He didn’t, and they both knew it and it made telling each other goodbye under the circumstances worse than it had ever been.
After they looked at each with their hearts in their eyes, he reached over and took her hand without saying anything. He knew she was struggling not to cry and it was incredibly troubling. She had cried more in the last ten days than she’d cried in the last year. He hated what that one stupid, mistake filled night had done to her normally perpetual enthusiasm. That next day she’d said she was wiser, but realistically that computed to quieter and less prone to smile and it killed him.
He didn’t know what to say to fix this, but he had to catch a plane and finally, he leaned across and pulled her closer until her face was only inches from his. Trying to smile, he said, “I’m going to spread my wings now, Kate. Kiss me and kick me out of this car. Would ya?”
She gave him a halfhearted smile back as she leaned toward him and snuggled against his chest over the console between the seats. Without looking up, she whispered, “I already miss you, Jase.”
His voice was husky as he replied, “I already miss you too.”
Looking back up at him, she cranked her smile a notch brighter and tried to be cheerful as she said, “Go get ‘em Falcon. You’re going to have great concerts. I can feel it.” She quickly kissed him. “You’re gonna be a huge star some day, Jason. Have fun on the journey.”
He gave her a genuine smile. “I am gonna be huge, thanks to you. And I will have fun. I love what I do. I just wish I didn’t have to leave you to do it.”
The smile didn’t quite reach her eyes and she swallowed hard. “We’ll figure it out. Be safe.”
“You too.”
He leaned over to kiss her gently and then held her tightly for just a moment. He kissed her one more time, hard but still with restraint and almost groaned as he pulled an inch or two away. She blinked away tears as she whispered, “Hurry back to me, Jason.”
He tenderly brushed away the one tear that spilled over. “I always come back to you, Kate. I can’t help it. Falcons mate for life. Trust me.” He kissed her gently. “Trust me. I love you, Kate. See you Monday.”
Opening the car door, he got out as she got out of the passenger side. He reached into the back seat to grab his carry on and then held the driver’s side door for her as she finished walking around. They came together for one last, almost painful hug and he kissed her, trying to convey all the emotion that was ripping him apart in that one, intense gesture. Geez, it was hard to leave her today.
Cody yelled from down the curb and Jason reluctantly pulled away, raised a hand to caress her cheek and then forced himself to turn away from her deep, worried blue eyes and jog down the walkway to make his plane. Today, he could feel her worries clear to his soul. Be okay, Kate. Please be okay.
At the door to the terminal, he turned back to look at her. She wasn’t still standing beside his car, but it was still parked there and he began to silently pray as he ducked inside the door. “Please, God, help her. Strengthen her. Watch over her with an extra measure of comfort for me until I get back home to hold her.”
Once he and Cody had finally made it to their seats with the other members of the band in the row behind them, Jason leaned back with a sigh and closed his eyes. He loved performing, but leaving her like that was hellacious.
He sat there for several minutes with his eyes closed and then Cody quietly asked, “Is she okay, Jase?”
Jason opened his eyes to look at his best friend and gave a minimal shake of his head. “No, she is definitely not okay.”
Cody’s brown eyes held unspeakable remorse. “I’m sorry, man.”
“Me too, Cody.”
After a long pause, Cody said, “You should pray for her, Jason.”
Jason turned and gave a tired grin to his wild and loyal to the death friend and shook his head. “I am. Trust me, Rawlings. I am.”
Cody gave him a tentative smile back. “Believe it or not, Jason, I am too.”
At that, Jason chuckled right out loud and settled more into his seat. They were going to make it through this. With both God and Cody rooting for them, how could they not?
***
Embarrassed to be sitting at the curb bawling her eyes out, Kate struggled to get her emotions under control enough to be able to drive safely before she pulled away. Why was she feeling like this today? She’d dropped Jason at the airport about a hundred times and it hadn’t been this hard before. Crimonies, she had been an emotional wreck lately.
