Lost, Found, Loved

by London Casey

  She’d be the one to understand. She’d be the one to help me.

  She was going to have the surprise of a lifetime in the morning.

  I made coffee and waited.

  Sleep wasn’t a good friend of mine, which I got used to. So, I sat at the table, just waiting for Bella to wake up. I had some notebooks with me, and I passed the time looking through old sketches and trying to come up with new ideas. Even if I didn’t have any tattoos to work on that day, I always worked on something. It helped to keep the creative juices flowing and keep me from sliding into someplace dark. There was nothing worse than being in the dark and not being able to come up with an idea.

  So, I sketched little designs. Most of it was garbage, but it was pencil to paper and my brain reminding my hand that it was capable of doing so.

  To think, I was sitting there with something in my left pocket and something in my right pocket. One thing more surprising than the other. One thing completely life-changing.

  Gonzo had already called me once, but I ignored it.

  I wasn’t in the mood to have him yelling at me about Bella’s car.

  I just needed a little more time.

  When Bella finally appeared, shuffling from the hallway, I couldn’t believe the smile that crept across my face. Her hair was all shoved to one side, thick and messy from sleeping on the left side of her head. Her eyes were glossy with whatever she had been dreaming about. Although the last time I saw her standing, she was topless. Now she had a hoodie on, the ends of the sleeves balled up over her hands. She was fucking adorable, which was a word that never entered my mind.

  “You look like you need coffee,” I said.

  I shut my notebooks and shoved them aside.

  I poured Bella a coffee as she plopped down in the chair across from me. She put her chin to her fist and let out a sigh.

  “Good morning, Zayne,” she said in a grumpy voice.

  I slid the coffee in front of her and touched her shoulder. She glanced up at me, and I had this wicked urge to lean down and kiss her. I had this even crazier vision of this being normal for us. Having a morning coffee together, sneaking a few kisses, maybe more before the day got going.

  I had to peel myself away from her and took my seat across from her.

  She stared down into the coffee. I watched her put in the cream and sugar and then stir it way longer than it needed to be.

  “You okay over there?” I asked.

  Bella looked at me.

  Damn, those eyes…

  She looked down again.

  I reached across and under the table with my foot and playfully kicked at her leg. “What’s wrong, darlin’? Feeling last night? Want me to get you some medicine?”

  “No,” she said. “How bad did I fuck up last night, Zayne?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “What I did…”

  “Well,” I said, rubbing my chin, “you tried to fight everyone you saw, including me. And you got a tattoo.”

  “I remember all that,” she said. “I’m talking about…you know, us.”

  “What about us?”

  Bella tilted her head and rolled her eyes. “Really? You’re going to be the sweet hero who doesn’t remember me attacking you and leaving you hanging?”

  “Oh, that,” I said. “Right. Yeah.” I looked over to the floor where my truck keys were from when I threw them. I then looked up and grinned. “I guess I should have centered the table, huh?”

  Bella’s cheeks turned red.

  I thought about the way we were kissing each other, me putting her on the table, the table sliding across the floor.

  Drunk or not, that shit was real. That went beyond need and want. That was…

  “I’m sorry for that,” she said. “I didn’t mean to do that to you. I wanted to. I mean, I still do, I guess. I just…”

  “I get it,” I said.

  “You do? Because you keep saying that to me, and then that’s it.”

  I leaned back and reached into my right pocket. I took out the wedding invitation and slid it across the table.

  “Here,” I said. “You want it, you got it.”

  “What’s this?”

  “My story,” I said.

  Bella grabbed the wedding invitation and looked at it. “A wedding…?”

  I leaned forward and gritted my teeth. It was time to open my floodgates.

  “That, darlin’, that’s my wedding.”

  14

  BELLA

  “This is your wedding?” I asked, my eyes going wide.

  My head throbbed from the night before. My body throbbed from the night before. My head was angry that I drank too much. My body was angry that I didn’t let Zayne finish what we’d started.

