Heaven's Hell

by Takerra, Allen

  As Heaven rushed into the bathroom to fix her hair and get a look at herself, she could hear voices in the living room. The voices were unfamiliar to her, but one of them, with heavy baritone, seemed to be yelling at Khalil. She knew it probably had to do with business and all she could think was ‘good for his punk ass’. Her face was red and seemed as if it was about to swell up, she figured she should put some ice on it. She knew Khalil didn’t like it when she came out when he had company, but she needed to get to the kitchen ASAP before her cheek blew up like a balloon. He already gonna fight me when they leave anyway. She walked slowly out of the bathroom into the living room and the men immediately stopped talking. She kept her eyes to the ground but looked up at Khalil briefly and could see an enraged look on his face. Something inside of her told her to put her eyes back down and just carry on to the kitchen. Something told her that if you look up, you gonna be in some trouble Heaven. She figured that trouble meant trouble with Khalil but nothing could prepare her for what she was about to see.

  His name was G and he had come for his money. Khalil had been ducking him all week and he didn’t have the time to be chasing this nigga around. He knew Khalil was a nickel and dime nigga, a waste of space type, and the only reason he did business with him was because Khalil owned Slick’s, a low budget bar that was mediocre in profit but great in location. Location being for meetings, covers, and shit like that. Anything needing to be done, him and his team could go to Slick’s to do it. So when he inherited the empire from his brother who was now doing triple life sentences, he went part owner automatically into many of the black owned businesses throughout North Jersey, bars, strip clubs, and even some venues and a restaurant. He didn’t have the time to keep up with many things on the daily, he usually let his workers handle that, but when his man let him know that Khalil hadn’t paid his 40% for the month yet, he figured he would pay him a personal visit. Usually G was a real calm guy, but if you fucked with his money, whether it was ten thousand dollars or ten dollars, you were owed a visit. He demanded respect just from his walk alone and to be so young, only 24, he was very, very powerful.

  G was becoming irritated with Khalil, his excuses, and his lying. And just when G raised his voice letting Khalil know that he didn’t come for talking, Khalil promised to have his money by the end of the day. ‘It’s been a slow month. The bar needed the roof fixed. G, I promise… just give me ‘til the end of the day.’ G was about to run his pockets and take everything that was of value in his piece of shit place, and then, she walked out. She had a sad face, pretty, but very sad. G didn’t even notice her perfectly sculpted body, and that was a first for him. He just looked at her face and begged her with his eyes to look up so he could get a better look at her. She was barefoot, with pretty little toes, and unblemished skin that looked like a pool of caramel. She’s too young to be his girl. G thought. And too fly. Even with no words spoken G could tell there was tension between the two of them. Then she looked up at him, quickly, but she looked nonetheless. Her eyes were light brown and tantalizing, her face was red and G could tell she had been hit. She scurried across the floor and hastily disappeared into the kitchen as G kept his eyes on the kitchen opening to try to get a glimpse of her.

  She heard them start their conversation again as she took four ice cubes out of the ice tray and put them into a paper towel. Instead of putting them to her cheek like she intended, she held them against her neck and then down to her cleavage area in an exaggerated attempt to cool off from her first ‘G’ sighting. She stood mouth opened replaying his eyes locked on hers over and over again. Oh my god he is beautiful. She knew that wasn’t a word a woman usually used to describe a man, but it was the only word she could think of to describe him. His chocolate complexion, his sexy lips, his brown piercing eyes, all sent shocks through her. His jet black hair was cut low with deep waves, he was tall with a nice muscular build. He was dressed like new money, he hadn’t said a word to her, but she could tell he was smooth. So smooth, that she was sure he could make the strongest girl submissive. Damn.

  At that moment she cursed any and everyone that had put her in the situation she was in. It wasn’t until that moment that she truly hated being Heaven. Of course she didn’t enjoy her life, but she had never felt a true desire for something else as strong as this, not even with Ricky. At this moment she was certain that she didn’t even like Ricky, he was just something different, out of her norm. But this guy, this guy was the first guy that made her feel those butterflies that the girls at school always talk about. She waited until they left to exit the kitchen.

  When she came out of the kitchen she was shocked to see that Khalil was gone as well. Hmph. Maybe he is gonna get that man his money after all. She stood next to the small curtain less window with her ice and thought about what she had just experienced.

  A man like that would never be interested in me anyway. Who am I kidding? I wonder what his name is? I wonder how old he is? Maybe I can find out stuff about him from Khalil without sounding like I want to know. Ugh! What am I talking about? It doesn’t matter anyway, I could never meet him. I might as well just forget about it, and try to clean this house and cook so Khalil don’t kick my ass.

  And so she cleaned the apartment and baked some chicken, mac and cheese, and made some broccoli. Then she showered and took out her Physics book once again to get to her homework. It was after 7 p.m. and Khalil still hadn’t returned. By the time he returned it was well after nine and he told her that he was too tired to fight with her. He ate the food, and said that instead of fighting, he might treat her tonight. She knew what that meant, and to her it was worse than a beating, he wanted sex. Before she went to bed to get ready for Khalil she looked over all of her college acceptance letters, still debating on whom to choose. Just a couple of months to go and she would be 18, far away, and starting life over. No more of her parents, no more of Khalil, no more of that school, just her. She smiled, and then she put the letters away and headed into the bedroom. She took off her clothes, climbed into bed, closed her eyes and allowed Khalil to enter her, all the while thinking of the man she would soon learn to be G.

