‘Er … it was, er, me,’ Amy says, smiling in a way that dissolves my irritation.
‘Jesus Christ. All the paintings with drugs on them need to go in the bedrooms right now.’
Everyone rushes to hide the paintings. I put my sunglasses on, open the door and pay for the pizza.
As the party ends, Keoki says, ‘Why don’t you and Amy fly back to LA with us and stay at my studio in Hollywood.’
‘I’d love to,’ I say. ‘How about you, Amy?’
‘I love Hollywood,’ Amy says. ‘And I’ll be able to see my girlfriend, Lisa.’
‘Let’s go to my home and pack,’ I say. ‘At home, I’ve got one of those plastic bullets you can snort drugs from. I’ll fill it with Zek, so we can do bumps on the plane.’
We collect luggage and meet Keoki and Leon at Sky Harbor International Airport, where our appearance draws endless attention. Amy’s hairstyle, silver clothes and sparkly make-up make her look like the sci-fi beauty Barbarella. Keoki has on a fishnet wife-beater, shiny black PVC pants and platform shoes. I’m wearing bright-red trousers and a black policeman’s jacket with thick fur collars, which contrast with my shaved scalp. Leon is all in black. Our sunglasses hide our helter-skelter eyes. Boarding the plane, we stir up the passengers, mostly business people. In the air, I pass around a little plastic contraption called a bullet that we snort Zek from. High in the sky, we make farmyard animal noises.
‘Be quiet,’ Amy says. ‘We’re gonna get in trouble.’
Feeding off her caution, we disturb the flight even more.
‘Bloody Zek!’ Keoki yells.
‘Can you imagine these worker ants on Zek?’ I say.
‘The whole world should be on Zek?’ Leon says.
‘I still prefer Ecstasy without the Special K,’ Amy says.
I make a cock-a-doodle-doo noise.
‘Behave yourselves!’ Amy says.
‘Only if you want to do the mile-high club thing,’ I say.
‘Mile-high club!’ Amy says. ‘We don’t have enough time on this flight. Besides, you’ve already made enough of a scene. We won’t be able to sneak in and out of the restroom now. Apparently, you prefer farmyard animal noises to joining the mile-high club with me.’
‘I thought you, of all people—’
‘Maybe on the way back.’
I pout.
At LA International Airport, we get into a limo. Keoki’s driver takes us to a studio building on Hollywood Boulevard with a massive Rastafarian in the doorway. ‘Alright, Keoki!’
After we go inside the building, I ask, ‘Who’s he?’
‘Ice T’s bodyguard,’ Leon says. ‘Ice T’s Keoki’s neighbour.’
‘Yes, I get to go have dinner with T,’ Keoki says.
We all laugh. Entering Keoki’s, we walk down a corridor into a studio big enough for a small rave.
‘I’m gonna take some Xanax and go crash in my cave upstairs,’ Leon says. ‘I’ll see you guys later on.’
Keoki and I snort glass. Amy takes more Ecstasy. Keoki mixes music, including a tune about sunshine that Amy and I adopt as our love song. We dance and make love on a mattress in a room with a glass wall. A few hours later, Amy takes Xanax and falls asleep.
Keoki appears at the glass wall. ‘Shaun, let’s go sex-toy shopping on Hollywood Boulevard. They’ve got a good one right next door.’
‘Let’s go!’
Most of the customers in the shop are quiet, older men. Keoki waves sex toys at the clerks and asks bizarre questions loudly. Satisfied with the answers, he spends $200 on toys and lubes.
‘Here’s a gift for you and Amy,’ he says, holding a brown bag.
‘What is it?’ I ask.
‘A Pocket Rocket.’
‘I’ll be sure to put it to good use right away.’
The mini vibrator buzzes Amy awake. ‘What’s that noise?’
‘It’s a Pocket Rocket.’ I explain where it came from.
‘I can’t believe you went to the sex shop without me!’
Amy insists on buying more toys right away. We return to our room to experiment on the mattress. After getting everything powered up with new batteries, we use Astroglide Lube to insert vibrating eggs into each other’s behinds. With my anus and prostate pulsing, I try a Clit Critter on Amy, and then put on a Cock Ring. Our sex-toy party is in full swing – I’m having sex with Amy, while wearing vibrating nipple clamps, still with the eggs in our behinds – when we notice Keoki and six strangers watching us through the glass wall, sharing the intense concentration seen on zoo visitors. Over the buzzing noises of the sex toys, I continue to thrust back and forth, while tuning into their conversation:
‘Where did you say they’re from?’