She sat up straighter and tried to swallow her tears. She didn’t want to look like she’d been crying again. Her mother was about ready to commit her and half the wait staff was beginning to wonder if she was losing it. There was no reason to cry anyway. Jason was just going to a couple of gigs and then he’d be back. He’d promised. And he’d never let her down before. Well, almost never. Just once. Just one really big once. She started to cry again as she hit the interchange at highway 40. Where were these tears coming from? This was beyond ridiculous.
By the time Jason had been gone three days, Kate was beginning to wonder what in the world was up with her. She’d been emotional a few times in her life but this was insane. She cried at every thing from stubbing her toe to the National Anthem. Sure she’d been upset about what happened between her and Jason, but she’d made a serious commitment to do better at living within her standards and she knew Jason had done the same, and they were going to get through this, just like he’d promised. Still, she had mood swings that were off the charts sometimes. It was making her nuts. She had a life to live for Pete’s sake.
A new request had become part of her prayers every day. “Lord, help me to be mentally tougher.” Even with school out for the summer, between the restaurant and business for the band, she was spread too thin to take time to be emotionally ballistic.
That Friday, her mother stopped her as she was heading out to the restaurant in the early afternoon. She put a gentle hand on Kate’s arm, studied her face for a moment and asked, “Katie, are you keeping up with taking your vitamins? You look like you might be low on iron. I don’t remember you ever having dark circles under your eyes like you have right now.”
Kate grinned. “My, but y’all have a nice way of saying I look haggard. As a matter of fact, I always take my vitamins. And eat right. And exercise. I even wash behind my ears. But you’re right. The eyes are pitiful. I’ll double up on the iron.”
“Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe you’re doing too much. Kiersten was mentioning just the other day that with the twins in school full days now, she’s bored out of her mind. Why don’t you bump up her hours and back yours off. You could actually spend a day at the spa or go to the Lake when Jason gets back. Take some actual down time. It’d be good for a workaholic like you.”
She kissed her mother as she dug in her purse for her keys. “I’ll take you up on that.” She smiled. “I’ve earned it. I’ll have you know April was the most profitable month ever since you and Daddy opened the restaurant in 1981. Even adjusting for inflation. The building and all the equipment are paid off free and clear, business is booming, I’ve got two competent assistant managers who can just about run the place and y’all and Daddy are set for life as far as retirement savings. Well, unless you decide you need a yacht.” She grinned again. “If I didn’t already work for us, I’d hire myself! A couple of my business classes have really paid off on the management end.”
Her mother’s eyes got wide and then began to water. “Are you serious? Paid off? All of it?”
“And retirement accounts. You and Daddy had a marvelous idea for an Italian restaurant in that location. You get the business patrons, locals, and tourists all three. And you bought when land was bottomed out. You had perfect timing and a good plan. All it needed was your work ethic and good management. And then mine. With Maxine and Jerry, and Kiersten, now y’all don’t even need me.” She reached to give her mother a high five and then had to wait while her mother seemed almost
in a daze. “See you, Mom. Have a great evening.”
As Kate drove, she made a mental note to buy more iron. And maybe some B complex as well. Her eyes did look bad and her energy level was in the basement for how she usually was. Maybe it would help the perpetual emotional roller coaster as well. Just now, she was sunny as a new spring day. It had been great to surprise her mother with their strong financial status. She made another mental note to pre-register for next semester’s classes. There was a marketing class that would probably be great for both the restaurant and the band.
The next morning, she didn’t feel so good and rolled over and buried her head in her pillow with a little groan. Maybe that was why her eyes were hammered. She was probably coming down with something. She pushed her foot down to a cooler spot on the sheets and hoped that whatever it was, it was short lived. Jason would be home in less than two days and she couldn’t get him sick. Colds put a professional singer out of commission in a hurry.
