Burnout (NYPD Blue & Gold)

by Tee O'Fallon

  For the first time in years, she was happy. Truly happy. Her dream job was at the Nest, not to mention all her friends. Everyone at the restaurant had already become an extended part of her family. And then there was Mike. Infuriating, confusing, gorgeous Michael Flannery. One minute he would say hurtful and insulting things and push her away, and the next he would surprise her with unexpected tenderness.

  But the last thing she wanted in her life was another cop who played emotional mind games and could never treat her as an equal. She wanted a partner, a friend and lover who could be all those things a man should be without the macho need to stifle who and what she was.

  Cassie drew a calming breath, inhaling the sweet, floral scent from her neighbor’s rose garden. Between the wine and sheer exhaustion, she managed to relax and close her eyes.

  Raven’s claws clicked on the wood floor as she trotted up the stairs and shoved her head beneath Cassie’s hand. She stroked the dog’s warm silky ears, taking immense comfort in Raven’s protective nature. Anyone within a few feet of the property would set off the dog’s barking alarm.

  Thump, thump, thump.

  Cassie snapped open her eyes and jolted upright. She understood it was Raven’s tail making that noise, but why?

  Something moved at the far end of the yard, and she gripped the arm rails.

  “Oh, jeez.” Her breath came out in a loud whoosh.

  It was Mike. Not the hit man coming to take her out.

  Mike kicked the rear fence gate shut behind him and strode toward her, carrying a silver clipboard and a large paper shopping bag under one arm. In his other hand, he balanced a pizza box. Terror fled, replaced by a comforting warmth that spread through Cassie like a sip of hot chocolate on a ten-below-zero day.

  Mike had changed from his uniform into a pair of faded jeans and a navy blue polo shirt. Cassie’s gaze traveled up and down the length of him, absorbing every tantalizing detail of his perfect physique. She was still somewhat ticked at the way he’d behaved after Harding had been taken away, but for the moment it was impossible to ignore the way he filled out civilian clothes.

  The polo shirt hugged his chest, outlining every ripped inch of his broad upper body. His muscular thighs would make any woman take notice. Sunlight glinted off his short dark hair and made his deep blue eyes bluer. As he walked toward her, he smiled in that roguish way of his, sparking a pleasant fluttering inside her rib cage.

  It was a wonder he wasn’t married, or at least fending off advances from every female within a hundred-mile radius. Not only was he intelligent, but he had a wildly attractive, potently sexual side to him—the same side that had kissed her senseless. Cassie imagined stripping him out of his uniform, slowly, one piece of gear at a time.

  She glared at Raven as her tail continued to pound the floor. The dog shot from the porch to cavort around Mike’s legs, brazenly begging him to pet her.

  “Hussy,” Cassie muttered. Damned dog had the softest spot for Mike in her furry little heart.

  “I knocked on the front door,” Mike said in his deep, sexy voice as he took the stairs two at a time, “but you didn’t answer.” He set down on the table what he was carrying and crouched to give Raven a quick scratch behind both her ears. Over the dog’s head, he met Cassie’s gaze. “How are you feeling?”

  “Fine, just tired.” Exhausted, more like it.

  Her eyes were drawn to Mike’s large, tanned hands as he patted Raven’s head. Tingles shot across her skin as she remembered the feel of those hands on her body.

  Mike dodged Raven’s snout as she tried to land lick after lick on his face. “Okay, okay, girl.” He laughed and gave her one final pat before she flopped down and rolled onto her side for a nap.

  He came to stand over Cassie until she had to crane her neck to see his face. There was genuine caring and worry etched in his features.

  She smiled tightly. “Did you come here to yell at me again about how stupid and reckless I was?”

  “I didn’t come here to yell at you about anything.”

  “Or to bite my head off for not waiting for the police?”

  A slow, sexy grin crept to his lips. “I didn’t come here to bite you, either.”

  Too bad. Cassie couldn’t help but smile back at his suggestive words.

  “I’m here to take your statement.” Mike stepped closer, bringing with him the smell of soap, shampoo, and that spicy aftershave Cassie loved. “But I’m also here to talk if you need to.”