‘Arizona,’ Keoki says.
‘I’ve never seen anyone from Phoenix behave like this before.’
‘Shaun’s from England, and Amy was born in Saudi Arabia,’ Keoki says.
‘That might explain it.’
‘It’s certainly an interesting display.’
‘I’d say they belong in LA.’
‘They definitely belong in LA.’
On the verge of an orgasm, an earthquake starts between my legs. Enhanced by the vibrating egg, my whole lower region pulses and shudders into an explosion and I yell like Tarzan.
The next day, Keoki takes us house shopping in the Hollywood Hills. I put on his roller boots and get in a limo. When we arrive at the property, I jump out and skate into a team of real-estate agents at the end of the driveway. Shocked by my drugged-up antics, they cling to the fake enthusiasm they’ve mustered to close the sale. In fawning voices, they welcome Keoki.
‘Come and view the house with me, butterfly,’ Keoki says.
‘Should I take the wheels off?’ I ask.
‘He can leave them on,’ a female agent says.
‘You should probably take them off,’ Keoki says.
‘He’s fine,’ the lady says.
‘If she says they’re fine, I’m leaving them on.’ I stomp into the house and tiptoe on the stoppers up the spiral staircase.
The brokers reel off the names of the film stars who’ve lived there. I wonder how much they add to the price for each name. After ten minutes of browsing, Keoki exits the property unenthused and walks away, provoking the brokers into a sales frenzy, the desperation in their voices rising in proportion to his proximity to the limo.
‘There are other buyers waiting to pounce on this property.’
‘We can’t hold it for you, Keoki, unless you sign these papers.’
‘Sign here, Keoki. An indication of interest is non-binding.’
‘It’s only a tentative commitment.’
They chase us to the limo. Inside, we recover from their attack by snorting Zek.
‘By the bloody Zek, I’m so high I just forgot everything I need to do today,’ Keoki says.
Equally high, I make R2-D2 robot noises.
‘Keoki.’
‘Yes, Amy.’
‘Earlier, you mentioned having to pick up your paycheque from Moonshine Records.’
‘Where would I be without the beautiful Amy? To pick my paycheque up or not to pick my paycheque up? That is the question.’
‘Pick it up,’ Leon says.
At Moonshine, Keoki introduces us to the owner, an Englishman who gives Keoki a paycheque with five figures on it, and Amy some Keoki CDs.
Back in the limo, Keoki says, ‘I spend my money as fast as I make it. I need financial advice, Shaun.’
‘Start putting some money into the stock market. I’m in tech stocks and international telecoms like Singapore and Malaysia Telecom. The Indonesian telecoms look cheap.’
Keoki bursts into a song about Indonesian sweatshops and the greed of Kathy Lee Gifford. ‘Why don’t you move to LA and manage my money?’
‘I’ve got too much going on in Phoenix at the moment,’ I say, flattered.
Skinner arrives in LA to collect Ecstasy from a supplier he’s procured himself. We take
the limo to Skinner’s hotel room. We party, and then leave Skinner and Keoki alone. The rest of us take the limo back to Keoki’s studio. When we return to get Keoki hours later, we find blood on the walls of the hotel room, and Keoki and Skinner in a bad mood, neither willing to say what happened.
Months later, I finance a rave called Skule, with Hotwheelz and Keoki as the headliners. Hotwheelz’ Batman theme tune sends the ravers wild. Afterwards, we go to a villa at the Cottonwoods in Scottsdale. On a painting, I prepare a pile of Zek. Worm crushes a bunch of random pharmaceuticals and adds them to the mix to make a surprise high, creating a mountain of powder.
Eager to be the first to take a snort, I roll a $100 bill and stick it in a nostril. ‘Here goes!’
‘Don’t do it, Shaun!’ Amy yells too late.
