In His Eyes

by Gail Gaymer Martin

  Ellene’s heart thundered. But they hadn’t. He’d called her morally strong, and she had to tell him the truth about her own actions. His openness only made her weakness more excruciating.

  “Yesterday, at my house, I overheard Caitlin. I think you saw me.” He squeezed her hand, studying her face.

  She nodded, letting him know she had seen him.

  “She said she wanted you to be her mommy.”

  “I know. She startled me.” She looked away, his gaze too intense.

  He drew her face around to his. “I want the same thing, Ellene. Will you marry me? Will you be my wife and Caitlin’s mommy?”

  The floor fell out from under her. The proposal was all she’d ever dreamed and all she’d ever hoped, but not now, not until—

  “I need time, Connor.”

  His eyes widened, bewilderment glinting in their depth. “Time? What have we been doing? We’ve had years, and now I thought we’d grown. I sense you care about me.”

  “I do, Connor, but we don’t want to make a mistake.”

  “A mistake? You’re kidding. How could this be a mistake? God’s led us back together. I feel it in my gut.”

  “If God brought us together, then a couple of days, a week won’t make any difference.”

  He drew himself upward up, shaking his head. “Not again. I can’t take this anymore, Ellene. I really can’t.”

  “Connor, please. I—”

  Dismay filled his face. He rose and charged across the room, grasping the kitchen counter before he swung back. “I give up.”

  Panic rushed over her. She’d been about to make the same mistake she’d made so often. Cowardice. She didn’t have time to think how to tell him. Lord, give me the words. “Connor, please.” She patted the sofa. “Please, sit for a minute. I need to tell you something.”

  He didn’t move but clung to the kitchen counter, rocking on his heels, his gaze away from her. Finally he turned and his look broke her heart.

  He plodded across the room and dropped onto the sofa while his gaze probed hers.

  A ragged breath tore from her chest. It should be nothing after all this time—an indiscretion—but she knew better. She’d spent her life disappointed in herself and ashamed at what she’d done. Her action hadn’t been what the Lord expected. And to add to her shame, Owen had walked away, too, leaving her feeling unclean.

  Connor’s brow furrowed and his mouth looked pinched. “You have to tell me what?” He looked at her, a frown growing on his face. “You know, I think I’ve heard every excuse and every reason for what’s gone wrong with our relationship. I take part of the blame. I was ashamed to tell you about Melissa’s pregnancy, afraid you’d be disappointed and worse that I would disgust you, but—”

  “This has nothing to do with you, Connor. It’s my shame, and like you, I’ve never told you this. You know I dated after we broke up, but I never told you that I made the same mistake as you, Connor.”

  “You were pregnant?” His mouth dropped open and he seemed paralyzed.

  “No, not pregnant, but I’ve been with a man. I’m not a virgin.”

  “You’re not?” His eyes widened, and a look of disappointment swept over him.

  “I’m sorry. I know you’re startled. I fell in love, and I took a horrible step outside my faith. I knew you’d be disappointed so I didn’t want to tell you.”

  He lowered his face to his hands. “I wish you’d told me earlier. But how could you sit there for so long without telling me? I’ve felt guilty for so long, Ellene. I didn’t want to hurt you, because I had such admiration for your Christian strength.” He lifted his gaze. “I explained this to you, and yet you didn’t help me feel better by telling me the truth. I would have understood.”

  “Connor, I was afraid, too, afraid I’d disappoint you.”

  “I am disappointed. I’m disappointed in your lack of trust that I wouldn’t understand.”

  “I told you a while ago that I had a trust issue. You know I’ve had a difficult time trusting you, and Owen, the guy I was almost engaged to, left me after promising me the moon. How could I trust any man?”

  “Because you knew me. You know me. You know my child and my likes and dislikes. How can we have a marriage without trust? I’m sorry, but this time I need time to think.”

  He shifted away from her, grabbing the doorknob. He swung the door open and vanished outside.

  Ellene sat alone and miserable.

