Imperfectly Perfect

by A. E. Woodward

  "I love it," I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck. "This right here is exactly why you will always be my favorite."

  The guys left early the next morning. Tyler and Shane went on an early flight to Maine and Rob dropped them off at the airport on his way home to New Jersey. The condo was eerily quiet, but part of me enjoyed the time to myself.

  Things had been crazy lately. Work was a zoo while I tried to finalize everything for the final product launch for Under Armour and things with Bradley had been a bit rocky. I really wanted things to work out and so I was hoping that some time alone for the two of us would really strengthen our relationship. While I wasn't sure if I loved him-or if he even loved me-I knew I loved the way he made me feel when he was around.

  I enjoyed my morning cup of coffee while scouring the morning newspaper when my buzzer went off. Hurrying because Bradley was waiting for me, I took one final swig as I grabbed my fabulous new Hermès.

  "Be right down." I called throwing my jacket on.

  I smiled instantly when I saw him standing under the awning waiting for me. Looking at him never seemed to get old. Seriously, he looked like he should have been on the cover of GQ. He had a great sense of style too, and today was no different. He was nicely pulled together with khakis and a brown pea coat. I greeted him with a quick peck on the cheek.

  "Hey gorgeous," he said, interlocking his fingers with mine, "you ready to spend some quality time at my place1?"

  "I'm so ready."

  We started walking towards the subway and I felt his eyes burning on me. "Something wrong?" I asked.

  "New bag?" he questioned.

  "Oh," I stammered, feeling slightly uncomfortable. Bradley was definitely one of the more observant men I knew. "Yeah, the guys got it for me for Christmas. They always chip in and get me something really nice, so this year they got me the Hermès I've been drooling over for ages."

  "I didn't realize you guys exchanged gifts," he said coolly.

  "We always have. I love giving gifts," I chirped, "I can't wait for you to open yours!"

  Bradley offered a half-hearted smile and I could tell that he was bothered by something but I wasn't really sure what. I guessed he was still jealous of my relationship with the boys, but decided to just go with the flow. If something was really bothering him, he would tell me… I hoped.

  We spent the rest of the journey in silence. Bradley fumbled nervously with his keys as we entered his penthouse. I was beginning to feel like we were having problems already and it made me sick to my stomach. It hadn't even been two months into our relationship, and I was already pushing him away. I was beginning to think I was destined to live the rest of my life alone.

  "Alright," I said digging through my purse for the small square package I had placed in there earlier. My hands made contact and I grabbed it quickly, my heart fluttered. "Open my gift for you." I passed the box to Bradley and smiled. I was trying my best to smooth whatever this was over.

  "You didn't have to get anything for me," he offered pleasantly as he tore into the silver paper. I had gone for something small and simple, since we'd only been together for a short time, but I watched his eyes light up when he saw how thoughtful I had been.

  "It's perfect Emma," he said fingering the smooth leather of the new wallet.

  "I noticed that your wallet was in rough shape."

  "That's an understatement," he said as he yanked the old wallet from his back pocket, "I've had this thing since I was in high school. In fact, I think it was the first wallet I ever bought."

  "Well I figured a wallet was something you would never buy for yourself, so I went ahead and picked one out for you. If you don't like it I have the receipt."

  "No, I love it. Thank you!"

  I smiled as I watched him excitedly transfer his cash and cards from one wallet to the other. He stopped and frowned as he turned to grab a vase full of red roses from the counter.

  "I wish I had gotten you something nicer," he said passing me the flowers.

  "Oh stop, these are amazing! I never get flowers," I said. That was the truth. I never bought them for myself, and you can be sure that none of my previous boyfriends had bothered to get them for me. I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him on the forehead. "Thank you."

  Bradley wrapped his arms around my waist, scooping me up like a ragdoll. "You're so perfect."

  I giggled at his flattery. He constantly showered me with compliments, and if I'm honest, I was still a little uncomfortable being on the receiving end of such nice words. "Nobody is perfect," I argued.

