Ruined (Roadburners MC Book 2)

by Brook Wilder

  “Well, I don’t need you to worry about me. I can take care of myself. I’ve been doing just fine for the past twenty nine years before you came along.”

  “Before I…” Rachael started, but then stopped herself, shaking her head as she glared at him. “What the hell is wrong with you? You could have been shot. You could have been killed. I had a right to be worried about you.”

  “No, you don’t.” Had he always sounded this harsh? He hated the words that came out of his mouth, almost as much as he hated himself in that moment but he knew what he had to do. “Look, this, whatever thing we had going on between us. It isn’t what you think it is.”

  Her eyes grew wide and moist with unshed tears and he wished there was another way, any other way, but there wasn’t. This was how it had to be. It was for her own good.

  “What the hell are you talking about?”

  Jackrabbit forced himself to go on. It felt like he was cutting off his own arm, his own heart with every word. “We had our fun, but now play time is over. I’ve got a job to do.”

  “What are you saying, Johnny?”

  “I’m saying that I’m leaving. I’ll probably be at the clubhouse a lot more with all this shit that’s going on.” His jaw was so tense that he could barely force the words out but he tried to say them as casually as he could.

  He wished she would scream at him. He wished she would put up more of a fight. Instead, all he heard was the hurt in her voice as she whispered. “So, this is it.”

  “I guess so.” Jackrabbit shrugged. He couldn’t look at her. He was too afraid she would see the truth in his eyes. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see the exact moment that she shut down, the exact moment when she rebuilt all the walls he tore down. The same walls that she had in place when they first met.

  He was surprised by how much it hurt. It was fucking torture.

  “I guess I’m leaving too then.”

  “Probably for the best.” He still couldn’t look at her, only the occasional sideways glance. He couldn’t bear to see the tears that welled up in her dark green eyes. He couldn’t bear to see her heart breaking in front of him.

  Suddenly she was a flurry of movement, racing for her purse and car keys, not stopping until she was flying through the front door so fast he could barely keep up with her. He could see from the way her hands trembled that she was struggling to get the jeep door unlocked. He could see that she was fighting against the tears that threatened to overwhelm her.

  Finally she got the damn thing unlocked. It was just as hard for him to stand there and watch her break apart.

  He wanted to go to her, to throw his arms around her, to say he was sorry, and that he didn’t mean any of the words he said.

  But he didn’t. He just stood there and watched as she got in her car, started the engine, and drove away.

  He stood there for a long time, just staring at the empty road, wondering and hoping that he had done the right thing. You did the only thing you could. She’s not safe with you. Finn will come after you, you know he will, and next time he won’t miss.

  Jackrabbit slowly nodded his head. He knew all that. Rationally, he did. But then why the hell did it hurt so fucking much to see her go? He remembered the look of hurt on her beautiful face and in that moment, he despised himself. He hated himself, he hated this whole situation that had forced his hand, but most of all, he hated the one man who was responsible for it all.

  Finn.

  ***

  Rachael could barely see the road through the tears that rolled in fat, unstoppable drops down her cheeks. She was still in shock. Her whole body numb from what had happened. First the crack of the gunshot breaking through the window, and then Jackrabbit disappearing outside. When she’d heard more gunfire, she was pretty sure her heart had stopped.

  All she had been able to picture was him, lying out there all along, slowly bleeding to death and there was nothing she could do about. She’d been frozen. But when he came back inside, it was like a totally different man had walked in. A man she didn’t know.

  A man she didn’t want to know.

  Rachael swiped angrily at the tears, trying to clear her vision. Damn it, she hated crying. And worst of all, she hated crying over a man. What the hell had happened? She asked herself as she drove. But no answer ever came to her.

  She knew that things hadn’t been perfect between them, but they’d both needed time to adjust, to get used to the sudden change in their lives. And yet…

  You knew he was going to leave you. You knew all along. It was just a matter of time and the time finally come. You knew!

  Rachael gripped the steering wheel so tightly that her knuckles turned ashen white. That little voice in her head was right. She knew. She had her doubts at first. But as much as she hoped otherwise, she knew all of this was inevitable.

  Of course he was going to leave. They all leave in the end.

  It wasn’t until she was pulling into the driveway that she realized where she’d been heading. Her old house. The lease on her apartment above the bar had expired, even though she knew her landlord Ernie would let her move back in in a heartbeat. It wasn’t exactly prime real estate. No, this was where she needed to be. Home. Even for just a little while.

  She barely made it out of the jeep and into the house, stumbling as she tried to stem the stream of tears that still left their tracks down each cheek. But nothing she did could stop them, or even slow the tide as she slammed the door behind her, giving it a kick for good measure.

  “Hey, dad, did you remember to grab toilet paper? We’re almost out—oh my god, Rachael? What happened? Are you okay?” Hannah’s quiet, soothing voice drifted over her.