  With alcohol lowering her defenses, she wanted to tell him everything. Anxiety was eating her up inside.

  Not now…not yet, a little voice inside her head warned. Mike was here to fulfill his professional obligations, but he’d brought her dinner, and the last thing she wanted was to spoil the moment.

  “You did good today,” he said after a long moment. Cassie widened her eyes, eliciting a deep rumble from Mike’s chest. “You’re surprised to hear me say that.”

  “Of course I’m surprised. The way you lit into me, I figured you for a macho cop who doesn’t take kindly to a mere woman usurping his authority.”

  “Usurping?” Mike laughed, clearly amused at her word choice. “Maybe that’s what you want to think of me, but that’s not the way I am.”

  “Then why did you get so mad at me?”

  He knelt and grasped her hands. “Because you scared the hell out of me. You could have died today.”

  The intense expression on his face touched her unexpectedly. “Gee, officer.” She batted her eyelashes. “I didn’t know you cared.”

  “I do care.” His eyes bored into hers as he caressed her hands. “I know I don’t show it much. Been told I’ve got that down to a science.”

  “Ya think?”

  Mike laughed. “I should have known you of all people wouldn’t make this easy on me.”

  He touched his fingers to her cheek, and Cassie nearly melted from the gesture. A couple days ago, she’d been ready to write him out of her life, and now she was thinking of doing a one-eighty and plunging headfirst wherever he wanted to take her.

  “So tell me,” she said, leaning into his hand, allowing him to rub her cheek in delicious circles. “What happened to make you hold all these caring feelings inside?”

  When his hand stilled, she knew the spell had been broken. Something in his past kept him locked up tight, and he wasn’t about to divulge it, at least not tonight.

  Mike removed his hand, leaving her cheek suddenly cold. “All I’m saying is, next time leave the police work to me, okay? I get paid to put my life on the line, you don’t.”

  “You’d have done the same thing if you’d been in my position.”

  “Probably, but being the head macho cop in town, that’s my job. Not yours.”

  The next thing she knew she was hauled to her feet and Mike’s arms were around her, enveloping her in a warm cocoon of comfort and security. And there was nowhere else on earth she’d rather be.

  He kissed the top of her head and nestled his jaw against her hair. Pressed as she was against his hard, protective body, it was as if he could shield her from all the evil closing in around her.

  “Hey.” Mike glanced down to where she had his shirt fisted in her hands. “It’s normal to have a reaction like this after extreme duress.” He dropped a soft kiss on her forehead.

  Mike was right, Cassie realized, releasing the death grip she had on his shirt. The stress of the armed robbery combined with the constant and growing anxiety over waking in the middle of the night to find a man with a goatee and hook-shaped nose pointing a gun at her was finally hitting home.

  Not wanting to give up Mike’s warm, protective embrace, she snuggled tighter against his chest, sliding her hands up his solid back. No Kevlar this time, nothing between her fingers and his body but thin fabric.

  A light breeze rustled the maple trees and curled around them, blowing several strands of hair across her cheek. Mike tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “Sorry about the photographer. He’s n
ot usually so ballsy, but nothing this exciting has happened around here in years. Probably thinks he’ll win a Pulitzer.”

  “Maybe all he got was a nice picture of my hands in front of my face.” Or so she prayed.

  Her stomach took that moment to let out a loud growl. Raven responded with an equally unfeminine whine.

  “Have you eaten dinner?” Mike raised his eyebrows.

  She nodded to her wineglass on the table. “Just grape juice.”

  “You need food.” He released her and went to the table to pull paper plates from the bag he’d set down next to the pizza.

  Cassie sighed. The heck with the pizza. All she wanted was Mike’s strong arms around her for the rest of the night.

  “Let’s eat,” he said, then lifted two slices of pizza from the box and set them on paper plates. The smell of hot cheese, peppers, and sausage teased her nose. He reached into the bag again and came out with a six-pack of beer and a bottle of Chianti. “Didn’t know whether you preferred wine or beer. Seems you’ve already chugged half a bottle.” He nodded to her half-empty bottle of Chardonnay.

