Unbearable (Undescribable)

by Tessier, Shantel

I feel his smile against the side of my face. “You’re right. I’m not.” He pinches my nipple again and I whimper as the pain shoots through my chest and down to my core. “But neither were you.”

  I swallow. “What do you mean?” I say barely over a whisper. He slows his fingers down as he tightens on my nipple. I’m having trouble keeping up with what my body is feeling.

  “You’re mad at me and I didn’t do anything wrong.”

  I bite my lip to keep my mouth shut. I don’t want him to know about Jessica. No matter what he thinks is going on, there is no way that he could know the truth.

  I shuffle on my feet and lower my arms just a tad.

  “Leave them,” he demands.

  I let out a puff of air. “I’m getting tired.” I don’t know if I can hold them up any longer.

  “I know.”

  “Slade,” I moan, pushing back against his fingers, wanting him to be forceful again. He’s moving so slowly now.

  “If you let them down I will fuck you so hard up against this door that every single person in this house will know what we are doing,” he threatens in my ear.

  “You wouldn’t.”

  “Oh, I would. I know how loud you can be.” He releases my breast and I feel the sting on my ass from his palm. I bite my lip to keep quiet. “I know that you come the loudest when your face down with your ass up in the air.” He then starts to rub my ass where his hand just smacked.

  I take in a deep breath. “I know you can’t help but moan when I spank you.”

  “Please don’t,” I whisper. The spanking he just gave me was nothing compared to what I know he can do. If he gives me what I know he’s capable of, there is no way we won’t be heard through the door.

  He doesn’t say anything but his fingers pick up their pace again and I lean my head back against his shoulder. I breathe deeply before holding it in as I feel the wave rush through my body.

  “Breathe,” he says bending down to speak in my ear. I continue to hold it; it is helping to keep me from screaming out, as my orgasm seems to go on and on.

  I feel my body start to sag and my arms drop slightly.

  “Don’t lower them!” He taps me on the ass in warning.

  “Please, Slade,” I plead, trying to catch my breath. “I can’t hold them.” I can barely stand up.

  He presses his erection into my back and air catches in my throat. I want him inside of me. Screw all of these other women. He wants me and only me. He loves me and has only ever loved me. That’s all I need to know.

  I push my body back into him as a whimper escapes my mouth.

  “I have a surprise for you, Angel.”

  I smile as I continue to pant. It’s not really a surprise though when I can feel it pushing into my back.

  He reaches around my stomach with one arm holding me in place and then I jump when I feel something cold touch my clit.

  I feel the vibration before I hear the buzzing sound. I cry out from the vibration on my already sensitive spot.

  “I have a confession,” he says as he presses me into the door once again, stealing what breath I had left.

  I try to speak but his other hand goes into my hair, pulling my head back, and I groan. He slowly works the vibrator in a circle around my clit and I can’t help but tighten my legs and stretch out my arms even further above me.

  “See. I know you’ve been hiding secrets from me, Angel,” he says in a dead tone.

  I hiss in a breath as the sensation once again builds and explodes. I lean back against him and let my hands slide down the wall. As I come down from my second orgasm, he spins me around. My arms drop like hundred pound weights to my side and I slide down the door to my ass. Trying to catch my breath and stop my body from shaking, I sit there on the floor with my eyes shut.

  He places his hand on my chin and lifts my head. “Look at me,” he demands.

  I slowly open my heavy eyes and see he is kneeling in front of me. “Why didn’t you tell me?” His baby blue eyes are hard and his jaw is in a tense line. “What the fuck was that shit where you said you didn’t want any secrets between us?”

  He’s mad!

  I hang my head, still trying to even out my breathing.

  “It’s not that big of a deal,” I breathe out. “It’s not like I was lying to you.” I clarify. Technically, I wasn’t, and I have no clue what all he knows, so I’m going to pretend like it’s no big deal.

  “So, you just listen to everything Jessica says and then get pissed at me?” He stands up quickly and stares down at me.

