Unbearable (Undescribable)

by Tessier, Shantel

  That they will ask questions like:

  “Where the hell were you?”

  “How come we never saw you?”

  “Why weren’t you there for her?”

  Those are all questions that I don’t have answers for. I hear the doorbell ring once again, as I pull the cookies out of the oven, and then I hear Slade’s voice.

  “You need to leave.”

  The way he growled that has me rushing out of the kitchen and to the front door.

  “I don’t want to fight you,” I hear a man say.

  Slade lets out a little laugh like he would gladly take on the guy. “Then fucking leave.”

  I come to the hallway and look toward the door. I can’t see much because Slade is standing in the doorway taking up all the space.

  “Slade?” I question nervously.

  “No need to worry, Angel,” he answers, keeping his back to me.

  I come up behind him and push my way past him to see Tate standing outside with his hands in his pockets.

  What the hell is he doing here?

  His eyes look me up and down, and he seems to be considering what to say as he rocks back on his heels. “I saw the obituary in the paper,” he states sadly.

  I release a sigh, not wanting to be a bitch and turn him away. My mom had done a lot for him, practically raised him. I don’t have the right to tell him he can’t say goodbye.

  “I told you to leave,” Slade demands.

  I begin to speak but Tate beats me to it. “I will only leave if Sam tells me to,” he growls back at Slade.

  I place my hands up, not wanting a pissing match on the front porch. “Let him in.” I start to turn around but Slade places a hand on my arm, stopping me.

  “You don’t have to do this, Angel,” he says softly, and then he looks over at Tate with hard eyes, mouth set in a tight line.

  I glance back to Tate as well, and he appears as if he hasn’t slept in several days. He has bags under his handsome blue eyes and the hair on his face is more untamed. I turn to Slade. “Everyone deserves a chance to say goodbye to someone they loved.” Locking eyes with Tate, I continue to speak to Slade. “My mom loved him like a son. I know he loved her as well.” Then I turn and walk back into the house.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  I run a hand through my hair. I don’t know what the fuck to do. I look up at Tate. Loved him like a son? What the hell did that mean? I thought they hadn’t seen him in a long time?

  “You can come in, but leave her the fuck alone,” I growl. “This is already a tough enough day as it is. She doesn’t need someone to make it worse.” I stalk off, leaving the front door wide open for him.

  “Angel, you didn’t—” I say, walking into the kitchen.

  She spins around to face me. “I said he could come in,” she snaps. “So if you shut the door in his face, you better go open it.” She slams her hands down on the kitchen counter.

  I ignore her outburst and approach her. Taking her in my arms, I smooth her hair down her back. “I let him in,” I assure her. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

  She pulls away and sighs. “No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped at you.”

  “No apology is necessary.”

  Just then, I look up to see a man entering the kitchen holding a pie, offering a sad smile when he sees Angel. “Hey Sam, I wanted to bring by your favorite.”

  She pulls away from me and hugs the older man. “Thank you. Slade, this is Marley, he lives next door.”

  I reach out my hand. “It’s nice to meet you.”

  “You too.” He turns to Angel. “I’m so sorry about Marie.” He takes her into another hug as he starts to cry. “I hated that I had to tell you over the phone.”

  So, that’s how she found out? The neighbor had found Marie and called her? I wish I would have never gone to work. I wish that I would have been with her when she heard the heartbreaking news. I would give anything to go back in time and redo that day.

  “It’s okay. I’m sorry you found her,” she whispers, patting his back.

  I know she’s having trouble keeping it in, all of her sadness. Before this day is over, she is going to break. And I have a feeling it’s going to be the worst one yet.

  I leave the kitchen to give them some time alone. Josh walks up to me and I notice he is holding Courtney’s hand. “Some guy just came in and he does not look happy to be here,” he says, coming close enough to talk quietly.

