Sweet Reflection (Truth)

by Henderson, Grace

  He gets out and as he pulls of his helmet I see the smug satisfaction all over his face. Ugh. “And that’s how the boys do it,” he chuckles, walking over to me. Actually it’s not a walk. It’s a swagger. “You look really sexy in those overalls.” His deep voice vibrates in my ear, and then I’m no longer thinking about losing. I’m picturing us going at it against the wall of tyres behind me. “So do you,” I reply, breathing heavily as he unzips the front of mine and pushes it over my shoulders, running his fingers against the bare skin of my arms. We have to get out of here, before I end up a puddle in front of the team of guys running the track. Now that would be embarrassing.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Laurel

  After taking the day off, Proposals takes up most of my attention for the next few days. I’ve been going over some marketing ideas with Alex and she’s helping me tune the finer details of an event I’m trying to pull together with the men’s suit hire company. We’re thinking some kind of fashion show, but instead of just a catwalk, it’ll be laid out like an actual wedding ceremony. There’s excitement in her face as we go through it all, and I’m so happy to have someone there who understands the business, and I can bounce ideas off.

  “I love it darling,” she smiles, as sips her glass of wine at lunch. “It’s going to be fantastic. Really pull them in. We’ve got to put the emotion into it too. That’s the way we’re going to grip people. It has to be like a real wedding. Heartfelt.”

  “I agree. I’ll run it all past Joe and see if he’s got anything to add. Things are definitely picking up though.”

  I’m distracted by a text on my phone. It’s from my mum.

  Mum: Can you meet me at the hospital at four? X

  Me: Everything okay?! x

  Mum: Just an appointment, but really like you to be there xx

  Me: Of course. See you soon xx

  I'm dazed as I walk out the doctor's office. The last thing I expected when I woke up this morning was to feel my whole world come shattering down around me. I’ve spent the last couple of hours worrying what it could be, and it’s far worse than I ever imagined. The burn in my eyes makes them sting, and the thundering agony in my chest is making its way up to my throat. I feel so helpless, it's happening all over again and I'm powerless to stop it. My fears are becoming a reality and it's the most horrifying feeling I've ever experienced. I know I have to be strong, for her, she's going to need my support now more than ever, but as soon as my eyes land on James, with his arms outstretched, expression full of concern, I crumble. He wraps his strong arms around me as my knees collapse to the floor, and I bury my face into his shoulder, letting the chokes and sobs come barrelling out. He's rocking me and whispering comforting words in my ear. I don't even realise we're moving; I just know I feel safe and protected in his arms.

  Sometime later I open my eyes and notice I'm stretched out on his sofa with a patchwork blanket around me and my head is on his lap. The lounge curtains are still wide open and the light outside has disappeared so it must be night time. We've been here a good few hours and he hasn't left my side, even through the river of tears. I realise then that I must look hideous; all puffy eyes, streaked make-up and red blotches. I carefully lift the arm that's draped over my stomach and move as stealthily as I can to the bathroom to gather myself into a more presentable me. As I slump forward against the sink I have to count to ten to stop myself from crying again. It won't do any good but I'm still reeling from how unfair it feels.

  Cancer.

  I test the word out loud, and just trying to get my mouth around each letter brings up the sick feeling from my stomach to my throat again. She already had to watch my dad die. It must be scaring her, but she was so strong in front of the doctor. She's my whole world now, the only person who was really there for me when dad was ill. Even though she helped to take care of him, she always made me a priority too. I have to shake my head to pull myself out of it. I'm so grateful for James being there, but I have to get back to mum. I wash my face with one of the cloths that's folded up on the side and pull my hair back into a bun. It's a mess and I don't have a brush to make it look nice. With one last deep breath in I leave to go and get my things whilst contemplating whether or not to wake James up. As I step in the kitchen my eyes land on him sitting at the table; he's leaned back in the chair and has one foot up and resting on the other knee. Even though his hair is messy and his clothes aren't straight, he still looks perfectly handsome and my hearts starts beating a little faster just like it always does when he's around.

