Green Fees - Tales of Barndem Country Club

by Brian Alford

  For many decades the debenture holders of Barndem constituted an exclusive inner circle within the club. Those outside the circle resented the holders especially during times of financial hardship when the fact that debenture holders made no financial contribution to the club became an issue of much anger. Whenever special levies were made to raise funds for essential course repairs the debenture holders were exempt. Any attempt to change the status quo was vehemently opposed by the debenture block vote.

  And yet it was the holders that were most vociferous in their complaints seeing themselves as the rightful owners of Barndem while viewing the ordinary subscription paying members simply as temporary interlopers, necessary but tolerated under sufferance. This lower class were expected to pay heavily for the privilege og being members.

  Debentures were for life and could be passed on to subsequent generations. In fact, Henry had inherited one from a bachelor uncle, which is how he managed to keep playing at Barndem despite being permanently fiscally challenged. This fact also explains why the club committee tolerated the large debt he was always running up behind the bar. In theory Henry could have called in the debenture debt at any time causing the club some embarrassment as they would have struggled to find the funds. What the committee did not know is that Henry’s uncle knowing Henry to be a spendthrift, had left the debenture in trust so that Henry could not have sold it anyway. It was in Henry’s interest that the committee remained ignorant of this fact otherwise they would surely have dealt more strictly with his drinking debts.

  Another problem concerning Henry’s debenture was also worrying the committee. Henry was a bachelor and therefore had no heir. He also had no apparent family. He certainly never spoke of family and nobody could recall ever having met or heard of any family. There was therefore the tricky question of what was to happen to Henry’s debenture upon his demise. A polite inquiry from the committee had been met with a blunt response. Henry had also taken great offence at the suggestion that he would die intestate, having mistakenly taken the suggestion to be a slur on his manhood. He may not have liked the opposite sex but that was no reason to suppose that he did not have a full quota of biological equipment.

  Determined to obtain some comforting reassurance the committee had even approach Vic to elicit the information. Though reluctant Vic had nevertheless agreed for the sake of the club. Vic did not entirely subscribe to the belief that the club was bigger than its members but he had some sympathy for the concerns of the committee. Henry was pigheaded and mischievous enough to hand his debenture onto some undesirable person out of sheer spite.

  With considerable stealth Vic managed to broach the subject with Henry in an apparently harmless fashion. The subtly extracted information was not good news. Henry intimated that the beneficiary of his debenture was to be Tiddles, a stray cat that had adopted Henry. Or rather the cat had adopted Henry recognising a kinderd lazy spirit. The news conveyed by Vic was greeted with horror by the committee who had immediately begun moves to change the Barndem constitution to prevent such a travesty. Such changes were virtually impossible and Vic nurtured the suspicion that Henry was taking great delight in the trouble he has caused.

  Though it was not unknown for debentures to be sold from one member to another this required a great deal of capital and so was a rare event. There was also the caveat that the prospective purchaser had to pass the immutable scrutiny of the Barndem committee. Approval of outsiders was rarely, if ever given. More significantly there had been occasions in the past when an irate member had demanded that the debt be repaid by the club. One such member was Joel Hanley.

  Joel was a good natured and easy going man whose love of golf rated second only to his family. A calm and pleasant character little worried or upset Joel and he had a good many friends at Barndem. However all that was to change the day Joel was accused of cheating.

  Not a brilliant golfer Joel was steady, played comfortably to his handicap and achieved the occasional minor success in club competitions. Success, however small, breeds resentment and a disgruntled pot hunter seized on an opportunity to spoil Joel’s continued success. During a round of the club championship one of Joel’s playing partners mistakenly placed one of his clubs into Joel’s bag. Though the error was corrected a couple of holes later the fact remained that Joel had actually been playing with fifteen clubs in his bag instead of the maximum fourteen allowed by the rules. Though nothing was said at the time, later casual conversation had brought the error to the attention of the disgruntled sneak who reported Joel to the committee.

  Normally cheating was dealt with in a secret, closed session with the Barndem special committee. A gentlemanly reprimand (no case of a lady player cheating had ever been raised) was all that was necessary to satisfy the problem. The scorn and rebuff of peers was deemed sufficient punishment. It was not good form for it to become publicly known that a Barndem member cheated. Barndem members did not cheat and that was final.

  Joel took great exception to being accused of cheating. It was his word against his unknown accuser. Though he admitted that he had theoretically broken the rules he reasonably claimed that there was no intent on his part. It was therefore only right that the committee should accept that he did not break the spirit of the law. Unfortunately metaphysics had no place in the minds of the dogmatic law enforcers and Joel was eliminated from the club championship. Officially he had withdrawn injured and a notice was posted to this effect. However it was clear for all to see that Joel was fully fit especially when he played his usual Wednesday afternoon match the same week. Joel was a local shopkeeper and liked to make maximum use of the early closing.