  "Well you're pretty close," he muttered, setting me back down on the floor. He immediately turned his attention to the refrigerator. Popping the door open he searched aimlessly for something. I still got the feeling that he was annoyed with me; like something else was on his mind. He obviously wasn't going to say anything on his own, so I took the floor. "Is something bothering you?" I questioned.

  He grabbed a bottle of water and slammed the fridge door shut. "I think I've got something I need to get off my chest."

  "Please do," I said, "because I can't handle much more of this hot and cold routine."

  "Don't be mad, just hear me out," he paused for reassurance.

  "Go ahead."

  "I like you a lot Emma, you're just awesome. I think we could have something really great, but I just feel like I'm not a part of your life. I understand that your roommates are important to you, but I also know that if you and I are going to have a shot you've got to start letting me in."

  I stood there gazing at him for what seemed like hours. I wasn't sure how I felt about what he said, let alone how I would respond. "Wow," was all I was finally able to mutter, "I'm sorry you feel like that."

  "I know you're probably thinking that I'm jealous just because they're guys, but I swear I would feel the same if they were women. You do everything with them, and I feel like there is never any time for us."

  "Yeah, I guess you're right."

  "I'm not saying that you have to choose between me and them, I'm just asking that you give us a chance," he spoke softly, embracing me again, "because I know we could be a good thing."

  He looked deep into my eyes and forced a smile. I knew he was right. If we were going to try to make our relationship work, I was going to have to start including Bradley in more aspects of my life; even if that meant leaving the boys out of it.

  Over Christmas week, Bradley and I spent every free moment we had together. Things seemed much simpler without the guys around. We enjoyed each other's company and we were getting ready to take our relationship to the next level. We were going to spend New Years together. New Years had always been something sacred to the guys and I, but I sucked it up and invited Bradley to join us.

  However my plans were derailed when Tyler and Shane called to inform me that they were extending their Maine trip. I tried hiding my disappointment from Bradley, but he was just so damn observant.

  "What's up?" he questioned as he passed me my cup of coffee.

  "Oh," I broke my gaze from my cell phone, "the guys decided that they aren't coming back until tomorrow."

  "So they won't be joining us tonight?" Bradley sounded hopeful.

  "Nope, looks like it will just be you and me."

  It felt wrong. I knew I should have been ecstatic at the thought of more alone time with Bradley-any girl would have killed for the chance to kiss him at midnight-but I just really missed the guys. I couldn't help feeling the way I felt. I wanted to, truly I did. But I just couldn't seem to get passed it.

  "Well we'll have fun in Times Square on our own," he offered while taking a seat across from me. I'd enjoyed our time alone but I think I was looking forward to have some company besides him. Maybe that was the problem; maybe we'd seen too much of each other over the holidays. I hoped that was it.

  "Yeah, I know, it's just…" I paused. Bradley didn't need to hear me complain about not being able to be with the guys again. But the truth was I was super bummed. I couldn't r
emember a time when I didn't ring in the New Year with Tyler and Shane. Even when we were ten, our parents had arranged for us to be able to spend it together. It seemed as though this was going to be the first of our traditions to slip away and it was disheartening to say the least.

  "Never mind," I finished.

  He placed his arm around my waist, pulling me across the table and in to him. I placed my head on his chest and relaxed; I felt safe in his arms. Things with Bradley were going to be different than all my other relationships and I wasn't going to waste anymore of my time thinking about other nonsense. I promised myself that I wouldn't spend tonight being bummed. I was going to enjoy it for it was. I was embarking on a new journey with my perfect boyfriend.

  I watched the exit for the airport come into sight and disappear just as fast.

  "Can you tell me again why we're not going home?" I questioned.

  I'd had enough of Maine and If I wasn't going to be spending time with my mother I didn't really see the point to keep staying. Tyler thought otherwise.