  He smiles when he looks up and sees me, and opens his arms out to pull me down to his lap, "Hey," I say burrowing into his neck.

  "Hey yourself beautiful." He wraps his arms around me tightly and rests his chin on my head.

  "Thank you for looking after me this evening, I really appreciate it, but I should get going now. She needs me." I pull away to see his reaction but he doesn't give anything away. Then I see his eyes narrow as he contemplates something.

  "What?" I question.

  "Don't think I'm an interfering jackass, as you so gracefully put it when you call me names," he says playfully, "but your mum rang while you were asleep."

  I can tell from this that he answered it and I'm not sure how I feel about him going behind back so I just raise an eyebrow at him to urge him to continue.

  "I just didn't want to wake you. You were finally sleeping."

  "So you were worried that I would wake up and be a crying mess again?"

  He squeezes me gently.

  "No babe. That's not it. I just wanted you to get some rest. You were tired, we both agreed it would be best."

  "Both?"

  "Yeah your mum and I had a chat and thought it would be best if we didn't wake you."

  Great, now they're ganging up on me.

  "Just so you know, I don't need anyone making decisions for me. I am a big girl now."

  "I know. But we're worried about you."

  "Well I can take care of myself. I better get going."

  I wriggle under his hold and clamber off his lap to get my bag.

  "Babe, please. I know that. But I'm here to help. Your mum's not at home anyway. She's spending the night with Mrs Pullman; she needs her friends around her. She was happy that you were here." Relief washes over me; Marissa’s a great friend to my mother just as she was to Cassie's mum before she died, so I'm thankful she’ll be there for her too. I relent, because even though I've been asleep for a few hours, I'm tired, and I need to rest before the hospital appointments and treatments start. She’s been doing it alone for a couple of weeks, but I’ll be there with her every step now. The cancer’s so big at the moment that they want to do chemo first, to try and shrink it before surgery. James notices the weary nod I give and crosses the room to wrap me up in his arms again.

  "Dinner in or out?" he asks, kissing my forehead gently. I don’t think I can face being around people right now.

  "In, please."

  "No problemo. Go and sit down, and I'll whip us up something."

  I pull a face and laugh lightly.

  "Should I be worried? I thought you said you were rubbish?"

  "Babe, come on. This is me we're talking about. I can do anything. I just said that to make you feel better." His half grin is infectious and I beam back at him. I love his playful side and it's just what I need tonight to make me forget. Just for the night.

  “This smells so good, you’ve been holding out on me. But now I know, you’re not getting out if it,” I warn him as we sit down on the floor with the plates on our laps. There’s a table in the kitchen and a sofa against my back that I could be sitting on, but for some reason the floor called to me. It’s relaxed and comfortable, and with the way I’m feeling right now, it’s taking some pressure off.

  “Damn, I should have kept it to myself a bit longer.” He’s sat right next to me, didn’t even bat an eyelid when I suggested the floor.

  I stab the fork into some spaghetti and roll it round.
/>
  “How’s your dad?” I ask, looking for something to take my mind off things.

  He looks up from his plate and sighs, “Laurel, we don’t-“

  I cut him off immediately.

  “-I’m fine. I know you’re just looking out for me but I don’t want you to pussyfoot around me and worry about picking the wrong topic of conversation. Got it?”

  He stares at me for a few seconds and when I smile, I see the acceptance even out his features, “Yes ma’am.” He salutes playfully.

  “Good.” I nod and take another mouthful. “So, your dad?”

  “He’s fine. He met someone. When he comes back next month he’s bringing her with him. That will be suitably awkward. He wants to stay here.”

  “What and you don’t want him to?”

  “It’s not that. I don’t know, I just…I guess I just find it a bit weird. Of course I want him to be happy, but he sounded so sickeningly smitten I kind of wanted to get a bucket.”

