Sit Down Shut Up And Pull The Trigger_A Supernatural Action Adventure Opera

by Michael Todd

  I mean, it does sound tempting, Pandora replied. If I had my own body, I would love to go to a place like that—though I have a feeling that it is better for a man than a woman in one of those places.

  Probably, Katie grumbled.

  This is so cute. Pandora chuckled. And someday, maybe, but no. I want a full day of soaps, gameshows, and donuts, not necessarily in that order.

  Really? Katie asked.

  I mean, yeah. Those are my three new favorite things and I have to beg for them, so if I can get them all at one time I will be golden, Pandora told her. I can already imagine how amazing it will be, curled up in a blanket, eating donuts, and watching the old creepy guy on the soap opera marry the rich twenty-year-old. There is so much wrong with that, it titillates my gazoongas.

  I don’t know. Katie thought for a moment. That actually sounds nauseating.

  Maybe you are right. Humans and their weak stomachs, Pandora grumped. We can do the donuts after that episode. Maybe we can even get dinner somewhere that night, just the two of us.

  I am going on a date with my demon? Katie laughed. This is how pathetic my life has turned out to be. My family thinks I am dead, and I am dating my demon. Wait, the fact that I even have a demon is a testament to my shitty-ass luck. I wasn’t a goth or a vampire. I liked Star Wars and was going to school for a degree in business, but somehow I morphed into this demon-killing crazy bitch. I don’t even know what is going on anymore.

  Are you having a breakdown in a church? Pandora asked. From what I’ve heard, Jesus can save your ass.

  Right. Katie shook her head. I think he might be a bit miffed with me at the moment.

  Hey, if I were you, I wouldn’t count anything out. Pandora chuckled. Sasquatch, Nessie, Jesus…the list goes on and on.

  Maybe you are right. Katie sighed. I’ll look into heaven’s side in the future.

  Let’s ignore that last part and get back to my spa day, Pandora said. Is that a yes?

  I suppose so, Katie replied. It actually sounds like a really good time right about now. And you know what I’ll do?

  What? Sleep with someone? Pandora asked excitedly. Katie could almost imagine that vivacious lady she had seen in the coven’s circle jumping up and down, her damned perky breasts too strong for gravity as she clapped in excitement.

  Uh, no, Katie replied. But I will get you a donut that you will never forget. Something super-amazing.

  I like what you are cooking up here, Pandora said. Special donuts, soaps, gameshows, dick—it all sounds perfect.

  Wait! I never agreed to dick, Katie said in a menacing voice.

  I know. Pandora sighed. But a girl has to at least give it a shot, right?

  I suppose, Katie agreed. But you will never win that one.

  I wouldn’t say never if I were you, Pandora replied. One day you might wake up with a hankering for some penis. Just sayin’.

  Can we maybe not talk about cock when we are sitting in a church? Katie requested.

  Oh, yeah. He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake, Pandora sang.

  Katie laughed. That’s Santa Claus, not Jesus.

  Same freaking difference, Pandora told her. They are both creeping on you right now.

  You want me to see if Big J will have a talk with you?

  Oh, no, Pandora bitched. My confession would take years, and he’s too bright to look at. I’d need shades.

  You need help—like professional help, Katie commented, looking around as some of Damian’s church people filed in with stretchers and medical bags.

  They got each of the priests onto a stretcher and quickly carried them out of the church. Damian followed them to the front door and then turned around, staring at the mess all around them.

  He smiled at Katie as she pulled herself off the bench and walked over to him. She looked around the room in silence, shaking her head. The wind had blown things everywhere.

  “I guess we should start cleaning things up,” Katie declared. “I’ll take the right side, you take the left, and we’ll meet in the middle.”

  “Works for me,” Damian agreed.

  Katie walked through the pews picking up pages from their choir’s hymnals and broken glass from the light bulbs that had exploded during the exorcism, and pushing the benches back where they were supposed to be.

