Broken

by Patricia Haley

  Joel rehearsed his lines repeatedly on the way home. He’d spoken to Kumar in advance, and the news of a divorce wasn’t well received. There wasn’t much Kumar could do to change Joel’s mind. Direct and gentle was the way to go. He called for Zarah as soon as he walked into the house. She came quickly.

  “I’d like to take a ride this afternoon. Are you up for it?” Her stomach was queasy earlier but she seemed to be doing better. He guessed that she was fighting off some kind of a bug, a virus or food poisoning.

  “Oh yes, I’d love to go for a ride.”

  “Are you sure you’re feeling up to it?”

  “Oh yes.”

  “Because you didn’t seem all right earlier.”

  “It’s nothing. I’m not ill, if that is your concern. Don’t worry, I’m fine,” she said, appearing to radiate with each word spoken to Joel.

  “Okay, well, good,” he said, feeling relieved. He couldn’t deal with Zarah being sick again, not when he was handing her a divorce. “How soon can you be ready?”

  “I can go now,” she said, elated.

  “But I do think you should see the doctor over the next couple of days, just to be sure that you’re all right.”

  “I will.”

  His eagerness to share the bad news crumbled. Compassion dominated. He could wait until they were well into the ride. Twenty minutes later the Range Rover was barreling down I-75, heading for a park right outside of downtown. The setting was private and tranquil. He had to be careful not to end up in a location that was too romantic. That would be a cruel place to announce a divorce. Joel entered the park and found a parking space. Zarah was thrilled to be with him. She was a gorgeous woman with a good heart, the perfect wife for some other man.

  “Zarah, let’s get out and take a walk.” She did willingly. He reached for her hand as they began their stroll. The walkway was nearly a half mile long, meaning he had about twenty minutes to break the news. No value to be gained from stalling. He opened his lips and let the speech flow. “Zarah, you are beautiful and very special.”

  “Thank you,” she said, gripping his hand tighter.

  “You deserve a husband who can cherish you, someone who is able to make you the center of his world.” He paused, unwilling to rush the inevitable. “That’s not me. My world is falling apart and I have to go away and figure out how to rebuild.”

  “I will go with you,” she said.

  “Zarah,” he said, stopping their walk, “you’re not going with me.” Her zeal dropped. “I’m going alone, and you should go back to India.”

  “My place is with my husband. I will not go to India if you’re here.”

  “I’m freeing you, Zarah. You are no longer obligated to me as a wife. I can’t be the husband you want.”

  “I’m not complaining. You are the husband I want. I’m staying.”

  Joel was disheartened. She wasn’t making this easy. He had to be more direct and bring this chapter in his marriage to a close. “Zarah, we are going to get a divorce.”

  “No, no, no divorce,” she said. He kept a tight hold on her hand to help contain her reaction.

  “We have no choice. You have not been happy with me. I truly believed we had a chance to make a real marriage after you began recovering from your illness, but I was mistaken. We’re not good for one another. We have to separate.”

  “I don’t want to. I can be a better wife. You will see. I can do it.”

  “You’ve done nothing wrong, Zarah, not a thing. You have been a wonderful wife. We just don’t work well together, and I need a change. If you care about me, I’m asking you to release me from this marriage and let me go. You deserve better than this, and I want you to have it,” he said as her emotion crested. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and smothered Zarah into his caress, not one intended for romance, but an intentional act of affection. She wasn’t the enemy. He acknowledged that she wasn’t. Circumstances had brought them together and consequences were breaking them apart. It was time to part. Deep within her being, she had to know. He held her until the emotion subsided and they could return to the car.

