“You can. We can. All three of us can. I’ll be right beside you every step of the way. And you know, Kate, there are some good things about me.”
“Oh, Jase, I know that. There are a million things I love about you. I didn’t mean to intimate there aren’t. It’s just that sometimes I feel so mortal beside you. And honestly, before I left at least, I felt like we were going in different directions as far as values.”
“The values thing was valid, Kate. Then it was. I was kind of out of touch then. But I honestly think I’m okay now. Come to some concerts and see for yourself. Cody told me you haven’t even been listening to our stuff, but try it again and see what you think. Hopefully, it’ll make you feel like I’m still just your Jason. And that mortal bit. You’re a precious daughter of God, Kate. Just like I’m one of His sons. We’re only as mortal as we allow ourselves to be.”
“What do you mean?”
“Kate, if y’all were Satan, wouldn’t it help your cause if you could make God’s children here on earth believe they were weak? That they were…” He made quote signs with his hands. “Mere mortals? That they couldn’t handle things or accomplish much and that they certainly would never return to their Father in Heaven in honor and glory? Wouldn’t that be a great tool for Satan’s cause? Making us feel inadequate?” She nodded thoughtfully. “On the flip side, doesn’t God want us to truly believe that we are like him? Made in His image with a measure of His greatness? And if we truly believe that, is there anything we can’t accomplish?”
“I wouldn’t think so.”
“So, do you see that what you said about being a mere mortal plays right into the adversary’s plan?” She nodded again. “So, don’t do that, Kate. Remember which team you’re on.” He grinned at her. “Straighten up and fly right, would ya?”
He was trying to make her laugh and she finally did. “Okay, okay. I’ll do better.”
“Good.” He smiled down at her. “Then, can I kiss you now?”
“You’ve definitely earned kissing me now. I love it when you give me these little mini lectures.”
He kissed her long and slowly and then asked, “Mini lectures? That doesn’t sound so good.”
He kissed her again and then she assured him quietly, “Oh, but it is. Heaven knows I need your wisdom from time to time. Shall we feed you now? I made turkey enchiladas.”
“In a minute. I’m still busy kissing.”
A short while later, Kate had collected Kennen while Jason set the table and they’d just prayed over their food, when Jason asked, “Can my parents come meet Kennen? Is it okay if I tell them about him?”
“Of course you can tell them.” Tears welled into her eyes. “I have missed them so much. So many times I just wished I could go see them.”
“They’ve missed you terribly too. Can I ask you something else?”
She fed Kennen a bite as she nodded.
“Are you going to be okay with me buying a house nearby?”
She looked at him with a small smile as she chewed for a second. “I was going to ask you about that. It seems the neighbor lady is all excited to be selling to The Jason Falcon.”
At that, he was surprised. “You’re kidding! I had that realtor sign a contract for non-disclosure. If she revealed who I was, she doesn’t get paid. And she still told? What a fool.”
“Oh, that’s not the half of it. Then Kathy Newpark, the neighbor on the other side already has plans for exactly where she intends to lure you to be intimate.”
Jason rolled his eyes and handed Kennen a tiny piece of tomato. “Just ignore them, Kate. They aren’t serious and I’m certainly not in on her plans. How did you hear this, by the way?”
“Oh, Kathy told me herself about the plans to seduce you. Elise told me about Peggy being thrilled with her buyer.” She grinned. “It seems that Elise used to have a thing for Cody. She said she used to think he was an adorable maniac.”
“That does pretty much describe him. I think he’s thinking about getting married too. Is that weird or what? He’s going to come be my roommate so he doesn’t have to keep commuting to see Jennika.”
She looked across the table at him, wondering how to take this Jason who talked so matter-of-factly about getting married. As if he could read her mind, he asked, “What kind of wedding do you want, Kate?”
She swallowed the bite that suddenly felt huge and tried to remind herself that she did indeed want to marry him, so this shouldn’t be such a big deal. “Are we talking church or civil, or private or huge media splash?”
