Heart of the Moment (Heart's Intent, #3)

by Brower, Dawn

  He held his hand out to her. “I’m Zachary Foster.” Jessica reached out and shook it mindlessly. She wasn’t entirely sure how she managed to do it.

  “Nice to meet you,” she muttered. Damn, she sounded like a bumbling idiot. “I’m hoping you’ll be able to help me.”

  “That’s the idea,” he said. “Who’s your friend?”

  “I’m Lana Kelly,” she replied. “I’m the head nurse on the third floor.”

  Dr. Foster smiled at her. “I’ve been working here for a short time. It’s always pleasant to make the acquaintance the nurses who help make us doctors look good.”

  Jessica frowned. “I wasn’t aware you were new to the hospital.”

  “I worked here before. I’ve been away for a few years doing volunteer work with Doctors Without Borders.” He smiled. “It was time to return home.”

  That would explain why she hadn’t seen him before. “I see. I guess I’m glad you decided to come back in time to help me.” Damn, that sounded selfish as fuck. “I mean...”

  “I understand,” Dr. Foster said. “No need to clarify.” He opened up a file on his desk. “How much of your results were explained to you?”

  “Not a whole lot...” Jessica bit her lip. “Dr. Albright said I have uterine cancer, but he didn’t want to give me too much information because it’s not his specialty.” That had grated on her nerves. Why couldn’t he have at least explained her condition to her? She understood why he’d not wanted to go over treatment options, but the rest might have helped her deal with her illness better.

  “I see,” Dr. Foster said. “Dr. Albright is rather old school in that regard. The ultrasound detected a mass on the inside of your uterus. In most cases, it is a benign fibroid and nothing to worry about. The abdominal pain and your irregular menstrual cycle were early warning signs for something more serious. A biopsy was performed, and it was found that the mass was, indeed, cancerous.” He paused a moment. “Does that all make sense so far?”

  She heard a lot of what he was saying, and in some way processed it. It was all so surreal. Cancer. It was still hard to digest that particular word and then associate it with herself. Life could be so cruel, and it was paying her back for her treatment of those around her.

  Jessica nodded. “What are my options?”

  “I’ve gone over the test results, and there is one option that will make sure the cancer doesn’t come back. The mass is extensive, and it can’t be removed without a partial hysterectomy.”

  She’d been afraid of that. “So you want to remove my entire uterus?” That would definitely mean children were not in her future. Without a uterus, she wouldn’t be able to get pregnant. It was a blow, but at least it was one she’d been prepared for.

  “Yes, along with your fallopian tubes. Your ovaries will remain,” He explained. “It’s your best option.”

  It wasn’t much of an option at all. There was no choice for her to make. She either chose to live or attempted to have a baby. Doing that was a surefire to kill her in the end, and there was no guarantee any child would be carried to term. If she did take that risk, she would probably die and the baby would grow up motherless. Jessica mentally snorted at how ludicrous her line of thinking was going. Yeah, options. She had none. It was time to face that fact and let go of the dream of motherhood. It wasn’t in the cards for her, and perhaps that was a gift in itself. She wasn’t really mother material. What could she offer a child?

  “Will I need to do chemo or radiation?” Why did it have to be so hard to ask the tough questions? Especially when she was very much afraid of the answers... The selfish side of her wanted to know if she’d lose her hair or start to look sickly. She had already lost weight and had trouble sleeping. Her appearance had taken a hit, and she was vain enough to recognize that she didn’t want to travel further down that path, but would if, in the end, she’d live.

  “You might,” he said. “But let’s see if removing the tumor works first. At this stage, I don’t believe the cancer has spread, but I don’t want to wait too long and give it a chance to go that far.”

  It was a lot to take in. The doctor hadn’t said anything she didn’t already know. She had done a little research on her own and realized she might have to consider these drastic steps. “When can we do the procedure?”

  “I’ll discuss it with Dr. Albright so he can assist on the surgery. I want to do it as soon as possible. Is there any time that doesn’t work for you?”