An hour later, her mom came in to check on her. She put a cool hand to Kate’s brow and gave a grimace. “No fever. I hope you’re not coming down with the flu. They say it starts with a sick stomach. If you aren’t feeling better in a while, you’d better not go into the restaurant this afternoon. It’d be a shame to take a germ there.”
Actually, by around noon Kate felt fine. A fever had never materialized and her headache and sick tummy were gone, so she went into work as scheduled and it was a good thing she did. The pastry chef didn’t show and one of the computers went on the fluey and it took everything she and the assistant manager had to smooth out the resultant riffles.
She didn’t make it home until after midnight and slept in again when the bug hit the second day in a row. At ten o’clock in the morning, she ruefully looked at herself in the mirror as she gagged brushing her teeth. Maybe she shouldn’t have gone in last night. It would be a shame to slow up the restaurant’s momentum with negative press from some outbreak.
Thankfully, she was feeling fine again by the time she picked Jason and Cody up from the airport on Monday. He greeted her with a searching look and then a long, sweet hug and kiss. It was heaven to be back in his arms. He did always come home to her. She hugged him back, feeling almost a bit silly that one person could control her happiness the way he could. Sometimes it seemed like nothing in the world could go wrong when Jason was with her.
They spent the afternoon together before Kate had to go into work and she thoroughly basked in having him back. She had missed him more than she ever remembered missing him.
When things were going smoothly at the restaurant she decided to leave and surprise Jason with some unexpected time in an evening for a change. Being a restaurant manager didn’t often facilitate that. After the dinner rush, she left it in the capable hands of her assistant manager, and headed to find him. It had been too long of a separation to waste the first night he was home working. Their time together lately was so limited anyway. It wasn’t fair to him to leave him tonight to work if they weren’t desperate for her. As she drove, she decided that maybe having well trained assistant managers would turn out to be a really, really good thing.
Jason wasn’t at his apartment and she drove by Cody’s to see if his car was there. It was and she parked hers, turned off her phone and went to the door, looking forward to seeing him.
She could hear their music from clear outside and assumed they were jamming, which wasn’t unusual, but they did usually try to tone down the amplifiers at this time of night. When no one answered the door, she figured they just couldn’t hear the bell which wasn’t unusual either and let herself in. Cody was so laid back that even if he wasn’t completely dressed it wouldn’t bother him a bit.
When Kate opened the door, she was taken aback. They weren’t jamming. Their music was coming from Cody’s humongous flat screen across the room and they were apparently watching a recording of one of their recent concerts. There were what seemed like hundreds of people in Cody’s apartment and about two thirds of them appeared to be female. In fact, slightly scantily clad, somewhat tipsy females.
No one had even noticed Kate coming in the door and she shut it quietly, feeling that old familiar knot in the pit of her stomach. She hated parties like this. She knew groupies were just a part of this business, but she wasn’t sure she would ever get used to it.
Looking around to see where Jason was, she saw girls of every shape, color, race and figure draped around various pieces of furniture and the guys who were in them. None of the guys appeared too upset about that to speak of. As she looked around, Kate took a canned Mountain Dew from a nearby tub filled with ice and then stepped back into an open spot near a cluster of partiers where she could watch what was going on without being too conspicuous.
She resumed her search for Jason, but couldn’t see him anywhere and her attention was caught by the video on the big screen. The guys did put on an awesome show. She found herself tapping her foot to the heady backbeat as she watched the love of her life on that stage, singing his heart out at ten billion decibels with what looked from the camera’s perspective like another ten billion fans screaming in the audience in front of them.
The guys looked good there in their seemingly casual, but incredibly sexy jeans and boots and muscle shirts. Jason was by far the most subtle, and the most heart stopping. At least as far as she could see. Of course, she might be just a touch biased, but then again probably not. He was definitely breath taking. She watched him on the big screen for another couple of minutes and then dragged her eyes away. He had to be here somewhere.