  I grabbed the wedding invitation. “This is yours?”

  “Yeah,” Zayne said. “I’m invited to a wedding.”

  He smirked.

  I looked at the invitation and shrugged my shoulders. It was cliché enough to be in a catalog. A pretty light color with a vibrant cursive text spelling out the names, the date, the location, and the RSVP date.

  “You missed this one, huh?” I asked.

  “Fuck the RSVP,” I said. “It came with a little side-note. I’m assumed to be there.”

  “Okay. So why does it matter? I don’t recognize these names. Unless your name is really Scott and you’ve been lying to me this entire time.”

  Zayne looked away for a second.

  Was he lying to me about something?

  “No, my name isn’t Scott,” he said. “My name is Zayne. I can prove that if you don’t believe me.”

  “Of course I believe you,” she said. “So, what’s with this?” I waved the invitation.

  “That’s the one who broke my heart, darlin’.”

  My face dropped. “Oh.”

  I swallowed hard.

  “Yeah. Oh.”

  I looked at the invitation differently now. I raised an eyebrow and then my gaze to Zayne. “She sent you an invite to her wedding?”

  “She saved a spot for me,” Zayne said. “And a ‘plus one’ spot. Because that’s what she does.”

  “What do you mean?”

  Zayne curled his lip. “We were engaged. It was a terrible decision but it was the next logical step in the relationship. It got to a point where things were just on a conveyor belt or some shit. You know? Just going with the motions of the days, nights, weeks, months. Steph was a drain. That was her thing. A few people warned me but I wanted what I wanted. She was the impossible to obtain and I got her. As long as I gave her everything she wanted.”

  “Which was?” I asked.

  “Everything but me,” Zayne said.

  “Oh, Zayne…”

  “We started to wear each other out, though,” he said. “Finally, we sat down and just called it all off. I couldn’t take anymore. She said she couldn’t take anymore either. Which was bullshit. The thing… she was quick to take the ring off. She gave that back to me. Like she respected me or something. I actually let my guard down when she gave me the ring back. There was something about the way she did it. Her eyes filling with tears. Handing me the ring. Hugging me. Clutching at my fucking shirt. Then she looked up at me and touched my face. She whispered that she wanted to start over. She wanted me to fuck her right then and there. No ring. No commitment. Just the two of us.”

  I felt a wave of jealousy roll through me. It made me sting with anger from head to toe.

  “What happened?” I asked.

  “What do you think?” he asked.

  “You did.”

  “Yeah,” he said. “Right there on the spot. Like she wanted. It’s hard to explain love, real or fake. It just gets to you sometimes, you know?”

  “I know,” I said. “Why do you think I took off when I did? I couldn’t be near Parker or Abby. I couldn’t hear their excuses or else I’d start to believe them.”

  “That’s why you’re amazing, Bella,” he said.

  “Sorry. Go ba
ck to you now.”

  He shrugged his shoulders. “I didn’t even have my jeans zipped up before Steph smirked at me and grabbed her bag and left. She took off right then and there, leaving me hanging high and dry.”

  “Wow.”

  “Yeah. She called me to ask for money. Said she needed to clear her head. I was dumb enough to give it to her. I thought maybe if she cleared her head things would turn out for the best. At that time, I was bouncing between two tattoo shops. It wasn’t very fun, to be honest. Too many rules. Too much of a schedule. My heart wasn’t enjoying it. Maybe it went beyond that, though. Dealing with Steph and her bullshit all the time. She called me to tell me she was pregnant.”

  My eyes went wide. “What?”

  “Yeah,” Zayne said. “She said our little fun on the table after breaking up got her pregnant. I told her she needed to come back home so we could figure out what to do. She told me she needed more money to get back. So, I sent more money to her.”

  “She didn’t come back, did she?” I asked.

  “Oh, she came back. Don’t worry about that. She came back. She came back with a long list of demands for me. Threatened to take me to court over the pregnancy if I didn’t do what she wanted. She knew how to hit hard and hit home to get what she wanted.”