  …Beauty and the Beast, Of the Streets…

  Ricky wasn’t lying when he said that him and Heaven could become friends. It seemed the more Heaven talked to Ricky; the more she found they had in common.

  It started with a phone call that she received from him one day when she was forced to stay at her parents’ house. They talked all night into the morning and by the end of that conversation, Heaven felt as if she had gained a friend.

  From their talks she learned that Ricky was an only child, like herself, and although his upbringing was more on the side of normality, Ricky did not enjoy his home life as well. He told her that since his parents’ divorce, his mother had become quite promiscuous, often having a new man on a monthly basis.

  She opened up to him about her relationship with Khalil, leaving out the part of him basically purchasing her from her pimp-molesting father. He could tell from the way that she spoke of him, and even of her parents, that she wasn’t happy. She allowed Ricky to drive her home twice, both times were days that Khalil wasn’t able to and when she knew no one would be at her home to see. And on days that she was at Khalil’s, she would sneak and call Ricky during the hours that Khalil would be out.

  Although they had grown really cool over a time span of a couple of weeks, the man she had seen in Khalil’s living room crossed her mind occasionally. She would often fantasize of him while she was in the shower, allowing her fingers to roam and her thoughts to bring her to orgasm. Khalil hadn’t made Heaven cum since the first couple of times that he made love to her, and she was sure he had only done that at first to make her more comfortable with their situation. Now that he had her attached, and stuck, he didn’t feel a need to cater to her desires anymore. So Heaven had to result to pleasuring herself, and ultimately believed that the sexual experience had little to offer a woman.

  Heaven and Ricky h
adn’t gone past the kissing stage yet, and neither of them seemed to be in a rush to. Being that Heaven didn’t really enjoy sex that much and Ricky got it so much, just hanging out seemed to be good enough for them. Not that the temptation wasn’t there, Ricky was sexy, rugged, and altogether smooth. And of course, to Ricky, Heaven was the most beautiful girl in school. One thing he hated though was how their time was always so limited.

  One day they were in his car pulling onto her block when Heaven began to panic at the sight of her father standing on the porch. He wasn’t supposed to be home! As Ricky began to slow down Heaven frantically urged him not to.

  “Keep going! Keep going!” She shrieked, as she ducked down in the passenger seat.

  Ricky looked at her confused but continued to ride by her house and then turned the corner. He pulled over in front of a bodega and turned to Heaven with a perplexed look.

  “What was that all about Hev?” She took a deep breath calming down a little.

  “My daddy! He can’t see me with you. He’d bug out and he’ll probably tell Khalil,” Heaven assumed, taking a deep breath and sitting back up in the seat.

  Ricky sucked his teeth and turned his Maxima off.

  “What? Why would he do that? Wouldn’t ya dad like you talking to somebody your own age instead of that old ass dude anyway?”

  Heaven didn’t respond, she just turned her head and looked out of the window. Ricky took that as a green light to continue.

  “I don’t get it Hev, why are you even still with Khalil, you don’t like him. At least that’s what you tell me.”

  Ricky was scared that he was being played like a sucka. In his mind, Heaven was trying to have her cake and eat it too, while Ricky was trying desperately to make Heaven his girl.

  She sat there and looked out of the window praying that if she didn’t look at him, she could mask the answers to his questions. She knew that if she looked at him the secrets that burned her inside would spill out of her mouth. He was her only friend, that she felt comfortable enough with to talk about things, she just wasn’t sure if she wanted to talk about those things.

  When he saw that she wasn’t answering he gave up.

  “You wanna go to my house and smoke a blunt?” Heaven looked at him knowing that she should get her ass out of the car, walk around the corner, and take her ass home. It was a Tuesday and Khalil was busy, but her daddy was home. That meant that he would be expecting her. Plus she didn’t even enjoy smoking weed, she had tried some with Ricky the first time he drove her home, but she didn’t like it. She would never tell him that though, she didn’t want to come off as an even bigger square than she already was.

  Then she figured, maybe I can go to Ricky’s for like 20 minutes and just tell my dad that I stayed after to talk to guidance counselors about college or something like that.

  She bit her bottom lip nervously but then looked at his innocent eyes and enticing smile.

  “Okay but just for a little, alright?”

  He nodded and then he went into the bodega and bought a pack of Dutch master cigars. He got back in and started the car, taking another look at Heaven, and then he pulled off.

  From the moment they walked into Ricky’s home, Heaven felt a sense of comfort. The house was average sized, but very neat and clean, with a small garden in front.

  The smell of clean linen protruded her nostrils as her feet sank into the beige carpet.

  “You gotta take your shoes off,” Ricky had stated when they first walked in, and now she could see why. Ricky’s mother kept a beautiful home, the type of home all young girls should grow up in.

  They went up to his bedroom and Heaven looked around as he rolled the weed into the cigar.