  Jessica shook her head. “Let me know when and where. I don’t see any reason to put this off.” The sooner it was done, the quicker she could move on with her life. Not to mention, her insurance was on its own ticking clock. Digging herself out of the mess her life had become would take a lot. This was the starting point to lightening her load. Once she made the hard decisions, the rest would become easier.

  Lana reached across and covered her hand with hers. She squeezed it reassuringly. Jessica swallowed a lump in her throat. Thinking about what it all meant couldn’t deter her from going through with the procedure. It had to be done if she wanted to live—and she really, really wanted to.

  “Then I’ll have my nurse call you once she books it.”

  Jessica nodded. “Thank you. I’ll be waiting for the call. Until then, I have some arrangements to make.” Someone would have to look after Bella while she was in the hospital. She’d either have to be boarded at a kennel or perhaps she could talk Lana into keeping her. Other than someone taking care of her dog, the rest was minor. She stood and motioned toward Lana. “Are you ready?”

  She nodded and followed Jessica out of the office. It had gone well, all things considered. There were a lot of decisions to be made, but that one had been surprisingly easy. When it had been laid out, there wasn’t much to think about. If she wanted a chance at happiness, she had to fight to live, and Jessica wasn’t about to give up yet.

  There was a lot worth fighting for...

  THEY ROUNDED THROUGH the hallway and made their way to the hospital entrance. Lana paused at the doors and turned toward her. “I forgot something upstairs. Why don’t you wait here for me here.”

  “I can come with you,” Jessica said. She didn’t really like the idea of being alone. Her visit with Dr. Foster had left her feeling a little uneasy. The idea of being alone even for a brief time didn’t sit well with her. She didn’t care if she had to go back through the hospital. Preston could be lingering around, and avoiding him had been her top priority for a while.

  “No,” Lana said. “This won’t take long. Go sit in the waiting area and rest.”

  Jessica glanced toward the waiting area Lana suggested. It was almost empty. There were a few people sitting there, but really, who sat in the downstairs waiting area of a hospital? Most people either had some place to be or were on a specific floor’s waiting room.

  “I really don’t want to,” Jessica said. “Honestly, I don’t mind coming with you.”

  Lana opened her mouth to reply and then closed it shut into a thin white line. Her eyebrows drew together and she stared past Jessica. She muttered something under her breath, but Jessica couldn’t make it out.

  “Lana.” The male’s voice was smooth as silk and made her name sound like fine whiskey and sex all rolled into one. “I was hoping I’d run into you.”

  Jessica turned around and met Sullivan Brady’s gaze. He was a fine male specimen, and she didn’t fully understand how Lana was able to resist his charm. Jet black hair, emerald green eyes, and a chiseled jaw sprinkled with a light dusting of stubble. He lifted his lips into a half-smile and cockiness oozed over him in waves.

  “I don’t have time for you,” Lana said mulishly. “I have to go up to the fourth floor and then drive Jessica home. Whatever you need can wait.”

  “It really can’t,” he said. “I’ll walk up with you and we can discuss it in detail.”

  Lana gritted her teeth. Her face was turning bright red, and she clenched her fist at her side. “Fine,” she said finally. �
��But you had better say everything before we reach my work station. I really don’t have time for your nonsense.”

  Jessica frowned. Lana stomped away and Sullivan followed close behind her. It looked like she had no choice but to wait down here for her. She’d let Lana have some alone time with Sullivan. Not that she appeared to want it, but Jessica had no desire to wedge herself between the two of them.

  Maybe she would roam around the hospital a bit instead. It was probably a bad idea, but she was too stir-crazy to sit and wait. Lana could call or text her once she was done. That idea in place, she wandered through the halls and stopped short when she saw Imogen heading in her direction. There was no avoiding her a second time that day.

  The woman smiled brightly and made her way to Jessica’s side. “Did your appointment go well?”

  Jessica nodded aimlessly. “Um yeah,” she answered. “Swell.”

