I crawled on top of her, intent on giving her pleasure, not taking advantage of her weakness. I kissed her while my fingers slipped inside her, drawing her out of her head so she could enjoy this indulgence. Riley spent entirely too much time in her head, always weighing out the pros and cons, especially where I was concerned.
“Brody…”
The way my name slipped from her lips as I pleasured her took me back to a time when she’d given her love so freely, believing I was the man who could make all of her dreams come true. God, I missed being that guy in her eyes.
Refocusing on her, on what she wanted and needed, I drew lazy circles around her peaked nipples with my tongue, enjoying the hitch in her breathing when my hand found a steady rhythm, remembering exactly where all of her hot spots were. It may have been a while, but my mind was programmed to know how to satisfy this woman. My woman.
“Oh God…”
Her whole body tightened in anticipation of her release, and the selfish part of me wished I could draw this out a little longer, delay her gratification so I could freeze this moment, in case she never wanted to repeat it.
“Brody…”
I captured her mouth, stealing her breath and kissing her with all the love in my broken heart. Because as happy as I was to be with her again, I felt her cool detachment in the way her hands didn’t hold me as much as they held me at bay. I wanted to be engulfed in her again. To feel her adoration in the way she wrapped me in her arms, sighing contentedly as she breathed in my scent and whispered she loved me.
I felt the tightness in my chest when she finally opened her eyes and looked at me. Instead of sleepy satisfaction, I saw only wariness and regret, and it tore me up inside. Easing off her slowly, I ran a shaky hand through my hair as I positioned the white duvet over her.
“Where are you going?” she asked, looking confused.
“To bed.”
Her eyes shifted to the other side of her bed, and I saw the unspoken question in her eyes. More than anything, I wanted to take her up on her offer, but not until I’d earned her trust again. I didn’t want to see that look in her eyes ever again.
“Um, you’re going to sleep in the guest room?” she asked, her cheeks flushed, her lips swollen and damp from my kisses.
“I think that would be best.” It was the last thing I wanted to do, but I knew it was best for her. For us. “For the record, I never meant to take advantage of you, Ri. That’s not why I came in here.”
With a shaky laugh, she said, “I don’t feel taken advantage of.” Her heated gaze drifted to the obvious bulge in my pants. “If anything, I feel a little guilty.”
“Don’t.” I brushed her cheek with the back of my hand. “If anyone should feel guilty, I should. You’ve given way more than you’ve ever taken from me.” When she didn’t argue, I let my hand fall to my side, and I slowly backed out of the room before turning when I reached the door.
“Hey,” she said, when my hand circled the knob, “when you came in here, you said you wanted to ask me a favor. What was it?”
I’d gotten so lost in her I’d almost forgotten about another potentially life-altering decision I’d made. “I want to meet my half-brothers. Will you come to Vegas with me?” For moral support. I didn’t have to say it. Riley knew me well enough to know that was what I was asking of her. “I know it’s a lot to ask. I mean, we’re not even a couple anymore, but—”
“Of course I’ll come. I think it’s great you want to meet them. When?”
“The sooner, the better.” Before I chickened out. “I’ll have to track the old man down, find out where he’s living.” I sighed, thinking how much it pained me to extend him any courtesy. “I guess I’ll call to let him know I’m coming. He said something about being a long-haul truck driver. Maybe I’ll get lucky and he’ll be out of town. Then I can just spend some time getting to know them without him hanging around.”
Her smile was sympathetic. “I know this isn’t easy for you, but eventually you’re going to have to let go of this hatred you have toward him. For your sake, not for his.”
She was right, but breaking a life-long habit of despising someone, even when they were flesh and blood, was hard. “I’m trying. I guess this is a step in the right direction, right?”
She nodded, her smile widening. “I think so too.”
***
Riley
Two days after that mind-numbing orgasm, I was sitting on a plane next to Brody, trying to keep my emotions in check. He’d asked me to come with him because he needed support. It wasn’t a reflection on us. I had to keep reminding myself of that, so I wouldn’t romanticize the trip.
He was vulnerable. He needed someone. Of course I would be the logical choice, given our history.
Brody sighed as he tossed his iPad aside and stretched his legs out in front of him. I knew he was grateful to be flying first class, so he could do that without disturbing anyone.
“You okay?” I asked, slipping my eReader back in my bag.
He hadn’t been very talkative during the flight, and I assumed he was nervous about meeting his brothers. After a brief phone conversation with his father yesterday, he learned the boys were seventeen and eighteen, just slightly older than his nephews, which meant Jack hadn’t been alone long before he met “our mother’s replacement” as Brody called her.
“Just trying to make sense of all this,” he said, swiping a hand over his face. “A few days ago, I didn’t want to think about the old man at all. Now here I am, headed to his house. The house he shares with his real family. It still seems surreal.”
“Did you tell Kane about your plans?” As far as I knew, Kane was the only one of his brothers he’d confided in about seeing their father.
