A deep, guttural noise moved up from deep in his chest until his mouth vibrated around her wet skin. “The girl I used to know,” he murmured against her, the heat from his body pushing away the light chill of the night sky, “liked everything about this.”
He leaned back long enough to strip off his T-shirt. Instantly, Tanya’s hands were all over him, feeling the new, harder planes of his chest. He stood, with his eyes closed and his chest heaving, as she discovered him all over again. He hadn’t so much grown up as he’d grown into a man. Still the same, but different. He looked like he was hanging on to his self-control by the thinnest of strings. If she recalled correctly, there were a few things that he liked, too. She gave one of his nipples a tweak, just to see what would happen.
He gasped and staggered forward so hard that he had to prop himself up with his hands to keep from falling on top of her. “Tanya,” he hissed out between clenched teeth. That made her smile. He might have reduced her to a quivering mess, but she knew all his triggers, too. She leaned up and bit him just above the nipple—not too hard, but hard enough to leave a red mark. She could leave her mark on him after all. She already had—she just hadn’t been able to see it until this moment.
The groan that escaped his mouth seemed to thrum through her body all the way down to where his buckle was standing between them. She couldn’t hold back much longer. Two years. Her mind kept rolling over and over the words—two years since she’d had this moment. All she could do was pray that she wouldn’t have to wait another two years before she could have him again. She made a grab at his buckle—she was damnably tired of that disc of metal coming between them—but he caught her hands and pushed them away as he made a clucking noise. “The girl I used to know always was a little impatient.”
She could hear the teasing in his tone, but there was no mistaking the way his voice was rough with the same need that made her so greedy.
Nick undid his buckle and shucked his pants down. He sprang free of his clothes, his length rising to meet her center. But when he leaned forward, Tanya pulled back. Yes, she was stupid-crazy for him. But she couldn’t afford to pay the price a second time around. “Wait.”
“’S okay,” he mumbled as he clawed at his now-fallen jeans. Long seconds later, he pulled a small plastic square out of his back pocket. He rolled the condom on while Tanya shivered without his touch to keep her warm. As soon as he was protected, he leaned back into her. “I missed you so much, babe.”
“I missed you, too.” Talking was harder than she thought it would be. Her throat was all clogged up with relief and desire and emotions she couldn’t even name. She wanted to tell him more than that—how much she needed him, how she would always love him no matter what.
But those words died on her tongue the moment he entered her. Her body convulsed so hard that she couldn’t do anything but hold on to him. “Nick,” she managed to say. But that was all.
It wasn’t as if she had forgotten what sex with Nick was like, because she hadn’t. Rare was the day when she didn’t think about—dream about—the nights they drove off in a truck and had sex under the stars.
But she had forgotten. Time had dulled the sensation of Nick filling her, of Nick kissing her, of Nick loving her. Because he did. She could feel it in the way he stroked into her—hard, like she’d always liked it, but not violently. She could tell by how he couldn’t keep his hands off her, and by how he kept kissing her and then kissing her some more.
For a shining moment, Tanya forgot about the past two years, and the two years before that. She forgot about the Council and the job, her mother and her son. She forgot about wanting to make a difference and wanting a better life. All she could think about was how she had loved this man since she’d known what love was. This wasn’t just sex. This was making love.
She gave him everything she had. Everything. She couldn’t hold back—what if? But Nick pushed those thoughts far from her mind. Still thrusting, he moved down until he was licking her breasts again while he held her up. All Tanya could do was dig her fingers into his hair and hold on for the ride.
Suddenly, Nick’s mouth relinquished its hold on her nipples. He crushed her up into his chest, surrounding her with his strong arms. “Babe,” he managed to get out as he drove harder and harder into her.
Tanya’s world exploded around her, the force of the unleashed orgasm obliterating everything but Nick. Nick. She couldn’t even say his name, but she didn’t have to. With a low roar and a final series of thrusts, he came.