  “Oh good,” Imogen said. “I am glad I ran into you again. It might sound silly, but I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately. Would you be free to have lunch sometime? If you’re willing, I’d like a chance to reconnect.”

  Right. Because they were sooo close back in college. What did Imogen really want from her? “I don’t know how much free time I’ll be having over the next several weeks.”

  She hoped Imogen didn’t ask too many questions. The nurse did have an idea about her condition; after all, she had been at the original appointment when her world started to crumble around her. That didn’t mean she had to fill her in on every last detail. They weren’t friends, and barely acquaintances.

  “Right,” Imogen said knowingly. “No need to explain. It is a tough thing you’re going through.”

  She had to find a way to ditch Imogen. The woman probably meant well, but she was a reminder Jessica didn’t need at that moment. Her visit with Dr. Foster had been enough. Lana had to be done with whatever she was doing. She should go find her and leave the hospital behind her. Maybe then she’d be able to make it through the rest of her day.

  “I have to find Lana,” Jessica said. “It was nice speaking with you. When I’m...” She paused, trying to think of the right word. Better? Healed? Able to cope with my fucked up life? Nothing seemed correct. She shook her head. “Maybe in a few months we can do the lunch thing. I’ll let you know.”

  “Absolutely,” Imogen said sweetly. “You must take care of yourself. Go find Lana. I’m meeting someone myself. I can’t imagine where he’s gone off to.”

  Jessica didn’t really care who Imogen was meeting. She wanted to put as much distance between her and the nurse as she could. Lana must be finished with Sullivan. “Until next time,” Jessica said and hurried away from her. She rounded a corner and smiled. Lana’s voice echoed down the hall. “How many times do I have to explain that I’m not telling you anything?”

  Sullivan must be grilling her for information of some sort. Lana sounded irritated.

  “Can’t you give me something?”

  Jessica stopped short. That wasn’t Sullivan’s voice. Lana was talking with Preston. What did he want her to tell him?

  “If you want to know what is going on with Jessica, talk to her yourself.”

  “Don’t you think I’ve tried,” he exclaimed. “She is being ridiculously stubborn and won’t tell me a thing. That’s why I asked you to talk to her in the first place.”

  Preston was the reason Lana had befriended her? Tiny imaginary knives impaled her already tattered heart. She’d trusted Lana and... Jessica frowned. What had she expected? Lana had never been close to her in the past. Why else would that have changed?

  “And I told you from the start I wasn’t spying on her. She’s my friend, and I don’t betray people I care about. I am not, nor will I ever be, one of your lackeys. I answer to no one.”

  Well, that was interesting. Lana may or may not be a true friend, but at least she had some loyalty inside of her. It might not be to Jessica though. She suspected there was something else at the root of it. Lana’s own moral code made her keep Jessica’s secrets. Still, she might be more leery of what she shared with her friend. Perhaps she would go back downstairs to wait for her. They could talk later about what Jessica overheard. She didn’t really want to talk to Preston, and she needed time to process what she’d over heard. That decision made, she spun on her heels and headed back to the entrance of the hospital.

  Several moments after she sat down in a chair, Lana caught up to her. It was just enough time for Jessica to come to terms with their friendship and give her the courage to continue it. She needed Lana in ways she never thought she would. Her stability anchored her. In time, maybe they would have a real friendship. No matter what though, Jessica wasn’t ready to give up on her.

  Jessica and Lana walked out of the hospital. The meeting with Dr. Foster had been draining, but he hadn’t exactly said anything that surprised her. After the research she’d done concerning her type of cancer, she’d fully expected she’d have to undergo surgery. If she wanted to live, it was her best option. It also pretty much took away her ability to carry a child. That is the part she found the most depressing. She wanted children and had hoped to have a chance to have one someday. Losing a baby had made her want a child even more than she previously had. Now that was a pipe dream she’d never have the chance to fulfill.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  She needed a distraction from her problems. They were starting to mount up to insurmountable degrees. Perhaps she could figure out a way to forget about it all for one evening. Jessica stared over at Lana, who’d been rather quiet as they exited. What was she thinking? Something was bothering her friend. Had Sullivan rattled her that much or was it her clandestine meeting with Preston?

