No Use For A Name

by Penelope Wright

  Thud! Someone or something hit the other side of the door with a loud smack, and I shoved Derek away from me. "Shit! I totally didn't mean to do that," I said, my breath coming in gasps.

  "Don't worry, I'm still right here," he said, his hands finding my waist again in the darkness and pulling my hips in tight to him.

  I slapped his hands away. "Not that, dumbass. I didn't mean to bring you in here. I was just trying to get away from someone. I definitely didn't mean to kiss you."

  "That's weird. I can't remember the last time someone accidentally put their tongue in my mouth." Even though I couldn't see him, I swear to god I could feel him grinning at me.

  "Oh shut up. If you tell anyone about this I guarantee you everyone on the football team will know you sleep with a calculator."

  "You promised." In the dark, I couldn't tell if his injured tone was mocking me or not.

  "I just don't want the football team thinking I'm the wide receiver, you know what I mean?"

  "Shit, I wouldn't let that happen."

  "Yeah, make sure you don't." I eased open the door a crack. I could hear some noise in the hall, but it was obvious the between class commute was winding down. I slipped out the door with Derek right behind me. Thankfully, there was no Grady in sight.

  The last few students scurried down the hallway. I pulled out my schedule and stared at it. "Crap. I'm late for math, and I have no idea where it is."

  Derek bumped against me playfully. "Want to say screw it and hit the closet again?"

  "You're freaking hysterical. Did you know that?" I tapped my foot impatiently. "We've still got that hall pass. Come on genius, walk me to class. I trust you know your way to the math wing?"

  I didn't see many people I knew for the rest of the day. I had a few people from Totem Falls in my classes, but I didn't have much to say to any of them. They all thought they knew me. I did get some surprised looks at the cheerleading uniform, which I tucked away with pathetic satisfaction.

  When sixth period rolled around, I practically sprinted to the gym for cheer practice. Every day of the school year my final hour would be devoted to cheer "class." I couldn't think of a better way to blow off steam than to reel off a string of cartwheels, and that's exactly what I did the second I dropped my bag on the gym floor. I finished off with a huge leap, arching my back and landing on my toes.

  "Awesome, Baby!"

  "Barbie," I said automatically, the same way I had all day in my classes when the teacher called roll.

  "Sorry Barbie," Kaia rolled her eyes, grinning as she walked towards me, bouncing lightly on her toes as well.

  "Are you done showing off?" Amy Yates sat a few rows up in the bleachers, looking down her nose at me, surrounded by the same group of friends she'd been with that morning.

  "Just getting some energy out. It's cheer practice, not the library."

  Amy sniffed and tossed her head. "That's where you're wrong. It's not practice. We do that on our own time. We have a lot more important stuff to do than flip around."

  I folded my arms across my chest. "Like what?"

  "Like answer to her." Amy pointed, and Kaia and I both spun around to see a slightly older version of Amy Yates strutting towards us across the gym.

  "Oh, god," Kaia groaned.

  "This doesn't look good," I whispered.

  "Stephanie Yates," Kaia muttered out of the side of her mouth. "Rumor is Amy wasn't born, she was cloned. Stephanie was in ninth at Hilltop when I was in seventh."

  Kaia rushed that last sentence because Stephanie was almost on top of us at that point.

  "Join your squad," she said to us. "I have a few announcements to make."

  Kaia and I climbed up into the bleachers. Damn it, I'd totally wanted to talk to her about what happened in the dark closet with Derek this morning. I think I was probably the only person at Roosevelt who still didn't have a cell phone. I'd been so jealous watching other kids text all day long. Desperate, I'd slipped into the library and sent Kaia an email at lunch, but of course I had no idea if she'd gotten it and I'd had no chance to check for a reply. This was the first time I'd actually seen Kaia since I walked out of first period, and now we were going to have to sit here like sheep and listen to Amy's sister lecture us. Where was the coach?

  Kaia and I sat a couple rows above Amy and her two friends. Seven other girls, probably from Lincoln, sat nearby. Being the only girl from Totem Falls, I felt like I stuck out.

