Impossible Bachelor

by Ruth Cardello

  As I pull into the driveway of his business I realize it’s looking a hell of a lot less rundown. New windows. The yard has been cleaned up. Even his sign is new. I wonder what my father will think when I come knocking on his door, but I don’t get the chance to find out.

  He’s sitting on the steps sipping on a soda and rocking out to a song on his small FM radio. The funny thing is he doesn’t know it’s me pulling in, and he looks thrilled to have company, no matter who it is.

  “Oh my word,” he says as he jumps to his feet. “Kylie-bo-Bylie. What are you doing here? Is everything all right?”

  I want to tell him everything is fine. I’m here for a visit and to see how he’s doing now that he’s gotten some business help from Dalton. His small employment agency was in shambles and had been for years. The metaphor about giving the shirt off his back was reality for my father. Too proud to take my money and too stubborn to take my rigid advice, he never let me help.

  Dalton found a way to bridge his pride with his needs. I could have done the same, but I was too centered on the negative to see solutions. Things seem to be looking up around here. So the easy thing to tell my dad, who is looking at me with nervous anticipation, is that everything is all right in my life.

  “Oh Dad, I’m a mess. I had something good and I screwed it all up.” His wiry arms fold around me.

  “Oh Kylie, it’ll be all right. Tell me what happened.” He guides me to the steps, turns his radio down, and pats the cement next to him. “Sit and talk with me a while.”

  I wipe at my stinging eyes and rest my head on his shoulder. “I don’t want to become Mom.”

  “Beautiful? Strong?”

  “Toxic. Angry.”

  “She’s not toxic.” His voice is stern, which is new for him. “She’s driven.”

  “Like me?” Part of me wants him to agree, part of me wants him to say I’m nothing like her.

  “There’s nothing wrong with being driven. You have so much to give to this world, and you give it every day. I’m proud of you.”

  “You have to say that, you’re my dad.” I sigh. “I also have a horrible temper and next to no patience.”

  “I would imagine a little bit of that anger in you is from me. I made my mistakes, Kylie, and you paid for them. More than anyone, you paid the price.”

  “You did what you thought was right. You gave everything you had to people who needed it. I know I sided with Mom, and I hurt you in the process.”

  “The fact that you felt you had to choose is where we failed you. I’ve learned a lot over the years. Giving away my last dollar wasn’t fair to the people who were counting on me to support them. I wasn’t fair to your mother. She couldn’t count on me, and that’s why our marriage didn’t work.”

  “If you could go back you’d do it differently?” I take in a deep breath and imagine what my life would have been like had my father and mother stayed together.

  “Absolutely.” He pats my leg gently. “I love helping people. But I wouldn’t put the high I feel when I do it above the welfare of the people I love. That’s what it was for me. I felt good when I did good. What I couldn’t see was how I could have helped people more by not going to the extreme.”

  Extremes. Yeah, I’ve been there. “I’ve hurt people. People I care about because I needed them to prove they could love me no matter who I was.”

  “Love doesn’t work that way, Kylie.”

  “I see that now.”

  “You’re smart, Kylie. You’ll figure out how to make it right.”

  “I’m definitely going to try. It might be too late for some, but there are changes I need to make regardless.”

  I wrap my arms around him and do something I haven’t done since I was a child; I give him a tight hug. “Dad?”

  “Yes?”

  “I love you.”

  “I love you, too, Kylie-boo.” He chuckles, but I also see tears fill his eyes.

  They fill my eyes too. I smile.

  In that moment what Dr. Medio said really clicks. Not everyone I love will stay with me. Ben may not want me in his life after what he saw, but the changes I want to make can’t be about him. Healing has to be about me first.

  “Dad, what do you think about going out to dinner with me this week?”

  “I’d love that, Kylie.”

  “We could invite Penny and Dalton.”

  Dad is smiling.

  I say, “Things are going to be different from now on, Dad. I want to be part of your life.”

