by JA Huss
He squeezes my hand a little when I hesitate.
"Yeah. OK. I got it."
The driver opens the door on my side of the flier and Rikan gestures me to get out.
"You're leaving now?"
He leans over and kisses me on the cheek. "You'll be fine, Juncs. I swear."
I nod and hold in the tears, then swing my legs out and step onto a landing pad that runs the entire length of a mountain tunnel.
If I look east I see darkness and artificial lights beyond the tunnel, more fliers coming in for a landing, and all sorts of busy people attending to various duties.
If I look west I see the orange reflection of a setting sun mixed in with the haze of a high-altitude snowstorm rolling in over the mountains.
And when I look straight ahead…
I see my dad.
Chapter Seventeen
How to look your father in the eye?
I'm not guilty of killing all those people, he is. But that's not why I fight this internal battle to lift my head up to meet his gaze. Back on our little vacation habitat Tier had a hard time meeting Lucan's gaze too.
But that was about disobedience and the fallout of his decisions.
This is about the last morph.
The pain.
How to look your father in the eye when he knows someone brutalized your body for two years?
When I finally look up I can tell we're on the same battlefield. He reaches out and pulls me in. Tight. He leads me away and I stifle down all the hurt feelings, all the days and nights my hair swayed in front of my eyes as Inanna changed me. Made me into something I can't even comprehend.
I try to keep my head down as we walk but I can't because people are whispering. They stop, move aside to let us through, and then continue their hushed talking. I look up at my dad and his chin is high, his expression hard and commanding, his step thunderous in the hallway, and his eyes invisible under the sunglasses that he has no use for inside a mountain city.
But I feel his chest move in and out as he holds it in as well.
"I missed you, Dad."
The laugh comes out with a sniffle. "Give me just a minute here, Junco. OK?"
I nod into his chest.
The next time I look up I see Gideon and I can't hold it in anymore. He puts a hand on my shoulder and I feel ashamed for taking off like I did. "I'm sorry, Gid. I'm sorry, OK?" I wipe my eyes and drag my hand across my nose.
He waits for me to finish and then nods. "You're so lucky I love you. And I'm gonna kill that Cora bitch for all the shit she's stirred up, don't you worry about that."
I wipe my nose again. "She's lying, anyway. I never said that stuff. I said I was trying to prevent billions of people from being killed."
My dad tugs on my arm a little and directs me to an elevator. We wait for his biometrics to clear and then enter a large cargo lift, all three of us retreating to lean against the back wall so we don't have to hold ourselves up.
We descend quickly and then exit the shaft and enter the old marketplace tunnel.
It's empty now except for some bits of trash that blow around in the wind created by the massive exhaust fans hanging off the ceiling.
"Everyone's gone up top," my dad says. "So you guys will have the place to yourself. I gotta get back to command, they'll have questions." He removes his sunglasses to reveal his bloodshot eyes. "Stay as long as you need to, but don't waste any time, OK?"
I'm about to ask what the hell he's talking about when Sera blips in on my vision screen. Just go along, Junco. Nod your head.
I do. I nod.
My dad gives me a squeeze and hands over a comm. "It's secure, use it anywhere. It's tied into the Northern Territories satellites. Just press—"
"One?"
"Yes, just press one and it'll go right to me this time and I'll pick it up, I promise. I even put a picture of me in there, in case you need it."
I smile at him and feel bad once more. "That's not why I took off, Dad. I just wanted to be alone. That's all. I'm sorry if it made everyone crazy, but really, you guys worry too much about me. I'm tough. I can take care of myself."
He leans down and kisses me. A sloppy Dad kiss, right on the cheek. "I'm sorry I missed all those birthdays, Junco. We'll have a birthday week when this is all over. I've even picked the place and everything."
The tears almost slip out because this was part of why I left. I haven't had a nice birthday since I was fifteen and now look, I'm old already. Twenty-two and still, not a single nice birthday has blessed me since that last trip we took to the Pyramids. "Where will we go, Dad? Tell me."