  "Totem Falls girl," Stephanie barked. Yep, that pretty much confirmed it. "Nice cartwheels. Save them for junior year, they might come in handy then. Sixth period JV cheer is work ladies, and I'm your chairman of the board. First, I need to announce your JV cheer captain. Congratulations Amy Yates."

  Amy's back straightened, and she looked around at the rest of us on the bleachers, grinning from ear to ear. I kept myself in check, but there was a gasp from several of the Lincoln girls. One of them stood up. "Shouldn't that be up to the coach? Where is she anyway?"

  Stephanie put her hand on her hip. "She's with the real squad, the varsity cheerleaders. I'm in charge of you." Stephanie held up her right hand, palm out, like a traffic cop directing cars past an accident. "But before you get all squinky about who's going to be JV captain, think about it. Do you really want me calling you at midnight on a Tuesday to ask you where the varsity cheer dry cleaning is?"

  Amy's back lost a bit of its stiffness, and the Lincoln girl who had asked the question sat back down on the bleachers. A couple of the other Lincoln girls shook their heads.

  "I didn't think so," Stephanie said. "You're basically support staff for the varsity squad. Cheering on the sidelines is our job. You're responsible for planning dances, assemblies, and other events. Monday through Thursday, you'll meet here to work on the list of tasks I'll give Amy over the weekend. How she divvies up the work is up to her, but it has to get done. If the schedule permits, you'll practice your moves on Fridays. The more work you get done during the week, the better your chance of getting in a practice. If you can keep yourselves in shape, there might be room for you on the varsity squad as a junior. Keep in mind girls, the varsity squad only has twelve spots, and we've got six kickass juniors this year. That means half of you probably won't make it to the next level."

  Dead silence greeted this statement. I'm not sure what kinds of looks the other girls gave her, but they probably weren't good, because Stephanie shrugged her shoulders and smirked. "I'm just sayin'. Your uniform gives you a lot of power at this school. Enjoy it while it lasts."

  The blond tyrant blathered on for the rest of sixth period. I did my best to appear like I was listening, but inside I was wrestling with serious dismay. I thought cheer would be so cool. I didn't get into it so I could be some sort of personal assistant. Still…without cheer I'd have to wear my sisters' cast off clothes to school, I'd never have started hanging out with Kaia, and I wouldn't have the possibility of a private driver's ed class with Derek.

  Derek. I couldn't stop thinking about kissing him. Even when I thought I wasn't thinking about it, all of a sudden my stomach would drop into my knees and I'd have trouble catching my breath, and I'd feel his hands roaming all over me and his tongue twining around mine.

  When the bell finally rang, Kaia grabbed my hand and practically dragged me out of the gym. "Okay, listen-"

  That was all Kaia had a chance to say before a guy's voice interrupted her. "Mary! Hey, Mary, wait up!"

  Kaia snickered and stopped in the hallway. She pulled me to the side as the rest of the cheerleaders walked past us, oblivious to the fact that I was the one Grady Carrico was trying to catch up with. He jogged up to us and stood there, smiling, his hands curled loosely at his sides.

  "Hey Grady," I said.

  "Hi Mary. I saw you this morning. I tried to flag you down, thought you might like a tour guide, but I lost you in the crowd."

  "Oh, too bad," Kaia said. "I know I could have used one. You know I actually stumbled into a janitor's closet this morning? Can you imag
ine?"

  Grady laughed. Since he was looking right at me, I couldn't shoot Kaia a dirty look, so I ground my toes on top of hers. I guess she got my email.

  "I hear those things are pretty small and stuffy," Grady said.

  "I don't know about that," Kaia said. "I can tell you it was definitely hot."

  I pressed down even harder on her foot and she jerked it out from under mine, making me lose my balance. Grady grabbed my elbow to steady me and grinned his thousand-watt smile. How many teeth did an average person have anyway?

  "So Mary, I know it's short notice and everything, but do you want to go with me to youth group tonight? Should be good fellowship, first day of school and all." He kept his hand on my arm, his touch light and hopeful.

  I moved away. "Oh, man, I'm sorry but I'm really busy tonight, I'm riding with Kaia and we have cheer stuff and everything." I flicked my skirt, like that was proof.

