by Brook Wilder
He signed in relief even though he knew he wasn’t out of the woods yet. Not even close. He opened his mouth to say something, to try and make things better between them but closed it again without a single word. Damned if he knew what to say anyway. Relationships weren’t exactly his forte and he felt like he’d just been tossed from the kiddy pool into the deep end without knowing how to fucking swim. He just prayed he’d figure it out fast, before it was too late.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
“So I was thinking, after dinner we could try and make it to one of the classes?” Rachael suggested as she pushed a pile of peas around her plate. Across the table, Jackrabbit stared with concentration at some scrawled note he had spread out in front of him.
“Uh huh.” He said, his tone distracted, his eyes never leaving the piece of paper.
“It’s in less than an hour so we should probably leave soon. It’s a little bit of a drive to Dr. Ostara’s office.”
“Uh huh.” He mumbled again, still not looking up at her and Rachael had to forcefully stop herself from launching a forkful of peas at his face. Maybe then she would get his attention.
He’d been so distracted over the last few months, ever since Finn had gone underground after the attack on one of the Roadburners. It was all he ever thought about, spending more and more time at the club house that even when they were together, his thoughts seemed millions of miles away.
She watched him as she continued to toy with her food. Over the last months the intimacy between them grew deeper, but despite her best efforts Rachael couldn’t stop the doubts from bubbling up inside her. It was always the same fear. The same panicked certainty. He would leave her. Just like all the rest, he would leave her. But more importantly, he’d leave the baby.
Rachael held in the words that wanted to explode out of her—accusations and questions that she knew where probably all just in her head. But as she looked across the table at him and took in his far off expression, she had to wonder.
She knew from the beginning that he wasn’t the ‘long term relationship’ type of guy and she usually avoided those like the plague. Better to know from the start that they’re going to leave, she reasoned. It was a lot less heart ache that way.
She’d thought Jackrabbit was exactly the same, the type of guy who would breeze out of her life as easily as he breezed in but despite that, despite the shock of the pregnancy or the threat of Finn dangling over his head, he was still there. But for how long? A soft, insidious voice whispered in her head. This won’t last forever. Nothing does. He’ll leave you for the club. You know he will.
Jackrabbit’s cell phone buzzed loudly on the table. Rachael jumped and flung a forkful of peas. She hastily bent down to pick them up, trying not to eavesdrop as Jackrabbit started talking, his voice low and urgent. She failed, but to be honest, she wasn’t trying all that hard to begin with.
Slowly, she heaved herself back up to a sitting position, listening all the while.
“Are you sure it was him?” Jackrabbit’s deep voice paused for a moment. “Fuck, all right. We can’t risk him getting away if he’s making a move. The bastard has to make a mistake some time. I’ll be there as soon as I can.” Jackrabbit was moving before he even ended the call and Rachael watched him throw on his leather jacket.
Suddenly, her fears didn’t seem so unfounded.
“You’re leaving?” She finally asked. It wasn’t what she really wanted to say but it’s all that she could force out. He turned to her in surprise, as if he just realized she was still there. It made her purse her lips in anger.
“Yeah, I have to go the clubhouse.”
“You have to or you want to?” The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them.
Jackrabbit frowned. “Rae, I don’t have a choice. Believe me, the last thing I want to be doing is going after Finn.” There was a heaviness in his voice as he spoke
Rachael gave in with a shrug. The last thing she wanted was to argue with him. “I understand, Johnny. Go on. We’ll go to the birthing class next week.”
“Shit, the class.” Jackrabbit said. “I’ll make it up to you, Rae. I just have to deal with this.”
“I said I understand!” Rachael spat out. She knew her voice was tense and she couldn’t keep her brows from furrowing but damn it, the last thing she wanted was for him to walk out that door. But she’d never been the clingy, demanding type and Rachael would be damned if she’d start being one now.
He stared at her for a long moment. His mouth opened briefly as if he was about to say something but in the end he just shrugged , turned on his heel, and walked out of the small apartment, slamming the door behind him.
It was a knee jerk reaction that had her flinging her last little pile of peas at the door but the tiny green ammunition didn’t even make it that far before they scattered across the floor.
“Damn it.” Rachael whispered to herself and stared at the closed door that Jackrabbit had just disappeared behind. See, you were right. The thought was just a soft whisper through her mind but as hard as she tried to shake it, it persisted. You can’t trust him. He won’t stay with you, he’ll leave you, just like the rest. He’ll leave you because you’re not important enough, and you never will be.
Rachael jumped shakily to her feet, quickly clearing the table of its dirty dishes and wishing that she could clear her mind just as easily. She wanted to be able to trust him, she hated that she was constantly watching, constantly waiting for him to turn around and tell her he was leaving. In her mind, he just walked away without a word and she was left wondering if he’d ever come back.
