I would feel better if she were here, where I could keep an eye on her and make sure she was safe, but I knew my sister. She wouldn’t allow fear to dictate her actions or stand in the way of her dreams.
“What would I do if I stayed here?” she asked, looking solemn. “Music is my life. I opted out of college because I told Mom and Dad I didn’t want or need a Plan B, remember?”
She’d been so fiercely determined when she moved to Nashville, and as her big sister, I’d been so proud of her. It never even entered my mind she wouldn’t make it. When Macy set a goal, she accomplished it, and with her talent, I just assumed a record deal was a given. Apparently we’d all been a little naïve, and I couldn’t help but feel guilty that I hadn’t played the devil’s advocate.
“Dad can always use extra help at the chiropractic clinic, especially now that Leila’s on mat leave.” I wasn’t as hungry as I’d been when I came in, but I forced another mouthful of Chow Mein down, since I’d skipped lunch. “It would be short-term work, but that would give you some time to make a bit of money, figure out where you want to go from here.”
“Ugh, work for Dad? You’ve got to be kidding.”
My sister and our father were like oil and water. He was a stickler for playing by the rules while Macy had always believed in making and breaking her own rules.
“How about coming to work for me?” I thought it would be fun to have her by my side every day. “I can always use help leading up to events, especially the day of, with set-up and—”
“I love you for offering,” she said, raising her hand, “but if I need a job, I can find my own.”
“Doing…?” I didn’t want to be the one to remind her that her skill-set revolved around music and there weren’t a lot of well-paying jobs in that field, as she well knew.
“I don’t know. There are a bunch of music schools around. I may not have a fancy degree or formal training, but I can play a bunch of instruments. Maybe I could work at a place like that, give vocal lessons or…” She shook her head before stuffing her mouth full of food. “I’m getting way ahead of myself.”
“It sounds to me like you’ve been thinking about this for a while. Have you?” As she continued to pick through her food, I asked, “Well? Have you been thinking about coming back home?”
“I don’t know,” she said, shrugging. “Maybe. But I don’t want to talk about me anymore. I haven’t decided anything. When I do, you’ll be the first to know.”
I curled my hand around hers. “Hey, just know that if you ever want to talk, I’m here for you. Always. No matter what’s going on in my life—”
“I know,” she said, cutting me off as she squeezed my hand. “Same goes.”
***
Brody had texted me late in the afternoon to let me know he was going to Seb’s for dinner, but when I pulled into the lot and saw his restored muscle car, I knew he’d beaten me home. Home. Damn it, I had to stop thinking like that. This was not Brody’s home. It was mine. And we were most definitely not playing house… no matter how much I might like to pretend we were.
I’d always hoped we would one day live together, which was another reason this setup was a bad idea. It served to remind me how much I’d wanted a life with him, one that included a home and family, not shacking up until the urge to leave town struck him again.
By the time I made it upstairs, I was peeved from how inconsiderate it was of Brody to blow into my life again, when we both knew he had no intention of staying.
“Hey, babe.”
I clenched my teeth. He did not have the right to call me that anymore! Nor did he have the right to look so gorgeous, stretched out on my couch as though he belonged in my world. He was wearing black athletic pants and a snug-fitting gray T-shirt. His dark hair was slicked back instead of styled, obviously damp from a recent shower.
“Hey,” I said. “I saw your car downstairs.”
“Yeah, Seb was keeping it at his place for me.” He tugged his T-shirt away from his body as I kicked off my high heels. “I had clothes at his place too, so I grabbed some of those.”
“Oh.”
He’d hopped a flight last night without so much as a suitcase. Fortunately, I’d had an extra toothbrush and, while I was ashamed to admit it, some of his clothes still hanging in my closet. When I’d shared that tidbit with him over breakfast, he looked at me quizzically, as though he was trying to figure out what it meant. I’d quickly changed the subject, hoping he wouldn’t force the issue. The last thing I needed was to be psychoanalyzed by my ex.
“Is that okay?” he asked, looking suddenly wary. “I mean, I know I should have checked with you first…”
“Any idea how long you’ll be staying?” I slipped out of my cropped gray blazer and hung it over the back of the white Parsons chair tucked up against my writing desk. The desk was a painted black piece we’d found during one of the antique treasure hunts I’d dragged Brody on. As his eyes drifted to the desk, I wondered if he was remembering that day too and how happy we’d been.
“Um, I’m not really sure yet,” he said, reaching for the remote to silence the TV. “If you’d rather I stay in a hotel while I’m here, I understand.”
It certainly wouldn’t be a hardship for a man who lived out of a suitcase, resting in one luxury hotel after another as he made his way around the world. But something told me he’d come here, to me, because he needed a friend, and my conscience wouldn’t allow me to turn him away. I knew if I needed him, Brody would always be there for me.
“No, it’s fine.” I rolled back the sleeves of my white silk blouse with a sigh as I sank into the armchair next to the couch Brody was sitting on. Propping my feet on the ottoman, I asked, “How was your day?”
I wanted to know whether he would tell me about Macy’s visit or try to protect her by keeping it to himself.