  I narrow my eyes. He obviously knows more than I thought. Might as well get this over with. “I’m pissed because you seem to have fucked every bitch in this town,” I snap.

  He spins around and grabs my purse up off the floor where I had dropped it earlier. He opens it up and pulls my cell out. If I had the energy, I would jump up and grab it, but I don’t.

  I close my eyes when I hear his voice coming from the other end of the video. Then he cuts it off.

  “Tell me. What was the point in saving this shit?” he says, glaring down at my phone.

  I bite my bottom lip, trying not to cry as I feel my throat close up. What am I supposed to say? I didn’t even know why I saved them myself.

  I close my eyes as he throws my phone to the floor. “I deleted that shit. And if she sends you any more, you will tell me!”

  His words catch me off guard and I stare up at him for a few seconds. As his order sinks in my anger has me jumping up. “How many are there, Slade?”

  He just shakes his head.

  “Tell me.” I take a step toward him. “How many fucking videos and pictures are out there of you having sex with random women?”

  “That doesn’t matter,” he snaps.

  “Tell me, damn it!” I scream.

  He places his hands on my shoulders and pushes my back against the door this time. “More than you can count,” he screams back. “I never cared who I did, or who fucking watched,” he growls as his eyes shoot daggers into mine. “Hell, there were times I was the one doing the recording, as you saw,” he roars.

  I can’t hold it back anymore. My bottom lip starts to quiver as my eyes fill with tears. He releases me and takes a step back. “Son of a bitch,” he growls, knowing that he went too far. But I got my answer, right? I wanted to know the amount of videos I could possibly receive, and now I have my answer: endless! It does not make me feel any better.

  “I don’t know what you want from me, Angel,” he says frustrated.

  I close my eyes as new tears run down my face. “I know you can’t change your past,” I whisper.

  “I can’t,” he shouts, making me jump. “Quit fucking asking for a miracle. Because it’s not going to happen.”

  I open my eyes as he walks past me. He slams the bedroom door on his way out.

  I walk over to the bed on shaky legs and sit down. Placing my head in my hands, I cry out loud. I’m so tired of holding everything back. The anger, the frustration, and the hate I have toward his past. I just want to start over. I don’t want to be jealous, but with Slade, it is impossible. It doesn’t matter that I can’t change his past, or that those women meant nothing. All that matters is that as long as I’m with him I will have to put up with the countless numbers of women from his past. That can be too much, even for the strongest woman.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  I storm into the kitchen and pour myself a rum and coke when I see Tate walking toward me.

  “Where’s Sam?” he questions, leaning up against the countertop. “She seemed pissed off about something earlier.”

  I place my glass on the counter and turn to face him. “Leave her alone. She just needs to cool down.” Although, I’m sure that I am the one who needs to calm the fuck down out of the two of us. Late last night I realized I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. I had to tell her that I knew. Before I left our house I grabbed the vibrator, thinking that maybe the fight wouldn’t be all that bad if she was spent. Well I was
fucking wrong. As soon as I saw those pictures, I wanted to smash her phone against a fucking wall. If the roles had been reversed and I saw pictures of her and another man, I would have broken more than just the phone. I would have chased down every man from her past and beat the shit out of them.

  It’s true. I used to let women take pictures or videos. Back then it was fun. I never watched them but the women liked to have them.

  Tate gets my attention as he pushes away from the counter and bows his chest up to me. “What did you do?” he demands.

  “None of your fucking business,” I snap. Then I lean closer to him. “Maybe you need to worry more about keeping your precious secret than worrying about mine and Angel’s problems.”

  Just then, Natalie walks into the kitchen. “Hey, Slade. I thought we could finish that conversation from earlier.” She licks her lips as she looks me up and down.

  Tate grabs my arm and spins me around. “If you could keep your dick in your pants, I wouldn’t have to worry about her.”

  I punch him in the side of the head so hard I feel as if I just hit a brick wall. He stumbles back and I run at him, wrapping my arms around him, and taking him to the ground. I don’t even get another hit in before we are pulled apart.