  Connor rounded the corner of the house and headed down to the channel. He kicked stones as he walked, realizing he lacked trust, too. He bent to select a flat stone and skipped it across the water. It hopped twice, leaving concentric rings as evidence of its passing before it sank into Lake St. Clair. He envisioned his marriage proposal—two proposals—plunging into dark depths, leaving not neat perfect circles but billowing chaos. They’d both been so wrong.

  Still, he loved Ellene. What more could he say?

  Connor walked with his hands knitted behind his back, watching the seagulls soar and dip above the green water. He’d never been free. He’d been bound by his mistakes and his secret love for Ellene that he’d guarded and refused to let surface for so long.

  A groan tore from his throat. Neither had trusted the other enough to be totally honest, and he knew marriage could survive only with complete honesty and trust.

  He turned and walked backward, his gaze traveling to his aunt’s house where Caitlin was making cookies. Cookies. Such a simple delight to a child. And love. Shouldn’t that be a simple delight when it was in God’s care?

  Foolish that he would even think love could be simple. It was one of the most complex emotions he’d ever felt, but one that filled him to the brim with joy. Caitlin’s love made him who he was, a father, a man who wanted the best for his child, a man who loved his country and his God.

  Ellene. He loved her with all his heart.

  He’d heard a Bible verse once, probably from his aunt, that said God’s eyes and heart would always be with His children. He felt that way about Ellene. She’d been in his eyes and heart forever, it seemed.

  He’d reacted badly. He’d made bad choices and so had Ellene. She had a will of her own. God gave His children choices, and sometimes they made grave mistakes. He had, but today they’d both been open and honest. Today was a new beginning.

  He crouched in the sand and ran his finger through the grains, making circles like the skipping stones. He could turn chaos into circles. It only took forgiveness and love to smooth the rough places.

  A breeze ruffled his hair, and he pulled his fingers through the strands to smooth it. Smooth the rough places. That’s what he had to do. His pulse skipped as he organized his thoughts.

  “Connor.”

  He looked up into Ellene’s eyes.

  “I love you,” she said. “I want to marry you and be Caitlin’s mommy. I can’t imagine life without either of you in it. Having you walk out the door made me realize how you must have felt so long ago.” She touched his shoulder with the tips of her fingers.

  Connor rose, standing beside her, seeing her chest rise and fall as if she couldn’t catch her breath. She’d taken a step. She’d trusted that he loved her, and she’d been right.

  He looked into her eyes, feeling his heart swell, his dreams blossoming like the budding trees. “Are you sure?”

  “I’ve never been more sure.”

  He studied her lovely face, the depth of her eyes, the flush of her cheek, her shiny, dark hair that beguiled him. He lifted his finger and drew it across her jaw to her cheek. He traced the line of her mouth, the soft lips that kissed so sweetly.

  Her eyes asked, and his lips answered. They brushed hers, capturing her mouth beneath his, her breath mingled with his, her heart beating against his chest.

  She nestled against him and he clutched her like a man clinging to a buoy in a storm, fearing if he let go he would drown.

  “I love you,” he whispered into her hair. “I accept your proposal.”


  He heard her chuckle against his cheek. “You proposed to me,” she said.

  Connor drew back and shook his head. “I asked you inside. You said you needed time. Out here in front of God and nature, you asked me, and I accept.”

  She captured his hand and kissed his fingers. “Should we go and tell Caitlin?”

  “We don’t have to. She’s been praying and she believes God answers her prayers.”

  “So do I,” Ellene said.

  He drew her back into his arms. “Then we are like-minded, Ellene Bordini.”

  Her mouth caught his, and it took his breath away.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Three Months Later

  Ellene turned one way then another. She didn’t know whose call to answer. “What, Aunt Teresa?”

  “Where do you keep the large platters?”

  “In the high cabinet, or if not, in the new storage room in the hallway. I can’t remember where we put them.”

  She dashed out the side door to answer her Uncle Gino’s call.

  “There she is,” he said, opening his arms.