“It was okay,” he said, slanting his body so he could share my footstool.
I swallowed when he teased me by rubbing his toes against the pad of my foot. Trying to ignore his childish attempt to tickle me, I moved my foot just out of reach. “You said something about dinner with Seb and Skylar?”
“Yeah, I just got in a little while ago. I saw Kane today too. I told him about my visit from the old man.”
“How did he react?”
Talking to him at the end of a long day seemed so natural. The only difference between what was happening now and what would have happened if we were still a couple was proximity. I would have been curled up beside him, wrapped in his strong arms while he slowly undressed me. God, I missed that.
“He was pissed.” Brody slouched further down on the couch as he propped a fluffy white pillow behind his head. “I mean angrier than I’ve seen him in a long time. He thought I should keep the old man’s visit to myself, so I didn’t say anything to Seb.” He smiled. “He and Sky are so damn happy. I wouldn’t want to do anything to ruin that anyhow.”
I’d spent time with Skylar when we all attended Nex and Jaci’s wedding in Colorado, and it seemed to me Brody’s younger brother had finally found the woman who was made for him. I’d never seen him happier.
“Think they’ll be the next ones to walk down the aisle?” I covered my mouth when I couldn’t contain a yawn.
Brody smiled. “Are you asking because you want me to slip her your business card?”
I laughed. “No, I have more business than I can handle, believe me. I was just curious.”
“I think he’d marry her tomorrow if he could. But Sky’s a little more cautious. She’d rather they take their time, get to know each other better. As it is, they’re practically living together now that her uncle’s getting married.”
“Yeah, she said something about that at the wedding,” I said, trying to recall all the details. “He’s marrying their landlady, right?”
“Yeah.” Brody raised his hand above his head, drawing my attention to the script on the underside of his bulging bicep. Carpe Diem. That had always been Brody’s motto.
>
Trying to think of something other than how good it had felt to be wrapped in those strong arms, I said, “Um, Skylar said her uncle was having some health problems a while back. He’s doing better now?”
“Yeah, touch wood,” he said, grinning as he rapped his knuckles against his head. “That alternative treatment Seb helped Sky get for him seems to be working.”
“That’s nice,” I said, a small smile tilting my lips. “It’s nice when people get a second chance, isn’t it?”
“It sure is,” he said, his voice husky.
The room suddenly had a charge that hadn’t been there before, and I wondered if now would be a good time to claim I had some work to finish up in my room. Being with him, when we were obviously still tempted to act on our impulses, was a bad idea.
“About that kiss last night,” he said, his eyes lingering on my lips.
“Forget about it,” I said, hoping he couldn’t see my heart pounding through my thin silk shirt.
“That’s just it—I can’t forget about it.”
Damn it. I should have escaped when I had the chance. “We shouldn’t have let that happen.”
“Really?” He licked his lips. “’Cause I was just thinking how much I’d like for it to happen again. And again.”
I tried to breathe, but short of drawing a deep gasping breath that would let him know I was about to snap, I couldn’t. “That would be a bad idea.” The devil who resided on my shoulder whenever Brody and I were in the same room screamed at me to shut up, but I powered on. “We shouldn’t get involved again. I know you’re just talking about sex, but—”
“It’s never been just sex with you, Ri. You know that.” His eyes traveled over my body as the outline of his arousal became evident. “Every time we were together, I was making love to you. Every inch of you.”
Oh God, now I really couldn’t breathe.
“Reminding you, in case you thought you could forget, no other man will ever love you the way I do.”
I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. To remind him he’d had his chance and blew it, but the words got trapped in my throat.
He leaned forward, resting his weight on one elbow. “Making love to me made you feel alive. You can’t deny that.”
He was right—I couldn’t. Since we stopped making love, I’d felt as if I was just going through the motions. Surviving but not really living. Which I was ashamed to admit, since I’d had another boyfriend, another lover, since Brody. Stephan was a good man… just not the man for me.
I was looking at the man for me. Too bad we couldn’t reconcile our differences and find common ground. Or forget years of hurt as though they’d never happened.
But that was too much to expect of my battered heart. It remembered everything he’d said and done. Every excuse he’d ever made when he couldn’t be with me. Every lie he’d ever told when he blew me off to gamble instead. Every special occasion he forgot because he was too drunk to remember. Every man he’d ever accused me of being with while in a fit of jealous rage. My heart remembered it all and wouldn’t let me forget. Ever.
Chapter Five
Brody
After a chaste kiss on the cheek, Riley retired to her bedroom, claiming she had work to do. And I was left alone on her couch to contemplate all the mistakes I’d made in my life.
A few years ago, I wouldn’t have been out here alone. I would have been curled up next to her, kissing her neck while my hand roamed her body, trying to convince her that her work could wait but I couldn’t. But that selfishness had landed me on this couch in the first place.
I stared at the silent picture flashing across the TV. There was an accident, a little mangled bike lying in the middle of the street before the camera flashed to a sobbing mother being held by her husband. A chill swept through me, and I reached for the furry white throw at the end of the sofa. Curling it under my chin as I stared at the screen, I inhaled deeply. It smelled like Riley and her favorite perfume. My favorite scent in the world.