He smiles as his hand drags across his nose. "A cruise. A nice long boat-ride around Cape Horn, and then down to Antarctica."
I squeeze my eyes closed to seal up the tears. "OK. Cape Horn. Yeah, we've never been there." I've never killed anyone near Cape Horn. That was always the criteria for these trips. A place that had never been tainted by my duty.
"Your mother said to make sure and tell you she's sorry for not being here today," he says as he puts his sunglasses back on. "She went to Dallas yesterday, thinking you were still there. We've talked to those Hando people."
My head jerks up at this revelation. "What did you do to them?"
"Nothing. Just asked for their help. And John. His name was John?"
I look over at Gideon, almost ashamed to admit it. "Yeah, John. We call him Hand."
"He said you were going up to New Peaks." He stops to smile. "I should've figured as much. Did you get what you needed?"
I just nod.
My dad draws me in close for one last hug, then turns and heads back to the elevator.
Now it's just Gideon and me. My father's footfalls have barely receded before Gideon has a hold of my arm and is tugging me along towards the far end of the market. He's talking but it's not anything I want to hear so I try not to catch most of it.
Despite my effort, his stinging words leak through and I pout.
"—you were doing, Junco? I mean, for fuck's sake, we've got work to do and I understand that it was a shitty birthday and all, but—"
I just let him have his say. I'm guilty of this one, there's nothing to be done about it.
"—you hearing me, Junco?"
Shit. "What?" We've slipped into another hallway while I was daydreaming and now we're stopped at a door.
"I said—"
The last time I was here in Subjack's tunnels pops back into my mind. The day I met Gideon again after being separated for years, back when I was still tucking down those memories. He was acting the same way with me then, exasperated with my detached attitude.
"—I don't want you to start any shit in here, got it?"
"Why would I start shit, Gid? I'm not a complete psychopath."
He stares down at me, his eyes darting back and forth as he searches mine, then blinks and straightens up. "OK, whatever then. No scenes."
I shrug. Why would I create a scene?
The biometrics on the door are triggered by someone on the other side and it slips open with a perfunctory whoosh.
When I look into the new room, Tier is staring down at me and I lunge at him, clasping my hands around his throat.
"You asshole, how dare you come here!" More words are spewing out of my mouth, 'fuck' mostly, 'bastard' and 'dickhead' put in several appearances, and then we're wrestling on the ground. I've got my foot wrapped around his neck and he's trying to grab my hands as Gideon pulls on me. I swing back with an elbow and crack Gid hard in the chin and he growls. My pretty flower dress is picking up little dust bunnies and all sorts of other debris as we roll around on the floor but I could give a shit.
"How dare you," I growl as I lean down into Tier's ear. "How dare you show your face to me again!"
"Junco!" he commands me as he squirms. "Calm the fuck down! That's an order!"
I wriggle out of his grip and swing my foot around, slap him in the face with it, and then flip over and crack him once in the neck. "Fuck you an
d your orders, you prick."
His hands scramble to grab me by the waist, then slip up my dress and I remember I'm hiding something. Something he's not supposed to know about. I stop my struggle for a brief moment, hoping his hands will stop, but they don't. They slide right up and find my secret.
And then he lets go and pushes me off him.
I get up and smooth out my dress, ignoring everyone standing around us. My eyes are stuck on Tier's face to see what he'll say.
He laughs but it's not a happy laugh. It says I've got you.
I wait it out, breathing hard and saying nothing. I pick up my ridiculous lime-green bag and hike it up on my shoulder.
He walks towards me and pulls on my arms. I resist but his grip tightens and I let him bring me close. He leans down into my ear and whispers, "Does Lucan know you have that thing?"
I wiggle out of his grasp and take a deep breath. "It's my business and no one else's."
He laughs for real this time. "Fucking figures." Suddenly he notices we've got an audience and barks out at them, "Sit yer fucking asses down, now!"
