by Shey Stahl
“Oh.”
“Uh-huh.” I patted him on the back. “You’re off to a great start with her.”
Confusion came over him. “Everyone likes me. I don’t get it.”
Dad came in after that and shook Casten’s hand. I doubted he would be doing that if he knew the truth. In fact, he’d probably be kicking the shit out of him or showing him his gun collection in the basement.
“How’s the points going with your dad and Axel? Aren’t there like two points separating them now?”
“One now after Charlotte.”
He nodded. “Tate said Easton’s doing good, too, and gonna do the triple duty next year.”
Casten removed his hat scratching at his mop of hair and then smiled up at my dad. “Yeah, that’s the plan.”
Conversations flowed for a while and then Dad looked at me, and then my mother who had said nothing. She was such a bitch. I think that if it was acceptable, she would have ate me when I was a child.
“Haley is doing great,” Mom said, rubbing it in my face that yes, my sister is doing great in college and making something of herself. I decided now was the best time to piss in my mother’s Cheerios.
Only problem was, I could barely get it out.
“I’m pregnant,” I told them, lacking confidence, naturally.
“You’re what?” Dad asked, arching his eyebrow at Casten.
“I’m—”
“I heard you the first time,” he interrupted, trying to breathe. I could literally see his hand twitch, as if he wanted to reach for his gun I was sure wasn’t far from him.
“Well, most wouldn’t say what then, would they?” Casten clarified, not helping the situation at all.
He shot Casten a glare.
“How could you do this?” he asked me.
“I didn’t do this,” I pointed to Casten. “His penis did. Or I guess, if you ask him, his balls did.”
Casten’s cheeks flushed as he looked at me in horror. He was most definitely afraid of my dad. Pussy.
Dad stood and stepped toward Casten, his eyes incredulous, and before I could stop him, he had him up against the wall and his hands fisted in his shirt. “What the fuck were you thinking?”
“I’m sure we can work something out here, Mr. Harris. I know this,” he stopped, and then collected himself a little with a deep breath, “wasn’t planned. We didn’t … she was on the shot. It was an accident and then she got bit by the snake.”
That did nothing to calm my father. Nothing at all.
“What snake?”
“I got bit by a coral snake.” I crossed my legs and sat back on the couch. “I almost died.”
“You got no business being a parent, Hayden.”
Casten frowned at my dad’s response. Which was reassuring to me and backed away from him to sit next to me again.
My parents didn’t think too highly of anything I did. It seemed one decision was never brighter than the last.
In many ways, if you have an older sister like Haley, you stop trying to be anything remotely as good as she was.
I felt like in my life I was always fucking up and, sooner or later, I stopped trying to please them because nothing was ever going to be good enough.
And sooner or later, they stopped caring.
Did I want that?
No. Not exactly.
Casten was fairly perceptive to that, too. He seemed to understand I was scared of them. It didn’t mean he knew what to do or say, but he did understand.
I looked over at Casten and he nodded, as if to say, “This is a fucking nightmare.”
“I can’t believe you, Hayden,” my mother said, crossing her arms in disgust. “You are so irresponsible.”
“If you’re going to judge me, know who the fuck I am first. Not who you think I am or who you want me to be. I’m nothing like Haley.” My voice rose with each word and I stood, taking Casten’s hand. He gladly stood beside me, his body strong and slightly blocking me from my parents glare. “I’m not asking you for anything. I’m nineteen and I’ll figure this shit out on my own, with or without your blessing.”
Dad gave those words a whirl, he did, and then he turned to Casten. “If you hadn’t got her pregnant, would you still be with her?”
Oh God. Not that question.
Casten surprised me though when he said, rather sternly, “We may not be married. We may never get married. But that girl owns my heart and nothing you say or do will take that from me.”
When I first met Casten, I had no idea he was as smart as he is. I knew he built engines and to do that you have to have a certain amount of brains. I also knew to be able to rattle off the engine facts that he did to me all the time, he was intelligent. Looking at him now, leading that shop and these guys at only eighteen, what did this baby mean for him?
Was I taking away his only chance at making something of himself?
It was something I knew I would struggle with throughout this entire pregnancy.
Glazed Over – A dirt track that has a shine to it.
It’s funny to me how quickly your life can change. There comes a point when you make a decision that can’t be changed. An impossible decision, but you stand by it.
I touched Hayden’s face, tracing her lips with my thumb as we laid in the fuck fort Friday night. “That didn’t go as I planned …”
Sometimes I feel like I don’t have to say anything to Hayden. A smile could get me a long way. Looking into chocolate kisses and sweet sin could too. She looks at me and, in many ways, sees exactly who I am. Never has she tried to change me, and I see that’s not what she’s doing here. There’s millions of people in this world but this one right here, the one in my arms, she gets me.
She smiled back. “As long as they don’t kill you, I’m okay with them not liking you.”
I just didn’t understand. Everyone liked me. “I honestly don’t get it. What’s their problem with me?”
“You knocked me up.”
“Well, there’s that.” I laughed.
“We need to tell your parents.”