Snorting from the pile, I inhale too much powder. Within ten minutes, I can’t move. I fall onto a bed and can only see darkness. I don’t know who I am or where I am, only that I’m terrified. Passed-out physically, I’m aware of being trapped in a realm with tiny lights twinkling in the darkness like stars. I keep questioning who I am and how I have arrived at such a place. Unable to figure anything out, I seem to be stuck in an eternal damnation of asking the same questions: Who am I? How did I get here? Am I alive or dead? Is this heaven or hell? Am I somewhere else? Is this space? What are those stars? How do I get out of here? Where do I go next? Bored with asking myself the same stuff, I start to question the stars, but they don’t respond even though I suspect that they have the answers. Distressed, I keep panicking, imagining that I am stuck there forever in a state of perpetual anxiety and lack of knowledge.
Still confused, I hear sounds that seem to be coming from somewhere other than the world I am trapped in. They are voices, but I don’t understand them. I’m like a baby hearing voices for the first time. They sound sinister and frightening. Listening to the voices, I get the urge to communicate with them. Perhaps they can answer the questions I’ve been pondering in the darkness. But I can’t figure out how to talk to them. I hear a voice that is not frightening. I want to talk to the voice, but my words are trapped in the thought realm. The voice is familiar and female. Suddenly, I understand the concept of human beings. I visualise Alice.
‘Are you OK?’
Now aware of my body, I don’t know how to respond. I can move, but I can’t see. After several attempts at talking, I manage to whisper Alice’s name.
‘Thank God you’re alive,’ Alice says.
‘Alice, my Alice, I can hear you, but I can’t see anything. It’s dark and all the voices except yours are evil. Hold my hand, my Alice. Please don’t leave me.’ I’m convinced that if she leaves, I’ll be transported back to the dark realm.
‘I’m right here,’ she says, taking my hand. ‘Amy, Shaun’s alive.’
Squeezing Alice’s hand, I say, ‘Oh my God! Don’t let me go. Keep those voices away from me!’
‘How about I take you to the bathroom then?’
‘OK, but go slow. Don’t leave me. I can’t see. Am I permanently blind? Where am I?’
‘Shaun, you just did a bunch of drugs,’ Amy says. ‘You’re gonna be fine. I told you not to do that. Everyone else was egging you on. I’ve been telling them what jerks they are. I can’t believe they let you do that.’
‘Where the fuck am I?’
‘Just relax,’ Amy says.
‘Why am I blind? Alice, please don’t leave me, Alice, Alice!’
‘I’m not gonna go anywhere. I’m gonna be right here with you.’ We go to the bathroom. She spends a long time talking sense back into me. Eventually, my sight returns.
To recover from the overdose, I retire to my Scottsdale house with Amy, where we sleep for half a day. After waking up, I play my messages:
Skinner: ‘Keoki’s telling me you put it in his contract he was gonna have sex with me. What should I do?’
‘Mari here, Shaun. Did you tell Keoki it was in his contract he could have sex with Skinner? Keoki was over there trying to poke Skinner. I went over to see Mike Hotwheelz, but I had to get outta there.’
Sallywack: ‘That fucking Keoki threw a cigarette at me and almost set me on fire! Hotwheelz put him in a headlock and threw him against the wall. You need to get your ass over here. I’m gonna kill fucking Keoki! I don’t care who the fuck he thinks he is!’
Hotwheelz: ‘You should never have left the circus, Shaun. Sallywack tried putting Keoki in check. And he told her, “Fuck you, bitch,” and threw his cigarette, which hit her in the face and almost set fire to her negligee. You know how I dig Sallywack, so something inside me just snapped, and I grabbed Keoki by the lapels and slammed him up against the wall.’
Alice: ‘I don’t know where to begin. All hell broke loose. Skinner held Keoki at gunpoint, and Keoki said to his bodyguard, “He’s got a gun. Aren’t you gonna do anything about it?” And Leon didn’t do shit. So Keoki said, “Well, are you gonna shoot me?” And there was a fight and the hotel room got trashed.’
Skinner: ‘Shaun, don’t come over. The police are on their way. I pulled a gun on Keoki and the hotel room’s destroyed. Do not come over.’
‘It’s Mari again. I got a message from Keoki saying Skinner was fucked up and that he loves me and wants to be my child’s godparent, but Skinner pulled a gun on him. So, like the ride-or-die bitch I am, I grabbed my handgun and drove back to the room to shoot Keoki. I didn’t see anything but a lot of security and cops there. Don’t go over there.’