  “What the fuck are you doing?” Josh demands as he yanks me backward.

  “Get off of me.” I pull my body out of his hold.

  I see my dad dragging Tate out of the kitchen when I spin around and make my way out the back door, shoving it closed behind me, but Josh catches it and pushes through before it slams shut.

  “You want to tell me what the fuck that was about?” he barks, coming to stand in front of me.

  “Get away from me, Josh. I’m not in the fucking mood,” I growl.

  “You’re in the mood to fight, alright.” He takes a step toward me. “Fight me. Not your girl’s friends. Fight me.”

  I look at him like he’s lost his mind. “What’s wrong with you?”

  “Nothing, but something is wrong with you. I’m just giving you an opportunity to get it out.”

  I shake my head. “Just go back inside and tend to your girlfriend,” I say, turning to walk away.

  “I can’t because she’s too busy tending to yours,” he yells.

  I stop and stare down at the walkway.

  “That’s right, Slade. Courtney is in there holding Sam as she cries her eyes out.”

  “I never thought my past would have an effect on my future,” I admit, letting out a deep breath.

  “Well, pull your head out of your ass and help her get over your past,” he spits out.

  “It’s not that easy.” I spin to face him.

  He rubs the back of his neck as his shoulders slump. “Everyone has a past, Slade. Hell, even Sam has a past. Prove to her that you two have a future. Prove to her that she is the only one who matters. That’s all she wants; she wants to be reminded that you chose her over all the others,” he says, walking past me and entering the house.

  I lift my glass and take a gulp of my rum and Coke, looking over the back pond and the little bridge where she and I stood on her birthday almost two months ago. Things seemed complicated then. She was hiding her love for me. I thought I could break her, could get her to admit her true feelings for me. Now all I want is for her to continue to feel that for me. Shit just keeps going downhill and I can’t seem to stop it.

  I go over and stand on the bridge, leaning on the rail as I look down at the water in the pond. I hate making her cry. But shit, how many times do I have to apologize for something that I have no control over, things that have already happened?

  After she finishes crying, she’s going to be pissed. Just that thought has me taking another big gulp of my drink.

  I continue to stand outside looking out over the water until I finish my drink, letting the cold air soothe me. I make my way back into the house and pour myself another drink. The party is still in full swing and I can feel everyone’s eyes on me, but I could not care less. Some are from the firm. Others are important clients. Some are friends and a few are enemies. It doesn’t matter though; everyone in this town knows I’ve always had a temper. They know my dick has always controlled my actions and that I will punch a guy before I bother asking any questions.

  Hell, a few years ago I got into a huge fight in the yard with a man because he spilled his drink on me.

  I tilt my glass back and down the entire drink. As I’m pouring myself another one, I see that Natalie is still standing in the kitchen.

  “Hey, are you okay? I saw that fight,” she says, as her eyes look me up and down.

  “It was not a fight.” Getting one hit in is not considered a fight in my book. Now, if we would have broken a few things and he would have got some hits in, then yes, fight would be the right word.

  “I just wanted to check on you.” She places her hand on my shoulder and I instantly take a step back, making her frown. “I was told you caught your girlfriend cheating on you.”

  I roll my eyes taking another drink. Just fucking great! More lies we will have to deal with.

  I turn and face her. “Don’t believe everything you hear,” I say flatly.

  She scowls and I take that as my cue to get the hell away from her. I walk out of the kitchen and come face to face with my father. He takes a step back, allowing me to pass by him without saying a word. He understands the mood I am now in, because he is the same way. When we’re pissed, it’s just better to leave us the hell alone.

  I stumble down the hallway toward the room Angel and I were in earlier. Opening the door, I look around, not seeing anything or anyone.

  I pull the door shut and start for the stairs. She must be up in my old room. At first, I did not want to spend the night at my parents’ house, but now I’m liking the idea. I have had too much to drink to drive my drunken ass anywhere.