“No. I don’t want to.” I kissed her tiny nose drawing her naked body into mine, then moving between her legs. We hadn’t had sex since she told me she was pregnant. Part of me thought maybe it would be different. My dick told me otherwise.
“Okay, what if I said I’d never have sex with you again until you tell your parents.” She pushed me back, creating a foot of distance as I propped myself up on my elbows. “What would you say then?”
“I’d say it’s five AM,” I rolled over reaching for my cell phone. “They’re probably up.”
I picked up my phone and started dialing but she stopped me. “We need to tell them in person.”
She had a point whether I wanted to admit that or not.
I was gonna have to tell them at some point and that point had come. Sunday they were home and then leaving again for Attica and would be on the road for another two weeks straight.
That night every fucking member or my family decided to come over it seemed and then we found ourselves invading Lancaster’s late that night
I like to think that worked in my favor. I thought for sure if we were there, Dad would be calm and wouldn’t make a scene. It wouldn’t be like the incident after the party in my room when he had free reign to tell me the way it was. Not that I blamed him. Now was different though. Hayden would be there and after the way her parent’s took the news, I didn’t want anyone giving this girl shit over this.
Ordinarily, with something this heavy, I would have said something to my mom already.
I didn’t want to tell my parent’s for the simple fact that I was scared. This was one fuck up I wouldn’t, or couldn’t, necessarily talk my way out of.
It scared the shit out of me to even think about telling them.
Lane sat down beside me after everyone ordered food and Hayden was in the bathroom.
He looked at me with a confused expression, watching me sweating it. “What’s with you?�
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“Nervous.”
He gave a tip of his head toward Dad, shrugging. “Yeah, I would be, too.”
Lane knew Hayden was pregnant. In fact, I was sure everyone did aside from my parents.
Jonah came running over with a fork right about then and stabbed me in the shin. I screamed when I saw blood running down my leg and Lily, who was sitting on the other side of me, covered my mouth with her hand.
“Don’t scream. It only encourages him and then he’ll run around stabbing everyone.”
Hayden returned and looked at me, and then Willie across the table from her. “Sounds like what happens with Willie and his women.”
Willie choked on his own beer he’d just taken a drink of, and then agreed. “Yeah, kinda does.”
I saw my dad across from me, smiling, and tried to measure his mood. He was getting an ear full from his sister about the goats in their yard last week. He seemed amused, laid back even, with his arm around my mom but you never could tell with him.
My Uncle Aiden and Aunt Emma decided to go on vacation a couple weeks back. Usually they went with my parents or Spencer and Alley but everyone was so busy they went by themselves.
Right about now is when I should point out Aiden’s obsession with not only his garage being clean, but also his lawn staying immaculate. He mowed it every two days in the summer and I honestly think had Emma not threatened to divorce him over it, he would have put signs up for no one to walk on it.
Aiden’s first mistake last week was asking Dad to take care of his Holy Grail lawn. If I was him I would have left an armed guard outside knowing the shit Spencer and Dad pulled on people when they were out of town.
What did Dad do?
He got in touch with a guy who had goats and had four of them dropped off.
The goat man wasn’t entirely convinced it was the right thing to do and repeatedly warned Dad he wasn’t responsible should Aiden try to sue him. You could see the fear in his eyes when Dad told him it was a joke as he took in Aiden’s beautiful golf course-worthy yard.
“They’ll eat all this,” he said, nervously pacing around Aiden’s lawn.
“No shit,” Dad replied, then glared.
No one questioned Jameson Riley.
So the goat man left them with my dad.
Those little bastards ate everything. One even tried to eat the siding.
When they returned, Aiden was pissed. Wouldn’t speak to Dad or Spencer for three days.
Drawing in a deep breath, I knew it was time. Or maybe I was tired of Hayden fucking elbowing me.
“Stop doing that.” I said as sternly as I could to her in a whisper.
She kicked my leg with hers under the table. “Stop being a pussy.”
“What are you two arguing about?” Mom asked, eyeing us.
“Get another drink, Mama. You deserve it.”
If only she knew what we were setting her up for.
Dad smiled. He’s not dumb. “What’s up, kid?”
“IknockedupHayden,” I blurted out really fast hoping maybe it I said it fast, he wouldn’t actually hear me.
Everything went quiet. Aside from my breathing. Or maybe it was just that loud that I couldn’t hear anything else.
“Oh my God,” Mom cried, covering her mouth with her hand. “Are you serious?”
I nodded and Hayden started crying.
I looked at Jack and then Dad again. “I got her pregnant with my balls.”
“Damn you, Casten,” Axel laughed.
“You’re seventeen, Casten.” Dad stared at the table as he spoke, his eyes distant and his voice low. “Do you really think this is a good idea?”
“I’m eighteen, Dad.” I think he could tell I was getting defensive. His eyes raised slowly and regarded me curiously. “And I never said it was a good idea. I just said she’s pregnant.” I flipped by hand Hayden’s direction.
I was kind of pissed at his reaction.
