“Yes and no. The truth? I never stopped loving him.” That pained me more than anything to admit out loud. I had already had such a heartbreakingly long day full of emotional turmoil and I just felt like this was another thing I needed to just get out. Finley seemed like the easiest person to talk to about it and I knew I needed to explain to him. Because whether or not he accepted that I was no longer attainable to him, I needed to explain why. I didn’t want him leaving here hating me for choosing Silas over him when it wasn’t a hundred percent about Silas.
I wasn’t choosing Silas, not fully. I just couldn’t continue to expect Finley to still stick around here with me when I had a feeling what Silas and I shared in the study only a few hours ago was a monumental shift in the direction of healing for the both of us.
“You never really get over your first love.” He says and I knew he was right. Our first loves in life were nearly impossible if not totally impossible to get over. I knew now just like I did ten years ago that no matter what Silas had done, I still would have fallen in love with him and never fallen out of it. No matter how hard I tried to move on, I knew it never would have worked. The connection Silas and I shared wasn’t just going to go away with each guy I invited into my bed.
“The truth is, Finley, that I don’t know how my life is going to end up after I am done here in Crimson Valley. Whether I like it or not, my life is wrapped up in Silas King’s and I doubt I will ever be free of him. It isn’t fair of me to ask you to stick around here with me when I have no intention of taking things further with you.”
Taking a deep breath after my speech, I turn to face him. I don’t expect to see his expression so understanding. I had honestly expected disgust and hatred coming from him, but it isn’t like that at all. If anything, he gives me a small smile and I just blink at him.
“Don’t stress, Honey. I knew that this was the deal since the first day we met. Do I wish that I had been the first guy you fell in love with? Sure, I do. But I am not going to hold that against you. You can’t help who you fall in love with and as long as you are happy and he never hurts you again, I think it’s okay to forgive.” His kind, understanding words are not at all what I expected. “I will book a flight tonight and make sure I am gone before you head to work on Monday. I already talked to Sam and he set me up a room down the hall to stay in for tonight.” With that and with his small smile still on his face, he turns from my bathroom and leaves.
Unsure how to process that, I take a moment to shake off my jumbled thoughts and emotions and I turn back to the sink to begin washing my face before bed. I planned on taking a melatonin tablet and heading straight to bed. I was so emotionally exhausted that I could hardly keep my eyes open.
Surprisingly, when I slip into bed, I fall asleep immediately.
Finley leaves that next afternoon and I make sure I take the time to drive him to the airport. It’s the least I could do. I hadn’t been feeling guilty about this before his weird little speech last night, but now I was feeling a twinge of it as he gave me a solid hug at his boarding gate Sunday afternoon.
“Promise me you will call if you ever need anything, yeah? No reason we can’t be friends still right?” He asks as he pulls back and gives me a hopeful smile. I dip my head.
“Of course, Finley. I’ll try to be a better friend than I was a lover.” I say with total sincerity. I enjoyed having Finley in my life, even if it wasn’t for romantic reasons anymore. God knows I could use all the friends in my corner I could get. “Tell your sister I said hi and to call me every once in a while. I miss having her bitch at me for things normal people do.” I punch him in the shoulder playfully and a wide grin cracks on his face at that.
“Take care of yourself.” He says instead of replying to my comment about his sister. Before anything else can be said, he turns and leaves through the gate after showing the attendant there his ticket. I watch him until he disappears around the corner to his plane and I sigh when he is finally out of my sight.
I think no matter how much he pretended that he was okay with this, part of me could just tell from his behavior in the last several hours as we waited for his flight time that he wasn’t. I was quite sure Finley had been on the verge of falling in love with me, though I had given him absolutely no reason to aside from the sex. I never went out of my way for him, not even in the beginning of our arrangement. My heart has just never been in it with him and I had no one to blame for Finley’s heartbreak but myself.
I never should have led him on in the first place.