His team, and to my astonishment, my Siblings, all turn back to the circle of chairs formed up in the center of the room that is normally a kitchen, but apparently is now a headquarters.
Gideon takes my hand and leads me over towards the others. "Awesome fucking job at not creating a scene, Junco. Fucking spectacular job."
Tier is watching us and I have a moment of panic that he's about to tell everyone I have a SEAR knife. "Gideon, I really need to talk to you alone. Right now."
He pushes me down into a seat between Selia and Irin.
I look over at Selia, hopeful.
She shakes her head and scowls at me.
I look over at Irin and shrug.
She tucks away a smirk. A smirk that says you're a fuck-up and everyone knows it.
I look over at Ashur sitting between Moju and Ryse, almost directly across from me.
He smiles.
My whole life brightens up with Ashur's smile. I sigh deeply and think of how nice it would be to spend an evening with him, just talking about stuff that has nothing to do with anything. Stupid stuff like sports, or how we hate Jax Justice screens, or what we want to eat for dinner.
Tier walks up behind Ash to get my attention but I ignore him and track down the team line-up in their half-circle configuration so I know exactly whose rank is what. Only Ashur as XO and Ryse as Up have stayed the same. The rest are new positions. Arel is now number Four, Gideon, to my surprise, has been give an 039 rank of Five. Annun—I wave at him and he smiles—is the Six, Lili is the Seven, and Selia of all people is now a fully-sanctioned member of the 039 at rank Eight. So that's who she was taking orders from. Since I sit next to her, I could still be the Nine.
But if that was the case Tier should be on my right. The One and the Nine sit next to each other because they complete the circle. But he stands in the center of all of us.
The Siblings are all directly across from the 039, starting with Moju across from Ashur, then Soli as the Two, Tukker as our Three, Esta is the Four. Sariel is Five, Irin is Six, and once again, I'm set up to be the Seven.
I have a fucking rank of hazel.
Why am I not surprised?
Chapter Eighteen
Tier starts his meeting with a bunch of angry accusations about how I'm fucking up everyone's lives but I barely hear him. I'm too busy trying to get all this shit straight. I glance around the room and find Moju staring at me. He mouths something at me. Is everything OK? I think he's saying. But it might be Fucked-up day?
Fucked-up day? I mouth back.
He shakes his head, and repeats it. Tier comes to stand between us so I can't see him anymore, but he never stops talking about pillars or jets, or shit—I have no idea what he's talking about. I look at my other Siblings next. They are all little copies of each other really. Esta, Soli, and Irin are very much alike physically. Except—I look over at Irin and she snarls at me—she has those demon-yellow eyes that never stop glowing. Esta's eyes are a beautiful green color. Esta is beautiful period, both inside and out. And Soli is just a timid little thing who leans into Moju, barely managing to lift up her eyes at all.
Sariel and Tukker are like carbon copies of Moju. And Moj is very similar to Ryse, who was very similar to both Kush and Braun. And Annun, now that I think about it.
I look up at Tier, who narrows his eyes at me but continues talking about seven jets, and then compare him to Moju. They are similar, but Tier and Ashur, they are almost twins they are so much alike.
And Mish looked a lot like Arel. Except taller and with those amazing blue eyes, even though he was twined to Rikan.
Only Gideon, Lili and I have no copies in the room.
I study Lili for a few moments and she gets nervous and starts mouthing What? What? at me. If Rikan was here, Lili could be his sister. And if Iliana was here, and I hadn't been tortured and morphed into a freak by Inanna, she and I would definitely be hard to tell apart.
Only Gideon, of all the Archer/avian bodies in the room, is physically unique. I wonder where his copy is right now?
I'm still staring at Lili's questioning mouth when Tier steps between us. "Junco, that is enough! Either you fucking pay attention or I'll have you escorted out!"
I open my mouth to snap at him when Isec appears behind Moju. I stand up and step back, throwing my chair aside in the process. "What the fuck is going on?"