  "Shoot!" Kaia gave an exasperated sigh and oh my god did she seriously just hit herself on the forehead? "I totally forgot to tell you. I'm reading to old people at my grandma's nursing home tonight so I'm not gonna be able to drive you home. Mary, you should totally go with Grady."

  "Great, it's a good thing I thought to catch you after practice. Jesus doesn't shut a door, he opens a window, right?"

  "Darn tootin," Kaia said. "Have fun Mary. But hey listen, you need to call me."

  Before I could say anything else, Kaia scampered down the hall and I was alone with Grady. I would so get her back for this.

  Grady and I walked together, heading for the parking lot. I hiked my backpack over my shoulder and decided not to worry about dropping anything off at my locker. It was kind of nice walking with a senior. Even though he wasn't into sports, people seemed to know who he was, and they made room for him. Between that and the "power" of my cheerleading uniform, the crowded hallways were easy to navigate.

  Grady kept up a pretty one-sided conversation, but he didn't seem to mind that my answers were short and noncommittal. I'd actually forgotten that Kaia had parked in the senior parking lot until I spotted her car up next to the fence that surrounded the football field. My brother Joe sat in the front passenger seat, his nose in a book, and Kaia stood half in and half out of the car, talking to…oh, crap.

  I turned my head to the side and became instantaneously engrossed in whatever it was Grady had been saying, in the hopes that Derek wouldn't notice me. Don't make eye contact. Don't make eye contact.

  We trotted down the stairs to the parking lot, and I kept my head turned away. Thankfully Grady's car was at the opposite end of the lot from Kaia's. He must have shown up just before the bell, not way early like we had.

  "Holy cow, you drive a Lexus?" Forgetting about Derek, I stopped and admired the silver car that Grady unlocked with his keychain, a chirp-chirp sound coming from the vehicle while the taillights flashed.

  "God has been good to us. People can't seem to get enough ice cream." Grady said as he opened my car door for me. I slid into the leather seat and rubbed it appreciatively. I'd never been in a car this nice. Hell, I'd never sat on a sofa this nice.

  "The ice cream shop is yours?"

  "My dad's. He owns the franchise in the mall, plus three others."

  Grady shut my door and walked around the back of the car to his side. He settled into the driver's seat, turned the key in the ignition, and the car's audio blared to life. Grady stabbed at the off button so urgently that he accidentally turned it up louder before he managed to click it off.

  "Susan Boyle?" I said.

  "My dad must have borrowed my car after lunch. He does that sometimes. It's his music, not mine." Grady looked mortified.

  "Um, okay." He looked so embarrassed, I fished around for something to say. "I think my dad likes her too."

  That seemed to take the edge off, god knows why. "Yeah?" Grady said. "My dad's got her CD on all the time…as you probably noticed." He smiled ruefully. "I was pretty sure my dad was the only male Susan Boyle fan in the entire world. Does your dad listen to her a lot?" Grady put the car in drive and we pulled out of the parking lot.

  I shook my head. "Not anymore." I pictured my dad. It had been one of his rare afternoons at home, and he'd been washing his car on the lawn, singing along softly with the song that had just now come blasting out of Grady's car stereo. The door to our trailer had been open because it was hot outside, and my mom had overheard him. She'd poked her head out the door and told my dad he sounded like a fag. I hadn't heard the song again until now.

  "Tell me about your family," Grady said.

  I certainly wasn't going to tell Grady that little nugget. But all my stories were kind of like that, so I decided to stick to the facts. "I've got three sisters and a brother," I said.

  "Older or younger?"

  "All older. My sisters are all out of school, but my brother is a senior."

  "Who's your brother? I might know him."

  "Joe Anderson."

  "Joey?"

  "Yeah, but he likes to be called Joe," I said. "Do you know him very well?"

  "No, we don't hang out or anything. But he's in my calculus class, and we've had a few other classes together over the years. He's really smart."

  "Is he really?"

  Grady adjusted his grip on the wheel, his hands at ten and two. His long fingers kneaded the soft leather cover. "Yeah. You didn't know?"