  I start laughing, and it shakes my body so much I have to put my plate down for a second while I pull myself together.

  “So you’re thinking about his sex life, you don’t wanna hear it, is that it?”

  James stiffens beside me and it cracks me up even more. “Laurel, can we stop talking about this right now? Please. You have such a dirty mind.”

  “Hey, it’s not me that jumped straight to sex with this mystery woman, it’s you.” I recover quickly and start eating again. “Aww I’m pleased for him though. I’m glad he’s found his second chance.” My voice sounds wistful and I hear the romance in it. I know I’m only young in comparison but I feel like I’ve got the second chance I didn’t think I’d have.

  “Well who knew you were romantic? I like this side of you.”

  “Hey, I’m plenty romantic. I just like to express it physically. You didn’t seem to mind last week when I showed up here in my new trench coat.” In just my new trench coat. I know it’s cliché, but I couldn’t help myself. He’s a sweet talker, and he’d been texting me on and off all day flirty messages. I needed him. I’m not ashamed of that.

  “No, I fucking loved that. And what was underneath. But you’re closed off sometimes, and I find it hard to read you. To know what you want. ‘Cause whatever it is, I want to give it you.”

  I pause for a second, then eat the remaining pasta slowly off my fork while I contemplate his words. I know I don’t really talk about my feelings much, but I never knew he wanted me to.

  “Laurel, I know I’m a guy, and stereotypically we don’t talk about our feelings. I’m not saying I want us to go all ‘Love, Actually’ or ‘Notting Hill’ but I also don’t want you to think you can’t talk to me. Whatever it is.” His eyes glow with such a strong affection, it makes me want to talk. To tell him exactly how I feel.

  I set my empty plate down beside me and rest my head on his shoulder, linking my fingers through his. “This right here, is what I’m most thankful for. I know I’m not alone. That you’re here for me because you are. Right here. Darren wasn’t.” I feel his hand squeeze mine and he places a small kiss to my forehead.

  “I was going through pretty much the same thing I am now. But it was probably worse then, because I hadn’t suffered loss. I thought everything was perfect. I had an amazing best friend who I loved like a sister, a loving family, and a boyfriend who I thought was ‘the one’. Then I lost nearly everything. Before I met you, I’d just been going through the motions, scared and alone, but never really being alone because I wouldn’t allow myself to be.”

  I see the recognition in his eyes, he knows exactly what I’m referring to and when he pulls his hand away I worry he’s disgusted with me. My heart beats a little faster when he gets to his feet without saying a word. He puts his plate on the coffee table then reaches his hand to grab hold of mine and tugs me up.

  “Come with me.”

  He leads me upstairs into his bedroom and walks straight over to his chest of drawers. The room’s dark and eerily quiet with no sound apart from the ticking clock.

  He chucks the t-shirt on his bed, and reaches for the hem of my top. Without any hesitation I lift my arms and he pulls it up over my head. I still have no idea what he’s doing. He doesn’t look angry but he’s not said anything in the past few minutes.

  He pushes the neck of his t-shirt over my head and brings it down so it’s covering me. Then he reaches down and pulls open the buttons on my jeans.

  “Take these off.” He says softly into my ear. I do as he says, watching him with captivation whilst he strips his own shirt and jeans off and pulls back the duvet cover.

  “Get in.” He nods to the side of the bed I usually sleep in, and climbs in himself.

  I shiver at the cool sheets against my body and as soon as he opens his arm to the side I move and scramble over to him.

  “This right here,” he points to the place in between his shoulder and his torso, “is your spot. Anytime you’re feeling sad, or low, want to talk, or want to stay quiet, it’ll be there for you. Whatever’s happening, you can always find comfort in my arms, babe.”

  I stop breathing as his words wash over me. He’s telling me always. I struggle to contemplate that but as he presses another kiss to my forehead and pulls me to him tightly I feel the truth in his words.