“Yes.”
She leaned and fed Kennen another bite. “Years ago, when we were young and unfamous and childless, I thought about having a church wedding and big reception like Kiersten had. But now… I think I would be most comfortable with something much more private. I mean, in the church of course, but maybe just a few of us. I don’t want the entire world to know we had Kennen unmarried. What do you want?”
“A happy bride and only the one camera that we’ve hired. Other than that, I’m open. And then some time with you somewhere alone.” He cut some turkey into minute pieces and put it on Kennen’s tray. “A really long some time. Maybe we’d better take Kennen with us, in fact. He might feel lost without you if we didn’t.”
“That’s not very alone.”
“I think we could figure it out, Kate. How would he understand if you just left him? He isn’t used to anyone else is he, since John died?”
“I used to have a nanny who he’d be fine with for a day or two. Or Elise, maybe.”
Jason grinned. “So does that mean you’ll marry me?”
“You haven’t asked, but… If I say I need some time to get used to all of this, is that going to make you sad?”
“Of course. What if I asked and you could say yes, and then we’d give you the time you need before the actual wedding?”
Kate’s heart began to pound clear up into her head. “Jason Falcon, don’t you dare ask me to marry you over turkey enchiladas and one percent milk.”
“What’s wrong with turkey enchiladas and one percent milk?”
She took a deep breath. “Nothing. I just… I mean… Jason stop it. This isn’t funny. You’re going to give me heartburn or something.”
“Baby, you’ve been giving me heartburn or something since you were fourteen years old. I owe you. But actually, I want to surprise you anyway so you can settle down. At least for a few minutes.”
“I didn’t say I’d say yes.”
He looked at her calmly across the table for a long second and then softly said, “Your eyes did.”
Their gaze finally broke when Kennen dropped his baby spoon over the side of his highchair and Kate changed the subject. “So when are you and Cody moving in?”
“This Monday.”
“When will Reids be out?”
“Tomorrow, I think. Why?”
“Does anything need to be done to it before you can move in?”
“You mean do I want all of that horrendous carpet gone before we arrive? Absolutely. Have you seen it? Maybe you could recommend a decorator from here.”
She shook her head. “I’ve never been inside, or hired a decorator. The back yard seems nice.”
“I’m going to see if Elise and her husband will let me put a gate across the corner so Kennen can come back and forth.”
“I’ll bet they’d agree to that. And she’d probably know a decorator. She’s from here and her home is beautiful.” She got up and began to clear the dishes. “Would you like dessert?”
He lifted Kennen out of his chair and brought him to the sink next to her to wipe his face off. “Only you, Kate.”
She took off Kennen’s bib. “Hmm, have I ever been dessert before?”
He put his free arm around her and kissed her hard for a second. “I don’t know, but it sounds really delicious.” He kissed her again, more gently and then when Kennen began to squirm between them, he asked, “Is it okay if I put his jammies on him right now?”
Kate looked at her little son almost asleep already in Jason’s arms. “You’d better. Do you remember where they are?”
“I think so.”
The dishes were finished and everything put away and Jason hadn’t reappeared and she went to find him. He was rocking Kennen in the rocker in her room with him snuggled up on his chest and he was singing softly to him. As sleepy as Kennen looked, he still had his eyes open as he laid there listening, obviously happy and comfortable.
Seeing them pierced Kate to the heart. What had she been thinking to try to keep them apart? Just now it appeared to be a complete no brainer that that had been a wrong decision. Why had she felt so surely then that it had to be done? Had she put all three of them through hell needlessly? Tears slid down her cheeks and she turned away from the doorway completely sick at heart over what she had done to her own son and best friend, thinking she’d had to.
Jason found her on the back porch swing, still awash in tears. “Hey, what’s going on? Was it something I did?” He sat down beside her and gathered her into his arms. “What’s wrong?”