Shaking my head and rubbing at the headache I could feel starting in my right temple, I made my way out of the airport and to the car lot I had parked my car in. I had a long week ahead of me and I just wanted to go back home and curl up on the sofa in the den and watch a movie while I eat my bodyweight in cookie dough ice cream. I had a lot I needed to accomplish this week. Plans I made with Des at that first party at the end of the week but in between I still needed to work on hunting and locating the mole inside CVU’s science department.
So much to do, so little fucks to give.
To my utter annoyance, I not only don’t make headway with the mole all week while I suffer through lecture after lecture but I don’t see hide nor hair of Silas. Friday evening, I find myself pacing in front of Des who is seated at my island in my kitchen, a mug of coffee clutched in his hands as he watches me warily.
“Why does it bother you so much, Honey? I thought just last week you were plotting his demise?” Des asks as he watches me pace, taking small sips of his coffee as he does. I have no idea why he is drinking caffeine at eleven in the evening, but it’s just a habit I suppose.
“It doesn’t bother me.” I lie. It really did. More than I would ever admit. “I’m pacing because of nerves for tonight.” I say and he snorts to this. Yeah, even I could hear the lie in my voice.
“You don’t get nerves, Honey. Not when it comes to this stuff. The Order giving you hell again?” He asks, referring to the near beating I almost got after our little mission to the junkyard last week. I shake my head and pause in my pacing, looking down at my phone again for the millionth time in the past hour. I had a security guard I had hired from my old firm watching the town hall and he was supposed to shoot me an alert when he saw the Mayor leaving his office for the night. The fact that it is eleven o’clock at night and he is still in there tells me that I might just find something in his office tonight. He can’t be up to any good in there putting in hours so late.
“No. Even if they were, I can handle it.” I reply when I take a sip of my own mug that has decaffeinated tea in it with a splash of cream and honey. I needed something warm to ward off the cold that I can feel creeping into my bones along with the anticipation for tonight's mission Des and I have been planning for all week. This would work. It was a get in, take photos of anything incriminating we can get our hands on, and get out. Des had assured me that there was minimal security on the town hall so it had gone a long way to boost my confidence that we could pull this off.
“What has got you so jumpy then? And don’t lie to me and tell me it’s nerves.” He levels me with a look and I just roll my eyes. Des had always been able to see right through me and that was what had made us such good friends to begin with.
“It’s nothing. I promise. I’ve just had a long week.” That was an understatement. Most staff avoided me on a daily basis which was no great shock, but it was becoming increasingly harder for me to sniff out the mole when not even the science department staff would talk to me. It was well known by all who I was so I had no doubt that Rebecca King probably expected me to fail in this task and then the Order would no doubt punish me for my failure.
“We haven’t talked much about it, but are you having any luck with that task they gave you?” He asks and I shake my head in frustration.
“No. Being a seating member on the Order in a town this small doesn’t help. Everyone knows who I am and they are basically avoiding me like the plague.” Sighing, I gl
ance down at my phone when it pings. “It doesn’t matter. I don’t want to talk about it. Are you ready? Erik just sent the green light.” I raise my phone and show him before pocketing it in the back of my tight black jeans.
He nods and downs the rest of his coffee before he stands. He follows me out into the foyer where Sam is waiting and I give my butler a blinding smile, even if my heart isn’t in it. I had so much on my mind as it was and I just hoped this mission went smoothly and I could get one good thing out of this miserably long week.
“Miss Locke.” Sam smiles warmly at me and he holds out two things for me. One was a solid black glock 19 in a holster with a strap on it I could hook anywhere on my body and the other was a three-and-a-half-inch striker pocketknife that would fit easily in my pocket in case I found myself in a sticky situation where it wasn’t appropriate to use my gun. “Your car is ready for you too.”