  Joel was worried about her stability and would stay with her until Kumar arrived in a day or two to take her home. The last nervous breakdown had frightened both him and her. Joel wasn’t going to let her slip into fatal depression on his watch, not again. He would be with her all night into the day, fulfilling his final marital duty. The gesture was sincere. He owed her that much. A silent sigh of relief followed as they slowly made their way to the Range Rover. In a few days he’d take refuge in Chicago, opening a new chapter in his life. He was cautiously optimistic, reserving his sheer thrill for a time of celebration with Sheba. He’d see her soon, but for the next forty-eight hours Zarah required his undivided support and he aimed to deliver.

  chapter

  56

  Tamara stood and sat repeatedly. She couldn’t get comfortable. Mother had called, before boarding the flight yesterday afternoon, to give Don her itinerary. Tamara counted the minutes. If the two layovers went smoothly and the plane was on time, Madeline should have landed at six fifty, thirty-nine minutes ago. She could add a good hour and a half for getting luggage, clearing customs, and having the driver take her to Don’s. From her rough calculations, there was close to an hour remaining. Tamara’s anxiety meter was running hot. She was afraid but equally excited. Unable to make sense of her feelings, she didn’t bother. She’d let them be, no longer locked in a box of guilt, shame, and fear.

  Tamara went to get a cup of tea, certain Don didn’t have a latte machine. “Where can I find the tea?” she called out to him, not sure where he was in the condo. He might have called it a condo, but the unit was another gigantic house compared to her last five flats. It was tough to believe they came from the same home. Their realities were an ocean apart. The ringing doorbell sent a shiver through Tamara. Remain calm, she thought.

  Don answered the door and sure enough, it was Mother.

  “I got here as soon as I could. Where’s Tamara?”

  “Here I am,” Tamara said, coming from the kitchen.

  “Are you okay? Did he hurt you?” Mother said, hustling toward Tamara.

  Tamara didn’t move. She couldn’t decide whether to let Mother touch her or step away. In the split second before Mother reached her, Tamara remembered she was going to let the moment be uncontrolled until discomfort set in.

  “He didn’t hit me or hurt me. I was embarrassed more than anything.”

  “Mother, give me your coat,” Don said, and she handed it to him.

  “There is no cause for you to be embarrassed. You’re the victim here.” Maybe she was, but Tamara resented the title of victim. After the rape, she’d vowed never to be a victim again. No one would zap her power again. Remo had forced her to fail at keeping her one sacred promise. At times, Madeline had pushed too, but Tamara had always been able to maintain distance from Mother, until now. She knew Mother wasn’t going to back off under the current circumstances. Tamara wasn’t upset. Even at this critical moment in their union, she was the one controlling the visit. If she’d wanted to leave last night, this morning, or this afternoon, she could have. Tamara was where she had to be.

  “Come in and let’s sit down,” Don said as the three went into his great room and found seats. Madeline waited for Tamara to take a seat and then sat next to her, leaving about eight inches of distance between them. Close, not crowded, worked for Tamara.

  “I wish you’d told me or Don about this man stalking you. Every time I imagine you being out there scared and running, I get angry.”

  “Mother, I’m perfectly safe.”

  “You are now and will be permanently in a few days,” Madeline said, letting her gaze drop.

  “What do you mean? Was Remo arrested?”

  “Not exactly.”

  “Then what?” Don interjected. The way Madeline responded seemed very suspicious to Tamara. Don must have picked up on the same vibe.

  “I’
m not going into details because I have none.”

  “Oh come on, Mother, what have you done?” Don asked, seeming very upset.

  “I’ll tell you this much. I retained a specialist to rectify our little situation.”

  “What kind of a specialist?” Don asked.

  “Too many questions, Don. What you don’t know won’t hurt you.”

  Don laughed out loud, more like cackled. “Mother, we don’t want to exchange one family problem for another. Please tell me that whatever you’ve done is legal.”

  “What I did isn’t illegal. I retained a specialist. What the specialist does is out of my hands.”

  Don didn’t appear to be satisfied with the response but let the line of questions rest. “Excuse me, I’ll get the tea you wanted, Tamara. Anything for you, Mother?”

  “Nothing for me, thanks,” Madeline said, shifting her attention to Tamara. Instinctively Tamara wanted to leave the room with Don but was able to remain calm. The small space between her and Madeline provided the necessary safety net. Madeline patted her hand. “Really, how are you?”

