Children of Dreams, An Adoption Memoir
Page 22
Love, Kris
Every child is a precious gift from God. Some of us are called to give birth. Some of us are called to adopt. Sometimes our role is to pray and intercede for those who can’t speak for themselves. Sometimes we are called to sponsor children in Third World countries. If we all do our part, we can make a difference in the life of a child. God knows the beginning and the end. We can rest assured His plan is perfect.
Abbey and I did meet, and Kris and I shared a few special moments as we watched Joy and Abbey play together. I could now have complete peace and assurance that I had done exactly what God had called me to do; in His infinite wisdom He gave me Joy. But before Joy, He had given me the high calling of praying for Abbey for an entire year so she could be adopted by Kris and her dear husband. Abbey was their first daughter following six boys, and very much wanted and loved.
Even in today’s fallen world, there are flawless pictures that create perfection, if only for a fleeting moment, but we grab hold of them knowing they are a foretaste of the heaven that awaits us, where there will be no more beatings and cries of the destitute, where God will heal every bruise and wipe every tear. I hope to see Abbey and Kris again next year in February when we travel to San Antonio for one of Joy’s gymnastics meets. God continues to work out ways for our paths to cross and for that I am thankful (see pictures at back of book).
…and the truth shall make you free
John 8:32
One thing I look forward to when I get to heaven is learning the truth about things I will probably never know here. I will never forget the feeling I had when I arrived in Vietnam and was told the baby I was adopting was “kidnapped.”
Eight years later, after someone came up to me and asked, “What happened to the baby that was kidnapped?” I realized I couldn’t gloss over things. I needed to delve into what happened so the truth could set free my frozen emotions. I didn’t want to reveal that part of what I experienced because it was so painful, but those who read my story wanted to know everything.
There are many warnings in Children of Dreams for would-be adoptive parents—beware of who you work with and bathe your hopes and dreams in prayer to the only wise God who is all-knowing and all-powerful, “… for the battle is not yours, but God’s” (2 Chronicles 20:15).
Since being asked the question about the little girl who was kidnapped, I prayed and fasted, and this is what God has led me to believe. I can’t “prove,” the following, but based on circumstantial evidence, the likelihood is that it contains some measure of truth, but only the Lord knows everything.
I don’t believe Nguyen Thi My-Duyen was kidnapped. When I failed to make the original trip to Vietnam due to Manisha’s illness, I believe Anne, fearing the mother might change her mind, or perhaps another parent’s referral fell through, gave my child to someone else.
Perhaps Anne thought I would never come to Vietnam. My documents were on the verge of expiring anyway. She also probably didn’t want to risk the baby not being adopted. I’m sure there was a monetary component involved, and she didn’t want to lose the several thousands of dollars that would go into her pocket. A baby was available and that was all that mattered. She was willing to take the risk and deal with the consequences later.
Even if I showed up on her doorstep at some point, she could explain away my referral—after all, I had already been through four—just offer me another child. What difference would it make as long as I got “any child”? People have lots of ways to justify wicked schemes.
I believe when I arrived and Anne had been unable to find a replacement baby, she made up the story about the kidnapping. She probably could have gotten away with it, except Jenni and I put the notice in the paper. She was already under investigation by the U.S. Embassy for baby selling and forgery of documents. Putting the ad in a public place would have put her at risk of having her license pulled as an adoption facilitator either by the U.S. Embassy or the Vietnamese government.
The police would have been called in for a missing person that really wasn’t missing, and once someone told the mother, she would have reported that her baby was placed with another family. Anne would have been caught in a scam and subject to prosecution.
That brings up Joy. After eight years, when I was emotionally able to go back through her adoption papers, which I had saved but refused to look at, I found the name and phone number of a family in the medical documents. On a whim I called the number, and the woman who answered the phone was the same one as in the documents.
The lady explained to me that her husband had gone to Vietnam, worked with Anne as the facilitator, and on the way to Vietnam, the child they were going to adopt “disappeared,” or was “no longer available,” in the adoptive mother’s words (a strange coincidence). Instead, they were offered three children. Joy was one of those children. Her husband traveled alone and she stayed behind with a child they had already adopted from Vietnam. She also told me in no uncertain terms that Anne had lied to them about “things.”
When her husband saw that “Joy,” was sickly, he decided to adopt one of the other children who appeared healthier. The family never came to adopt two children. They only came to adopt one and ended up adopting a different child.
So why did Joy wait all those months without being adopted? And why did Anne feel like she had to lie to me about why Joy was available? I don’t know the truth where Anne is concerned, but I believe Joy was meant to be my daughter all along. God prevented her from being adopted by anyone else.
I put the question out there, though, if a family did adopt a little girl, Nguyen Thi My Duyen, born on July 15, 1996, and were in Hanoi, Vietnam, in October or November, 1999, I would love to know. I would like to believe that the beautiful little girl was adopted by a “forever” family that loves her.
Of course, as we know with Abbey, Anne redid and altered documents and birth certificates for expediency. Little Thi My Duyen may not have the same name, same birth date, or even the same birth certificate. So I probably will never know the truth until I arrive in heaven, but I do have peace because God has shown me that Thi My Duyen was adopted by someone and not kidnapped.