  She moved into his embrace, feeling so loved on this special day.

  “Bella, bella,” he said, drawing her back and looking into her face. “You’re flushing like a true bride. I’m so happy for you.”

  “Thanks, Uncle Gino.

  “And I made you six sheets of focaccia. Nothing’s too good for my niece.”

  “Thanks. We all love your flat bread.” She waited for him to tell her why he’d called, and when he didn’t, she finally asked. “What did you want?”

  “Want?” He gave her a dazed look.

  “Oh,” he said, chuckling. “How do you want us to set up the chairs? Tito’s unloading them from the truck.”

  She glanced toward the road and saw her cousin piling white folding chairs against a rented van. She grinned, grateful for her faithful family. “Did you see the trellis in the back? We’ll be married in front of that. So line them up in rows facing it.”

  “You got it,” he said, his eyes scanning the yard. “Where’s the groom?”

  “Home.” She caught herself. “With his parents. He’ll be here in a while, then I have to hide at his aunt’s house. Remember, the bride and groom can’t see each other on their wedding day until the ceremony.”

  “Ellene!”

  She turned toward the door and saw her mother’s arms flapping at her. She shook her head, hoping it was her mother’s drama and not a real problem.

  “What’s up, Mom?” she asked, hurrying toward the door.

  “Jimmy’s here with the dishes. Do you want them in the new sunroom?”

  “Yes. Connor put the huge table there. It’ll hold a lot.”

  She followed her mother to admire the renovated porch that now provided wonderful space with windows and a great view. Standing a moment to catch her breath, Ellene thought back to the first day she’d come to the cottage to talk with Connor about the renovations. It seemed so long ago and yet it was less than five months.

  Her heart burst with pleasure, realizing that today she and Connor would be married. They’d planned their dream wedding, the family and a few friends together on the island where they’d rekindled their love—a love Connor had convinced her was directed by God.

  Through the window she could see the trellis, and Uncle Gino lining chairs facing the water and the place she and Connor would stand.

  When she stepped back into the great room, the scent of pasta sauce and roasting chicken filled the room. Her aunts and cousins darted from cabinet to stove to table, preparing for the wedding reception.

  She eyed the dining-room table covered in a lacy cloth and piled with trays of Italian cookies—pizzelle, powdered sugar bow ties, miniature cannoli—and in the center of the table, the most beautiful cherry-nut wedding cake from Sweetheart Bakery, decorated with edible orchids. Everything was perfect, and she knew Connor would be so pleased.

  Connor. Her pulse skipped with anticipation. How long had it taken for two bullheaded people—and one who was also self-centered—to hear God’s voice and follow His leading? And Caitlin. Her heart swelled with joy, calling the child her own.

  Ellene headed for the side door. From inside, she could see her relatives raising a white tent. Beneath its shade they would place the long tables for their meal. She stepped outside, knowing that soon the house and grounds would be filled with noisy family that were so precious to her.

  “Where do you want them?”

  Ellene spun around to see her aunt Carmela coming down the driveway carrying a box. “What are they?”

  “The bonbonniere.”

  “The what?” She strained her neck to see if she could see inside the box.

  Her aunt gave her a look that questioned her sanity. “The confetti.”

  Ellene grinned. How could she forget the Italian wedding tradition? “Put them somewhere under the tent. We’ll find a table or something, and I have a basket and lace tablecloth to hold them.”

  How many times had she come home from a reception carrying a colorful net enclosing five or seven sugar-coated almonds? An uneven number meant good luck and the coated almonds symbolized the bitter and sweet of a marriage. Since Ellene figured she’d already had enough bitter, she looked forward to years of the sweet part.

  She eyed her wrist, aware that time was moving too quickly, then went inside. “Mom, I’m going next door. Connor will be here soon, and he can’t see me.”

  Her mother looked up at the wall clock and let out a yelp. “You’d better get moving.” She gave Ellene a hug. “Now don’t worry about a thing. We’ll have everything ready on time.”