  “Who is it?” If I had to guess, I would say that there are fifteen people here at the moment. Some came earlier while Angel was cooking. They said their goodbyes to Marie and left, not even bothering to speak to her. I think that’s how she would prefer for this day to go, though.

  I wanted to drag their asses into the kitchen and make them tell her they are sorry for her loss, but I refrained. I’m a tad pissed due to the lack of respect they are showing her. I guess I can’t say much about that subject. She keeps crying and all I want to do is fuck her like a horny teenager. I wanted to fuck her last night while in the bath as my hands ran over her soft skin. How inconsiderate of me. I woke up so hard this morning my balls still ache.

  Josh elbows me, getting my attention. “What?” I snap.

  He narrows his eyes at me. “I was talking to Mark when the guy walked in. Your dad told me to ask you to keep an eye on him.”

  “I don’t even know who the fuck you’re talking about,” I whisper harshly and Courtney narrows her eyes at me as well.

  I ignore her, waiting for Josh as he scans the room for the man to point him out.

  “I’m ready,” announces Angel’s small voice as she joins us.

  I take her hand as she pulls me to the living room with Josh and Courtney following behind us.

  I sit down on the couch next to Micah and Holly as Angel walks to the front of the room. She has a petrified look on her face as she swallows, eyes roving over everyone in the room. I want to hold her. I want to pick her up and carry her off to her room, smother her in kisses and love, but I don’t. I have to keep my ass glued to this couch. This is something that she feels she needs to do, and I need to respect that. No matter how hard it is for her, she wants to do this.

  She clears her throat softly. “I want to thank all of you for coming today.” She takes in a deep breath as she first crosses her arms and then drops them to her sides. “I know my mother would appreciate having you all here to pay your respects.” She sniffs as she fidgets, straightening her already perfect black dress. “It’s no secret that I wasn’t around for the last five years.” She shakes her head sadly as she looks down at her hands. “And that was all my fault,” she whispers. “I didn’t know she was sick, but I know that’s not an excuse.” She reaches up and wipes her fingers under her eyes. “After we lost my dad, things just changed, and I closed myself off from the world.” She takes in a shaky breath and lifts her head to look around the room. Slow tears roll down her cheeks. I start to stand up but Holly grabs hold of my shirt and pulls me back down. “I will forever regret my actions and selfishness.” She wipes her eyes again. “There’s not a day that will go by that I won’t think of her or remember my memories of her. She was a great mother.”

  I watch closely as her chest heaves. If I didn’t know her, I would think she is about to have a panic attack. She’s trying so hard to be strong and it’s breaking me into a million pieces. I move slightly and Holly grips my shirt even tighter in her fist. I turn my head to tell her to let go of me, when I spot a guy standing up against the back wall. He looks to be late forties and has his arms crossed over his chest. His narrowed eyes are on Angel.

  I turn my head quickly and get Josh’s attention. He looks at me and then slides his eyes over to the same guy.

  I turn back to look at him as Angel continues to speak about her mother. I notice every time she mentions Marie’s name the guy stiffens and shifts his weight.

  My attention returns to Angel when I hear her sniffle. Tears run down her face and she l
icks her lips nervously. “Thanks again for coming,” she says before spinning around and rushing out of the room. I turn to Holly to let her know that she can release my shirt now, when I realize that the guy is no longer standing against the wall.

  I jump off the couch and rush toward the kitchen when I hear her voice coming from a back room. As I walk in, I see the guy has his hand around her arm. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she cries.

  “Don’t lie to me. You knew all along,” he snarls.

  “What the fuck is going on? And who the hell are you?” I demand, stepping toward them.

  “I’m Greg, her stepdad.” He shakes his head quickly. “Was her stepdad and this doesn’t concern you,” the guy says, keeping his eyes on her.

  I grab the back of his shirt and pull him away from her. “Oh, believe me. Everything about her concerns me.” I shove him, placing myself between him and Angel as Josh, Micah, and my dad enter the room. I try to take a calming breath, the last thing Angel needs today is for me to start a fight.