  “I…” Oh God, now’s the time. My voice is croaky, but I want to get the words out. He needs to know exactly how I’m feeling. I take a deep breath in and shut my eyes. I can feel his heartbeat against my cheek and in the last few seconds it’s shot to a higher gear. I squeeze them shut tighter and desperately will my brain to send the words to my mouth.

  “I love you.” I say it quickly and when I’m done I breathe out urgently, pulling in as much air as I can.

  He grips my side tighter, and pulls me closer. “I love you too, Laurel. I promise I’ll take care of you. You don’t need to worry.” I curl into him and move my legs on top of his. This feeling, his body so close to mine, his strong arms wrapped so completely around me, is going to be what heals my heart. I can feel it. I run my hands over his skin slowly as I snuggle my cheek against his chest and it’s a struggle to keep my eyes open. I don’t want to go to sleep, I want to stay awake and savour this moment, but my eyes fall shut so heavily that I have no choice but to drift away.

  James

  Laurel’s going to run herself into the ground if she carries on trying to do everything for everyone. In between the chemo, looking after her mum, running the store and all the projects Proposals is currently involved in and Cassie’s wedding planning, she hasn’t had any time to herself. The store has been featured in a well-known wedding magazine and won their award for best local business. That alone involved a day’s interview and photo shoot for a double page spread. I finish up work around midday and stop by the newsagents on the way to Proposals. I buy two copies of the magazine which has just come out today, getting a funny look from the member of staff in the process, and flick through to the article. Her beautiful face beams at me from the page, and a streak of pride courses through me, lifting my smile higher. I start to walk out the door, then double back as I pass the stand of flowers. I grab the bunch that look the prettiest, pay for them, then jog out the door to the car. She’s been working so hard lately, and it’s paying off. But she deserves a night to have some fun.

  “Well hey mister, wasn’t expecting you today.” She says as I walk through the door, holding the flowers behind my back.

  “Couldn’t resist seeing my celebrity girlfriend.” I hold up the magazine in front of her and she squeals with excitement. “Oh my gosh, I completely forgot that was today! How is it?”

  “Take a look.” I give her the magazine and walk over to the sofa. She joins me in a daze, reading every word closely, and then closes it abruptly.

  “What is it?” She turns her head and laughs through a few stray tears that have fallen.

  “It’s just bittersweet, that’s all.” She shrugs and I wipe them away with my thumb. I can tell she w
ants to be happy about it. Wants to jump for joy but can’t because of how she’s feeling about her mum.

  I give her the flowers and there are a few more tears before she gets up to put them in water. “So, how about dinner later? We can try that new Italian that’s opened up round the corner?”

  She bites the inside of her cheek, and pauses, thinking.

  “Your mum?” I ask, and when she nods I pull her gently to me and put my arms around her. “Why don’t you ring her and see how she’s feeling? I’m sure she’ll be okay for a few hours.” Of course, when she does, I hear her mum loudly telling her not to be so silly and to go out and enjoy herself.

  While she makes the call, I ring the restaurant and organise a bottle of champagne for when we arrive. I want tonight to be special. We haven’t had some alone time for a while and she needs some time to relax. After a short kiss that turns into more when she moans softly, I manage to pull my lips away from hers and press one last kiss to her forehead before getting back to work.

  I arrive at Laurel’s at seven and wait with Judy until she comes downstairs. Judy’s eyes are looking a lot brighter than I’ve seen them recently. She has more life in her. The chemo’s been making her sick, and she’s been having trouble sleeping, but today must have been a good day. We sit at the counter in the kitchen and I start talking about the overhaul of The Shepherd, a pub I’ve been working on with Blake’s company, for some reason Judy loves hearing about my work, until the door widens and I lose the ability to form a coherent sentence. The only things working are my eyes, and my throat, as I swallow hard. The bright red dress slashes over one shoulder, and the other is covered by her hair which has been gathered to one side and lightly curled. My gaze drops slowly down her legs but a cough snaps my eyes back to her mouth.