  I take a deep breath before I open the door. My eyes instantly lock on Holly, and then shift to Courtney, where they sit on the bed. Angel is between them with her head down.

  I gesture toward the door with my free hand. “Leave,” I urge, trying to sound serious without slurring my words.

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Courtney says, eyeing me up and down with disgust on her face.

  “Leave,” I say again with more force.

  “It’s fine,” comes Angel’s small voice and I give Courtney a cocky smile. That’s one thing I have always loved about Angel. She doesn’t back down from me. She knows we need to have this conversation. I just need to think before I speak this time. Doesn’t matter how much proof she has that I fucked around, it does not mean she needs me to confess to all the women. Just that thought has me taking another drink. Fuck, this is not going to end well.

  They both give her a kiss on the cheek and tell her they love her before they walk past me, giving me dirty looks.

  Once the door shuts, Angel gets out of bed and pulls back the covers. She keeps her back to me as she undresses down to her panties, and it reminds me of what I just did to her in the bedroom downstairs. There was no way I could have fucked her. I was way too pissed. I wanted to wait for a few days until I broke the news to her that I knew she was hiding shit from me, but I couldn’t. It bothered me last night and had just pissed me off all day today. I had to get it out.

  She then crawls in bed under the covers with her back facing me. “Are we going to talk about earlier?” I slur.

  “I have nothing to say,” she replies, voice tiny.

  “Great!” I say sarcastically at the turn of events. I walk over to my side of the bed and finish off my drink before I place the glass on top of the nightstand. I lie down and close my eyes. For once, I’m in no mood to pry any further.

  .

  I sit at the Longs’ kitchen table eating waffles and drinking a cup of coffee.

  “How do you feel, hun?” Vivian asks.

  “Good.” I give her a smile. My body feels great. I only had three glasses of wine before shit went south with S
lade. My heart hurts though. He ended up getting trashed and passing out, but not before hitting Tate. I woke up this morning to several messages from Courtney and a few from Holly. I thought they were going to spend the night as well but as it turns out, Slade and I were the only ones to stay.

  I take a sip of my coffee as I think back to the message that Tate sent me this morning. I had texted him first thing asking if he was okay and what had happened. He of course said he was fine and that nothing really happened. I haven’t been able to get the whole story from anyone. Even Vivian told me not to worry about it.

  I also went through my phone only to find that Slade had deleted Jessica’s number, and erased all of the pictures and the video. I wish I could do the same thing with my mind.

  I look down at my plate and remember how upset I was this morning when I woke up alone in Slade’s bed. I looked all over the house and only realized he had left when I checked outside and saw his truck was gone. I’m surprised he was even able to wake up this morning after all the alcohol he consumed last night.

  Vivian clears her throat and I hear her get up as I continue to look down at my half eaten breakfast.

  A few seconds after she leaves the room, I look up to see Slade standing in the kitchen entryway. He is leaning up against it with his hands in the pockets of his faded blue jeans. I shift uncomfortably in my seat as he just stands there staring.

  “Good morning,” he says, pushing off of the wall.

  “Morning,” I respond, looking back down to my food.

  “How are you feeling?” He comes to stand next to my chair and bends down so he is at eye level with me.

  “I’m good. You?”

  He keeps his face blank as he reaches up and pushes a piece of my hair away from my face.

  “I’ve been better,” he says quietly.

  “Do you need some Tylenol or Advil?” I’m sure he has a hangover from hell. I start to stand up but he stops me.

  “No, Angel.” He lets out a long breath. “I’m sorry about last night,” he says, surprising me. Shouldn’t I be the one apologizing? I am the one who kept something from him. “You had every right to get mad at me. I have been with countless of women.” I go to speak, but he places a hand up to stop me. “I have done some very stupid shit in the past, Angel.” He cups my cheek in his hand. “But believe me when I say none of it matters. The only one thing I have ever done right when it came to women was fall in love with you. And it doesn’t matter what you say. I know you were starting to doubt being with me.” His gaze drops to the floor and it breaks my heart.