  “How old were you in this picture?” She asked, of a portrait of Ricky in Pop Warner Football gear doing a muscle man pose.

  “Like seven,” he answered, focusing on his task. “Come here girl, come sit next to me.”

  Heaven walked over and took a seat on his soft twin sized bed and felt the urge to kiss him, but she held back, not wanting him to get the wrong idea.

  He lit the blunt and took a long pull, followed by a short one, and then passed it to Heaven. She looked at it, and then took it from him, taking a long pull and then another, mimicking what he had done.

  From moment Heaven sucked the weed into her lungs she knew that something was different. This must be that ‘good’ shit that everyone talks about.

  They repeated the puff-puff pass cycle and as they became more comfortable, and high, Heaven decided that she would open up to Ricky about her past. She started off telling him about how she ended up with Khalil, the real story about how she would have been tricking if it weren’t for him. She even broke down and told him that her daddy used to fuck her.

  She didn’t want his sympathy, she just wanted an ear, and that’s exactly what Ricky was. She ignored her inner inquisitiveness about the weed and continued to smoke, but with every pass of the blunt back and forth she was becoming more and more paranoid.

  ”Ricky, something is weird.”

  It felt like somebody was picking at her brain with a thumbtack, she became tingly all over and she started to see black dots, first sporadically, and then all at once.

  “Ricky… I feel funny. I think it’s something wrong with me.”

  He started laughing and although he was sitting right next to her, he sounded like he was miles away. And then, instead of his laugh she began hearing little things, like the clock ticking, the vibrations from the fish tank filter, her heartbeat.

  “Ricky, something is wrong. You have to call the ambulance… or the cops!”

  Ricky laughed harder, but it still sounded drowned out.

  “Aint nothing wrong wit you shorty. You just tripping off a little dust that’s all.” She heard that.

  ‘Dust? Like dirt? Why would I trip off of that?”

  He laughed at her naivety.

  “Hev, dust, like angel dust. I laced the weed, it makes it better.”

  She opened her mouth wide and blinked her eyes repeatedly. She began breathing heavy and feeling like she was having an outer body experience. She was scared as hell. And more importantly, she was pissed at Ricky! She couldn’t believe he did that without telling her.

  “Take me home…take me home, right now!” She screamed at the top of her lungs, and then she got up and knocked the pictures off of his dresser. He became serious.

  “Alright, alright, calm down! I’m sorry.” He went to grab her to hold her but in Heaven’s paranoid mind he was trying something else. She smacked him hard catching him off guard and knocking him into the wall. Heaven had become good with fighting thanks to Khalil.

  Ricky gained his composure and tried to mask his anger, but this was definitely the last time he smoked with Heaven. In his mind he hadn’t done anything wrong, he just tried to relax her and give her an escape, but he was starting to think that maybe she needed to be right where she was because the girl was acting crazy.

  He grabbed his car keys and walked out of the bedroom without saying a word. Heaven followed, but found it difficult to concentrate on her walking. She practically fell down the stairs and Ricky refused to help her, he was pissed off. Heaven finally made it to the car and reclined back, then she closed her eyes and promised herself that if she made it through this, she would never smoke weed again.

  When Heaven walked into the high school that morning the first person she wanted to find was Ricky. Although he had done what Heaven considered some fucked up shit, she still wanted to apologize for hitting him. She also wanted to let him know that she didn’t like the experience and that she was up all night long thinking she heard noises and people calling her name. It was over for her and any type of weed. She spotted Ricky by his locker talking to a bunch of people and she made eye contact with him but he looked away quickly. What the fuck is wrong with him? I should be mad.

  She quickly walked over in his direction but was stopped short by a pretty girl that Heaven had
seen around school a lot. She had never talked to Heaven before today.

  “Hey Heaven, what’d you do last night?” Heaven looked at her baffled and wondered what it was to her. She stumbled on a simple answer of ‘nothing’ as she focused again on Ricky. The girl giggled as others looked on and Heaven got a feeling in her heart that Ricky had told them about her bad experience with angel dust. But nothing was worse than what came out of the girl’s mouth.

  “Oh, so I guess you were too tired to fuck your daddy last night, huh?” The hallway erupted in laughter as Heaven closed her eyes and prayed that when she opened them she wouldn’t be there. She was wrong. She felt like she could’ve just died, and she realized at that moment to not trust anyone, not even herself. Ricky looked at Heaven and immediately felt bad for telling his friends her secret. The minute the words had come out of his mouth that morning he regretted them. He didn’t expect for his homies to tell their girls and then their girls to tell their girls, it just got out of control. He wished by the look on Heaven’s face right now, that he could take it back.

  He turned to walk away from the scene, but Heaven ran up on him and pushed him hard from behind. The minute he turned around she started swinging on him.

  “I fucking hate you Ricky! I hate you! How could you do that?”

  She was punching him everywhere and anywhere as he tried to grab her hands and push her away, but he never hit her back. Finally, a teacher came and broke everything up as a security guard dragged Heaven to the principal’s office. Ricky murmured a tired and lonely “I’m sorry’ that never reached Heaven’s ears.