  “You always have been, Kylie. You always have been.”

  CHAPTER THIRTY

  Ben

  My finger hovers over the send button. I’ve written up my normal proposal document for List to Leisure. I have it addressed to all the usual players. A bidding war would normally ensue, and this project would be off my plate in about three months. But I’m hesitating. This email has been ready to go three times today, and I keep shutting my computer down.

  Kylie was right. I’m ready to launch these products on my own. There’s nothing stopping me except maybe having a good woman like Kylie in my life. Bouncing ideas off her, challenging my normal thought process, she made me stretch into being a better man.

  I pull her number up on my phone for the hundredth time since I walked out of her apartment and consider what would happen if I call. She’d probably send me to voicemail the first time. Block my number if I tried it again. I can’t blame her. At the first sign of her really needing me, I walked out. I didn’t know what to do, my pride was dinged up, and I bailed.

  Closing my computer without sending the email, I decide to take Dalton up on his offer. Dinner over at their place won’t be the same without Kylie, but it’s better than sitting alone in this room continuing to almost send an email or almost dial the phone.

  When I get to their door I can’t help but hold my breath. Maybe Kylie will be coming out of her apartment or heading back home from the gym. But she’s not. The hallway is quiet when Penny opens the door and lets me in.

  “You came.”

  “Is this weird now?”

  “Honestly it was kind of weird before. I’m not used to hanging out with Kylie’s boyfriends. This might be less weird.” She’s only trying to make me feel better, but I appreciate the effort. She hands me a beer as Dalton comes out of the bedroom, just finishing up a call.

  “You came,” he says to me.

  “Enough with the surprise.”

  “Well, I think it’s good,” Dalton announces. “Kylie might need more time to come around, but it doesn’t mean you have to hide out. You didn’t technically do anything wrong.”

  “Technically no.” I take a long swig off my beer and try to erase the memory of Kylie’s expression when she told me to leave and I actually did.

  Penny cuts in, sounding sad. “I just wish she’d talk to me. I thought we were getting close.”

  “Until I fucked it up for you; sorry Penny.” The more time I’ve had to think about how I walked away from Kylie, the more I regret not handling it better. “I see one thing I don’t like, and I bolt. I told her to let me in, and when she did I let her down.”

  “Don’t be so hard on yourself.” Dalton grabs a beer for himself and spins off the top. “You only found out all that shit because Penny tried to burn the building down—again. It’s not like Kylie was being upfront with you.”

  Penny puts her hands on her hips and blows a loose hair out of her face. “It was a tiny grease fire that we all agree was my mother’s fault.”

  “I could have handled it better. Maybe she needed more time. I asked too much of her too soon.”

  Penny’s expression softens. “Your heart was in the right place.”

  “I’m going to make this right.” I pound my fist into my palm. “There has to be something I can do.”

  A banging comes from the wall that separates Dalton’s and Kylie’s apartment, and we all turn to look.

  “Do you think she’s adding us to the vision board,” Pen
ny jokes, trying to lighten the moment.

  No one laughs because none of us have spoken to her to know if she’s handling it well or if I sent her over the edge. Kylie is right there. Right on the other side of this wall. I need to see her.

  Dalton must see the look in my eyes. “Don’t go over there unless you know what you’re going to say.”

  He’s got a point.

  “I want her in my life. I love her. I don’t have much beyond that.”

  Penny gives my shoulder a pat and pushes me toward the door. “That sounds like a good place to start.”

  Just then her phone beeps, and she says, “It’s Kylie. She wants to know if I can come over for a minute.”

  I selfishly wanted to be the one to get that call, but I’m happy at the same time for Penny and what this means for their relationship. “Go,” I say and head back in to sit with Dalton. He hands me a beer. I need it.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

  Kylie

  When I do something I make sure I do it well. If I have a public speaking engagement, I commit my speech to memory. If I’m going to meet a new client, I make sure I’m fully briefed on them. Flying blind is my worst nightmare. Seeming unsure gives me the heebie-jeebies.

