Better Than Perfect

by Kristina Mathews

  “So, who is she?”

  Johnny shook his head, forgetting where he was for a moment. “Like I said before, my personal life is, uh, personal.”

  “Don’t worry, I’m not that kind of journalist.” She smiled, a you-can-trust-me kind of smile.

  “No, I’m sure you’re a professional. And since our interview is officially over, I think I should stop talking.” He returned his most sincere fake smile.

  “Johnny Scottsdale, you really are more than what meets the eye.” She dropped her gaze to his lap. “Not that what meets the eye is anything to complain about.”

  “I don’t know what you mean.” He tried to choose his words carefully. He didn’t need to get on a reporter’s bad side.

  “Wow, do I really need to spell it out?” She shook her head, tossing her hair so it fell over one shoulder. “You’re completely unaware of the power you have over women.”

  “It’s not me. It’s the uniform.” Johnny wished she’d just let it go. Let him go.

  “It’s much more than that.” She leaned forward and rested her hand on his knee. “Yes, you’re an athlete. That means you’ve got an incredible body. But I see athletes every day. You’re different. You’re a challenge.”

  “I’ve been told I’m emotionally challenged.” Why was he still talking to this woman?

  “You just need the right woman to help you get in touch with your emotions.”

  “I don’t think so.” Johnny shifted his leg, letting her hand fall. “I should get going. I’ve taken enough of your time.”

  “I’m sure we’ll be spending plenty of time together over the course of the season.” She sounded very sure of herself. “I’m the dugout reporter. I’ll be interviewing you after your wins. Who knows? Maybe I’ll have the honor of catching you after your next perfect game.”

  “I think that was a once-in-a-lifetime experience.” There were times when his perfection was more curse than blessing. It only made his less stellar performances stand out even more. Each failure loomed larger than before.

  Maybe that was the explanation this reporter, and a few others, had been searching for. He’d had the perfect woman. He would never find another who could live up to her. So he’d quit looking.

  He put everything he had into his game. Let it fill the empty spot in his life losing Alice had created. But he would be leaving the game behind someday. He needed to make sure he had something to take its place in his life. Or someone. And that someone could only be Alice.

  * * * *

  Alice grabbed the remote and switched off the TV. She didn’t need to watch anymore. It was painfully obvious the reporter was interested in Johnny. And he seemed to respond to her questions with an ease he didn’t often have during interviews.

  She wondered how long it would take for the woman to jump him. Would she at least wait until the camera stopped rolling?

  Jealousy was a stupid emotion. Alice wiped hot tears from her eyes. She had no right. No right at all to feel this way. She’d given him up. So the Rachel Parkers of the world could have a shot at loving the great Johnny Scottsdale.

  For the past fourteen years, she’d managed to compartmentalize her feelings for Johnny. He was a baseball player. Nothing more. An image on TV. A statistic on the back of a baseball card. Not a man. A living, breathing, feeling man. She could be proud of him when he earned successes on the field. She could feel bad for him when he had a rough night on the mound. She could even pretend his personal life meant nothing. That she wasn’t secretly pleased he’d never married. That his love life never made headlines.

  All that had gone away the minute he’d stepped back into her life. He wasn’t just a ballplayer anymore. He was a man. The man. The man who made her heart quake. Who turned her legs to jelly. The man who made her want to remember what it meant to be a woman.

  And he might be the father of her son.

  The weight of everything came crashing down on her. She’d given him up. Married Mel and raised Zach as his son. She’d tried to put Johnny out of her mind. Out of her heart. But she’d failed. Miserably. Now it was all catching up to her. With a vengeance.

  “Hey Mom, guess who’s here…” Zach took one look at her face and concern overtook his usually cheerful features. “Are you okay? Have you been crying?”

  “Oh, it’s nothing.” She wiped her eyes and tried to force a laugh. “Something I saw on TV. You know how I get.”

  She hoped he’d think she’d seen one of those sappy commercials for baby shampoo or greeting cards or something sentimental like that.