  It was not the expulsion which infuriated Joel but the implications it carried. Cheating was a conscious, intentional activity. His error had been purely unintentional and he expected recognition of this fact from the committee. An unprecedented appeal meeting was held and in a fit of rage Joel demanded immediate redemption of his debenture from the committee. Though much effort and increasingly less gentle persuasion was tried to change the outraged man’s mind, all was in vain. Joel was adamant. The more the committee tried to change his mind the more resolute Joel became. Continued procrastination by the committee forced Joel to initiate legal proceedings against the club for settlement of the indebtedness and Barndem could not afford an expensive court case especially if they lost which was the most likely outcome.

  Unfortunately for the club the astute financier who had set up the original Barndem debenture scheme had stipulated that the value of the debenture was to grow at a rate determined by the value of the land and buildings. This had seemed like a reasonable clause given that the debenture money was to be used to purchase the land on which the course stood. It certainly proved an attractive incentive to the prospective purchasers of the debentures which were sold in very quick time. The original debenture had been one hundred pounds, a considerable sum in those days. At the time of Joel’s dispute the value of a debenture had grown to well in excess of one hundred thousand pounds.

  Desperate attempts were made to find someone who would take on the debenture but Joel refused to sell and effectively warned off any prospective purchasers. After long deliberation by the special main committee it was clear that the only practical course was to sell off part of the Barndem estate. This heresy had the double effect of reducing the size of Barndem and also reducing the value of the remaining debentures. Joel therefore had the increased satisfaction of receiving more for his debenture that it was worth after the settlement.

  The land chosen was part of the practice area together with the adjoining little used tract of semi-wilderness that ran along most of the length of the second hole. Though the value of the land did not quite meet the debenture value, an un-recorded member of Barndem managed to pull strings and obtain planning permission for the land which considerably added to its value. Once the land had been sold and Joel’s debenture settled three houses were built including the one owned by the notorious golf and Barndem hat
er Justice Rate.

  To the outsider the accusation against Joel was nothing worse than a small misunderstanding and yet such is the complex mystery of life that its repercussions spread far and wide. If it were not for the misunderstanding the land would not have been sold, the houses not built, Justice Rate would not have been living so near to the course, and the case of the negligent golfer (Argyll vs Hinkley) might have ended differently. A verdict which touched millions of golfers and all the result of a small misunderstanding. It was a salutary lesson to all golfers to be wary when returning a club to its bag especially if disgruntled pot hunting sneaks are about.

  As a general rule the passing of debentures from father to son, or uncle to nephew, worked well, as Henry would testify. However the case of the Andrews twins presented a problem and a twist no-one could have foretold when the scheme was set up. When their father died the question of which of the twins would assume the debenture was to lead to open warfare. It was not known which of the twins was physically born first, their mother despite being present at their birth having little recollection of events. Both laid claim to the debenture and both proceeded to exercise the rights and privileges it conferred.

  For a while this situation went unnoticed; so alike were the twins. Also as they were not on speaking terms as the result of their dispute they were never seen together, not until the annual general meeting when both turned up to take their rightful place and vote on the various resolutions. To avoid unpleasantness the presence of both twins was overlooked at the meeting. Fortunately the fact that they voted on opposite sides for every motion negated their presence and avoided any nasty contention over close votes. After the meeting they were summoned to appear before a special main committee the following day.

  Special main committee meetings were where the laws and regulations of Barndem were made and enforced and as such were always held in closed session. Their workings were secret and only some of the results of their deliberations became public. Accordingly exactly what happened when the twins appeared before the committee remained secret but the results were soon clear enough. After half an hour the twins had emerged under phy­sically restraining escort with their clothes torn. One had a bloody nose and the other the start of a painful black eye. The incumbent club captain also appeared to be ruefully clutching his face in a certain amount of discomfort. It appeared that the meeting had been more a meeting of fists than of minds.

  Having failed to come to any agreement with the twins the committee decreed that they should share the debenture and play on alternate days omitting Christmas day to make the number of days equal at one hundred and eighty two days each. To avoid further conflict the extra day afforded by leap years was also excluded.

  The question of succession and who would inherit the debenture after the twins was side-stepped by the committee and left for a future committee to decide. However, unsubstantiated rumours held that the mysterious disappearance some months later of one of the twins was related to the debenture feud. Long and unpleasant police investigations failed to locate the missing twin or his body and so the remaining twin adopted full title to the debenture. From then on the Andrews’ debenture passed from father to son in the normal quarrel free manner. Unfortunately and to the horror of the current Barndem committee the latest Andrews recently became the proud father of twin boys.

  Various tentative and decidedly unsuccessful attempts have been made to dilute the stranglehold of the debentures. But as a large voting block the debenture holders were always able to throw out any proposals and resolutions which affected their standing. Not surprisingly since it was drawn up by the original debenture holders, the Barndem constitution contained considerable self sustaining clauses. In particular it stipulated that any change to the constitution required a 96% majority of all members to be in favour. It also set a limit on the number of full Barndem members such that the debenture holders always represented a minimum of five per cent of the membership, thus perpetuating the deadlock.