Just like mama. She bit her lower lip hard, suddenly fighting tears. “Damn these pregnancy hormones.” Rachael muttered, but she knew that wasn’t the only reason her emotions were in a mess. And it had everything to do with the man who had just stormed out.
She was still battling back the sting in the corner of her eyes when a sudden knock on the door made her jump. Hastily, Rachael wiped away the tears. She wasn’t about to let Johnny know she’d been crying over him.
Rachael gave one last wipe to make sure no evidence was left before stomping to the door and throwing it open, a sharp comment ready on the tip of her tongue but she choked on the words.
“Hi, Rae, bad time?” Hannah asked sheepishly, peeking over her shoulder into Jackrabbit’s small apartment. “Can we come in?”
“We?” Rachael asked, taking a step back to let her sister in when another voice reached her.
“Hi, sweetheart.” It was the gruff voice of her father. Suddenly he was in front of her and without thought, Rachael let herself fall into his arms, just like she used to as a child.
“I didn’t know you guys were coming. I would have made you dinner or something.” Rachael stammered after she forced herself to pull away and put back on the strong, sarcastic mask she wore for the rest of the world.
“Now, don’t start that. We came here to see you. That’s all.” Her father grumbled and rubbed the back of his neck
“Oh.” Rachael replied, unsure what else to say as she stood awkwardly in the middle of the small apartment. But a moment later her sister’s arms were around her, squeezing tight and any tension inside her melted away.
“We drive all the way out here and all you have to say is ‘oh’?” Hannah giggled as she pulled away.
“Why did you drive all the way out here?” Rachael asked. “Not that I’m not happy to see you.”
“I know what you mean,” Her sister said with a small smile. She held up a bag. “We came out here to give you this?”
“What? You didn’t have to bring me anything.”
“I know we didn’t, sweetheart, but we wanted to.” Her father was busy eyeing the apartment as he slid off his jacket and threw it over the back of the couch. It was the only space available. He had that razor sharp look in his eye as he examined the piece of furniture.
“Dad, are you going to interrogate that couch, or sit on it?” Rachael joked.
After finally getting through the ribbons and paper, Rachael pulled out the box. Hannah was speaking nervously as she slowly opened the lid.
“We didn’t know if it was a boy or a girl so we went with yellow. I figured it would work either way.” Her sister said but Rachael just stared at the little onesie in her hands. It was covered in stars, a tiny moon embroidered on the front.
“There’s more.” Her father pointed excitedly.
Rachael pulled out matching socks and another onesie, finding something bigger at the bottom. Slowly she unwrapped it before barking out a laugh. It was the tiniest little leather jacket she’d ever seen, soft and warm on the inside with another star and moon pattern on the back.
She ran her hands over the fabric, not even trying to fight the lone tear that tried to roll down her cheek. But she was grinning as she looked over at her family.
“It’s a girl. We’re going to have a girl.”
Her sister and father stayed for a few more minutes, chatting and laughing before finally getting up to leave. They were almost through the front door when Hannah suddenly turned and threw her arms around Rachael in a big bear hug.
“I know something’s bothering you.” Her too persistent sister whispered, too low for their father to hear. “And I know you won’t tell me. But you know I’m here for you, right? Always. That’s what sisters are for.”
“Thanks, Hannah. I know.”
“I love you, Rae.”
“I love you too. Now get out of here and let me get some rest.” Rachael waved as they walked to their car, watching them drive off until the tail lights disappeared into the night.
***
“Damn it.” Jackrabbit muttered under his breath and leaned back against the door he just slammed shut. He barely just escaped Rachael’s icy glare and the fiery temper he knew was brewing just underneath. She said she understood.
He laughed out loud at the thought, the sound less than humorous as he jogged down the small porch and to the driveway where his bike was parked out front. He hated the tension that had risen up between them, but damned if he knew what to do about it. The chemistry that had always burned between them was stronger now than ever, but that didn’t seem to help when it came to…whatever the hell that had been.
He straddled the motorcycle and revved the engine harder than he needed to, taking in the loud, vicious noise that shattered through the otherwise quiet evening air. Moments later he was taking off towards the Roadburners clubhouse that wasn’t far away from his place, but for the whole ride his mind was still firmly back at his apartment with Rachael.
By the time he’d arrived at the clubhouse, he still hadn’t been able to figure out a solution about what to do. He’d never done relationships before. He didn’t even know where to begin. Maybe he should just suck up his pride and give Hatchet a call. He at least seemed to have some idea of how to make things last. Hatchet and Elsie seemed… happy. Really happy.
You could be happy too, if you let yourself. Jackrabbit didn’t know where the thought came from and he didn’t have time to pay attention because as soon as he walked through the doors, his second in command was standing there, nervously waiting for him.