  “So this means…you have a kid with her?”

  Zayne shook his head. “No.”

  “Oh, no. What happened?”

  “She was never pregnant,” Zayne said.

  “Holy shit.”

  He nodded. “She drained my bank accounts and got me to sell my truck to get an SUV. I was dumb enough to put the SUV in her name, which made it hers. The only thing I got out of her was the ring back. That was it. Everything else was hers.”

  “Wait. She faked a pregnancy?”

  “She was with another man,” he said. “For a while, I guess. Fucking him while wearing the engagement ring I gave her. Plotting out this whole thing to fuck with me. That’s all it was. Her getting back at me for wanting to break up.”

  “She sounds like a crazy bitch,” I said.

  “Yeah. Well, crazy enough to start over, meet someone new, and then invite me to their wedding.”

  “Is this the guy she…”

  “No,” I said. “She met someone else. I took off after it all exploded. I quit my job and rode my motorcycle around. I crashed at a few places, just trying to drink away the confusion. It wasn’t so much pain as confusion. And I was pissed off at the world.”

  “Rightfully so,” I said.

  “I met Tate and he offered me a chance to tattoo at St. Skin. Just temporary. So, I snagged this gem of an apartment and here I am today.”

  “How did she find you?”

  Zayne rubbed his chin. “Yeah. That. She called me a few times. She said she wanted to apologize. I was dumb enough to believe her. She wanted to meet up. So, I invited her here. She didn’t want to apologize. She wanted to play games with me.”

  “Games?”

  “She wanted me to fuck her.”

  “Did you?”

  Zayne smirked. “No. I kicked her ass out. A couple months later, the invitation showed up. It’s her way of rubbing it in deeper. She’s telling me she’s giving something to someone else. Because she knows it matters to me.”

  “Why does it matter?” I asked.

  Zayne stood up and stuck his hand into his left pocket. Then he hesitated. “Never mind that. Just drink your coffee, darlin’.”

  I watched him storm away and I wasn’t going to let that slide.

  There was something else he was hiding.

  And I wanted to know the truth.

  I opened the bedroom door, and Zayne sat on the corner of his bed. There was something about a sexy guy looking sad that was my ultimate weakness. Seeing his muscles so thick, his body so strong, those sexy tattoos scaling his arms, and then seeing his eyes looking beat-up and downcast, it was killing me.

  “Zayne,” I said. “You don’t have to hide anything from me. I didn’t hide anything from you.”

  He licked his lips. “It’s stupid stuff, Bella.”

  “Stupid stuff, huh?” I asked. I folded my arms and leaned against the open doorway. “Like forcing yourself to be with someone who doesn’t love you? Or better yet, actually sitting there, in the room where he fucked my best friend, touching the sheets that smelled like her stupid fucking hippie soap, and actually thinking it was my fault. Thinking that I had pushed him to her and her to him. That I made it happen because I was working too much at a fucking diner. That I was the problem. Or stupid like putting my head down to the pillow where I had seen her head resting as he thrust into her. Shutting my eyes. Smelling…”

  “Okay, I got it,” he said. “Christ, darlin’. Why do that to yourself?”

  “The only time I feel alive anymore is if I’m in pain.”

  I blinked fast, breathless, not sure why I just blurted that out to him.

  Zayne then rose up. He nodded. “Okay. Here’s the deal then. When I was a kid, I had nobody. No real friends. Not much family. The little family I had were all burn outs. My father came and went as he pleased, always looking for the next big scam, but always settling on drugs. My mother wasted herself away, and my only friend was the TV. I would draw a lot, but if anyone found my drawings they’d burn them.”

  “Burn them?”

  “Because it was a waste of fucking time,” Zayne said. “I would watch TV and dream about the families I saw. All those dumb shows where they’d have a stupid argument and then make up a few minutes later. Sappy music playing. Everyone hugging. Life was perfect for them. So that’s why it mattered to me. That’s why the invitation is such a stab to my heart. Steph knows all of this. It’s what she does best.”