  “Alice.” Johnny stood behind Zach. She’d been so wrapped up in her misery, she hadn’t even heard the door. “Did I come at a bad time?”

  “No.” She stood and smoothed her blouse, suddenly very aware of Johnny’s presence. “I was watching one of those reality shows. They really suck you in.”

  Zach shoved his hands in his pockets. “You sure you’re okay?”

  He knew she didn’t watch those types of shows. She preferred more educational programs. Like History Detectives or even Mythbusters. But watching the guys blow stuff up just across the bay wouldn’t bring tears to her eyes.

  “Yeah. I’m fine.” She didn’t need either of these two knowing why she was upset.

  “Well, I’ve got to finish my homework.” Zach was reluctant to leave, but he was a responsible kid. He knew if he got behind, she wouldn’t let him attend the minicamp. “So I better get going.”

  “I hope you get all your homework done.” Johnny beamed at Zach. Kind of like he was proud of him, too. “I’ll need your help tomorrow.”

  “Yeah? Cool.” Zach skipped up the stairs to his room.

  “What are you doing here?” Since he’d told Zach he’d see him tomorrow, she didn’t need to worry he was going to back out of the minicamp.

  “I, uh…” He turned to watch Zach as he disappeared from sight. “He’s a great kid. And he has the potential to be a good pitcher.”

  “Thank you for working with him. You have no idea how much it means.” And she had no idea how to tell him.

  “I’d like to talk to his coaches.” Johnny was all business now. Shutting off his emotion like the flip of a switch. “He has a slight flaw in his delivery. A bad habit he’s picked up. Totally correctable, but it will take time.”

  “Time you don’t have.” Her heart constricted at the idea of him leaving in less than two weeks. Not to mention, all the women who would be flocking toward him in Arizona.

  “Right. Spring training is right around the corner.” Johnny looked over her shoulder, studying the bookcase. The framed photos scattered amongst the books and knick-knacks. Baby pictures of Zach. She wondered if he had similar snapshots of his own youth. And if he could see the resemblance for himself.

  “Unfortunately, I don’t know who his coach will be. Tryouts aren’t until the end of the month. Then it will be at least another week or two after that before we know who he’ll end up with.”

  “Well, maybe you could send me his email address when you find out.” Johnny met her gaze. “I’d like to keep track of his progress.”

  “Really?” She felt her throat tighten. Her heart constrict.

  “Yeah, the kid’s kind of growing on me.” Johnny sounded surprised. But pleased. “I thought it would be hard to be around him. Since he’s…Mel’s. But, he’s such a great kid.”

  The lump in her throat grew. She should tell him. Now. Before she lost her nerve.

  He stepped toward her. “You have mascara, here.”

  He reached out and wiped the smudge under her left eye. Her lashes automatically fluttered closed at his touch. A sigh escaped her lips, an instant before he captured her mouth with his.

  He pulled her closer. Closer. Kissing her like they’d been apart for merely a two-week road trip, not fourteen years. His hands wove through her hair. Moved down her back. She leaned against him. She could feel him, his need pressing against her belly. Her insides dissolved. Longing filled her. Powerfu
l. Uncontrolled.

  He slipped his hands underneath her blouse. Her breath caught at his touch. He groaned as he deepened the kiss. Sliding his hands higher, sending them both closer to the edge. His fingers slipped beneath her bra.

  “Ali…” His breath was ragged, heavy with desire. “Oh, Ali.”

  She was about to surrender completely, when she heard the toilet flush upstairs.

  Zach.

  “Johnny. Wait.” She pushed him away. Smoothed her blouse. Her hair. “Zach’s upstairs. He could come down any minute.”

  “Right. Zach.” Johnny stepped back and her heart gave a small whimper. “I should go.”

  “Johnny, please… Stay.” They needed to talk. She needed to tell him the truth. Or what could be the truth about Zach.

  “I really need to go.” He retreated toward the front door. “I came here tonight to find out if there could be anything between us.”