She shook her head and turned away. “Oh, Jason, I’m so sorry. So, so sorry. I thought I had to. I truly did. I felt so strongly that the direction that hotel room was headed that night in Lubbock would be such a mistake for a child. I prayed all the way home.” She began to cry so hard she couldn’t even speak and had to take a moment before she continued, “I thought I had to go and not tell you. I made a terrible mistake and I’m so sorry. For all of us. I put us all through hell for two whole years.”
Hugging her, he put a hand gently on her head and said, “Shh, shh, Kate, take it easy. It’s all right, honey. Don’t cry. Listen. I need to tell you something. Listen. You didn’t make a mistake, Kate.”
Tears were still sliding down her cheeks as she looked up at him in confusion. “What?”
He looked her in the eye and said, “I’ve had a couple of years to try to figure out why you took off like you did, Kate. And I’ve had a few days to think about being a parent. Sadly it took finding out about Kennen to understand. And even then, at first, I couldn’t believe you’d do something so mean as hiding the fact that we had a child. And I certainly wouldn’t have chosen to go through this, but after thinking about it, Kate. Really thinking about it, I wonder if you leaving wasn’t necessary after all.”
The tears stopped and her eyes got big with surprise as he went on, “For the longest time after that night at the hotel in Lubbock, I kept telling myself you just hadn’t understood. It really wasn’t my beer and the girl meant nothing. Finally, thanks to my mom and Cody, I realized I was the one who didn’t understand. To me, then, letting the girls hug me wasn’t that big a deal. I wasn’t sleeping with them; I wasn’t off somewhere making out. They meant nothing to me. They were just part of being a singer. At least that was my rationalization. In looking back, that was a bunch of fertilizer. I had no business being that friendly with women who meant nothing. It wasn’t fair to them and it certainly wasn’t being a hundred percent faithful to you. Whether I was a singer or not, that wasn’t right. Physical touch is supposed to mean something. Like it does between you and me. But do you understand, Kate, I was entirely off track and didn’t even realize it?”
He gave her a sad smile. “It took losing you, and then Cody asking me what I’d have felt like if you did the same thing around a bunch of men.” He shook his head. “Just the thought made me livid, but I couldn’t just get it for some reason. I guess I had to be forced to see.”
He sat back and gently pulled her head against his chest. “I don’t know, Kate. Losing you was hell. Finding out you were married was quadruple hell. I’d like to think I didn’t really need that much of a wake up call, but then I know you, Kate. You’re the most level headed woman on the planet. And the most spiritually in tune person I know. If you felt like you were supposed to, then you probably were. I must just be unbelievably hard headed to need two years of you being gone. All I do know, is I’m eternally grateful Cody went shopping with Jennika that day.”
After another minute or two, he went on, “Some good things have come of this, Kate. The question of whether I only love the flavor of Kate is unequivocally answered. And we’re stronger now than we were then, tempered by all of it. And who knows, maybe we’ve learned just how vital we are to each other. Maybe we’ll have a greater appreciation for us and our children for having been apart. But God isn’t a God of whimsy. Don’t second guess promptings when you’re sure. Only He knows everything.”
He paused and leaned back so he could see her eyes and said softly, “One thing I do know is having you back in my arms is the sweetest thing I’ve ever known. I’ve missed you, Kate. Life without you isn’t worth living.”
She suddenly felt weepy again. “I missed you too, Jason. Kennen missed you too, and he hadn’t even met you yet. He looked so happy in there just now.”
“He was. We both were. He’s a dream come true for me.”
Even through her tears, she smiled as she said, “Isn’t it wild, how much he looks like you? I tried so hard to forget you and move on, but there was this miniature Jason, on top of all the other memories. It was impossible.”
“Good.” He kissed her for a long moment. “Because I need you. Falcons mate for life. Some of them for forever.”
Chapter 25
The next day, before coming to her house, Jason visited next door and Elise was willing not only to let Jason put in a gate, but to watch Kennen as well and Kate agreed to go carpet shopping with him.