“Oh, Sam. A man after my own heart.” I tease as I take the weapons, first slipping the knife in my empty back pocket that didn’t hold my phone and then strapping the holster with the gun on my left thigh. He scoffs at this and turns a brilliant shade of red and I laugh lightly as I clap him on the shoulder. “You are the best kind of enabler, Sam.” I assure him and the smile he gives me is warm and also tinged with concern.
“Honey…” He begins and excited surprise flickers through me at his use of my first name. Sam was all proper most of the time and he always preferred to call me by my title. I enjoyed his use of my first name. It brought warmth to my heart that he felt comfortable enough to use it with me. “I am not your father. I could never replace him. However, I must ask you to please be careful. I know how capable you are and I could never hold you back, but I worry all the same.”
His words struck a chord in my chest and my heart aches. He was right. He could never replace my papa. I didn’t get to know much about Sam before I ran from here, but my gut told me he was a kind man. Always had the wellbeing of others at heart and I was blessed to have him in my life and a part of my household.
“You’re a good man, Sam. My parents were lucky to have you and I am honored that you chose to stay here through all of this.” I wasn’t sure if Sam was a hugger. I didn’t want to startle him if he wasn’t, so I just placed a firm hand on his shoulder and gave it a light squeeze, giving him a genuine smile. “Don’t worry. I’ll be back in no time. I got you on speed dial if I need anything.” I wink at him and drop my hand.
Des follows me out of the house and down the steps to where my Bugatti sits, running and warmed up for me. I smile as I slip into the driver's seat and run my hands along her smooth leather wheel and Des laughs when he gets in the passenger seat and watches me stroke my baby.
“You were always a sucker for fast cars.” He remarks and I chuckle. He was right. It had been a weird passion of mine growing up even if I hadn’t been old enough to drive. My father had filled a personal garage next to the main garage to the right of the manor with a few of my favorites and it had honestly been one of the best sixteenth birthday presents I had ever received, even if I hadn’t been here to appreciate it.
“Remember that time your dad caught us trying to steal his Viper out of the garage at two in the morning the summer after we turned eleven. I have never seen a man so angry in my life. His face was so red it looked like a tomato.” I laugh as I put the car in gear and begin the fifteen-minute journey to the town hall.
“He made me go over to Mrs. Flowers next door and do chores for her for a week! It was the worst week of my life, Honey, and that is saying something because my parents have made it their personal mission to make my life a living nightmare ever since they found out I was gay. That woman made me dress up her dog in hideous outfits and walk it all over town like that.” He shudders and I laugh out loud, a genuine laugh.
“That doesn’t sound so bad. It could have been worse.” I point out and he scoffs at this, rolling his eyes at me as I make my way through the dark streets of Crimson Valley after we left Locke Manor.
“It was the worst. At one point, she tried to get me to dress up to match the damn thing and I may be gay, but I was not on board with dressing like that.” He says dryly and it makes me laugh again. I missed being this lighthearted around another human being. Things may still be in the gutter right now with the Order, but I feel like I may actually be able to pull this off and get rid of them once and for all.
“It’s nice to see you laugh like that, Honey. It’s kind of like a light in the darkness of this shithole town.” He says, sounding genuine and when I look over at him, his eyes are swirling with sadness but he is smiling. This town has taken just as much from him as it has from me. His parents took away his freedom to love who he wants to love and that is a crime in and of itself. I hated homophobic people just as much as I hated power hungry archaic men and women who thought they could lord over whoever they wanted.
“Yeah, well, you have to laugh sometimes in life even when it keeps beating you down into the earth. My papa taught me that and I never let myself forget it.”
“They were good people, Honey. They didn’t deserve the end they got. The Order is going to pay for that and so many other wrongs done to the innocent people in this town.” He vows to me and I wholeheartedly agree.
The Order was going to pay their debt in blood. We would make sure of it.
Des stays in the car that I park two blocks over from the town hall, much to his disapproval, but I just didn’t want him involved in this right now. It had been bad enough putting him in danger that night at the junkyard, but if the Order caught wind of what I was doing here tonight, Des would not be going down with me.