He still loved her. He hadn’t forgotten her.
He pulled out, leaving Tanya feeling empty and a little lost. He’d promised he wouldn’t leave, but what if…
She shouldn’t have worried, though. Nick buckled up, handed her the nightie and then climbed up onto the tailgate with her. It was only then that Tanya noticed the sleeping bags behind her. He’d thought of everything, but they hadn’t even made it all the way into the truck bed. That’s what two years of frustration did, she figured with a smile.
Nick crawled back onto the sleeping bags and patted the space next to him. Happier than she wanted to admit, Tanya took her place beside him and was rewarded with his arms pulling her into a monster hug.
“You’re right,” he murmured into her hair. “You’re not the girl I used to know.”
“Oh?” That was all she could say. She had no idea if she should be terrified or what.
He kissed her on the temple and then sighed—a sound of total satisfaction. “You’re something even better. The woman I know now.”
Eight
Nick waited for Tanya to say something. He knew she would—sooner or later anyway—but he didn’t know what it would be. He would have guessed that she’d go all sentimental on him and tell him she loved him. That should have scared the hell out of him. But now that they were here, curled up in the back of his truck, the smell of sex still clinging to the air around them, the thought didn’t bother him as much.
However, he didn’t want to jump into the void either. Mostly because he didn’t know what he would say next. His heart was still racing and his mind felt both fogged-up and crystal clear at the same time. What he was mostly thinking about was the weight of Tanya’s warm body curled against him, how he could feel the fluttering of her heartbeat against his skin and the way her fingers traced a path between his still-bare chest, his face and his hair. Especially that. In fact, if she kept it up, he’d have to get that second condom out of the glove box.
He had always remembered the sex as being incredible, but somehow, this had been beyond the scope of that simple word. More, he found himself thinking. More than just sex. Something much more.
And Tanya had been worried he wouldn’t like her body? That idea was so ridiculous as to be laughable. Yeah, the curves were different than what he remembered. That wasn’t a bad thing, though. In fact, it was a very, very good thing. The swell of her hips, those luscious breasts—oh, yeah, that was way more. Even now he was having trouble keeping his hands off her.
But he did. What she’d said he’d said—“Been good seeing you, Tanya. Have a nice life, Tanya”—ran around his head like a dog off the leash. He didn’t remember saying that. He must have said something, though, something that hurt her. As he watched the stars and stroked her hair, he found himself struggling to think what it could have been.
The minutes passed unaccounted for. He didn’t know what time it was, and he didn’t care. This—being here with Tanya, in the back of a truck, under the stars—had been a homecoming more important to him than just setting foot on the rez. He felt like he’d rediscovered a part of him that he had lost. Well, not lost, but forgotten. He’d forgotten how free being with Tanya could make him feel. Right now, he truly felt at home, and he didn’t want to do anything to ruin that.
It had to end. Even he knew that. He had no interest in spending the night in the back of this truck. Soon enough, Tanya’s chest rose and fell in an extra-heavy sigh. Here it comes, he thought.
“What happens next?” Her voice was soft, all the contentious edges wiped clean. She sounded sexier than she ever had without the benefit of actual pillow talk. Of course, they didn’t have any actual pillows. The truck was nice in a sentimental sense, but a bed would be better.
He wouldn’t hurt her again. So he chose his words carefully as he gave her another squeeze. “This is what I’d like to happen, but I want to hear what you want, too.”
“Oh.” She didn’t so much say the word as exhale it against his skin. “Okay.”
He braced himself for the potential tempest he was about to unleash in the back of a truck. “I’d like for you and Bear to spend the weekend with me—every weekend. Bear has his own room at my place.”
“And I can sleep wherever I want, right?” As she said it, she traced a lazy circle on his chest.
How many condoms did he have in the glove box? Two more, he remembered. He’d left the rest of the box at home, counting on her arrival. “Anywhere.” He had to grab her hand to stop the circle before all the clarity evaporated and left him with nothing but fog. Then he waited to see what she’d say.
