, screw around. Only never forget, you’re not good enough for my little girl, you spoiled, entitled shit.”
“This can’t be happening,” I whisper.
“Ten minutes. Get her together, Reed.” This time he does leave my room, with my shitty mother following him, begging for a second chance.
The silence in my room is overwhelming. I sink into Reed’s arms. He sits on my bed and plants me on his lap.
“Tess.” He pets my hair. “It’s going to be all right. Go with him. I’ll make my dad call him. You’ll be back in a week.” He kisses my wet cheeks. “We can do a week. You have to stop crying, babe. You’re going to make yourself sick.”
I try, I really do, but I can’t. The tears won’t stop. “I… I can’t, Reed. I’m scared.” I hiccup.
“You will be fine.” He gets up and goes into the closet and grabs my luggage. “Pack, Kitten. I need to call my dad.” I watch numbly as he goes into my bathroom and gets my Valium. “Here.” He hands me two.
I don’t even drink water and instead chew them like a robot. I throw random things into my bag. Reed goes back into the bathroom and packs up my makeup and perfumes. He’s on his phone, I guess with Brad.
My dad appears in the doorway. “Let’s go, Tess. Say goodbye to Reed.” He grabs my luggage. I take one last look at my cheery yellow room. My twinkling lights are still on from last night. This can’t be happening. I have to be in a nightmare, right? My sadness almost cripples me.
My mother is nowhere to be found. Reed practically drags me to the waiting car, the driver standing like a statue with the door open. I almost want to plead for his help.
Reed turns me to him, his big hands holding my face, his eyes locking with mine.
“This is only a vacation, Kitten. You will be home sooner than you know.” Then he kisses me, but it’s short and I grab his shirt. His tongue fills my mouth, and I can’t stop crying. I kiss him like my life depends on it, and at the moment, it does. As I sob into his mouth, this feels like goodbye—like forever. He pulls back as my father grabs my arm. I look at Reed one more time; his beautiful eyes have tears.
“What the hell, Robert? Just wait… can we talk about this? Please, I need her.”
My dad stops and puts a hand through his hair. Sighing he looks around the garage. At anything but me and Reed.
“You will be fine. Talk to me in ten years, Reed. Something tells me you’ll be with someone else living a completely different life. This is infatuation, kids, and it does not last.”
He pulls me into the car, and I sink into the soft black leather seats. All the fight that I thought I would have is gone. I get on my knees and look out the back window. My heart hurts so bad, the burn is almost unbearable. Reed must feel the same way, for his hand comes up and rubs his chest, right on his heart and on my name.
I can’t do anything but stare. My father slams the door shut himself not even waiting for the driver, and I close my eyes, hot tears flowing, burning my face.
“Tess, stop crying.” He’s rubbing his forehead. “You’re my little girl. What did you expect me to do? Hand you over to Reed at fifteen? Your mother is not capable of taking care of you. I guess I’ll give it a try.”
“How long?” I hiss. Not even trying to disguise my dislike of him, I gaze out the window as my neighborhood and Reed get farther away.
“What?” He sounds distracted.
“How long do you plan on keeping me?”
“You will stay with me until college.”
“What?” I scream “No fucking way, Dad! If you think to keep me prisoner, you are crazy.” I must look wild because he frowns.
“Are you insane? Do you need help in the head? Because, if you think that any normal parent would allow their only daughter to have sex in her own bedroom and not do something about it, you need help. Should I have a doctor check you?” He waits. I’m so aghast at his lack of compassion and the question I stare mutely.
“I will tell you right now, little girl, if you’re pregnant, you will have an abortion!”
I gasp. He looks like a rabid dog. And he’s asking if I’m insane? All the air in the vehicle seems to be sucked into the black leather seats. My throat is closing up on me again. And, I don’t have Reed. Without his voice telling me to breathe, without him touching me, how will I control it?
“I’m not having sex, Dad! Although, I wish I had.” I try to swallow a gasp of air.