  Ellene’s eyes misted, seeing her mother and aunts working so hard to make her wedding a magnificent event. She brushed away the moisture as she crossed the lawn to Aunt Phyllis’s.

  Connor slid from his car and waited for Caitlin to unbuckle her seatbelt. She looked so sweet in her white ruffled dress with lace and tiny pink flowers. His heart swelled, knowing that next door, his bride, the woman he’d loved for so long was getting ready for their wedding.

  His cousin and family pulled up behind him, and he waited until they’d reached his side. “This is it. You remember the cottage?”

  “But it looks different now,” Sean said. He turned to his wife. “You should have seen Connor and me when we were kids, Jennifer. We had more fun out here.” He lifted his five-year-old son in his arms. “Daddy used to stay overnight here when he was a little boy like you.”

  “Can I stay over the night?” the boy said.

  Sean laughed, and Connor beckoned them up the sidewalk to the tent. “We’ll move the chairs up here after the ceremony. If you can help, I’d appreciate it.”

  “No problem,” Sean said, passing Connor with his family to walk toward the channel. “It’s a beautiful day and a nice setting for your wedding. The place looks really nice from the outside with the renovations.”

  And it would be even nicer. “Thanks. Wait until you see inside.” Connor took a long look at his new home, a home that would be filled with love, faith and hope. The lonely, guilt-ridden days were over. Ellene had changed his life, and she’d helped Caitlin so much through a difficult time.

  “There you are.”

  Connor turned and waved at Syl, who’d been as supportive as any father could be, and Connor had been pleased to hand his partner a check to pay back a small part of his backing. The store had been doing well, and Connor was confident the new features had made the difference. He’d felt so thankful when Ellene had pitched in with the pride of an owner. Her hard work had turned the dusty place into a tidy store with a creative front window.

  Ellene. His stomach knotted with expectancy. In another twenty minutes, he’d be standing before the pastor, promising to love and honor his wife. That would be easy. He’d loved and honored her for many years.

  “Come here,” Uncle Gino called, his hands beckoning with wild gyrations.

  Connor hurried to him, b
ecoming tangled in a group hug from Ellene’s wonderful family. Each gave him words of advice, some laughable, but some that touched his heart. “Never let the sun go down in anger.” “Let her know who’s boss. She is.” The advice was filled with back-pats and guffaws, and he joined in the revelry—an Irishman learning to be Italian. He loved them.

  “Hi, Connor.”

  Connor spun around. “Christine,” he said, greeting Ellene’s good friend. They’d only met a couple of times, but he liked the woman. She seemed like an older sister to Ellene. “You look great.”

  “The maid of honor always has to look presentable, and you look dashing.” She adjusted his tie.

  “Thanks. Have you talked to Ellene?”

  “I sure have. She’s still there, so I think the wedding’s a go.”

  He laughed, knowing that Christine had been around for all the ups and downs of their relationship.

  “It’s time, Daddy,” Caitlin said, skipping to his side. “The minister said we should all go to the wedding place.”

  Connor took Caitlin’s hand and led the way. At the trellis, he waited, listening to the pastor’s simple instructions to Christine and to his cousin Sean, the best man.

  The family meandered down the grass and settled into the chairs, their voices resounding over the water. He saw his aunt Phyllis arrive and give a wave to the pastor. She found a chair in the front, then the pastor raised his hands like a blessing. “We will begin,” he said.

  The family rose and turned to face the side.

  Connor’s heart stood still when Ellene came into view. Her flowing dark hair hung in tendrils woven with white flowers and ivy. She seemed to float toward him, her silky gown shimmering in the summer light and fluttering in the breeze. The bodice glinted and as she neared, he saw beads shaped like tiny flowers.

  His bride. Soon, his wife. Connor’s heart overflowed with joy. He lifted his eyes to heaven, whispering a prayer of thanksgiving to the Lord who had blessed him with this wonderful woman. They’d been through so many trials, each second-guessing the other, until they’d nearly destroyed something too wonderful to explain.