Tier is yelling, but I'm focused on the apparition standing behind Soli now. Speak of the devil, it's Mish. My eyes track down the line of Siblings and they're all there. All the people whose deaths I caused. My Aren stands behind Tukker, Braun is smoking a cigar and shooting his finger at me behind Esta.
Then Charlie. I let out a gasp and move towards him as he stands quietly behind Sariel. Tier reaches out and grabs my elbow and then the whole room erupts into chaos around me.
Kush appears behind Irin and then I fall to the ground and sob uncontrollably as my Isten manifests next to me, smiling down with a cocky attitude that pushes me over the edge.
"They're haunting me!" I scream it as they remove me from the meeting room, my feet dragging on the dirty tiles. "They'll never leave me alone now! They're here to make me crazy!" Ashur and Gideon have a tight grip on my upper arms and I can feel the bruises forming.
"Junco!" Gid yells down at me. "They're not real! Listen, Junco. This is just a side effect of the Archer morph, OK?"
I look behind us to see if they're following, but they're not. Ashur whooshes open a door with a wave of his hand and they drag me into a bedroom and push me down on the bed.
"Junco," Ash starts, his voice calm and deep. "Look at me, Snowbird."
I look up into his eyes. They are glowing so bright they are almost fluorescent.
"You're hallucinating. Understand? This is a consequence of the unsanctioned Archer morph Inanna put you through. You're hallucinating."
I consider it for a moment, I really do. Try and see it from both perspectives like Lucan taught me. But that was not a hallucination. "No, Ashur, I saw them. They were each standing behind us Seven. Like they picked us or something."
Sera pops onto my vision screen as a video feed. You're going to ruin everything. Just calm down, Junco.
Your doing? This is your doing? You bring these ghosts to me and then you tell me to calm down?
"Junco"—it's Gid now—"here, take this." He shoves some water at me and I take the glass. "Drink it, Junco." I do without even thinking and then hand him the glass back.
What are you doing, Sera? Why are you doing this?
Junco, this is part of the plan. Tier's plan involves raising the Djed Pillars, and that part is my plan as well. But the Seven of you need proxies. Those ghosts are your sacrifices, remember?
Sacrifices? "Oh, God!" My head falls into my hands as this new horror hits me.
How did Inanna return from the world down below, Junco? How did she make it back?
I shak
e my head vehemently. Inanna. Again. She's the cause of everything bad in my life. Her. Her stupid trip to the underworld, those stupid gates she had to pass, and those stupid people she needed to stand proxy for her mistakes. She broke the rules and went down below and then she broke them again by not having to face the punishment.
Answer me, Junco. Now.
She had stand-ins.
Yes, these friends are your stand-ins. I'm taking care of you and your Siblings, Junco. I want you to be able to return. I've made sure you have proxies. Understand?
"Junco?" Ashur is sitting next to me on the bed leaning down into my face. My head hangs low as I stare at my feet. I love my new Archer feet so much. I should really paint my toenails if I'm gonna wear sandals.
"Junco?" Gid is back and he's shaking me.
I look up and he stops his shaking. "What?" I take a deep breath and they both follow me. We exhale together. My vision starts to blur and I know he drugged me.
But can I blame him?
I'm an irrational mess. A tangle of so many psychoses there's probably no hope whatsoever of me ever being normal.
None.
I'm never gonna be normal. The only thing I have left to live for is—
Chapter Nineteen
—revenge.
My tongue is thick and sticky from the drugs when I wake.
I'm calm and that's something.
I'm also alone and that surprises me.
I use the bathroom, wash my mouth out, and gulp down water. The closet is filled with clothes that might be mine. I have no idea, but I find a pair of gray bed pants and a black tank top. I'm very fucking lucky no one thought to slip me into something more comfortable or else my whole SEAR secret would be out to everyone. If Tier hasn't already spilled it, that is.