He must believe me, or he is done engaging with me because he pulls out his cell phone and starts texting.
I concentrate on the sounds of my breathing. Otherwise, it’s too quiet. The car is so insulated, the noises from outside are gone.
Not even looking up from his texting, he says, “I don’t intend on explaining myself to you, but you should know I have a girlfriend. Her name is Svetlana Volkov, and I expect you to treat her with respect.”
“I’m sorry, did you just tell me you are living with another woman?”
“Yes, Tess, I am.” He glances up for a second, looking like he wants to say more, but he doesn’t.
“Why would you bring me with you? You have a whole other life going on.” The first glimmer of hope fills me. Surely my dad is not going to want me to stay long if he has a girlfriend.
He shrugs. “Svetlana is perfect, Tess. You could learn from her. All this weakness is your mother. Svetlana will teach you how to fight. Trust me, you’re going to need it.”
“Why, Daddy?” I whisper, wiping my cheeks.
“You’re my child. I know you’re angry with me right now, but it’s my job to protect you. I had hoped your mother would rise to the occasion, but she’s let the booze and her own insecurities take over. You don’t need to be around that. Stop crying. It’s done.” He holds the phone to his ear, dismissing me.
The Valium must be working. Either that or I’m numb, maybe both. The car pulls up to the tarmac. I vaguely feel my dad’s arm guide me into his private jet. I walk into the bedroom, shut the door, and sleep the entire flight.
TESS
Present day – twenty-five years old
I stand and wait for the three beeps alerting me my coffee has finished brewing. My pink manicured nails drum the granite counter, the need to feed my one addiction wiping away all my earlier patience.
Fuck it. When I grab the pot, steam blows out the top of the coffee maker. Quickly I fill my mug. I’m a rule breaker, right?
Taking a deep sip, I grimace as the hot liquid singes my tongue. The burn is over too quickly. I’m left with the same despair I’ve been plagued with for hours.
I’m sluggish and my eyes hurt as though I have a fever or someone has thrown sand in them. Hopefully I have eye drops. My overtaxed mind wanders to the contents of my medicine cabinet.
“God, you’re pathetic,” I mumble, blinking back the tears. A soft wet nose nudges my hand. I look down an
d start crying. Kind, trusting brown eyes stare up at me, a white tail curled over his back wagging away. The coffee maker hisses. I smell burned coffee coming from the bottom of the carafe, the symbolism not lost on me.
Burned. Dark. Guilty. Remorseful!
Sliding down my cabinet, I sit on the floor. A fluffy white bundle of goodness jumps into my lap.
“I’m okay, buddy. I’m going to be gone for a while. Will you be okay with Uncle Logan?” He cocks his face, and I swear he smiles at me. Like a sleepwalker, I sit on my hardwood floor petting his soft, fluffy fur, confessing all my sins. He doesn’t judge me. In fact, he loves me, which makes me cry harder. I rehearse to my Samoyed why I did what I did. His head lies on my thigh and he listens, making me feel ten times better.
“If only I could bring you on the jet. You’d distract everyone, wouldn’t you?”
The doorbell rings. Knowing it’s Brance, I don’t even bother getting up. He has a key. Pushing my dark tangled hair behind my ears, I stay seated. Pudding happily leaves me to greet Brance.
“Tess? Baby Girl? Buddy?” Brance calls.
I groan as I stand up. Turning the corner, I run smack into Brance’s lean shoulder as he and Pudding come barreling in. He reaches for me, his beautiful dark eyes full of concern.
“Jesus, are you all right?”
“Of course,” I snap, pulling out of his grip. I refuse to be a victim. What a lie—I’m nothing but a victim.
He sighs heavily, pulling me into a tight hug. “It’s going to be okay,” he whispers soothingly. “You knew this day was coming.”