  What did Mother want her to say, that she was a wreck, that she hadn’t slept a full night in years, or that she was tired of running? Instead she said, “I’m feeling better.”

  Thirty years of dysfunction weren’t going to be resolved in one session on Don’s sofa. Tamara understood restoration would be like losing weight. It had taken years to put the weight on, and it wouldn’t come off overnight. She was prepared for some joyous and rough moments to come if she and Don were to truly make an attempt at becoming a family, not the one of her childhood, not the one before her father abandoned them, and not the one before the rape. She was looking at a family post-trauma, different but manageable. She was certain Don wasn’t going to be a problem. Mother was her concern. She would want answers about why this and why not that. Some answers Tamara could give and others she didn’t know.

  Tamara wasn’t delusional. The Mitchell family wasn’t going to realize happily-ever-after any time soon. Lots of therapy, willingness, hope, and patience were required. So long as Madeline could let the three of them find their way at their individual paces, without intervention or pressure, Tamara was certain they could form a new normal in time. Inside, she was excited and relieved.

  “Let’s start with something we both enjoy, traveling. Why don’t you tell me about South Africa? I hear it’s lovely this time of year,” Tamara said.

  Mother must have gotten the hint about setting the tough issues to the side, because she said, “South Africa is lovely and so are you.” The response lingered like the scent of a floral bouquet sailing through an open window in the springtime. Tamara was pleased to be home.

  chapter

  57

  Joel had made his rounds, speaking with his mother, then Zarah, and he had one person left, Abigail. They’d had a strained encounter two weeks ago. She was worth his attempting to reach a truce before jetting off to Chicago.

  He found her in the DMI office. “Abigail, can I come in?” he asked.

  She beckoned for him to enter and kept typing on her laptop. “What brings you by?” she asked, tossing a quick glance at him and returning to the laptop.

  “I wanted to share my big news with you.” That got her attention. She looked up and fixed her gaze on him.

  “What did you come to tell me, that you and your wife are having a baby?”

  “No way, never, don’t even play like that, just the opposite. I’m ending this before a mistake like that happens. No, I came to tell you we’re getting divorced.”

  “Really? You’re right. It is big news. I don’t know whether to say ‘congratulations’ or ‘I’m sorry.’”

  He raised his eyebrow and pressed his lips together before responding. “Neither, it’s bittersweet, but I won’t bore you with the details.” Joel definitely didn’t want to insult her by going on about his wife. The purpose of his visit was to repair their friendship, not make it worse. “I’m also heading to Chicago.”

  “Permanently?”

  “Not sure, for now I’m going to take it day by day.”

  “I’m sure Sheba will be thrilled,” Abigail said, shifting her attention to the laptop.

  “Chicago will be a good place for me to step away from the action and make a new start. I’m excited about the possibilities.” Again, Joel was reminded that he wasn’t there to rip open old wounds. Sheba was a sore spot. Abigail had seen her as a threat even before Joel married Zarah. Despite his best efforts to dissuade her, Abigail had wanted to make his relationship with Sheba a deal breaker in their friendship. He wasn’t going to open the box of controversy.

  “I have some pretty big news myself.”

  “Oh yeah, what, you’re getting married?” he asked.

  She shot a glance at him that sizzled like fire. “I’m resigning.”

  “Get out of here, you’re joking.”

  “I’m serious. I’ve already given Don notice.”

  “Hard to believe you’re getting out of here. You’re one of the originals.”

  “Time for me to strike out from the nest and try my hand in another venture.”

  “Do you have another job lined up?”

  “I don’t have one, and I won’t start my search for several months. I’m staying here for three months until they find a replacement. Who knows, I might launch my own consulting company. I can put the million dollars your father left me to good use. I have a few ideas stirring. The good news is that I don’t have to decide a thing today. I can take my time and make the decision that’s going to be best for Abigail Gerard. I like the sound of that,” she said.

  So did he. It was the same sensation he had ending the marriage. Freedom was cool.