“No, I thought I’d see how it goes and fill him in when I get back.” I slipped my hand through his, and he gave me a lingering look before pressing his lips to the back of my hand. “Thank you for being here with me, Ri. I wouldn’t have the guts to do this without you. And I can’t shake the feeling this is something I need to do.”
I happened to agree with him. He still had a huge mountain to climb with his father and half-brothers, but at least he was taking the first step. I was proud of him, which was ridiculous, since I had no right to be.
“I’m glad you asked me to come,” I said, squeezing his hand. “I wouldn’t have wanted you to go through this alone.”
We stared at the small screens in front of us, though neither of us had been interested in watching the romantic comedy.
“If only it were that easy, huh?” he asked, watching the couple on screen kiss, a sure sign they were getting their happy ending.
“What’s that?” I disentangled my hand from his on the premise of reaching for my water glass.
I had to keep reminding myself we weren’t a couple. We were friends. Barely. We shouldn’t be holding hands or kissing… or spending time exploring each other’s bodies until one or both of us cried out in ecstasy. I still shivered at the memory of what he’d done to me in my bed, how in-tune he’d been to my body, giving me exactly what I needed without having to ask, as though we’d never been apart.
“Figuring it all out.” He sighed. “I’m thirty-six. I should be more settled by now, ya know?”
Yeah, I knew. He wasn’t the only one who was thirty-six. I was too. And my biological clock was ticking so loudly, I couldn’t drown it out no matter how hard I tried. I wanted to be settled, to have a husband I could count on and a couple of sweet kids. I wasn’t like my sister, who was content to roam. I needed security, but life with Brody had provided anything but certainty.
“There is something to be said for settling down,” I said, trying to remind myself who I was talking to. “But it’s not for everyone.”
Brody had a lot more in common with Macy than he did with me. They spoke the same language: thrill-chasing, fun, excitement, travel, fame, and fortune. I didn’t need any of that to be happy. I just needed my business, my friends, family, a nic
e little house, and someone I loved to share my life with. But Brody had spent the better part of the last five years claiming that could never be the life for him.
I was ashamed to admit I was one of those women who’d held out for too long, believing the man I loved would change, that he would eventually come around to my way of thinking because he couldn’t live without me.
Now that Brody claimed he may be ready to change, I couldn’t believe it. I knew he was lonely and confused, and I believed that was what was prompting him to re-evaluate his life, not any residual feelings he may have for me.
“How’d you know what you wanted?” he asked quietly, tipping his head back against the pillow the flight attendant had provided. “I mean, how’d you know you wanted a life with me? Even when we were young, in our early twenties, you talked about it.”
I did not want to have this conversation, especially since nothing had turned out as I’d hoped it would. Except my business. I still had that. Thank God. “I guess I’ve never been one of those people who needs to keep wandering or looking for something better. I found what I wanted in you, and that was enough for me.” Too bad he hadn’t felt the same way.
He tipped his head toward me, sighing. “You were more than enough for me, Ri. Don’t ever doubt that. It was just that life, all the trappings that I wasn’t sure about.”
I laughed, trying to pretend his choice of words didn’t cut deep. It shouldn’t hurt anymore. I’d heard it all before, but hearing the man you loved saying he didn’t share your dreams never got easier. “Is that how you felt when you thought about a future with me—trapped?”
“No, God, no,” he said, sitting up straighter. “It wasn’t like that at all. I wanted to be with you. Only you. I wanted to come home to you. I just wanted to travel too. I wanted to explore, to see what was out there.”
“You’ve seen a lot of the world. More than most.” Sometimes I even envied his nomadic lifestyle a little. He could pick up at a moment’s notice, go anywhere, do anything, and he didn’t have to answer to anyone.
“Yeah, I guess I have.” He twisted the flashy diamond ring on his right hand. “It’s been a good life. I can’t say I have any regrets.”
No regrets? I wished I could say the same. I had a ton of regrets. I was even beginning to regret letting him in when he showed up at my door in the middle of the night.
“That’s not true,” he whispered as he turned his body toward mine. “I regret losing you.”
I looked at him, wishing he weren’t so handsome. It made him nearly impossible to resist, to which all of the women who’d been checking him out in the airport would no doubt attest.
“No sense dwelling on our regrets,” I said, hoping he would let this go. I did not want to talk about us now. I couldn’t. Not on a crowded airplane with no means of escape. “Not like we can do anything to change the past.”
“What if we could?” he asked, sounding anxious. “What if you could rewrite our story? How would it play out?”
“What are you talking about?” Was he crazy? I couldn’t share that with him. It would make it seem as if I wasn’t over him. I suspected that was obvious, but still, I didn’t want to admit it.
“Come on, tell me,” he said, nudging my elbow with his. “Tell me the story of Brody and Riley. Your version.”
Oh God, he really expected me to do this? If I refused, it would prove that I was still living in the past, hoping for a different outcome. If I gave him what he wanted, maybe it would show him that I could talk about it without falling apart. That I’d come to terms with it.