  "My family's not that close."

  "Do they give you a hard time because of your faith?"

  It seemed like we were driving really slow. I glanced at the speedometer, then looked out the window at the trees and houses rolling by at exactly thirty miles an hour. Grady certainly knew how to follow the rules. "No. It's nothing like that. We're just different people I guess."

  "Well, I'm glad to hear that. A lot of Christians don't have the support of their families. I'm really lucky to have my dad."

  "What about your mom?"

  "My mom and dad got divorced when I was a baby, and then she died when I was two. I don't remember her, but my dad says she loved me a lot."

  "I'm really sorry." As freaky as I found the whole 'obsessed with Jesus' thing, I had to admit that Grady seemed like a pretty nice guy.

  "It's okay. I know she's smiling down on me from heaven."

  I wanted to agree with him, because it seemed like the nice thing to do, but I was afraid it would sound hollow and fake, since I didn't really believe it myself. So instead of offering him an empty platitude, I just smiled quietly at him. He didn't seem to mind.

  We turned down the driveway of a nondescript church, parked, and walked inside. The interior of the church felt kind of run down, but there was a buzz coming from the big room to the left. What was that called? Where the pews were and everything? I couldn't remember, but I was sure there was a name for that room. The rectory? The pulpit? It wasn't coming to me.

  "Come on in and meet everybody," Grady said. He took my hand to lead me into whatever that big room was called. His long, warm fingers felt surprisingly nice wrapped around mine.

  About thirty other teenagers milled around, chatting and laughing. I didn't recognize any of them, but Grady assured me that they all went to our high school. Since the church was on the Hilltop side of town, I assumed a lot of the kids must have gone there, which would explain why I didn't recognize any of them. No one here would blink when Grady introduced me as Mary. I was about to breathe a huge sigh of relief when Grady burst my bubble. "Oh look, some of your friends from the squad are here."

  I turned around, and the floor fell out of my stomach. Standing in the doorway were Amy Yates and her henchmen.

  SIX

  Grady dropped me off at home right around six. He gave my hand a squeeze as I moved to get out of the car. "Are you still upset?" he asked.

  "Me? No. But you'd better get out of here quick before your car soaks up too much tacky from my yard."

  Grady caught my wrist. "Don't say things like that. I don't care what kind of house you live in or how
much money your parents make. I like you, Mary. For you."

  God, he was so nice.

  "Will I see you again?" he asked.

  "Of course. You know where to find me."

  "No, I mean, well, you know what I mean. Will you come back to youth group again sometime? We meet every Monday and Wednesday."

  "Oh." Of course I'd known what he meant, I just hadn't felt like answering that question. "I don't know, Grady. Some of the people there…" My mind searched frantically for something to say that wouldn't sound totally lame. I had nothing.

  Grady helped me out. "I should have taken better care of you, I should have introduced you to some other people. I just thought you'd be happiest hanging out with the cheerleaders. I should have known better. Not everybody's there for Jesus. For a lot of people it's nothing but a social thing. I hate that. I'm sorry it affected you so much."

  "Oh, Grady." He'd thrown me the lifeline, I might as well go ahead and take it, but I didn't have to be a total liar. "I just don't feel comfortable discussing my beliefs with any of the people there tonight." Damn right. If I told them I was an atheist who knows what they'd do?

  Grady's face fell and he released my wrist.

  I felt terrible. "We can still be friends, right?" I said hopefully. I couldn't believe it, but Jesus freak or not, I liked Grady.

  "Yes. Of course. And I'll work on the group Mary. I'll make it something we both could be proud of."

  Erg. This was headed off in entirely the wrong direction. "I'd better go."

  "Goodnight Mary."

  As soon as I walked in the door, my eyes shot over to my mom's desk. No one there. I threw my backpack in the corner of the room and loaded instant messaging on my mom's computer. There was a little ball icon next to Kaia's name. I clicked on her and typed furiously.

  "YOU ARE AN EVIL BITCH"

  Seconds later, her reply popped up. "Baby forgive me for I have sinned."

  "I WILL DESTROY YOU"