He nodded for Harlow to move towards the back of the bar away from any prying ears and nodded to his crew as he passed them. A few men raised their glasses as he walked, and there were a few other acknowledgments but overall, the mood was solemn inside the clubhouse. He didn’t like it one bit.
“What the hell happened, Harlow?” Jackrabbit demanded when they were far enough away from the rest of the drinking crowd.
“There was another attack.” Harlow answered. “Two Roadburners went down on their way to the clubhouse. They’re both okay. Alive and recovering.” Harlow swallowed hard before continuing. “No sign of the attackers.”
“Fuck.” Jackrabbit bit off. “Nothing? No trace at all?”
“Not even a bullet casing.” Harlow shrugged again. “He’s good.”
“I know he’s fucking good. We trained together. I know exactly what he’s capable of, the bastard. If he can disappear in a fucking desert without a trace, Texas sure as hell isn’t going to be a problem for him.” Jackrabbit wiped a hand tiredly over his face. “Damn it, I told them all to be careful. I told them another attack would be coming.”
“I know, boss, but it’s been weeks. The crew’s starting to get comfortable.”
“Well, make sure they’re very fucking uncomfortable, got it?”
“I got it. I’ll stay on top of them and keep them on their toes.” Harlow said.
A sudden thought occurred to him. Rachael! Finn was out there, on the hunt, and she was left all alone with their unborn child.
“I have to go.” Jackrabbit said suddenly.
“But—” Harlow protested.
“I have to go.” He didn’t wait for Harlow to finish. Instead, he just turned around and walked out the same way he came in, all the while fighting the panic threatening to overwhelm him. He didn’t hear the questions the crew asked after him. All he could think about, all he could focus on was Rachael and the baby. He’d gone and left them all alone.
Unprotected. With a maniac on the loose.
Jackrabbit was sure he broke about every speed limit on the ride back towards his apartment but he didn’t slow down and he didn’t stop. Not until he was pulling in front of his home. The driveway in front of the house was empty except for Rachael’s jeep but even then, he couldn’t stop himself from looking around the area. The small lawn in the front was bordered by large, overgrown trees on either side. Anything could be hiding in them. Or anyone.
“Rachael? Rae!” He couldn’t stop the panicked shout as he rushed inside. He didn’t see her anywhere. Damn it, where was she? His place wasn’t that big. She couldn’t be hiding anywhere.
Despite himself, visions ran through his head. Visions of Finn breaking in to the apartment while he was distracted by some new emergency at the club. Visions of Finn taking Rachael and hurting her. It was too much.
Jackrabbit squeezed his eyes shut and tried to block out the terrible images.
“Rachael, where the hell are you—”
“No need to shout.” Her voice reached him and his eyes popped open to see her head poke out from behind the bathroom door. She stepped out, a towel wrapped around her body. “I was taking a shower and didn’t hear you come in.”
There was something reserved in her voice as she spoke, something distant in the way she wouldn’t quite meet his gaze and it triggered his old fears. All his old insecurities.
She’s cheating on you.
Before he could stop it, the thought had sunk deep inside him and took root. He shook his head. No, no Rachael wouldn’t do that. She’s not Sarah. He tried to force the doubts away but it was hard. Harder than it should have been. You don’t know that. Look at her. She could have just been washing away the scent of another man. Someone else.
Stop it. Jackrabbit clenched his jaw in effort to get a rein on the dark jealousy and fear that rippled through him. I’m just being paranoid. She’s not Sarah.
How do you know that? They’re all the same. They’ll chew you up and spit you out with a laugh. She’s just like the rest of them.
No, she’s not!
“What happened at the clubhouse, Johnny?” Rachael asked, oblivious to his inner demons.
He opened his mouth, about to tell her that it was nothing. He didn’t want to worry her unless he had to, but just then he caught sight of something out of the corner of his eye. It was a jacket thrown carelessly over the back of the sofa. A man’s jacket that sure as hell didn’t belong to him.
With vicious precision, all the doubts, all the fears, all the insidious thoughts and jealousy stabbed through him and tore him open, send
ing agony racing through his body until it felt like he couldn’t breathe. His hands curled into fists and it took every ounce of willpower to not shout and rage as he turned his glare back to Rachael.
“Who the hell was here?” He demanded, his rough voice was sharp with anger. “Who did you fuck?”
CHAPTER TWELVE
Rachael stared at him in shock. It was like she was looking at a stranger. “What the hell are you talking about, Johnny?” She demanded and took an unconscious step back. She saw him flinch at the movement, as if she’d physically hurt him.
He stared at her for a long moment, struggle written plainly across his handsome features, but what struggle? What the hell had that been, and what had caused it? One moment she’d been asking him a question and the next, it was if an entirely different person had taken over when he snapped at her.