‘Shaun, this is Keoki. I’m walking down Scottsdale Road with Leon. You must get me to the airport. That fucking Skinner stole my records. You must get them back for me, Shaun.’
‘Mari here. I’m with Hotwheelz. Mike said after I left, Keoki was doing all he could to poke Skinner’s little virgin ass. So, Skinner got his point across the only way he knows how: he stuck a gun in Keoki’s face. There was a big fight and Keoki called the police. His security guard was in the bathroom shooting up. Hotwheelz is calming me down and making me laugh. He’s really trying to get me to not hunt down Keoki and shoot him. He’s saying, “You’re pregnant. Calm down.” But I still want to shoot that bitch.’
‘Shaun, Keoki again. I’m sat at a bus stop on Scottsdale Road like a vagrant with no money and no way to get home. My records were stolen by your people. What’re you gonna do about this, Shaun? Also, I haven’t been paid for the Timothy Leary we brought you.’
Due to the chaos and police involvement, I avoid Keoki. At the Blue Room, I try to get an account of what actually happened.
The next day, Keoki calls the Blue Room: ‘I want my records back, and what about the money you owe me?’
‘One of my crew put his credit card down to get that room, and you guys destroyed it. He’s been charged $5,000, which I’ve already paid him. Even if we split the damages, you’ll still end up owing me money.’
‘What about my records? That’s my livelihood.’
‘Everyone at that party works for me in one capacity or another. If any of them had taken your records, I would have heard about it by now. I questioned Skinner, and he insists he has no clue about your records. I believe him. I’m sorry. I understand that’s your livelihood, but I don’t know what else to tell you. And you shouldn’t have treated Sallywack like that. She’s one of my closest friends and you almost set fire to her.’
‘Look, Shaun, you’d better find my records. I know a lot of people in LA. They’re gonna be fucking pissed when they hear this.’
‘I don’t care who you know in LA. I live in Phoenix. Send whoever you know out here and see what happens. Look, I’d hate for us to fall out over this. I’ve had some great times partying with you. I appreciate you flying me and Amy out to LA and letting us stay with you. But you’ve got to try and understand where I’m coming from. I’m out of pocket five grand, and none of my crew stole your records. I’ll put word out on the streets that your records are missing. That’s the best I can do. And the acid you brought wasn’t that good either. I’m getting bett
er shit from the Rainbow Family.’
‘I just can’t allow my records to be stolen like that. I will get to the bottom of this.’
‘I sincerely hope you do.’
My friends and I are all criminals, but I believe that we share a code of honesty with each other. Grilling them reveals that they are genuinely oblivious to the whereabouts of Keoki’s records. Every time he calls, I answer the same. He stops calling. The people he knows in LA start calling, including Leon and Ice-T’s bodyguard. The conversations start out civilised but become more menacing. On later calls, I advise them that I look forward to seeing them in Phoenix.
A raver reveals that Keoki has dispatched Leon to find me and retrieve his records. Rather than wait for Leon to show up at one of my places, I decide to take him by surprise at the house where he is staying. When darkness comes, I sip GHB. Three carloads of us set off, mostly big guys dressed in black, packing guns, and Mari.
‘I should have shot Keoki and Leon’s asses last time,’ Mari says.
‘Look, we’re just gonna scare him, Mari, not shoot him.’
‘Let me scare him,’ Mari says.
‘Yeah, like you did with Calvin. You can have the Uzi then. I’ll have a few words, then you take over.’
At the house, we weave through ravers dancing with glow sticks in the living room, who are so high they barely seem to notice us. We find Leon in the backyard, his 300-pound bulk supported by bottle crates. We surround him.
‘Good to see you’re back in Phoenix, Leon,’ I say warmly, my heartbeat accelerating.
Leon’s eyes dart from gun to gun. ‘Hey, Shaun, Keoki made me come out here. I didn’t wanna come. He’s turned down all gigs in Arizona ’cause he’s too scared to come out here.’
‘We didn’t take his fucking records, Leon!’ I swing a MAC-10 from my rear.
Leon’s eyes widen. ‘He thinks you did.’
‘And you’re supposed to get his records from me and bring them back, are you?’
Party Time_Raving Arizona Page 21