After taking a sip of water, I said, “Well, after college, maybe we would have gotten a little apartment somewhere, jobs to support ourselves.” Instead, I’d gotten an apartment and a job working at a bridal salon while he decided to travel the world, chasing fame and fortune at a poker table.
“Go on,” he said, obviously eager to hear more.
“We would have worked, saved up for a while, maybe bought a little house eventually.” I felt silly sharing this with him, since it was so far removed from his glamorous, jet-setting life. “I would have started my business when the time was right. You would have found a career you enjoyed.”
He chuckled. “Can’t imagine what that would have been. You know I wasn’t very good at staying in one place for long.”
“Then maybe you would have started your own business,” I said, considering his options. “Something to do with sports. You were almost as passionate about that as you were about gambling.” I whispered his vice as though it was a dirty word. Probably because during my strict Catholic upbringing it had been. “After we were both settled in our home and careers, we could have saved some money and started trying for a family.”
He grinned. “I think that would have been my favorite part.”
I shook my head, thinking he was adorable but incorrigible. “What? Trying to get pregnant?”
“You have to admit we did have a lot of practice.”
Yeah, keeping our hands off each other had always been the problem. If not for reliable birth control, we probably would have had a few kids by now.
“What would you say if I told you that pregnancy scare when we were seventeen didn’t turn out the way I hoped it would?”
I was stunned. I hadn’t thought about that in years. We had been terrified after a false positive on a pregnancy test led me to believe I was expecting Brody’s baby. At least I thought we were both terrified. I knew I was. “You wanted me to be pregnant?”
“You sound so surprised,” he said, sounding amused. “I know we were young, but we would have figured things out, don’t you think?”
“I guess, but…” We hadn’t been ready to be parents. Hell, Brody still wasn’t ready to be a parent. “Things worked out the way they were supposed to.”
“If we had gotten pregnant, the decision would have been taken out of my hands. Sometimes I think that’s what I needed, for fate to make the decision for me.”
“You’re not making any sense.” If I didn’t know better, I’d think he had vodka in his glass instead of water. “You weren’t ready for marriage and a family—you told me so dozens of times. Now you’re trying to tell me you wish I’d gotten pregnant because it would’ve made your decision easier?”
“I believe in fate, don’t you?”
“I think so.” But I’d also thought Brody and I belonged together, and I’d been wrong about that. These days, I was less likely to say anything was meant to be.
“You used to,” he said, looking more somber. “Did I take that away from you too?”
“You didn’t take anything away from me,” I said, trying to let him off the hook. I’d made my own mistakes, my own choices. I couldn’t blame him, even though there’d been plenty of days when I had.
“Yes, I did. I took away your hope, your ability to trust.” He clenched his jaw. “That sparkle in your eye, the one that made me fall in love with you in the first place.”
Wow. Did I really seem that pitiful to him? “If you’re implying I’m a shell of my former self, that’s not true. I still have plenty of things in my life that make me happy and grateful every day. I have a good family, great friends, a profitable business. What do I have to complain about?”
“But what’s all that without love, Ri? You don’t have the things you wanted most: a husband and kids. And that’s because of me.”
“I had a second chance at that with Stephan,” I reminded him. “If I’d been so desperate to fulfill that fantasy, I would have said yes when he proposed to me.”
“Why didn’t you?”
I felt his eyes on me and I struggled to look up, knowing he would see inside my soul, as he always had. “It didn’t feel right.”
He gestured between us with his index finger. “But this does… feel right.” He kissed my cheek tenderly, his scruff scraping my sensitive skin. “It’s been a long time since anything felt so right. At least for me.”
And when he linked his han
d with mine and settled back into his seat, I had to agree. It had been a hell of a long time since anything felt so right.
Chapter Six
Riley
After everything Brody had told me about his father over the years, I expected to find a dilapidated shack, not a well-tended, spacious home.
“Are you ready to do this?” I asked as the limo that brought us from the airport pulled away.
The driver had said to call him when we were ready to leave. If Brody’s body language was any indication, he was seriously considering calling the driver back now.
“I guess I don’t have a choice, do I?”
“You always have a choice,” I reminded him, slipping my arm through his. “You chose to come here because you wanted to meet your brothers. Today is about them, not about mending your relationship with your father.”
I knew he had to take it slowly and get to know his father all over again, as the man he was today, not the monster who lurked in his memory.
“Right, it’s about Tanner and Beck.”
I gave him a reassuring smile before dropping a kiss on his cheek. “For what it’s worth, I’m really proud of you for doing this.”
“It’s worth everything,” he whispered, burying his face in my hair as he pulled me into his arms. “I’m doing this because I want to bury the past, Ri. I want to be a better man… for you.”
I knew that I should remind him that he couldn’t change for anyone else, but I was so touched that he cared enough to try to change for me that I simply hugged him back, hoping he could gain some strength from me.
“Okay, let’s get this over with.” He grabbed my hand, but paused before he cleared the last step. “Do you think I should have brought them something? Damn it, I didn’t even think of that.”
I knew he was referring to his brothers, since he would never gift his father or stepmother anything. “I’m sure seeing you will be enough.”
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