  “I think the answer is pretty obvious.” She didn’t mean to gaze at his crotch, but the evidence was still there.

  “The problem is…” He shoved his hands in his pockets, which only stretched his jeans tighter. “It’s not only about us. You’ve got a kid. A great kid. But I’m not sure if I’m up for all this.”

  His eyes rested on the formal family portrait. He didn’t need to tell her any more. He wasn’t ready for a family.

  * * * *

  Johnny got in his Jeep, wanting more than anything to get out of the city. He headed toward the Golden Gate Bridge, hoping he could get his thoughts clear by the time he got to the other side.

  He shouldn’t have kissed her. He shouldn’t have started something he wasn’t sure he could finish. She was a mother. He needed to think long and hard about that.

  Having a relationship with Alice would mean having a relationship with Zach. He was still getting used to the idea of being a mentor. Could he step into the role of father figure? The toughest years were right around the corner. High school. And everything that came with it. Girls. Sports. College and Major League scouts.

  Johnny wouldn’t have been able to deal with all of that if it hadn’t been for his coach and mentor. Coach Ryan had taken an interest in him. Helped him not only with baseball, but with life. He’d eventually moved in with Ryan and his wife. They’d kept him focused on school and helped him with his college applications and scholarships.

  Johnny never would have managed to go to college without his help. Never would have met Alice.

  She felt so good in his arms. Too good. He’d come pretty damn close to losing control with her tonight. If she hadn’t pulled away, he might have put them both in a compromising position.

  That was something no thirteen-year-old boy wanted to even think about his mother doing, let alone witness.

  No. Johnny needed to make a game plan where Alice was concerned. He’d have until the end of the week to work with her and Zach at the minicamp. That didn’t give him much time to figure things out.

  He pulled onto the bridge. Traffic was fairly light this time of night, but nowhere near the open road he longed for. He needed space and time to think. Two things that were just out of his reach.

  Damn. What had he been thinking, coming to San Francisco? It wasn’t just about taking a shot at the postseason. There were plenty of teams with as much of a chance as the Goliaths. Some with an even better chance. So yeah, he could stop pretending he didn’t have a personal reason for coming here.

  Alice.

  He could admit that now. He hadn’t been able to let her go. He’d jumped at the chance to play here because he needed to get on with his life. Baseball wouldn’t be there for him forever. And he needed closure with her before he could even think of moving forward.

  He’d thought if he saw her again—saw she was happy with Mel—he could finally let her go. He didn’t know what he would have done if she’d been married and miserable. If he’d found out Mel had been unfaithful to her, or if he’d hurt her in any way.

  At least he didn’t have to worry about that.

  He just needed to worry about whether or not he could make her happy. He’d sure as hell try a lot harder to give her what she needed outside of the bedroom. Especially now that there was so much more at stake. She had a son who wouldn’t take too kindly to Johnny coming in and messing with her heart. Johnny got the feeling Zach’s admiration of him would disappear if he ever hurt Alice.

  He’d have to make sure he didn’t hurt her.

  7

  “Hey, Johnny, can I ask you something?” Zach helped gather up the balls and toss them into the equipment bucket.

  “Yeah, sure, what’s on your mind?”

  “Um…do you have a girlfriend?” He glanced up but quickly busied himself in his task. “What I mean is, how come you’re not married?”

  “I guess I’m sort of married to my job.” Lame excuse, he knew, but it was better than the truth.

  “But you’ve had girlfriends, and stuff.”

  “Yeah. Not many, but I’ve had girlfriends before.” He wasn’t going to mention that one of them was the boy’s mother.

  “See…there’s this thing…it’s, uh…” The boy was blushing. Embarrassed to bring up the subject.

  “Look, kid, are you sure you want dating advice from a guy called ‘The Monk?’”

  “No.” His blush deepened. “I mean, they call you that because you’re so calm and in control on the mound.”

  “That’s one reason the name stuck.” Johnny tried not to laugh. The kid sounded like he was seriously in need of advice. “But originally it was a joke. Because I didn’t…oh…how do I put this?”