  She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out but sobs. Deep, heart wrenching sobs that felt like they would split her apart from the inside.

  Suddenly, Hannah’s arms were around her, her hands smoothing back Rachael’s hair just like their mother used to do when they were just little girls, and she let herself give in. To the anger, to the grief, the confusion, and the bone deep agony that threatened to overwhelm her. She let it overwhelm her.

  They stood like that for a long time, Hannah making gentle soothing sounds as Rachael sobbed on her shoulder.

  Finally, the flood began to slow and Rachael pulled away, fighting an embarrassed flush.

  “Sorry.” She whispered brokenly, wiping at the last few stubborn teardrops.

  “Don’t you dare apologize.” Hannah said sternly. She led Rachael over to the couch.

  It took no effort at all to make her sit down. “You just stay here a minute. I’m going to make us a cup of hot tea, and then you’re going to tell me everything that happened, alright?”

  It was less of a question than a command and Rachael just nodded, suddenly exhausted.

  What she really wanted to do was fall into a deep, dreamless sleep and pretend for just a little while that the last two hours never happened. But instead, she just sat there, nodding and waiting while Hannah walked into the kitchen, filled a tea pot with water, and placed it on the stove to heat up.

  After a few moments, she was back with two steaming cups of tea, one held in each hand. Hannah took a seat on the sofa next to her and handed Rachael one of the mugs while she took a sip from the other. She just sat there, waiting. No questions, no accusations, just maddening patience. It was one of the virtues that Hannah had gotten all of and Rachael had none of.

  “I don’t understand.” Rachael finally said. “I just don’t understand what happened.”

  “You can tell me, Rae. You can talk to me.” Hannah said softly, but she didn’t press any more than that, letting her take her time before Rachael opened her mouth to speak again.

  “One minute we were standing there, arguing, and the next…” She trailed off. She couldn’t tell them about the bullet through the window. That last thing she wanted is to get her sister worried, demanding answers that she didn’t have.

  But somehow the words kept flowing. S
he couldn’t stop herself even if she wanted to. “The next he said he was leaving. Just like that. Said he didn’t have time for me with everything going on with the Roadburners. And I just grabbed my keys and left. I didn’t even stop to pack anything.” Rachael turned her wide eyed stare on Hannah. “I don’t have anything to wear.”

  “After all that, you’re worried about clothes?” Hannah shook her head. “You are definitely my sister.”

  “No, not just that. It’s all the… all the baby’s things, from the shower and... and…” Rachael trailed off, fighting tears welling from her eyes.

  Hannah patted her gently on the arm. “Don’t worry, Rae. Dad and I will drive over to that bastard’s place tomorrow and pick everything up.”

  “What will dad do?” A strong voice interrupted and Rachael nearly groaned as her father walked in, still in his sheriff’s uniform from work.

  “It’s nothing, dad–.” Rachael started.

  But Hannah already hopped to her feet. “Not nothing, dad. Jackrabbit broke up with Rachael.”

  “He didn’t break up with me.” Rachael hurried to explain. “We were never technically dating so, we didn’t technically break up.”

  “Well, I’m going to technically smash his nose in.” Her dad said, looking her over with that critical stare of his. He saw through everything with that look, even the things that she wanted to hide. It’s part of what made him such a good sheriff.

  “No, daddy, don’t, he’s not worth it.”

  “Not worth it? He broke your heart, darling. I can see that as plain as the nose on my face. And he’s going to pay for it.”

  “No, dad, don’t—” Rachael stopped before she even finished her sentence. It didn’t matter. Her father was already walking back out of the door, a furious expression on his haggard face.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Pain and indecision held him frozen for a long time, just staring out into the darkness long after Rachael’s tail lights had faded away. He didn’t know how long he stood there like that, just standing in the night air, staring after her. Praying desperately that he did the right thing.

  She’s not safe with me. She’s not safe anywhere near me. He repeated the words in his head, hoping they would make him feel the slightest bit better, but they didn’t. He could admit it all he wants, but he still hated the fact that he had to hurt her like this.

  Jackrabbit could still see the look in her eyes as she’d driven away, the pain that he caused her. He’d rather shoot himself than cause her any pain but he didn’t have a choice. He couldn’t tell her the truth. Not yet. Maybe not ever.

  Only two other people besides him knew about the noose he was setting for that bastard Finn: Harlow and Hatchet. Both men could handle themselves and keep their cards close to their chest. Although Jackrabbit hadn’t factored Elsie into the equation, he knew Hatchet could keep his mouth shut around her.

  He couldn’t risk Finn finding out, not yet, and the more people who knew what was going on was another chance that someone would tip him off. The smallest mistake could get him killed, could get Rachael killed.

  He couldn’t risk it, not after tonight. She’d be safer without him.