  Ben took me completely off guard. My entire adult life has been about making sure I am my own woman. Whole. Independent. Every victory has been work related until Ben.

  Now I’m reassessing what is most important in my life. I feel like I spent all this time color blind, not really knowing what I was missing. Ben swept in and showed me how vibrant and full my life can be and I’m not willing to go back.

  Penny’s at my door a moment later. I’ve been blowing her off. Putting her calls to voicemail. She has every reason to be pissed at me. She doesn’t look angry at all.

  “Hey, are you all right? I’ve been really worried about you.”

  “I’m sorry I’ve been hard to reach.”

  “I thought maybe you were throwing yourself into your plans. I figured men would be getting tossed out of the building left and right.” Penny smiles, but it’s filled with concern.

  “I need your help.” I blurt the words out and feel my eyes fill with tears. I’m not sure Penny has seen me cry since we were children. Judging by the alarmed look on her face, she’s not sure how to handle it.

  “I’m here. Always.” She puts her hand gently on my back and ushers me back into my apartment. “Tell me how I can help.”

  I pick up a trash bin and walk over to my vision board. “I want to take this down. Throw it away. Put it behind me. And I want to do it with someone who loved me in spite of it.”

  She takes the bin from me. I begin to place the cards, pin and all into the trash. She says, “Of course I love you in spite of this, and I’m not the only one.”

  I throw more cards in. “It was ridiculous to put this up in the first place, risky too. I did it without really understanding why.” I pause before dropping another card in. “I think it was my way of reaching out to you. I wasn’t in a good place and I didn’t know how to share it.” I release the card and feel free from the weight of it.

  “So you put it on display.”

  “Yes.”

  “Like a cry for help?”

  I pause as I take another card off the wall. “I didn’t see it that way, but there was some of that too.” I aggressively pull off the next several cards. “I shouldn’t have been surprised that it was too much for Ben to handle.”

  Penny shakes her head and hands me a tissue. “It was for a moment, but give him more credit than that. It’s never too late to fix things. Especially with a man like Ben. Maybe you should go find him and talk to him.”

  I’ve spent a lot of time thinking over the past couple of days since I met with Dr. Medio. “Not everyone comes into our lives forever. I’m a better person because of the time I spent with Ben. I’m not sure he can say the same about being with me.”

  “Oh, I don’t know. He had a meeting with someone in Silicon Valley, and he credits you for that.”

  “He’s selling his latest development?”

  “Dalton says he’s looking to go out on his own with this one instead of selling it off. He’s meeting with a team out there who can help him launch.”

  A warmth floods my chest. I’m so proud of him. “That’s amazing. I knew he could do it.”

  I throw more and more of the cards into the bin. “I’m not making changes in my life for him, but because of him. Does that make sense? He opened my eyes to how I could be a happier person. Will you help me?”

  “Of course,” Penny says with a mischievous bat of her lashes. “The last time I helped you I ended up with a fiancé and a banging apartment.”

  When the last card is down and trashed, we begin to spackle the holes in the wall. Penny is right there with me, smiling. I reach out and spontaneously hug her. She hugs me back, and we both burst into tears that end in relieved laughter.

  “Speaking of changes, I’m pregnant.” Penny places a hand over her stomach with a smile on her face. “Dalton and I are moving. Not right away, but it’s in the plans. We want to get married first.”

  “Moving? Where?” I feel like a piece of me is being tugged away. A list of places across the world that Penny and Dalton might move flashes through me like lightning.

  “Not far,” Penny says quickly. “We found a house with a beautiful garden. It’s close enough to the city so he can still commute.”

  I fill my lungs with air again. She’s not leaving. Not far anyway. Then a much bigger realization hits me. “A baby.”