  “You didn’t hook up with a lot of girls?” Zach turned a ball over and over in his hands. A habit Johnny also had when he was uncomfortable talking about something. “Groupies and stuff?”

  “Yeah. That’s exactly why I got the nickname. I never hooked up with groupies.” Yet they’d still managed to cost him his relationship with Alice.

  “Cool.” Zach studied the stitches on the baseball as if he’d find the meaning of life in the raised red threads. “I mean, I think groupies are kind of lame.”

  Couldn’t agree with the kid more.

  “But you do like girls?” He looked up, almost afraid to ask the question.

  “Yeah. I like girls.” One girl in particular, but this was hardly the time or place to discuss that.

  “Cool. Because there’s this thing Saturday night. A fundraiser for the foundation.” Zach took a deep breath. And looked Johnny straight in the eye. “I think you should take my mom.”

  “Really?” He was trying to set them up. Interesting.

  “Yeah. I mean, she has to go anyway, but it would be nice if she had a date.” Zach’s ears were a little pink. But his brown eyes looked so sincere and full of genuine concern for his mother. “She never goes on dates. It’s…not…normal.”

  “Well, maybe she doesn’t have time to date.” Johnny didn’t want to get too excited about this revelation. Maybe she was just discreet. “She’s busy raising you, and working for the foundation.”

  “Yeah, but she needs to get a life.” Zach looked up at Johnny, almost shocked at the boldness of his statement. “I mean, I can’t be the only man in her life forever, you know.”

  “No. I guess not.” Johnny barely contained a smirk. “Do you think she’d want to go with me?”

  “Yeah. I think she totally would.” Zach now sounded pretty sure of himself. “She likes you. I mean, she thinks you’re totally awesome.”

  “Liking what I do on the field is one thing.” Johnny needed to make sure neither of them got their hopes up too high. “Liking me for me is something else.”

  “Yeah. I guess that’s the downside of being a famous athlete.” Zach tossed the last ball into the bucket. “But that’s what’s cool about my mom. She knew you before you were famous. Besides, she doesn’t need your money. So, you don’t have to worry about that.”

  “No. I guess not.” Mel would have made sure she and Z
ach were well taken care of.

  “I know she likes you. I see the way she looks at you.” Zach stuck his hands in his pockets. Another habit Johnny shared when he was nervous. “I see the way you look at her, too. But I think maybe you’re worried that it would be weird. Because she was married before. To your friend.”

  The lump in Johnny’s throat made it impossible to acknowledge the weirdness.

  “But I think my dad would be okay with it.” Zach continued his persuasion. “I mean, I don’t remember him much, but I think he would want her to be happy. And he could trust you.”

  The kid looked down at his feet, and then lifted his head to look Johnny in the eye. “I trust you.”

  “Thanks. That means a lot.” Johnny found his voice. Somehow. “But the important thing is whether or not your mom trusts me.”

  “She should.” Zach had total faith in him. “You would never cheat on her or anything. I know you wouldn’t.”

  “No. I wouldn’t.” If only it was that simple. “But I couldn’t quite convince her of that years ago.”

  “Huh?” Zach shook his head, like he couldn’t have heard him correctly.

  “I dated your mom in college.” Maybe he shouldn’t have said that.

  “Before she married my dad?” Zach’s wide-eyed expression showed his surprise.

  “Yeah. For three years. But…” How did it still hurt this much?

  “You guys broke up.” Zach nodded, as if he understood.

  Yeah. They broke up.

  “But now you have a second chance,” Zach added hopefully. “You can start by taking her to the Golden Gate Gala.”

  “The Golden Gate Gala?” Sounded like quite the party.

  “Yeah, that thing I was telling you about.” Zach shuffled his feet.

  “Is it a dressy event?” Johnny asked. “Will I need to wear a tux?”

  “Yeah. I guess.” Zach shrugged. Pretending it didn’t matter one way or the other. Which told Johnny it was pretty important. “It’s kind of fancy.”