“Okay.”
Okay? That was it? No push back, no argument? He asked, she agreed? It had to be a first. Feeling bold, he pressed on. “I’d also like to have dinner with you—and Bear—a few nights a week. Help out around the house if you want me to, that sort of thing. Just spend some time with you both.”
“Yeah?” The disbelief was barely noticeable, but he still heard it.
He weighed his options. Yes, he could demand his parental rights or tell her he was getting Bear tested no matter what, but that felt unnecessary. What this particular situation called for was reassurances. “Look, babe, there’s no need for the courts to get involved. This isn’t a custody issue, as far as I’m concerned. Bear belongs with you. But I want to be a part of his life—of your life. I want to take him to the doctor’s, pick him up from your mom’s and just, you know, get to know him.” They could deal with the possible contamination later. Arguing with Tanya right now did not make for good pillow talk.
“For how long?”
Despite the warm glow, despite feeling free, despite the beautiful woman in his arms, he bristled. He was trying to be reassuring, and she still treated him like he was the enemy. He sat up, scooting away from her until his feet hit the ground and he had a hold of his shirt. The flash of anger had erased nearly all the good feelings he’d been basking in. She wanted to push? Fine. It was high time he did a little pushing back of his own.
“Look, I am sorry I didn’t call you back. I truly am. But you keep acting as if I willfully hung you and Bear out to dry, and that’s not what happened. I know you think I bailed on you—which I did not—but if you think that I’m going to walk out on my own son like a callous, heartless bastard, then maybe you should get out of the back of my truck.”
Immediately, he wished he’d kept his big, fat mouth shut. Her face dropped so fast that she looked like he’d backhanded her. “Tanya—”
“What I want, because you actually bothered to ask,” she said, her voice cold and level as she climbed out of the truck with more grace than he’d managed, “is to know which Nick I’m dealing with—the one I loved, or the one who left. That’s what I want. I thought, after today…” The pain in her voice was raw, and for the first time, he realized exactly how much she was hurting. Nick reached for her, but she danced away from him. “You act like I drove you away,” she went on, each word a bullet that sliced through the air, “like you already blame me for driving you away the next time. Because there will always be a next time. I already know you’re going to break my heart, Nick. It’s what you do.” He opened his mouth to defend himself, but she wasn’t done yet. “You want to hear the sad thing? No matter how many times you break it, I’ll still love you.” She turned on her heel.
Now it was his turn to feel like he’d been slapped, and hard. “No, wait. Tanya, wait!” This time, he didn’t let her get away. He grabbed her arm and spun her around until they were face-to-face. “Did you mean that? That you still love me?”
“Of course I do,” she replied, rubbing at her eyes with the back of her free hand. “I never stopped. I only wish…” she sniffed, but went on “…I wish you felt the same, that’s all. Now let me go.”
For an agonizing second, he couldn’t move, couldn’t think. Her words made perfect sense, but at the same time they confused everything. Nick crushed her to his chest, his mouth taking savage possession of hers. Tanya made a guttural noise of protest, but Nick wasn’t letting her push him away this time. He’d promised himself that he wouldn’t leave her hurting again. Now was the time to prove it to her.
“I will never let you go,” he whispered in her ear before he kissed his way down her neck. “I never did.”
Her chest rose in a ragged sob. For the life of him, Nick had no idea if Tanya crying was a good thing or not—as far as he could remember, she’d never broken down before. Not around him anyway.
Then she ran her fingers through his hair and pulled his head up to hers. “How can I trust you? How can I believe you won’t run back to Chicago the first chance you get?” Tears streamed down her cheeks. She made it sound as if he would tuck tail and run, like some sort of coward. As if he would just bail on his son. As if he would bail on her. He didn’t know how they’d make things work, long distance, but he knew now that he couldn’t not have her in his life. He couldn’t forget this part of himself again.