  “Please. Just leave,” Angel pleads from behind me. The fact that she’s begging him to leave has my anger rising. Fuck the word please. I will drag his ass out.

  “Not until you admit that you knew. All this time you knew Marie was fucking around on me.”

  Angel moves around me and toward him. “Stop lying!” she screams.

  He looks her up and down with a scowl on his face before he offers a hard laugh. “You know what? You probably don’t know the truth. You were never here. You were too busy out partying and whoring yourself around. Like mother like daughter.” He gives her a threatening sneer as his eyes rake over her tight black dress and down her bare legs to her red heels. I step in front of her, pushing her behind me so she will be out of harm’s way when I beat the shit out of him.

  Before I even have the chance to raise my fist, my dad has his hand around his throat and shoves him against the wall.

  “Don’t fucking speak like that to her! Have some fucking respect, her mother just died,” he growls before releasing the man. Greg doesn’t waste a second and darts toward Angel. She squeals as I shove her out of the way and grab him by the back of his shirt. I don’t stop pushing until he is falling down outside the front door on the gravel.

  “What the fuck did you think you were going to do to her?” I demand, marching outside to where he’s trying to get to his feet.

  “She ruined my life.”

  “I doubt that,” I spit out.

  He stumbles as he stands. “Do you know how many problems Marie and I had over that little bitch?”

  I swing and punch him in the jaw. He rubs it, stumbling back.

  “I knew Marie was seeing someone and Sam kept it a secret.” He spits blood onto the gravel. “I even confronted Marie. Something was different. She wasn’t coming home. I asked if she was having an affair. She denied it. Then Sam’s dad died—”

  I grab a hold of the collar on his shirt and bring my face in front of his. “I don’t give a fuck what Marie was doing behind your back, but Angel clearly knew nothing about it. I’m going to give you two seconds to get off this property before you have to be hauled off by an ambulance.” I let go and step back.

  He inhales and narrows his eyes at me. “She had to have known—”

  I punch him in the face again and again, blood pours from his nose.

  “Slade.” I turn to see my father walking out of the house. “I’ll take care of him, Son. Samantha needs you inside.”

  I don’t even bothering looking back at the man as I walk toward the house. I know my dad, and his meaning of ‘taking care of him’ is the exact same as what I had planned to do.

  I walk into the house, rubbing my hand, when I hear Angel’s voice coming from the top of the stairs.

  “Please. Don’t,” she says, shaking her head as Tate stands in front of her.

  “I need you to understand,” he pleads with her.

  I’ve had about as much as I can take with men bothering her today. Can’t they see how torn up she is?

  I reach up and spin him around. I raise my arm back and go to punch him in the face, but I get yanked back. I turn to see Micah standing there as he tightens his hand on my arm.

  “Stop,” Angel cries out, “just fucking stop.” She turns to Tate. “I don’t care what you have to say. I will never forgive you for what you did. What you kept from me. I don’t need to understand your reasoning behind the lies. Because that’s all they are. Lies.” He flinches away from her as she screams at him.

  She turns to me with a pissed off look as tears continue to run down her cheeks, leaving a trail of black. “Stop trying to fight. It just makes matters worse,” she yells, then spins around and stomps off to her room, slamming the door behind her.

  I jerk my arm out of Micah’s hold and walk past Tate to her bedroom. I turn the doorknob, thankful it’s unlocked. I would have hated to bust it down and cause an even bigger scene.

  I storm into her room and see her over by her bed trying to take off her dress.

  “Son of a bitch,” she yells, frustrated.

  I shut the door behind me. “What the hell is the problem?”

  She looks up with what could only be described as disgust on her face. “What kind of question is that? You know what just happened. You dragged a guy out of this house and almost hit another,” she snaps.

  “I was trying to protect you.” I inch closer. “You kept begging them to leave you alone. Would you rather I just stood there and did nothing?” I yell.