  The only thing different—and much nicer—was that this fight had ended without a single dead body. They could just walk away free and clear. Just then Katie’s phone buzzed in her pocket and she pulled it out and opened it up.

  “Hello?” Katie said.

  “Elizabeth, this is Brian. I wanted you to know that your car is here, and it’s clean, gassed up, and ready to go!”

  “That is amazing news, and perfect timing.” Katie sighed, a happy smile playing across her face. “You are officially the hero of my day!”

  9

  When they finally pulled up back at the base, both Katie and Damian were exhausted. They’d had their fair share of excitement for the day, and were not looking forward to the debriefing with Korbin.

  Korbin’d had no idea that there would be trouble at that meeting, even though Damian had a little bit of an inkling that there would be. Nonetheless, they would have to report to him on what had happened, and what they were told by the demon that had infected the archdeacon.

  Katie decided right then and there that demon-infested priests were exceptionally scary, except Damian—you couldn’t even tell with him.

  They walked inside and headed straight to Korbin’s office, not wanting to waste any time.

  When they got to the office he was on the phone getting the financial report, surprised to see that Damian and Katie had earned some money earlier that day. They had both hoped they would get there before he got that call. When he hung up, he motioned for them to come in and sit down.

  “So.” He steepled his fingers in front of him and eyed them. “What in the world happened?”

  Katie was resolute in her courage, and she turned to Damian to tell the story.

  “My archdeacon and several other priests were infected by some rather nasty demons,” Damian admitted. “The main one had information about T’Chezz and the fight for Earth, and was very powerful and nasty.”

  “Really?” Korbin exclaimed. “Was he one of the Seventy-Two?”

  “No,” Katie told him. “And he wasn’t particularly high on the totem pole, either. He was fairly easy to exorcise. Well, anything would seem easy after the mammoth T’Chezz sent up after us in San Diego and LA. This one was maybe a few levels above the normal everyday demon.”

  “That’s so strange,” Korbin mused. “Maybe he thought something a bit less conspicuous could get him closer?”

  “Maybe.” Katie glanced at Damian. “Also, he was looking for the weapons.”

  “What?” Korbin’s eyes opened wide. “We are not ready.”

  Katie nodded. “Well, we had to see that coming. We used them on that monster demon in California not once, but twice. T’Chezz had to realize by the end that something big was going on up here.”

  “True.” Korbin reached behind his ear to scratch an itch. “I was just really hoping that we would have a bit more time. I wasn’t expecting them to come down on us quite yet.”

  “Me either,” Damian agreed. “But I’m glad the priests are okay and that everyone got out of this one alive.”

  “Except the demons, of course,” Katie replied.

  “All right, come on.” Korbin stood up. “Let’s go check out the tunnel and make sure everything is straight.”

  The three of them headed downstairs to the training area, went through to the weapons room, and came to a stop in front of a large wooden bookshelf. Korbin pulled three books forward halfway until the lock clicked and the bookcase swung open to reveal a passageway.

  The underground tunnel led into Joshua’s workspace. It was the easiest and safest way to get in and out of there without putting yourself in danger by going through the front door.
Joshua had already retired to his new room in the basement and they didn’t want to bother him, so they headed up to the ground floor. When they reached the top of the steps, though, all three of them stopped and stared at the flimsy wooden door separating the two spaces.

  “Well, this is going to do absolutely nothing if we get attacked,” Katie said. “A strong breeze could blow this thing open.”

  “Yeah,” Korbin said. “We need to replace this door with one made of reinforced steel—thick, like a vault door —and we could have it lock with a combination so only people who know that combination can come and go.”

  Katie chuckled. “I feel like we are locking Joshua up in a cave.”

  “We kind of are, but it’s definitely for his own good,” Korbin said. “Those demons are after the weapons, but they are also after the person who knows how to make them. Joshua is the only one left with that knowledge. They would snatch him up in a heartbeat, and either use him for their own amusement or kill him on the spot.”

  “That’s… Well, fuck.” Katie’s fist squeezed tight, guilt running through her for dragging Joshua into it. “I feel terrible. He is such a good guy, and now he is going to be hunted.”