  I was shocked. I never took a guy like Zayne to have such soft spots.

  He stepped toward me, and I didn’t move. He was then just a few inches from me.

  I told myself right then and there, if he was going to kiss me, I was going to pull him to the bed and not stop him this time.

  “Zayne…”

  “Bella,” he said. “There’s something else I wanted to show you. Actually, I wanted to ask you something.”

  “Oh?”

  Zayne stepped back and reached into his left pocket. He took his hand out and opened it.

  I saw the ring, then heard his question.

  “Darlin’, will you marry me?”

  15

  ZAYNE

  The look on her face was one I’d never forget. I had the diamond ring in the palm of my hand as she stared at me with her eyes wide and her mouth dropped pretty damn close to the floor.

  “What?” she asked.

  “You heard me, darlin’,” I said. “I’m asking you to marry me. To wear this ring. And I want you to come to Steph’s wedding.”

  “I’m…we…”

  I grinned. “I know. We just met not that long ago. But here’s the deal, Bella. You get it. You get what this all feels like. I don’t think Steph believes I’ll show up to the wedding. Or if I do, she’s expecting to see me either alone or with someone all done up to make her jealous.”

  “And I won’t make her jealous?” Bella asked, quirking an eyebrow.

  “I didn’t say that. But if you go to the wedding with me, wearing that ring, it’ll work. You’re beautiful, Bella. And you’re down to earth. You’re normal. And you get this.”

  “All the people in this town,” she said. “And you want me to do this? Some stranger? Some woman from the side of the road.”

  “Some woman who’s had her heart broken,” I said.

  “I can’t do this, Zayne,” she said. “I’m not going to be used.”

  She walked away. I started to go after her but stopped. I had reached the limit with her.

  So I stood there and just talked. “Bella, I’d do it for you. I don’t want someone to show up with me and be fake and sloppy. I want to hit her where it hurts. Because she really did hurt me. I can’t tell anyone that, th
ough. Not in this town. Not in St. Skin, either. They wouldn’t get it. They wouldn’t do it.”

  Bella froze and slowly turned. “And then what? I’m supposed to go to a wedding with you? Your ex’s wedding? And play your fiancée? Stand with you. Hold your hand. Kiss you. Dance with you.”

  “We’ve done all of that already, darlin’,” I said. “Except dancing. When I was holding you last night…”

  “Zayne, don’t.”

  “No, I am,” I said. “I felt something, Bella. I could feel the way you were hurting. I would never fucking do that for anyone else. You somehow managed to make me forget about sex for a few minutes. Considering you were topless and I was hard as a rock, that says something.”

  Bella sighed. “What do you want me to do, Zayne? Go up to her and tell her she lost out on you?”

  “That could be fun,” I said. “I want someone I trust. I trust you, Bella. You would understand it all as it happened.”

  “And if she got pissed and started something?”

  “It’s her wedding. Let her ruin it on her own.”

  Bella swallowed hard and then bit at her finger. “No. No way, Zayne. Because what if she goes after you? Not in a fighting way. But what if she gets jealous and decides she wants you again. Huh? Then what happens? Would you do something with her on her wedding day? Because if she’s as crazy as you just said, she’d do that. Just to have the power.”

  I ran a hand through my hair.

  Yeah, okay, fine, maybe thoughts like that had gone through my head before. I could destroy her new marriage, just for fun. Watch her pick up the pieces later as I laughed. Just for once, I wanted to stomp on her fucking heart. Was it that wrong?

  “See, you can’t even answer me, Zayne. This is insane. This whole thing is insane.”

  Bella turned and walked away.

  This time, I didn’t chase after her.

  I knocked on my own fucking door. Yeah, it was the spare bedroom and yeah, I let Bella stay there, but it was my fucking door. And I was knocking on it. The night before, I had kicked it open as I carried her, kissing her. Later in the night, I checked on her as she slept. Now, it was like walking on eggshells.