My tears fall again. I’m so sick of the tears. As I nod my head against his lean chest, I say, “I know, I mean I thought I knew, but now that it’s happening, I’m not ready.”
Pulling away, I look at him. “I don’t think I can do it.” With the lump in my throat, I’m barely able to choke it out.
“I know, Pretty Girl.” His strong hands stroke my tangled hair. Three loud beeps fill the quietness in the room. Brance’s eyes shift toward the kitchen.
“Coffee’s ready.” He smiles. I laugh and sob at the same time.
He throws his arm around my shoulder. “How much time do we have?”
“Jax said they are sending the G5 Jet.” I stare at Pudding who has made himself at home, sitting in one of my chairs looking out the window.
Brance pulls out his phone. “I called Ken Paves Salon and talked to Stacey. She said she can fit you in at noon.”
I snort, reaching for the pot and pour myself a fresh cup.
“I’m getting on that jet because I have no choice!” I blink rapidly as I look up at my ceiling then back at his worried face. “Why are we even trying to be optimistic? This is so bad, beyond bad,” I yell, jerking open my kitchen cabinet. “It doesn’t matter what my face and hair look like, Brance.”
Grabbing a mug for him, I slam the cabinet shut, the sound ricocheting around the room. Pudding jumps off the chair and runs over to me.
“Shit.” I brace my hands on the counter.
“Why don’t you sit down.”
“You need coffee,” I say, jerking the pot out. My hands are shaking so badly, I spill brown liquid all over the counter. “Goddamn it!” This time Pudding runs away.
“Tess, just sit! God, you’re even scaring Pudding.” He guides me to the kitchen nook, and I sink into the chair Pudding has just left. It’s still warm.
Brance shakes his head as he calmly pours himself some coffee.
Turning away in disgust, I open one of the bay windows. A cool breeze blows on my fevered cheeks. I might be losing it, but as much as I want to, I can’t. I have reasons to get myself together. Vaguely, I hear the hum of a gardener’s lawn mower and some birds. Birds are good, right?
Brance snaps his fingers in front of my face. “Tess, get your shit together. We don’t have time for the dramatics! We have to get organized.”
My eyes shoot over to his. “You don’t have to be a jerk.”
Leaning his hip on the counter, he sips his coffee. “Have you called Scott and explained what’s going on?”
Stiffening at Scott’s name, I wipe some crumbs off the table. “Why would I do that? This is none of his business,” I say, daring him to make it a big deal.
“Tess, you are seeing this man. You need to at least let him know you’re going out of town.” His disapproval aggravates me. He’s only been like this since he married Logan. The old Brance wouldn’t have even mentioned Scott.
“We don’t have that sort of relationship, and you know it,” I snap.
Brance stares at me, then pushes off the counter to sit.
“If I call him, he will want to help, and that is not an option. It’s better this way. Scott is way too good for me.”
“You think so, huh?”
I stare at him. “Don’t act like you don’t.” Rubbing my fingers on my temples, I contemplate what I’m going to do. He’s right. Scott deserves the common courtesy of a phone call. At least let him know we will be out of town.
“God!” I say, briefly dropping my head in my hands. “When have I ever done the right thing? Add it to the list of shitty things I can feel guilty about.”
“You’re becoming quite the little martyr, aren’t you?” I glance up but don’t acknowledge the comment. Rolling his eyes, he adds, “Whatever, Tess. Do you want Logan to stay here with Pudding?”
“No, bring him to your house since I don’t know how long we’ll be gone.”
Standing up, he dumps his coffee in the sink. “I’m coming with you. I would never allow you to face this alone.” He shrugs. “Besides, I’m not exactly innocent in this fiasco.”
Hope surges inside me. “You’re coming with me?” I’m so pathetic, but I truly need Brance. “Logan won’t want you to go,” I remind him.
“He already knows. He hates it, but he has accepted it.”
Guilt rears its ugly head. I carry enough, and I don’t need to add this. Shaking my head, I say, “No, you should be here with your husband. I’m a big girl. He can’t hurt me anymore.”