Pulling my mass of auburn curls up into a high ponytail, I zip up the plain gray track jacket I had on and made sure my weapons were secure before I make my way up the two blocks in the direction of the town hall. The mission was easy. Get in, search the Mayor's office for any incriminating Order documents I could get my hands on what would indicate any of them in illegal activities, take pictures since I can’t just take the documents and there would be no time for copies, and get out.
I allow that calm to come over me that is like second nature to me as I find my way to the town hall, keeping to the shadows to the side of the building front. I pull out my phone after I glance around and press my body to the white brick of the building and shoot off a text to Erik who should still be waiting around here somewhere for me. Not two minutes later, he silently joins me in the shadows of the front of the building and he dips his head at me.
“Your coms as requested, boss.” His gruff voice is low as he hands over a tiny earpiece and it makes me really feel like I am in the middle of a James Bond movie.
“Thank you, Erik. Just stay out of sight and I’ll keep the coms on in case there is trouble.” He dips his head to me again and taps at his right ear, indicating his own earpiece and then he slinks away into the darkness like some super spy. If I didn’t know Erik and he didn’t know what I was capable of on my own, he would probably think I was some airheaded nitwit that wasn’t capable of pulling this mission off on my own.
Back tracking along the left side of the building, I keep my body as close to the wall as I can. Des was a bit of a computer whiz so he had been able to hack into town hall files and was able to pull up blueprints and also details on where the security cameras were.
The front entrance of town hall, which leads into the grand foyer and the back to the ballroom, was off limits. It had three cameras that pan out all over the expansive front lawn of town hall, hence why I had stuck to the shadows of the building wall and was now coming around the left side which had several blind spots. The lucky thing about being able to have access to the building blueprints was that it confirmed the service door on the left-hand side of the building. No cameras panned over far enough to see me quickly sneak in. And with the moonlight hitting the other side of the building, no shadows would be cast in the farthest camera screen anyway. It was literally perfect. I just had to make sure t
hat I didn’t get caught once I was in. Easy, right?
I slowly and very carefully crept up against the building wall and made my way to the door. “Erik, I’m approaching the door now. Hang tight.” I slowly turn the handle to gauge whether it’s locked or not. It is. Silently cursing, I take out my lock picking kit and get to work. After a couple of moments, I find the sweet spot and get the door open and make my way in.
In theory, this should be easy. All I needed to do from here was move to the other side of the building and get into the records room. I needed to be quick and incredibly quiet. “I’m in, Erik, straight to the door and get what I need and get out. Shouldn’t be longer than ten minutes. Any activity outside?” I began moving towards the record office, staying low and quiet. “It’s dead out here, Honey. No sign of movement. Stay low and be quick.” Nodding, I moved further, trying to stay closer to the edge of the wide-open room where open town meetings were usually had.
Gazing around the open concept of the building, I noticed it hadn’t changed much at all since I was a child. Convenient, I thought. I was approaching the office that held all of the town’s records and grabbed the doorknob and started to turn it. It made a horrendous noise and I flinched at the sound and quickly opened the door and entered the room, quietly closing the door behind me. Panting, from the adrenaline, I exhaled slowly and got my breathing under control so I could begin looking through the evidence.
I had two main goals for evidence to collect. The attack on my parents and any out of place inner Order dealings with people outside of this town, which could be anything at this point. Nothing would surprise me. Stepping up to the nearest filing cabinet, I began by shifting through the files looking for the name Locke. There was nothing. What the fuck? Where’s my family’s information? I moved to the next filing cabinet and looked through the entire listing. Still nothing on Locke. I moved to look up the King’s file and see what they were up to. Nothing. Not a single damn file on them. What the fuck is going on here!? I looked up the other founding families and it was the same thing. There was nothing on any of the founding families of Crimson Valley.
Whiskey & Honey: Crimes of Crimson Valley: Book One Page 12