  Cassie let out a strained laugh, feeling much of her tension float away. Being around Mike was becoming more than comfortable. It was becoming…what?

  Exciting one minute, gooey and warm like a freshly baked cinnamon bun the next.

  Could it be that amid all the chaos and craziness, right smack in the middle of an armed robbery and being pursued by a relentless hit man, she’d not only discovered a new career but perhaps something else, something equally important?

  …

  Mike grabbed his beer from the porch table and took a swig. Cassie sat across from him, inhaling her second slice of pizza. While she chewed, he rolled the cold bottle between his palms.

  Just as he had back in the Nest, he was knocked speechless by how close he’d come to losing her. It had felt like a hockey puck whacked into his chest.

  He set down the beer, grabbed his third slice, and began to make quick work of it. His eyes were drawn to Cassie’s mouth as she wrapped her lips around a piece of crust and pulled off a large bite. He imagined her pink lips wrapped around part of him, and he instantly grew hard.

  Shit.

  He reached for his beer again and chugged it.

  There was no denying he wanted her. Wanted to make love to her until the sun rose, but what she needed most right now was sleep. Lots of it. Sleep was the best remedy for shock and stress, not some horny guy jumping her bones.

  Focus on something else. Anything else.

  Despite the missing parts to Cassie’s past, she was a good person, he knew that now firsthand. He’d seen her caring for her customers and colleagues as if they were her own family. During the robbery, she’d put her life on the line for Abby, a woman she barely knew. Cassie was one hell of a courageous, compassionate woman, and she deserved better than someone who could never open up to her.

  The way he never could again.

  “Mmm,” Cassie moaned as she chased after a runaway strand of stringy mozzarella hanging from her slice of pizza. Mike watched, spellbound as she entwined the long strand of cheese around and around her tongue before swallowing it. “I didn’t think you could get pizza this good so far away from New York City.” An orgasmic smile lit her face.

  “Huh?” Mike blinked, then cleared his throat. “So you’re from the city?”

  “I didn’t say that.” A devilish gleam came into her eyes. “Remember—”

  “I remember.” He held up his hand. “A girl’s gotta have her secrets.”

  “You’re learning.” She grinned as she licked her lips. Slowly. Enticingly. Thoroughly. The tip of her tongue slid across her upper lip from one end to the other, then slicked over her lower lip with the same erotic finesse.

  Any more of this and I’ll come.

  Mike set the metal clipboard on his lap, repositioning it twice before finding a comfortable spot that also covered his raging hard-on. He yanked a pen from where he’d clipped it to the pad of paper.

  Raven took that moment to snort, as if she knew his secret. When he looked at the dog, he was pinned with an intense chocolate-brown stare.

  That dog knows exactly what I’m thinking.

  When Raven opened her mouth and began to pant, Mike could swear she was laughing at him, taking sadistic feminine pleasure at the physical torture he was enduring. With the grace of an athlete, Raven got up and laid her head in Cassie’s lap. Cassie gently ran her hand over Raven’s head and ears, then dropped a kiss on the silky black head.

  “I can see how much you love that dog.” Mike was reminded of the close boyhood bond he’d shared with his German shepherd.

  “She’s my rock.” Cassie smiled down at Raven, giving her another scratch on the ear. “My canine BFF.”

  As Shania Twain crooned away in the background, he took a clear, concise statement from Cassie as to what happened inside the Nest before he’d slipped in the back door. She recounted the facts like a pro. No embellishment, almost like a cop.

  The clipboard clattered on the table when he set it down and looked out over the yard. The setting sun bathed the evening sky in a dusky orange hue. An elusive emotion gripped him. One word came to mind when he thought of this town without Cassie in it: empty.

  He cleared his throat. “Tim Harding’s lucky as hell things didn’t turn out worse or he’d be pushing up daisies.”