She was about to step around the group she was standing by, when the video caught her eye again. Jason was on the very front of the stage and obviously singing and dancing to the girls in the audience right below him. Her breath caught in her throat as she watched and the sick knot in her stomach doubled in size. She focused on inhaling, telling herself it was just the industry and that Jason was simply being what he was. An entertainer. He didn’t care for those women; he was simply playing the concert game.
She hadn’t half convinced herself when Jason began to make some moves that were suggestive enough that they were pushing the very edge of the acceptable envelope. Holy cats! What was he doing? Jason wasn’t like that. Was he? She felt like she couldn’t breath, but she couldn’t look away either. Something was knocking on her brain and asking if she even knew Jason, really. From what she was seeing on that screen, she certainly didn’t.
The song ended and Jason winked and kissed toward the girls below him and as the crowd went nuts, Kate tried to calm her heart rate and looked around for him one more time. There was still no sign of him, but suddenly Kate’s sick stomach raised its head again and she knew she needed to make it to Cody’s powder room fast. Something about what she’d been watching combined with the Mountain Dew that she didn’t particularly care for anyway, and it was a deadly combination that she knew without a doubt was not going to stay down.
After she was sick, she rinsed her mouth several times, wiped her face off and then snooped in Cody’s drawers until she found some mouthwash and borrowed it. For a moment or two, she leaned her forehead against the cold tile wall of the edge the shower and took deep breaths. Man, this was a random bug. Sometimes she felt fine, and sometimes she definitely didn’t.
Knowing that there were tons of partying people out there who would need to use this room, she dumped her soda down the sink, discarded the can and let herself back out into the hot, loud, over crowded room. Maybe it hadn’t been the soda that hadn’t agreed with her. The air in here was definitely a little gamey.
She shoved the window behind her open and took several more deep breaths as she once more scanned the rooms for Jason. This time she found him. He was over near the hall sitting on the arm of Cody’s couch with a Pepsi in his hand and lazy smile on his face. He didn’t seem to mind the heat or the smell.
As she watched, he joked with a guy who was standing next to him and then turned to a leggy strawberry blond
e who was seated on the couch on his other side. He laughed at something she said and then reached out to catch a girl with short platinum blond hair who tripped over someone on the floor as she went to walk by him. She’d almost landed in his lap and he smiled as he pushed the woman away and then brushed something she’d spilled on him off of his pant leg.
At his smile, the platinum blonde came closer and wrapped an arm around his shoulders as she laughed. Kate hoped she was apologizing and she willed her to get her hands off of her boyfriend.
To his credit, Jason continued to smile, but then very politely removed the girls arm and once again pushed her away.
Kate took a deep, stabilizing breath and then prepared to foray through the horde to reach him. She’d only raised her foot to step when another blonde girl approached Jason and offered him some little finger food from the small paper plate she had in her hand. Jason accepted with a smile and Kate felt the knot in her stomach turn over as the girl laughingly fed what him ever it was she was offering and then leaned in close to him with a sultry smile to wipe a bit of it off of his mouth.
Just as the blonde touched Jason’s mouth, a man who had been standing beside Kate watching the video turned to her and gave her an appraising look up and down that under the circumstances, she hardly even noticed. He asked her something, but with the noise and her focus across the room, she didn’t hear him. She absent mindedly tipped her head to him and said, “Excuse me. What was that?”
He was starting to say it again when the girl across the room fed Jason another bite and Kate made a sudden decision to leave. She didn’t belong here. And apparently Jason wasn’t having the lonely night Kate had worried about.
To be polite, she tried one more time to tip her head to hear the man beside her and then instinctively smiled as Cody rounded the corner beside her with a roll of paper towel. He gave her a surprised grin. “Hey, Kate! I didn’t know y’all were here. Make yourself at home.” He waved the paper towel. “I gotta go, -bean dip on my couch.”
Falcon Song: A love story Page 5