  Long after she was gone, Jackrabbit forced his legs to start moving again. What had happened tonight was a warning and they needed to step up their plan. He stalked to his bike in the driveway, his expression deadly as he threw one leg over and turned over the engine.

  The smooth purr of the motorcycle soothed the wildest part of him and with a growl deep in his throat like a wild animal, Jackrabbit pulled out of the driveway and headed for the clubhouse. He had to talk to Harlow. The man was instrumental in moving forward with their trap so far but now that Finn struck first, they were out of time.

  The highway passed by in a blur of tree lines and shadows but he didn’t see them. As the wind whipped at him and the sound of the engine filled the night air, all he could see in his mind was her. Rachael.

  All the good times they’d had together. The great times. Despite all the shit that had gone down with Finn, the past months with Rachael had been the happiest of his entire damn life. And he knew that he’d never get them back. He knew he didn’t deserve to. But he also knew that he did the only thing he could to protect Rae.

  And their baby girl.

  A girl. He mused. A baby girl. My daughter. Despite everything, Jackrabbit let out a soft chuckle. For the first time since finding out that Rachael was pregnant with his daughter, he pictured what she’d look like in his head.

  A little girl with bright and shining green eyes, just like her mama. An attitude just like her mama’s too. The thought sent a small, lopsided smile playing at the corner of his mouth before he was even aware of it.

  She’d be a handful, he was sure. But she’d be worth it—a hundred percent she’d be worth every single moment.

  He could almost see her blow out her birthday candles, see her wave goodbye to him on her first day of school, and see her beaming at him under her graduation cap.

  And suddenly the small part of his heart that had been left intact shattered at the realization.

  He might never get to hold her in his arms. Never get to hear her laughter or wipe away her tears. Never see her grow up. Never tell her that he loved her. That she was the candy of his eye—the center of his world.

  But she’ll be safe, he reminded himself.

  That the only thing that mattered to him. The most important thing. She’ll be safe. And so will Rachael. It was the best thing he could do for them, even though it felt like he’d carved his own heart out.

  Distraught, he tried to focus on the road. Only the road ahead. That was it. That’s what he needed to concentrate on now. No distractions. It was too important. If Finn had been close enough to get off that shot, then he had been close enough to see him and Rachael both through the front window.

  Jackrabbit didn’t have a choice any more. He had to stop Finn before Finn got to Rachael and their baby. He pushed the throttle to the limit, roaring down the highway, his thoughts and emotions a wreck. But none of that mattered to him. Not anymore.

  It didn’t matter if he’d gotten hurt. It didn’t matter if it felt like his world was collapsing around him. As long as Rachael was safe, he’d survive. That’s all he asked for. Please, just keep her safe, he prayed, not even knowing who he was praying too.

  The memory of the bullet firing through the window caught up to him them, along with a rage that burned all rational thought from his mind. Jackrabbit fed it, building it higher and stoking it until it burned away everything else but the need to get Finn. He’d find the bastard, and then he’d do what was necessary. Even if it meant killing one of his best friends.

  He’s not your friend anymore. A small voice whispered sadly. Your friend died over there. This man that came back from the war with you is a stranger. An enemy.

  With that single thought ringing through his head, Jackrabbit pulled into the half full parking lot in front of the club house and parked his bike. He sat there for a moment, feeling like it had been an entire year instead of an hour since the bullet had been fired through his window and his whole world had fallen apart. He felt older, exhausted.

  But he knew what he had to do. He couldn’t rest. He wouldn’t, not until the threat was dealt with. Not until Finn was taken down or taken out. One way or the other, only one of them was walking out of this alive.

  He turned off the bike’s engine, pocketing the keys as he paced to the front door and threw it wide open. Jackrabbit ignored the cries and hello’s from the other crew members, his eyes searching for the only man he was interested in talking to at the moment.

  “Hey, boss man, can I get you a drink?” Rollo asked from behind the bar. Jackrabbit’s eyes never stopped scanning the crowd as he gave the bartender a quick nod.

  “Whiskey. Neat.” He said gruffly and a moment later a tumbler was in his hand. He took a long gulp of the amber liquid, not tasting the liquor at all until it burned down his
throat. Even that wasn’t enough to thaw the icy cold that had settled deep inside him. He wasn’t sure anything would.

  Finally, he saw Harlow, the short, nervous looking man from across the bar and impatiently made his way over. Most of the Roadburners avoided the Vice President, but Jackrabbit knew the clever mind that sat behind his beady eyes. A clever mind that was going to help him take down Finn for good.

  They sat together in silence for a moment before Jackrabbit finally began to speak in a low, harsh whisper. “We were attacked tonight. Me and Rachael. The bastard came to my house and shot through the window.”

  “Finn?” Harlow asked, just as softly.

  Jackrabbit nodded. “Yep.”

  “And I assume Rachael is unharmed?”