  "Because Shane," he seethed, "you know damn well how it will end up if we go back."

  I did know how it would end up, but I wasn't going to admit it to myself; or to anyone else for that matter.

  "It would end up with me, happily in my own bed," I joked.

  "Hardly, dumbass. One of two things would go down tonight my friend," Tyler spoke calmly as he exited the highway. "You could either end up hosting your very own drunken pity party..."

  "Well, that could be fun," I interjected.

  Tyler ignored me and continued, "I refuse to watch that shit anymore. Or you could end up starting shit with Bradley."

  "Well that could be fun too. You're taking all the excitement out of my life," I whined.

  "Either way Shane, I'm stopping you from making a complete ass of yourself. You can thank me later."

  I fumed in the passenger seat. I hated to think that he was right, but he was. I couldn't be mad at him. He was only trying to help.

  "You do realize that we've never missed a New Year's with Emma," I added, hoping to remind him that not only was he keeping me out of trouble, but he was also breaking tradition; and probably Emma's heart.

  "She'll forgive us."

  I knew what Tyler was trying to say it stung like hell. He was right; Emma wouldn't spend her evening worrying about us because she would be spending it with him.

  "So what are we doing tonight?" I questioned in attempt to change the subject and distract myself.

  Tyler smirked, pulling into the Holiday Inn that we had stayed at a few times before and I immediately knew where we would be ringing in the New Year.

  'The Pig Pen'. It had to be the sleaziest bar in Maine, and possibly even in the country. Of course it wasn't actually called 'The Pig Pen', but no one called it 'Michael's'. It was notorious for good booze, better dancing, and the loosest women. I knew Tyler meant well, and he was making a real effort to pull me out of my funk. The least I could do would be to put my thoughts aside for one evening; although I suspected that would be easier said than done.

  Even though I knew they wouldn't be coming I couldn't stop myself scanning the crowd. Part of me was still hoping that they would change their mind and pop up in our usual spot here in Times Square. But with less than a minute until the New Year, I realized that they really weren't coming.

  I felt Bradley put his arm around my neck and I forced my attention back to him. He looked so handsome standing next to me in his wool pea coat and scarf. We smiled at each other as the thousands of people surrounding us began to count down.

  I felt the excitement permeate through the air as everyone around me counted down to the New Year. It was a new beginning; a second chance.

  "3...2...1!" the crowd shouted, "Happy New Year!"

  Bradley pulled me close, pressing his lips gently to mine quickly. "Happy New Year Babe."

  I murmured the same back to him, before quickly looking over my shoulder one last time. It was official, 2012 would be the first year we hadn't started together. They knew things were changing in my life, so they had given me the space that I needed, and that space would allow Bradley and I take our relationship to the next level.

  I was excited to find out what the New Year had in store for me, truly I was. But at the same time I couldn't shake the feeling that I was missing something. I was missing the friendships I had grown to depend on. I felt the tears pooling in the back of my eyes. Before anyone could see my tears, I threw myself into my gorgeous boyfriend's arms with not only my body, but my whole heart as well.

  I sat down onto the curb outside of 'The Pig Pen' just as the crowd started their countdown. I had lost Tyler in the crowd about thirty minutes ago and I decided to give up the search. He was obviously having a good time and I didn't want to bring him down.

  The crowd began to roar with the sound of all the hopeless souls ringing in the New Year with people they hardly knew. I didn't belong there. I belonged in New York, with Emma by my side.

  Desolate, I pulled out my cell phone. Part of me hoped she had called or sent a text whilst the other contemplated whether or not I should call her.

  "Don't do it."

  I turned to see Tyler towering above me, covered with glitter and beaded necklaces. I turned away from him without saying a word.

  "The way I see it is if she hasn't bothered to call you, then she's not thinking about you. She's there with Bradley. She's not missing us."

  "Yeah, I know," I began, "it just seems weird you know. We kicked off nineteen years together."