  “They have all been hunted,” Joshua said from behind them. “They were all hunted from the moment they took the magic into their hands. That is the destiny of my family. Everyone knows that as soon as they make that first sword, they are destined to be hunted for the rest of time. It is just what it is. There is no feeling bad about it or even being scared of it. Most of my family didn’t have a group like you protecting them. I think my dad somehow sent you guys to me because he knew I struggled with protecting myself.”

  “Aw.” Katie stepped over to wrap her arms around him. “You are one of a kind, and I love you so much!”

  “Love you too.” He laughed, a little less tense now. “I didn’t say that to get your attention, though. I said it so you understand that a strong door would be great, but what’s even better than that is having the courage to stand up and take whatever they throw at me. I’m not afraid of them. In fact, I’d love to have the chance to put my sword through one of their bellies. They killed my father, who was part of a team. One day I’ll have my revenge, but for now I just want to get as many weapons made as possible.”

  “And you will.” Katie stepped back, her eyes flashing. “You will.”

  When they were done touring the building and making sure that they took note of everything they had to fix to make it safer, Korbin went back to his office, Damian went to lie down, and Katie headed up to see what Jeremy and Eric were doing. She walked into the living room and grinned at them both.

  “Hey there, smiley!” Eric laughed. “What’s up?”

  “Nothin’ much,” she replied. “What are you guys doing?”

  “We are going to Area 51,” Jeremy told her excitedly. “We figured, we’ve never been there and we are so close, so why not?”

  “Wow,” Katie exclaimed, shaking her head. “That was not the answer I expected.”

  “You wanna come?” Eric asked, closing his backpack.

  “Uhhh, no, thanks.” She smiled. “I was actually wondering if you could drop me off at Bootlegger on your way out.”

  “More Italian food?” Eric shook his head. “I heard that monster last time.”

  Katie laughed. “The key is portion control. And this time I’m going to have some drinks, so I don’t want to drive.”

  “Yeah, sure, come on. Let’s get going.” Eric waved her toward the door.

  “Yay!” Katie skipped behind them.

  During the whole ride to Bootlegger Jeremy talked about Area 51, and though things like that would normally interest Katie, she was focused on something a little bit shinier. Her car was ready, and she was ready for it—and had been for quite some time.

  She just wanted to pick it up and hit the road for a little while with the top down.

  “All right,” Eric declared, “here we are!”

  Eric pulled into the parking lot of Bootlegger Italian Bistro and Katie climbed out of the car. She walked up to Jeremy’s window and leaned against it, looking at his excited face. She chuckled a bit and tapped the side of the truck.

  “Well, you boys have a good time. Don’t get abducted or arrested please.”

  Jeremy laughed. “No alien in their right mind would want to abduct demon-ridden humans.”

  “Hey, they might not know!” Katie replied. “You might spread your demons, and accidently start an intergalactic war.”

  “We will do our best to avoid that.” Eric waved. “Have fun with your food.”

  “I always do,” she told him, stepping back.

  She waved as they drove out of the parking lot and disappeared down the street, then pulled her phone out of her pocket and hit the Uber app to schedule a pickup. She leaned against the light post, eager to go pick up her car.

  I can’t believe we are going on Uber again, Pandora griped. That shit is a bait-and-switch, like last time when there was that hot guy who only wanted other hot guys.

  Aw. Katie laughed. Maybe we’ll get lucky this time.

  Yeah, right. She scoffed.

  “So,” Jeremy asked, looking out the window as they sped toward the diner near Area 51. “What do you think about all of this? I mean the demon-hunting.”

  “I love it,” Eric told him. “Though I have to be honest: my attachment to Korbin is not quite as deep as the others’. I think I will work with Korbin’s group for a couple of years, then maybe transfer to another team because…well, deserts aren’t really my thing. Don’t get me wrong… There is definitely a beautiful quality about the desert, but I’d prefer the trees of the upper Northwest, like Seattle.”