  “Quit yelling at me. I did nothing wrong.” She wraps her arms around herself and takes a few steps away from me, looking down at the floor. “I just wanted people to say goodbye to my mother,” she cries. “I wanted to say goodbye to my mother. I needed to do something for her. Nothing I do is right,” she whimpers.

  I stand there, raking a hand through my hair. What a fucked up day this has turned out to be.

  “I want out of this dress.” She starts to claw at the material as she tries once again to get it over her head. “Shit!” she hisses.

  “May I help you?” I can see the top of her head and her arms are raised. She sighs and lets her arms slump down to her sides. It pulls her dress back down, showing me her face.

  “I just want this dress off,” she sobs out. “I want to burn it, I’m never going to wear it again.” She grips her head in her hands.

  I wrap my arm around her as she cries. “I’ll help you.” I kiss her head, pull away, and reach down, grabbing the hem of her dress. “Lift your arms.”

  She raises them and I bring the dress up over her body. She drops her arms down as I pull it off of her.

  I place my hands on her bare hips after tossing the dress to the floor. “Is that better?”

  She nods, looking down at her heels.

  I lift her chin up and stare into her green eyes. “I hated that I didn’t understand what was going on.” I’m not going to apologize for defending her. I would kill someone if that meant keeping her safe from harm.

  “I know.” She bites her bottom lip.

  “Do you want to talk about—”

  “No,” she interrupts me, obviously not wanting to rehash what happened downstairs.

  I grit my teeth at her refusal to tell me about her stepdad and Tate. I want to know about their past and why Tate all of a sudden wants to explain his actions.

  She pulls away from me, heading to her closet. “What are you doing?” I ask.

  “I’m getting dressed and going back downstairs.”

  “Angel,” I whisper as I walk over to her. “You don’t have to. They all understand what you’re going through and that you need some time alone.”

  She takes a few deep breaths, keeping her back to me. I can’t help but let my eyes rake over her high-heels, her bare legs, and her ass in only a black lace thong, her hair falling down her back. I am so fucking hard and craving her that I actually contemplate throwing her onto the bed and taking what is mine.
>
  Then she turns around and I see tears running down her cheeks. I mentally slap myself. What the fuck am I thinking? She just had two men trying to upset her. Her mother has died. She has no one left, no one but me. I walk up to her and her body sags against mine as she hugs me. Her frame shakes as she cries into my chest. I pick her up and carry her to the bed. We lie down and I hold her.

  “I love you, Angel,” I whisper as I kiss her head.

  “I love,” she says between hiccups, “you too, Slade.”

  It breaks my heart. I squeeze her to me as tightly as I can, holding on for dear life, because she is my life.

  She peers up at me, and I gently wipe the tears from her face. “Why are you with me?”

  My fingers pause over her cheeks and I frown. “Because I love you.”

  She pulls my hands away. “No one can love someone as selfish as me,” she whispers as she moves to get out of bed.

  I grab her arm and pull her back, rolling myself on top of her.

  “Let me up, Slade,” she cries as she tries to push me off. I grab her hands, pinning them down by her head.

  “Stop.” I hate how she sees herself. She is still that caring, loving, passionate woman that I am madly in love with.

  “You don’t love me.” She shakes her head.

  “I do. I am in love with you, Angel.”

  “You can’t love me,” she screams.

  “Why not?” I yell back.

  She flinches and stops shaking her head as her green eyes land on mine.

  “Why not, Angel?” I demand. Maybe this is what I need to do. Maybe I need to get her mad and then she will tell me what she is feeling.

  “Because everyone who loves me will leave me.” Tears slide down the side of her face as she closes her eyes.

  Letting go of her wrists, I cradle her face in my hands. “Look at me.”

  She opens her eyes slowly, blinking the tears away. “I love you,” I whisper, bringing my lips down to hers. “I’m not going to leave you. I promise, Angel. You are my forever,” I remind her as she lets out a sob.