  Tyler placed his hand on my shoulder and gave a squeeze. "I know man, but the way things are going it's the end of an era."

  He was right. Emma had drawn the line in the sand. She knew what direction she wanted her life to go and unfortunately, that direction didn't include me.

  The next three months flew by as I filled my time with Bradley. We did everything together; from shopping at the local farmers market and going to the movies, to just walking in the park. He even compromised and spent a few quiet evenings watching a movie on the futon with the guys. He was always a gentleman and the night would end with an earthmoving kiss. Things were great, but I still had feelings of doubt. I knew his good looks meant that I ignored some of the more worrisome aspects of our relationship but he made my body respond in ways I never thought possible; my lust for him drove me wild. Whilst I knew I cared about Bradley more than any of my other previous boyfriends and I wanted things to work with him, I was still unsure of his feelings for me. I knew he must like me-you didn't spend that kind of time with someone you just had lukewarm feelings for-but we hadn't gotten to the point in our relationship where we had spilled our guts about how we truly felt about one another. I wondered when and how that time would come, or if it ever would. I was hoping it would be sooner rather than later, because I was getting damn tired of holding out in the sex department.

  You see, I was not going to blow this relationship by being a tramp. I had spent years giving it up easily and that hadn't got me anywhere. Besides, I needed to be sure of where I stood before we took it to the next level. I had been hurt way too many times to put myself out there like that again unless I was absolutely sure of where things were going.

  I jumped out of my skin when my phone rang. I glanced down at the ID and seeing it was Bradley, I smiled as I answered. "Hey, I was just thinking about you."

  "Really?" his velvety voice rang out. "All horrible things I presume."

  "Possibly," god, his voice was nearly as sexy as he was. "So, what's up?"

  "I need to see you," he said eagerly. "Right now. Meet me at the park, where we feed the ducks."

  "Of course. I'll see you soon."

  I heard the line go dead, and I couldn't help but feel elated. I loved that he was spontaneous like that. We rarely ever planned dates; he would call eager to see me and I would oblige and that's pretty much how our relationship operated. It never mattered what I was doing-or what time of day it wa
s-I always made time for Bradley.

  I leapt up from my bed immediately and threw on some jeans and a t-shirt. Just as I grabbed my purse there was a knock on my door. I reached and opened it. Shane was there leaning against the door frame.

  "Hey buddy, what's up?"

  I stepped aside to let him come in. He went and sat down in my computer chair and I couldn't help but notice how terrible he looked. The normal sparkle from his blue eyes was missing; he was pale and had dark circles under his eyes. Work must have been dragging him down because he had been working long hours and had been out of the house a lot lately. He told me a few weeks previously that he was working a big case his firm had taken on pro bono.

  "Do you want to go for a walk with me?" he asked running his fingers through his hair.

  "I would love to but…"

  "Let me guess," he cut in, "Bradley?"

  I couldn't understand why he sounded annoyed.

  "Rain check?" I asked.

  He rolled his eyes in response, "Yeah, whatever."

  "Shane, don't be like that." I pleaded as he got up and stalked out of my room.

  "Don't worry Emma, it's not a big deal," he called out, "I can't even remember the last time we hung out, so what's another day?!" He slammed the door to his room and that was it.

  As I walked to the park to meet Bradley, I steamed over Shane. He could be such a jerk sometimes. He had always been upfront about his feelings-for as long as I could ever remember he never failed to call people out-but I noticed it even more now that his job was becoming increasingly stressful whilst he worked towards becoming partner at his firm.

  As I calmed down, I realized that Shane was right; he was my best friend and I had been ignoring him lately. I couldn't even remember the last time we had hung out; I'd been so wrapped up in Bradley and work that I didn't really have much time for anything else. I made a mental note to make it up to him.

  But as upset as I was my worries melted away as I approached the bench next to the duck pond and saw Bradley waiting for me.