I knew I’d missed her, but being back in her home, so close to her, yet so far away, punctuated the emptiness. Life with her had been full and rich and exciting. Life without her was anything but.
Sure, I’d kept gambling, because really, what other choice did I have? The only other thing I’d ever been good at was football. There was a time I’d prayed that would be my career, but I learned in college I wasn’t good enough to play with the big boys. So I was left with one thing I excelled at—gambling. No, I’d been left with two things: gambling and Riley. But it took me this many years to realize that one was so much more important than the other.
But how could I convince her that I’d realized that? How could I make her believe I’d changed, that I was ready to grow up? How could I convince her to trust me again? As I watched the gut-wrenching images of lives being torn apart, I suddenly realized what I had to do to put my life back together again.
I wandered down the hall quietly, then tapped my knuckle against Riley’s closed door.
“What is it, Brody?” she asked, sounding sleepy.
My gut clenched. She’d always looked like an angel when she was on the verge of falling asleep, so sweet and vulnerable. I’d never been more aware that I held her fragile heart in my palm, along with the power to break it with a few choice words.
“Can I ask you a favor?” I said, opening the door a crack.
She sat up to reveal the white straps of a negligee I’d bought for her. What the hell was she trying to do to me? Why was she wearing that? To tease me, entice me… or maybe to remind me of what I’d never have?
“Depends what it is,” she said, pushing her blond hair back off her face.
“You look so gorgeous.” My voice was hoarse as my eyes shamelessly zeroed in on her full breasts. “I’ve always loved the way that looks on you.”
“I remember.”
My eyes collided with hers when I asked, “Why are you wearing it? Why tonight?”
“Maybe I needed to be reminded of the good times,” she whispered. “When I still had hope.”
I inched closer and sat on the edge of the bed. My side of the bed. Looking into her baby blue eyes, trying to figure out how I’d ever been stupid enough to let another man have her, I asked, “What’s life without hope, Ri?”
“I can’t afford to hope,” she said, closing her eyes. “Not again.”
I brushed my lips across her cheek. “What would it take for you to give me another chance? For you to let me love you again?”
“I can’t.”
She sounded so tortured, I just wanted to haul her against me, to cradle her in my arms and promise I’d never let anything hurt her, but since I was the source of her pain, I couldn’t do that. “You can’t or you won’t?”
“Why are you doing this?” she asked, her voice raw with emotion. “Why are you doing this to me again? Why are you even here?”
“Because I love you.” It had been a long time, too long, since I’d shown her, but those words had never stopped being true. I reached for her hand. “You’ve always been my best friend, Ri. When my world’s falling apart, you’re the one I call.”
“But do you think that’s fair to me?” she asked, watching me kiss her hand.
“No, I definitely haven’t been fair to you, sweetheart. But I think I can change.”
“You think you can change?” She sounded incredulous as she ripped her hand from mine. “You think? And that’s supposed to be reason enough for me to walk through hell with you all over again?”
“I know I don’t have the right to expect anything from you—”
“You’re damn right you don’t!” She shoved my shoulder, brushing at the tears streaking her cheeks. “You don’t get a do-over! You’ve had chance after chance, and all you’ve ever done is played fast and loose with my love, like it was a gamble you could afford to take.”
“It wasn’t,” I whispered, lowering my head. “Nothing’s worth losing you.”
“Gambl
ing is.”
“No, it’s not.” I looked up, hoping she could see the depth of my sincerity. “I’m sorry if I ever let you believe it was.”
“I don’t understand,” she said, shaking her head slowly. “What are you saying, that you’re giving up gambling?”
My gut clenched at the suggestion. God, what would I do without the thrill, the excitement, the challenge?
“No, of course that’s not what you’re saying,” she said, sounding disgusted. “How could I be stupid enough to think that? You’ll never give that up. Not for anything.”
“I just need some time to figure things out.”
I wouldn’t make her any more promises I couldn’t keep, especially not on the spur of the moment, in the middle of the night. With the moonlight filtering through the window, her blond hair falling over her shoulders, she looked like a goddess, and everything in me told me never to leave her. To get down on one knee, right now, and beg her to marry me. But I would never forgive myself if I woke up, after acting on impulse, and realized I wasn’t ready to commit to forever. Not even a forever that included Riley.
“You’re out of time, Brody. You ran out of time a long time ago, remember?”
I closed my eyes as she sucked in a sharp breath when my lips grazed her shoulder. “This is where I belong, right here with you. We both know that.” My lips traced her collarbone before finding the sensitive hollow with my tongue.
“No.” Her hands gripped my shoulders, probably to try to maintain some control. “This isn’t right.”
“Then why does it feel so right?” I licked and kissed her neck hungrily, unable to hold back as my body remembered how amazing it felt to be inside her.
She’d always been my one and only weakness. Sure, there’d been booze and gambling, but Riley had always been my only living, breathing vice.
“It does feel right.” She whimpered, rolling her head back onto the soft down pillows. “God, it feels so right to have you back in my bed.”
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