They found the carpet and then went furniture shopping. Jason would bring the things from his and Cody’s apartments, but the house was bigger than them both and they needed a few more things.
Shopping for furniture with him was another activity that was so comfortable to her it almost made her a trifle paranoid, which made absolutely no sense, so it fit right in to the rest of this sudden about face in her life. Changing from struggling to avoid Jason at all costs, to spending most of their spare time together had her head spinning and it still scared her to death. If she didn’t felt such peace when she was with him, she’d think she’d completely gone out of her mind.
Shopping with him was easier than she expected because he wore a ball cap pulled low and sunglasses and they weren’t so bothered by people who knew who he was.
After they’d found a new larger dining table and office furniture and a set of end tables, Jason said he needed a guest bedroom set. Kate shook her head. “I think I’ll go the powder room and then meet you in electronics.” She wasn’t going to say it out loud, but looking at dozens of beds with Jason would be a huge mistake and they both knew it.
They had agreed to meet Cody and Jennika for lunch and Kate had wondered how that would go, being out with both of them, but Cody showed up in another disguising ball cap and although she thought the hostess knew who they were, she was respectful of their privacy and seemed to understand when they asked for an out of the way table.
Seeing Jennika again was a bit awkward at first. Kate wasn’t sure how to behave in front of either her or Cody, but Jason had a firm hold of her hand and Cody wrapped an arm around her and gave her a huge hug when he saw her and then pulled back and looked at her hard and asked quietly, “Are you mad that I told him?”
She shook her head. “No, Cody. I’m not mad.”
Still being discrete, he asked, “Are you okay?”
“I’m not even sure what I am. This has all happened so fast.”
He hugged her again and whispered when he was close, “I hope you’re okay, Kate. I can’t even describe how much happier he is. It’s like having the old Jason back. He’s been missing for a couple of years now. He’s a good man, Kate. A great one. A really, truly great man.”
She nodded and tried to hide the tears he induced as she whispered back, “I know, Cody, and I’m sorry for everything.”
“No.” He pulled back just far enough to see her eyes. “I’m the one who’s sorry, Kate. I�
��m sorry for so many things. Mostly, for the champagne that night. I was such an idiot for so long, please forgive me. I’ve tried to start making up for things.” He grinned. “I’m a new man. Y’all won’t even recognize me. I don’t drink a drop anymore and I haven’t so much as even glanced at another girl except Jennika in months. I’m following Jason’s lead now.” He pulled away from Kate and put his arm around Jennika again as they followed the hostess.
Kate looked up at Jason and asked, “Really? No girls and no alcohol?”
Jason laughed at her disbelief. “He’s not kidding. If I didn’t know better, I’d say he was possessed or something. But that’s backwards.”
Kate glanced at Jennika walking to their table ahead of them and whispered, “She must be something else to get him to do that.”
“I know you’re not going to believe this, but he’d gotten that way months before he even met her.” Jason sobered as he said, “He quit drinking when I found out you were married and went off the deep end. He said that cold sober, playing around like he had been wasn’t nearly so appealing. I don’t know if that was really it, but I know I owe him my life. For a while there, I didn’t care if I lived or died.”
She tugged on his arm to stop him. She had to admit to him about her marriage to John. He’d never so much as asked about it since that very first moment on that first night and she needed to come clean and explain. She should have told him days ago. “Jason, I need to tell you something.”
He turned to her and she glanced around at the other people in the dining room looking at them as they stood in the aisle and she pulled him to walk with her again as she whispered, “I, uh need to talk to you some time about John. I need to explain some things.”
The hurt in his eyes made her feel horrible and when they finally got past the other diners she pulled him to a stop again and whispered, “Jason, you need to know that I didn’t marry John because I was in love with him. I mean, I know you already know that, but it’s not what you think. John was just my boss and it was basically a business deal. We weren’t… He just needed me to help him get through dying.” She dropped her eyes. “We weren’t lovers. I never even kissed him.”
Falcon Song: A love story Page 27