He arches a dark brow. “Tess, we don’t know how he is going to react. All we can do is make sure that you look as good as you possibly can.” He says this completely deadpan. I blink at him and burst out laughing. Slapping his arm, I laugh. “You’re ridiculous. You know that, right?”
His mouth twitches. “I’m being serious. He’s always had a weak spot when it comes to your looks.”
“I think I’m going to need more than that this time.”
“Agreed, but we have to work with what we have. So… even though your lips look spectacular when you’re hysterical, your eyes look like shit!”
My mind flashes back to Reed, his smile making my heart ache, calling me beautiful, exquisite, so many compliments, always making me feel like a goddess that he worshiped.
A vibrating cell phone makes both of us look down. Logan’s picture stares up at us. Getting up, I go to my refrigerator, pulling out some cut pineapple. “You better answer. He’s only going to keep calling.” I motion to his phone on the table.
Sighing dramatically, he sits down and answers. “Yes, Logan?”
I can hear Brance’s husband going off, and that’s saying something because Logan does not yell. He is like a Zen god.
Brance holds the phone away from his ear, and Logan keeps lecturing a good minute before there’s silence. Brance pushes the speaker button.
“Feel better?”
“Not really”
“I have you on speaker. I’m at Tess’s.”
“Of course you are.” A tortured sigh comes through the phone. “Hello, Tess.” His voice is laced with anxiety.
“Hi, Logan. I’m so sorry to drag you into my mess again.” Guilt!
“Well, Tess, I would love to blame you.” He snips, “Let’s be honest, Brance is making this decision even though I have told him repeatedly it’s not healthy for either one of you. He can’t continue to fight all your battles.”
I flinch at the harsh truth, and Brance instantly grabs the phone, taking it off speaker. “Logan, I love you, and I know you truly do mean the best, but you need to be careful. This trip is something that has to happen, and you know it.” His beautiful chocolate eyes watch me as he listens.
“Without a doubt, it’s going to be nothing but a bundle of negative energy. Unlike you, Tess and I are used to that—we thrive on it. I won’t allow you to make me feel guilty, Logan.”
A leaf blower roars to life outside. I turn, glancing out my window. My neighbor’s gardener is blowing dust and leaves into my yard. If I wasn’t in such a state, I would go outside and say something, but at this point in my life, dirt and leaves are not a priority.
“Yes, Logan, I’ll remind her you told us so. Does that make you feel good? Because it just pisses me off!” Taking my hand, he absently looks at my nails.
“I get that, Logan, but I’m not leaving her to the wolves. Look… I’m trying to have patience.” Brance frowns, leaning forward.
“Un-fucking believable!” Turning to me, he says, “You see this asshole blowing shit on your yard?” He points out the window.
I roll my eyes. “It’s the last thing we should be worrying about.”
“Logan, I need to go, her next-door neighbors…”
Shaking my head, I say, “Brance, it doesn’t matter. I’m going to go take a shower. Tell Logan… I guess, thank you is appropriate.” Hot tears threaten to spill again. I have come to love Logan. He is one of the kindest, most practical people I have ever met. I think that is what pushed Brance to make the ultimate commitment to marry him.
Logan is truly our opposite. Brance needed his innocence. He grabbed it and has become a much different person.
But ultimately, deep down inside, we are what we are. Logan won’t allow himself to accept us. He can’t, even when he reluctantly witnessed the decision we made. That one secret that changed all of our lives. The decision that is going to bring my past crashing down around me, like placing the last domino piece and watching everything you have built fall. I don’t blame Logan, but I do envy him. His endless chakra cleansing is just that: endless. Brance is still Brance and I’m, well, me. Leaning down, I kiss his forehead as he argues with his husband. Because no matter what, Brance does have a point. I need all my ammunition if I’m going to try to convince him that I’m not the vilest person in the world.
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