EPILOGUE
…the children of the promise
Romans 9:8
“I took away her dreams,” my husband told the judge on September 4, 1986. Humanly speaking, he might have thought so. In John 8:44, Satan is described as the “Father of lies.” Satan’s desire was to destroy me, to make me doubt God’s love and goodness. In my pain, I believed a lie, much like the children believed Aslan was dead in The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.
But there is a higher law, a law that governs the universe, that supersedes every human sin and evil that attempts to corrupt God’s perfection. Our heavenly Father, who is full of grace and mercy, works out His purposes despite the evil one that lurks in the shadows. No human being has the power to thwart God’s ultimate plan. He works in spite of the prince of this world and uses everything for His glory. Nothing is ever wasted, whether it is disease, affliction, corruption, greed, lies, or betrayal. Jesus is our ultimate example of being perfect and commanded us in Matthew 5:48 to “Be perfect, even as your heavenly Father in heaven is perfect.”
God’s incredible love for us is even more astounding when one considers He was under no obligation to adopt us. He could have treated us as angels, making us spiritually alive through regeneration, and justifying us under the law through His death and resurrection. (Wayne Grudem, Systematic Theology, Grand Rapids, Mich, 1994, 738-739) But to adopt us and call us His children, to call Himself our Father, displays an intimacy in our relationship that defies, in my limited understanding, all logic. Why would the Creator of the universe want to be our Father? Even Albert Einstein, for all his genius, could not understand God as a personal God. (Hugh Ross, Ph.D., The Creator and the Cosmos, Colorado Springs, Col: Navpress, 2001, 75.)
Just as I signed a contract and made a down payment to adopt my children before I left for Nepal and Vietna
m, God has given us “His Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come” (2 Corinthians 1:22).
On July 26, 2000, we made a memorable trip to the Alachua County Courthouse to finalize Joy’s adoption. A few years earlier, I had taken Manisha to the same place to finalize hers. Both of my children’s adoption decrees are now sealed and kept safe, just as my adoption paper is sealed in heaven, waiting for Jesus to open and reveal my inheritance.
I renamed my children Hope and Joy, and God promises to give us a new name, “known only to him who receives it” (Rev 2:17). The adoption of my children represents a foreshadowing of what God has in store for all of us.
Much of the meaning of being a child of God has yet to be revealed because it’s in the future. It is hard to comprehend the King giving me heavenly possessions that will never break, become outdated, cost too much, get lost, or that I don’t have to return because they are defective. In my limited understanding, I have tried to imagine a world where there will be “no more death or mourning or crying or pain” (Rev 21:4); where the dwelling of God will be among us and He will wipe away every tear (Rev 21:4); where every kind of precious stone forms the foundation of the heavenly city which is paved in gold (Rev 21:19).
How can we envision perfection when all we have known is imperfection? God longs to be our Father, to share His inheritance with us, just as I longed to be an orphan’s mother. God planned us to be part of His family from the foundations of the world. He made us for His glory and “set eternity in the hearts of men” (Ecc 3:11). He will give us new bodies that will never grow old or die, but will be raised imperishable (I Cor 15:42).
I am sure if I told my children, “You can go back to Vietnam or Nepal and live your former way of life before I adopted you,” they would turn it down. Why would they want to go back to depravity and worms and hunger? In our heavenly home, the old order of things will have passed away (Rev 21:4) and the former things will not be remembered (Isaiah 65:17).
Before I adopted my two beautiful daughters, it was hard to imagine what it would like to be a mother. I dreamed about little girls and birthday parties, Christmas trees and toys, bear hugs and butterfly kisses, and my name transformed into the magical word “Mommy.” Through prayer and God’s faithfulness, what seemed impossible became real. And so it will be someday with us and our heavenly Father.
Hebrews 11:1 says that “Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” God knows how we are formed and remembers we are dust (Psalm 103:14). Jesus said when we pray, to call God “Our Father.” The Spirit testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children (Romans 8:16). God compares Himself to a father having compassion on his children. (Psalms 103:13). Our heavenly Father loved us so much that He gave us His only begotten Son (John 3:16), and He has made us heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ (Romans 8:17). Even creation itself will be liberated when we are brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God (Romans 8:21). Through adoption, God gave me my “Children of Dreams” and quenched the desires of my heart (Psalms 37:4). With God, our heavenly Father, before the foundations of the world, He made us His “Children of Promise.” (Romans 9:8 and Galatians 4:28)
Revelation 5: 9-10
Here is the new song they sang.
“You are worthy to take the scroll
and break open its seals.
You are worthy because you were put to death.
With your blood you bought people for God.
They come from every tribe, language, people and nation.
10 You have made them members of a royal family.
You have made them priests to serve our God.
They will rule on the earth.”
Photographs and Illustrations
Back cover (print edition) photograph taken by author at Khari Dhunga, Janakpur Zone, near Chirokot in Eastern Nepal. The mounds are magnesite mines of Khari, meaning white, soft rocks. The mountain in the background is Kalinchok. This panoramic spot in the Himalayans is fifty-four miles east of Kathmandu and about nine thousand feet above sea level.
Nepal and Vietnam maps courtesy of Thomas Roberts: Used by permission.
………….
Photographs
Gypsy 1964
Manisha’s arrival on Mother’s Day 1994
Joy’s arrival at the Jacksonville Airport January 2000
Our family on vacation in August 2011
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