  “Nice area,” Jeremy agreed. “I’ve never been, but I’ve heard it’s gorgeous.”

  “I mean, I’m happy enough here,” Eric continued. “I’m not unhappy, that’s for sure. I don’t want to leave Katie for a little while, since she helped get me infected.”

  “Your infection is the reason? Or is it that hot body?” Jeremy teased.

  Eric looked at Jeremy. He was sitting there laughing, pretty proud of himself for that comment. What he didn’t realize, though, was that Eric didn’t find it even remotely funny. Eric shook his head and looked back at the road.

  “So, do you think that there are actually aliens connected with Area 51?” Eric asked, changing the subject.

  “Nah.” Jeremy shrugged. “It’s fun to think about, but I think it’s just a super-secretive Air Force base that handles new technologies and stuff.”

  Eric sighed. “I agree. I think it’s just secret weapons and such.”

  “I do think it’s shitty, how they treated those people that owned Groom Lake Mines,” Jeremy said. “They came in, offered them an absurdly low number more than once, then just seized the lands. There was no time given for them to vacate, either. They appropriated their personal property, then tried to say the place was only worth three hundred thousand when the appraiser estimated closer to a hundred million.”

  “I know, but it was a matter of national security,” Eric replied. “We have to keep that base secure. It rather sucks that now technology is so good that you can see Groom Lake from the mine, even though it’s pretty far away.”

  “Yeah, but what about the price?” Jeremy repeated. “They said it was worth three hundred thousand, but first offered the family $1.2 million. After the family had it appraised for $44 million, the Air Force offered $5 million. Of course they refused.”

  “Yeah, but part of that $44 million was distress over burial grounds and equipment,” Eric shot back.

  “Personally, I think it’s the government being fucking greedy,” Jeremy declared. “They didn’t give a rat’s ass about those people. They wanted to give them pennies on the dollar for that land and all their equipment, and when they said no, that’s not fair, they snatched it right out from under their noses. That’s greed, man.”

  “Maybe they were greedy, o
r maybe it wasn’t as black and white as it seems.” Eric shrugged. “I don’t know…it all seems a little crazy to me that the family, knowing the government would seize the land and they wouldn’t get anything, didn’t take the offer.”

  “Would you take an offer for forty million less than something was worth?” Jeremy asked.

  “I don’t know,” Eric replied. “Guess I would have to talk to my family; make it a joint decision.”

  “Did you have anyone back at home when you decided to join?” Jeremy asked.

  “Nah, man. I mean, I knew not to do that,” Eric said. “I wanted to join, but I knew I couldn’t have any loose ends. I made sure to stay as far away from relationships as I could. I had some one-night stands in there, but no one I even took a number from. How about you?”

  “Yeah.” He sighed. “I had a pretty solid relationship with someone, and I was even looking at rings when I got my demon. She was the first person I thought about when it happened, you know? I was heartbroken, I won’t lie. I had the rest of my life with her planned out. She was my best friend, even if it does sound hokey.”

  “Nah.” Eric shook his head. “Not hokey, truthful. I like that. Do you ever check up on her?”

  “Honestly, yeah.” He shrugged. “I have, a couple of times. I try not to do it all the time, though.”

  “How is she doing?” Eric asked.

  “She seems like she has gotten past the rough part; the initial shock and mourning,” Jeremy replied. “I mean, at least the FBI claimed I was killed—which gave her some closure, you know? It didn’t leave her wondering if I was still out there. It doesn’t look like she’s hooked up with anyone else so far, either.”

  “God, I would hope not! It hasn’t been that long,” Eric said.

  Jeremy shrugged. “I wouldn’t have thought she would either, but then again, I never thought I would have a demon inside me. Things definitely have a way of changing up on you when you least expect them to. It’s a struggle for me, for sure…no bullshit. But I know that my girl is still out there living her life—being beautiful, being strong—and that makes a hell of a lot of difference to me, you know? It makes me want to work harder to protect her, even if I’ll never get to see her again. I love her.”