“I can’t, babe.” Her face started to fall again, but he didn’t give her the chance to bolt on him again. He rubbed away her tears with his thumbs. “I have to show you. Will you let me do that?” He tilted her head back until he could look her in the eye. “Let me show you.”
“Okay,” she half whispered, half sobbed, but at least this time, she had a happy little smile to go with it.
The kiss this time was different—not one fueled by desperation or need. Instead, it felt like the kind of intimacy, the closeness, that he’d never felt with any other woman. Rissa had never given him this feeling of, well, love. Tanya loved him. She’d never stopped loving him.
He considered lifting her back up into the truck bed, but that seemed…wrong. Like it was a moment in their past that they’d moved beyond. They weren’t the same crazy kids anymore. Even though they’d just done so, making love in the back of a truck suddenly seemed too juvenile.
“One second,” he murmured before he disentangled himself from her arms. He hurried to the cab of the truck and fished the two remaining condoms out of the glove box. Then he came back and picked Tanya up—she was standing barefoot in the middle of her front yard, after all.
She didn’t fight him or even ask him what he was doing. She clung to his neck as he carried her up to the house, opened the door for him and shut it behind him. Only then did he set her down, on the couch.
“Wait,” she said as she slipped out of his grasp.
He watched her silent figure pad back to the bedroom. She was checking on Bear, he realized. She wasn’t gone long. A few moments later, he heard the sound of the bedroom door shutting, then she appeared, a vision of perfect womanhood. All those womanly curves underneath the sweet white nightgown, the intent, happy look on her face—“Perfect,” he heard himself say. And he meant it. She was perfect for him.
Her mouth twisted in a pleased smile, then she pulled her nightgown off for the second time tonight. This time, she didn’t show the slightest bit of self-consciousness as she straddled him and pulled his belt free of his jeans. Already, he was straining behind his zipper, the intensity of his need stoked by her fingers working on loosening the denim.
He groaned as she took the condom from him and rolled it on. Any clarity he’d had disappeared beneath the exquisite fog caused by Tanya’s hands moving up and down his length, and then the rush that came when she settled her body on top of his. “Oh, babe.”
Then he couldn’t help himself. He buried his face in her b
reasts, kissing and nibbling and licking every single part of them while she moved up and down, back and forth. And the sounds she made—quiet gasps, low moans—those were for his ears only. She was for him only.
“I missed you so much,” she whispered as she sank down onto him again and again and again. “Missed…you.”
Still sucking on one of her nipples, Nick let his hands move over her back, down to her bottom and over her hips. Perfect, he thought again. Her new, generous proportions gave him so much more to hold, and to hold on to.
He pulled her down hard, and then harder, loving each little noise she made as their bodies rocked in unison. “I need you.” And the weird thing was, he was actively having her—but it only made him need her more. More. That’s what she was. That’s what this was. More than a smart career move, more than relieving a little tension, more than any of the games that went on in Chicago. This wasn’t a game at all. This was real.
She had her hands buried in his hair, holding his head right where he wanted it. The tempo picked up, driving him right to the edge. He grabbed her bottom, pulling her even farther apart so that he could drive in deeper and deeper. She gasped, and for a second he was afraid he’d gone too hard, too fast—but then she hissed, “Yes,” as everything about her tightened down. That was all he needed. Pumping furiously, he exploded into her.
Suddenly, Nick was tired. Exhausted. His head and arms felt heavier than they ever had. He’d given her everything he had, and he knew good and well that she’d done the same, but it had left him with very little clarity and a whole bunch of warm, happy fog. His head rolled back onto the couch, and he looked up at her.
He wanted to stay. A part of him wanted this—her—for a long time. Maybe forever. But his life wasn’t so simple that he could throw away everything he’d worked for, everything he’d accomplished, just because he might be in love with the mother of his son. That’s not how his world worked anymore.
A Man of Distinction Page 9