  “But what if things had turned out differently?” Cassie asked. “What if Abby or Rose had been killed because of what I had done, because I made the wrong decision? I don’t think I could have lived with that. I don’t know how anyone could live with something like that on their conscience.”

  Mike leaned back in his chair. He gripped the pen he’d been writing with so tightly the plastic cover cracked. “Some people can. Some can’t.”

  Police photographs flashed before his eyes. Years had passed, but he could recall every gory detail with painful clarity. A woman’s body—covered in blood from multiple stab wounds to the chest.

  He touched his fingers to the old scar on his forehead. Sometimes he could still feel the raw, stabbing pain, as if the injury had happened only yesterday.

  Cassie eyed him intently. “Something tells me you’re talking from personal experience.” Her clear, perfect skin wrinkled over the bridge of her adorable and equally perfect nose.

  “All I can say is that we make the best choice we can at any given time. Sometimes it’s the right choice, sometimes it’s not.” Sadly, for him it had been the wrong choice. “Doesn’t mean we were wrong or that we should have done things differently. It’s normal to second-guess your actions after being in a tight spot, but Monday morning quarterbacking won’t change a thing.”

  “You’re good at this.” Cassie tipped her lips into a weak smile. “You should have been a psychologist.”

  He tossed the broken pen onto the table where it rolled against his clipboard. “I’ve just seen enough crap on the job to know how cathartic it can be for victims of violent crime to get things off their chests.”

  For most people, anyway. Not me.

  Not one of the department shrinks had been able to rid him of his pain and guilt. Leaving the NYPD had helped, but it hadn’t healed him.

  Probably nothing will.

  Cassie covered her mouth with her hand as she yawned.

  When a woman yawned on a guy, it was definitely a cue to leave. He pushed out of the chair. “You need sleep. It’s the best thing for you right now.”

  Cassie stood and threw her arms around his neck. Every place her body pressed against his screamed from the agony of not being able to do with her what he wanted. More to the point, to her.

  “Don’t go.” She tilted up her beautiful face, her eyes half closed. “Dance with me.” A siren’s smile crept to her lips before she rested her head against his chest.

  She had no way of knowing, but at that moment, Mike was lost. He wrapped her in his arms and buried his face in her soft, wavy hair. The s
cent of lilacs came to him, at least he thought it was lilacs. Either way, she always smelled so flowery and felt so good, all soft and curvy.

  Knowing it was exhaustion and alcohol responsible for Cassie lowering her defenses kept him in check. That and his own personal experience at dealing with extreme, life-altering crises. When it had happened to him, he couldn’t control the stupid-ass things he’d said and done. In less than a minute he could have Cassie upstairs, undressed, and himself buried deep inside her hot, tight body. But even if she wanted him half as much as he craved her, no way would he have sex with her after the traumatic event she’d been through.

  And with Cassie it wouldn’t be just sex. Damned if he understood why that was, but the truth of it was a certainty.

  They continued swaying to the music, bodies pressed snugly together. He was rock hard, and his jeans had never fit tighter or more painfully. Mike let out a rumbling sigh that was just short of a full-fledged groan.

  Things would never be the same in Hopewell Springs. Since Cassie had come to town, the place had gone from quiet and dull to wild and crazy within a few weeks, and everything centered around the vivacious redhead he held in his arms.

  She pulled her head from his chest and rose on her toes to kiss him square on the mouth. He rested his hands in the curves of her waist and pushed away from her before this went somewhere it shouldn’t.

  “Woman, you are testing my resolve beyond human limits.”

  She stared up at him from the greenest depths he’d ever seen. An impish smile played at her lips. “You’re a cop. I didn’t realize you were human, too.”

  “Trust me.” Mike gritted his teeth as his jeans stretched tighter over his crotch. “I am.”

  “I really am sorry about the chili thing,” she said as she traced his lower lip with her finger.

  At that very moment, Mike couldn’t care less that she’d tried to poison his lunch. It was taking every ounce of concentration not to open his mouth and suck on her finger.

  “Can you ever forgive me?”

  When she stood on her tiptoes again and touched her lips to his, Mike knew he would forgive her anything.