  “Yes.” She lights up in that maternal glow she was born to have. “We’re so excited.” Her face falls a little with apprehension. “I’m sorry if this makes things harder for you. I love being your neighbor.”

  “It doesn’t matter where you live.” I pull her in for another hug. “I’m going to make you a priority, and I’m going to be an auntie.”

  “You are.”

  “What neighborhood are you moving into?”

  “It’s called Wallace Grove. It’s only twenty minutes to the office for Dalton. Want to see some pictures?”

  “I’d like to see something else.” I walk over to the couch and sit down, my heart thudding with adrenaline. I can’t believe what I’m about to say.

  “What?”

  “I’d like to see if there are any other houses in the neighborhood for sale.”

  “Why?”

  I can’t blame Penny for not following the thread of this conversation. It’s coming from left field. “If it’s okay, I’ll buy a house there too. I’d like to be close to my little niece or nephew.”

  “What about your apartment? What about Ben?”

  “I know it sounds crazy but this feels right. It feels more right than anything I’ve done in a long time. This apartment is a perfect example of me trying not to live my life. If you leave and I stay, I’ll fall back into all my same old stuff, but a house will be different. We’ll still be neighbors. You’ll force me to come to dinner at your place. Maybe Dalton and I can carpool.”

  “Are you serious?” Her face is painted with cautious excitement. “Don’t mess with me. I have all sorts of pregnancy hormones going on right now.”

  “I’m very serious.”

  “Are you sure this is what you want to do? You have no idea how much this would mean to me.”

  “Me too.” I cringe. “Can you imagine what Mom is going to say?”

  “About my out-of-wedlock baby or you running away and getting distracted by silly things like emotions and feelings?”

  “Both.”

  “Let’s make sure we’re together when we tell her.”

  “Deal.”

  “So what the hell do we do now?”

  “We call the realtor. Then I need your help in my apartment.”

  “Packing?”

  “Something else. Something I need to do first.”

  “What about Ben?”

  “I don’t know, Penny, but fi
rst I need to figure out me.”

  CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

  Ben

  Jet lag is weighing on me but I fight it off. I have big things to do and no time for a nap. The driver taking me back to Bachelor Tower is chatting me up, but I’m not tuned in. I’m too preoccupied with the task at hand, convincing Kylie I’ll never walk away again. Convincing Kylie of anything is no small task, but I believe this will work.

  When we pull up to the curb at the Tower I see a commotion spilling out of the lobby into the street.

  “Want me to leave you here?” the driver asks, putting the car in park across the street from the Tower.

  “Yes,” I say, handing over cash and grabbing my bag. I swiftly cross the street and try to get a handle on what might be going on.

  I see Dalton’s former acquaintance Randy chatting with a circle of guys who looked preoccupied with the woman who just marched in.

  “What’s going on?” I ask, knowing these guys aren’t big fans of mine. I’ve fallen in with the crowd who in their eyes is ruining this place. I’d been sleeping with the enemy as far as they’re concerned.

  Randy seems too anxious to spread the news to care that I’m not very popular these days. “Christen Brockton, the niece, is finally here. She’s been off the radar since the former owner, Garry Brockton, left her this place in his will. The only thing she’s done is let Kylie move in and Penny stay. Otherwise she’s been unreachable. Trust me, we’ve been trying to reach her.”

  “So what?”

  “Dude.” Randy looks at me like I have ten heads. “These guys are ready to line up outside her office door and file a million complaints. Plenty of veiled threats. They think they can bully her into changing her mind.”

  “You think that’ll work?”

  Randy shrugs. “Who knows? No one knows anything about her. She’s younger than I thought. Garry had to be her great uncle or something.”

  “These guys should get the fuck over it.” I grumble and roll my eyes as I push past them. They’ve been the problem. Whether or not Kylie will keep hunting them, I’m going to have her back. She’s going to know I’m never walking away again. I had a plane ride from the West Coast to work on my plan, and I’m not going to let this breaking news in the lobby of the Tower distract me.