  Jessica was well aware what her own personal issues were. Her illness and financial woes were at the top of her list of concerns, but what was causing Lana to be so melancholy? She reached over and pushed Lana’s shoulder, causing her to trip. Jessica laughed as she did the delicate dance of keeping herself upright. She waved her arms around to catch her balance, managing to keep herself from hitting the ground.

  “What the hell,” Lana said.

  “You looked like you needed to be knocked out of your own thoughts. Whatever is rolling through that brain of yours is making you depressing to hang around. I have enough problems and don’t want to start worrying about yours yet.”

  Lana flashed her a ferocious grin. One that said, bring it on bitch. “I will get even. That’s the only warning you’ll receive.”

  “Whatever. I think I can take you.”

  How had she gone so long without having a real friend in her life? Lana was a blessing she’d not anticipated. She was thankful for whatever inspired her to push her way into Jessica’s life. With her life in a tailspin, she’d never needed anyone more. Preston had tried to stick around, and he was still being rather persistent, but that wasn’t the same as having a girlfriend to talk to about anything and everything.

  “In your dreams,” Lana retorted. “I’m the master—you don’t stand a chance.”

  “I’ll hedge my bets, thank you very much.” Jessica’s lips tilted upward. “I’ve been known to be rather conniving myself. You don’t scare me.” Jessica found herself relaxing as they settled into easy banter. “Want to tell me why you don’t like Imogen?”

  The little meeting she’d had with her while Lana was off with Sullivan, and then Preston, left her thinking about the other nurse. She appeared sweet and kind, but it somehow seemed off.

  Lana frowned. “I’d rather not discuss her.”

  Interesting. “You’re not getting off that easy. Spill it now.” She wasn’t about to let her off the hook without digging a little deeper. Imogen was irritating on a good day, but she couldn’t figure out what it was she didn’t like. Imogen was—too perky or something. If Lana didn’t like her as well, perhaps she had more insight as to what made her unlikable.

  “She’s... I don’t know...” Lana bit her lip. “Too perfect.”

 
; She shook her head and pulled out her keys to her car, and then clicked the remote to unlock it. Jessica pulled open the passenger door and sat waiting for Lana to do the same. Once Lana was settled in the driver’s seat, Jessica asked, “Care to explain that more?”

  “All right, there is more that I don’t like than that. In some ways, she reminds me of you—well, before—you know, when you were a bitch.” The comparison stung a little bit, but she couldn’t fault Lana for it. She had been hateful to those around her. She waved her hand in the air. “Except she’s almost not as mean. It’s kind of hard to explain. I guess she’s a little passive-aggressive. She doesn’t have the mean girl thing quite down right.”

  Jessica smirked. “So, what you’re saying is, she’s a cheap imitation of me.”

  Lana laughed. “That’s one way of looking at it. She even has the fake blonde hair to go with it. Her roots were starting to show, and I couldn’t help myself. I commented on it and wouldn’t you know the next day she came in with shiny new blonde hair.” She rolled her eyes. “Sullivan is dating her.”

  Ah. Jessica didn’t say anything out loud, but it all suddenly made sense. “He’s an idiot.”

  “Truer words have never been spoken,” she agreed and shrugged. “It won’t last. They never do.” She shook her head briefly and then said, “Enough about him and his latest bimbo. Are you ready to go see if you can extricate yourself from your financial problems?”

  Jessica wanted to push Lana and ask her how she really felt about Sullivan Brady, but considering she didn’t exactly want to talk about her own failing romantic relationship, she refrained from the impulse. When and if Lana wanted to discuss him, she’d do so. As for her feelings for Preston... Jessica wasn’t sure what she wanted to do where he was concerned. She had a lot to work through, and when she figured it all out he’d be the first to know.