You could tell Dad wanted to blow up on me. He wanted to tell me I was a no good kid and how badly I fucked up, again. All that shit. But he was holding back because of the girl wrapped around my arm. Silently I thanked him by giving him a tight smile.
The thing was, he didn’t have to tell me because I knew it already. I’m not as dumb as most people believe I am.
“Don’t be mad …” Hayden said, biting her lips as tears streamed down her face. “I’m sorry. You can’t blame him for this. I was the one who forgot to get my shot.”
“I’m not mad,” Dad looked sincere, stood and walked around the table to wrap his arm around Hayden. “I’m just not sure that he should reproduce.”
“Your dad said that same thing about you and me,” Mom snorted, spilling her drink on him.
Dad glared at me, wiping the wine off his lap, and then mom. “I told you not to give her that much to drink.”
“Sorry. I thought if she drank she wouldn’t be mad at me,” I defended.
“Good call, but I’m not mad,” Mom leaned forward. “But can this grandbaby call me auntie. I’ve got Jack and Jonah calling me Sway now in public.”
Nobody was surprised by that.
Hayden laughed. “You can do whatever you want. I think I’ll tell people it’s my niece or nephew.”
Everyone got a laugh out of that when Axel leaned over to me. “Hey man, I thought I taught you to use an oil filter.”
I shrugged. “I know. Got careless.”
“I’ll say,” and then he scooted his beer my direction. “Congratulations.”
“Thanks?” My face probably looked pretty stupid right then. I never thought someone would congratulate me over this sort of thing.
Arie, who showed up after everyone ate and could only stay for a minute came by and ruffled my hair. “You’re gonna be a dad?”
I wasn’t sure how Arie would react to this. She has a rebellious side just like me and got into a lot of trouble growing up. In turn, we got really close because we understood the way we thought about certain situations. Axel, well, he never got in trouble. I think the one time he got grounded he made himself vomit over the fact that he made dad mad.
Stupid fuck.
“Yeah,” I returned the hug Arie gave me and turned to Hayden. “Arie, this is Hayden.”
Hayden, who was mid-bite of her corn on the cob smiled with tiny pieces of corn stuck to her cheeks. “Nice to meet you, Arie.”
My sister started laughing and patted Hayden’s shoulder. “You two are perfect for each other.”
On the way back to Hayden’s apartment, I thought a lot about what the next step was going to be for Hayden and me. This was a huge thing. So far it seemed this was going to work. I mean, it’d been sketchy for a day or two but for the most part I think we worked through it and we were still together. At least I thought we were.
What about when the baby is born though? Then what? There was a lot I didn’t have the answer to at the moment.
The right thing to do in this situation would be to marry her, right?
“I think that’s up to you,” I told myself.
But would a girl like Hayden want that? I honestly didn’t know the answer to that.
We stopped off to get some ice cream because Hayden said since she couldn’t drink any longer she intended on eating ice cream. Every day.
“Does your dad always forget your age?”
I let the spoon dangle in my mouth and then slowly pulled it out. “Yep. He has a horrible memory.”
Quiet for about ten minutes, she finished her ice cream sundae and set the container on the dash as we sat outside her apartment.
“How long is your lease here?”
“It’s up in December.” She started fidgeting with her hands any time we started talking about the future or anything related to the baby. Now was no different.
“We’re fucked, huh?” she finally asked, as if she was accepting some kind of death sentence.
“Nah,” I said moving her closer to me. “We’ll be okay, pretty girl. The best sto
ries always start out scary.”
4 Months Later
I don’t know how but we’d avoided the conversation so far. And I was fucking nervous as hell to have it.
I watched my parents. Had it always been like this for them?
Probably not. Knowing them, definitely not. They fought just like everyone else. I’ve seen my dad throw things through windows. I’ve seen him fuck up. I’ve seen him beg for forgiveness when he fucks up.
I guess what I’m saying is they’re normal.
Hayden and I are normal. Or at least our version of normal.
I watched her, floating on her inflatable raft late September. Swimming in circles around her, we were in the middle of talking about moving in together. I bought a thirty-foot camper. It wasn’t really a place to raise a baby, but come six months from now I would have enough saved for a down payment on a house. The camper was what I could afford without asking for money.
I didn’t even have to ask for money. My mom was trying to give it to me but I wouldn’t allow them. I wanted to do this on my own.
“Do you want to move into with me?”
“Do you think I’ll fit?” Hayden teased, rubbing her hands over her swollen stomach. She was so pretty pregnant. Creamy skin, flushed cheeks, and the most adorable waddle I’d ever seen and she wasn’t even full-term yet.
“You’ll fit in the door, just don’t turn sideways,” I teased.
She splashed water at me and spun her raft around in circles.
“I’m serious,” I stopped her raft and made her look at me, my lips about an inch from hers. “Move in with me.”
“Fine.”
That was the easy part of the conversation.
You would have thought I was trying to swallow a pill dry when I asked my next question. “Do you want to get married?”
Instantly Hayden started choking and pushed herself away from me floating to the middle of the pool.
That went well.
“I wasn’t asking,” I said casually.
“Good,” she choked, eyes wide.