  And so Barndem has been left with its debenture scheme complete with a traumatic historical legacy and slowly burning fuses. No modern committee would consider such a scheme with all its intricate associations. Sponsorship was the watchword. Sponsors make few demands beyond the continual mind numbing repetition of their name at every possible opportunity. More importantly the involvement is finite, it does not last for ever. For the Barndem of today Japanese sponsorship is a far more practical alternative leaving no long term legacy to threaten future stability. Not all members would agree, but in general the debenture holders most certainly would. With the arrival of sponsors and the relieving of money worries, the debenture system was safe. Neither Japanese twins nor intestate Japanese bachelors could disturb the sleeping foundations of Barndem.

  12

  The Great Whisky Disaster of 1961

  Beyond the occasional dispute between members whose egos escaped the delicate confines of reasonableness, little disturbed the ancient peace and calm at Barndem. Life and events had a comfortable predictability which was precisely what the members both presumed and demanded. In an uncertain world Barndem represented safety and security. With its debenture system and practice of membership passing from father to son Barndem was a rock of stability and continuity. Any change, any disturbance to the natural order of things, however apparently insignificant, was greeted with hostility. The world tilted to inbalance.

  Even change for the better was rejected fiercely. Take for example the time when the carpet of the lounge bar was replaced. The old carpet had been beyond repair and yet another clean would almost certainly have seen it disintegrate under the onslaught of the brushes. In their naivete the committee had thought the members would welcome the small improvement to their social surroundings of a bright new carpet. However for most members the old carpet had memories. Some could recount exactly how each stain or tear in the carpet had occurred. And in more tolerant times when smoking was allowed each burn could be accounted.

  The carpet was a historical document of nearly thirty years of the lives of Barndem members. Replacing it with a new carpet was outrageous sacrilege. Such was the violent reaction to the change that it was a long time before the members began to feel comfortable with the new carpet. But as a new set of stains and marks started to appear the atrocity of the change moved into historical memory.

  Though cosseted from much of the outside world Barndem did still occasionally feels its unwelcome influence. Take for example the great whisky crisis of 1961.

  It all began innocently enough with a claim for a pay increase by the workers at the local brewery, Barndem Ales. It was traditional practice for a claim to be made each May and after a short period of negotiations between brewery workers representatives and senior management a compromise would be reached and the business of the brewery continued uninterrupted. It was always a friendly stand off leading to a conclusion that suited both sides.

  May 1961 was different. A new chief executive had taken over with a determination to prove himself to the long standing and hereditary brewery owners, the Sillinghurst family. He was determined to increase profits and a key part of his master plan was the holding down of wages. When therefore the annual pay claim was tabled the new chief said a firm “No.”.

  The Sillinghursts had been members of Barndem since it was founded and the latest in the line Robert Sillinghurst continued the tradition. Naturally enough Barndem was tied to the brewery who serviced the club on very agreeable terms. So agreeable were the terms that drink at the club was uncommonly cheap. Unfortunately this tie had certain drawbacks and these became abundantly clear when a strike was called at the brewery.

  Within a week Barndem had run out of beer and as the strike threatened to continue for some time, moves were made to find an alternative supplier. There were any number of companies eager and willing to supply Barndem but there was a major technical hitch. Word of the Barndem approach reached the ear of Robert Sillinghurst and he put his foot down, quoting t
he ancient legal documentation which tied Barndem to Barndem Ales and none-so-other in perpetuity of mutual existence. They knew how to exhibit pomposity in those days. It was a marriage made in history and as with any marriage Barndem was expected to weather the downs as well as the ups.

  Barndem was left with little option but to sit out the dispute and wait for a resolution. In a touching display of solidarity with one of its members and founding families, the membership of Barndem stood solidly behind Robert. At least they stood solidly until a couple of weeks later when things started to become critical as far as stocks of spirits were concerned. Beer they could do without but as a whisky shortage began to loom closer things began to turn unpleasant.

  Securing spirits from a source other than Barndem brewery became a matter of the utmost importance. One of the problems with covertly obtaining supplies from elsewhere was that the bottles of spirits supplied by the brewery had special and distinctive labels on them. These were the characteristic trade mark of Barndem brewery and any interlopers would have been easily spotted by Robert Sillinghurst. Given that Roberts’ demeanour had become increasingly angry and hostile as the strike wore on, a move to find alternative suppliers was not considered advisable.

  So it was that after four weeks the unthinkable happened, Barndem ran out of Scotch. Some members with misguided and disaffected loyalties took to frequenting alternate establishments and the general hubbub of activity at Barndem diminished. Members would complete a round of golf and leave the course for less arid pastures elsewhere. For Barndem finances this represented a disaster since the club was heavily reliant on the bar takings. There was also the income from ancillary items such as food and the gaming machine which suffered due to lack of patronage by the absent members.