  “Who knows, maybe we can partner on a venture down the road; you never know. If the time is right and the deal is real, who knows?”

  “Humph,” she uttered, and let her gaze shift back to the laptop.

  Joel wasn’t dissuaded. His life would soon be wide open and the possibilities were going to be endless.

  chapter

  58

  The call from Zarah was surprising, but with recent events, Tamara didn’t rule out any scenarios. She took a private car along with a bodyguard to Zarah’s. Madeline and Don had insisted that she not be alone until the predicament with Remo had been resolved.

  Tamara had no clue as to what Zarah wanted. During the visit last week, Tamara had implored Zarah to stand up and show Joel she could be independent. She’d also suggested Zarah get involved in her father’s former business and stop relying on men to dictate her moves. Zarah hadn’t been receptive. Who knows? Maybe she’d changed her mind and decided to sell the division. Tamara would soon find out. She rang the bell. Zarah came to the door, which threw Tamara off. Joel or the housekeeper had answered on the other visits. Tamara couldn’t help but notice how puffy Zarah’s eyes were, like she was suffering from allergies.

  “I was glad you called,” Tamara said, “a little surprised, though.”

  “I’m very glad you came,” Zarah said, sounding choked up.

  “Is everything all right? You weren’t feeling well when I was here last week.”

  “It is not all right,” she said. Oddly, tears were streaming down her face without her making a whimper.

  “Zarah, let’s go sit and talk,” Tamara suggested. Zarah led the way to the library. “What’s wrong?”

  “Joel has decided for a divorce.”

  Whoa was what she wanted to say. She hadn’t dreamed he’d go this far. Tamara hoped her advice about Zarah taking a stronger stand in the marriage hadn’t backfired. She felt awful. “Are you sure?”

  “Most certainly. He’s made arrangements with my family for me to return to India.”

  “Is that what you want?”

  “I’m not certain. This is very sudden for me. My one wish is to remain Joel’s wife and bear his children. If I return to India, my dream won’t come to truth.”

  That
amounted to two wishes, but who was counting, Tamara figured. She couldn’t help Zarah with the wife-and-kids component. Having someone dictate whether she returned to India was a different animal. She could help there. Zarah needed an advocate, a Madeline kind of person in her circle, to help fix the unfixable. “I’m sure I don’t need to tell you this, but you’re an adult. You get to decide if you want to stay in the U.S., go to South Africa, or return home to India. That’s strictly your decision, especially since your parents are gone.”

  “My father’s attorney has decided.”

  “How can he? Is there an Indian law that says you must listen to him?” Zarah appeared unsure. It didn’t matter; Tamara highly suspected there wasn’t.

  “Where is Joel?”

  “He traveled to Chicago this morning,” Zarah said, struggling to articulate her sentences.

  “For how long?”

  “He said two weeks, maybe four. He’s allowing me time to get packed and moved.”

  Tamara really did feel for Zarah. She’d experienced that well of emptiness, not having clear direction or the support of close family to help shape her decisions. Zarah was alone in the world, except for an attorney. Tamara wanted to shake Zarah and tell her the future was a blank canvas and she was the solo artist. She could decide to go or stay, to work or not, to love or not. She was in control and couldn’t do any worse than the men who’d erroneously mapped out the path for Zarah, the ones who’d left her abandoned, powerless, and frightened in the U.S. Tamara had an idea, though she was still not sure if her previous advice had contributed to the demise of Zarah and Joel’s marriage. She continued anyway. “Have you considered staying in the States?”

  “What would I do? I have no one here.”

  “You have me.” The statement brightened Zarah’s countenance. Chipping away at her frozen disposition was slow with Tamara’s small ice pick of kindness, but it appeared progress was being made. “As far as what you could do, well, I suggest you buy Harmonious Energy. Before you say no, hear me out. This is your father’s company, his legacy. There are no sons to carry his legacy forward into the future. You’re it, and who better to take on the company? You said yourself that you worked with your father and understood his business. This is the time to show the world.”